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r/AmITheAsshole
u/UncertainTexas AITA for being frustrated my boyfriend won’t discipline his foster kid?
What the title says- basically my boyfriend (34 and 35M) doesn't know how to play bad cop to his foster son. It's weird because he's been by my side with my own kid the last 8 years, but I guess I've handled most of that responsibility myself. BF also didn't tell me before deciding to foster him, but that's okay, we both love kids. It's just a little frustrating. Also, he's the biological father, so that adds another layer. And he's not actually my boyfriend, but it explains the situation better than calling him my best friend.
⇧ 10.2k 💬 308
➔ u/Jolly-Spider18
YTA. Has anyone ever told you you’re terrible at telling stories?
➔ u/ben0phiesz
idek where to begin with this
➔ u/Mark_it_Down
I’m sorry, he’s not your boyfriend but he “basically” is? You two are raising kids together and not dating? He’s fostering his biological child??? ESH? I think?
➔➔ u/UncertainTexas OP
We haven’t talked about it, but everyone thinks we’re together. Long story, but I wasn’t ready when he came out, and I told him nothing would change between us. Then he helped me move a few states away for my kid and it felt like going through a breakup. He’s always done that- helped me raise my kid- but I didn’t realize how I felt until then. Neither of us have been in a relationship since.
We took a road trip this spring and ended up in a bad way. Small town, small values, got some looks thrown at us the wrong way. I almost lost him, but we made it out.
He was a sperm donor for some friends years ago, and shortly after we made it home, they passed in an accident. Apparently they were local, so he’s fostering their kid.
He’s had a tough year, and so has the little one, so I don’t want to make things worse. But something’s gotta give. :/
➔➔➔ u/Mark_it_Down
Damn. Now I feel like the asshole.
➔ u/bluemuna
holy shit?? so you're raising two kids together? wow, love is real. you said you almost lost him, were you guys on the rocks?
➔➔ u/UncertainTexas OP
I can’t disclose the exact details, but someone was going to hurt him, and I found him before that could happen. Had a concussion myself, but I couldn’t just let that happen.
➔➔➔ u/Loched-Ness08
It just keeps getting better and better.
➔➔➔ u/butchspock 🏆🥇
i never comment on here, but this is so incredibly beautiful. you clearly care about him a lot. i think you should just be honest, tell him how you feel about the kiddo. and when the time is right, how you feel about him. :)
Eddie sighs when he reaches the end of the thread. His original post is a few days old and has racked up hundreds of comments, thousands of upvotes, but he's no closer to doing anything about the situation at hand. Buck, on the other hand, has gained two new bite marks and a sprained ankle in that time.
The phone buzzes in his hand and Buck's contact pops up, a goofy photo of him and the boys requesting a FaceTime. The boys, Eddie thinks over. Our boys.
"Buck?"
The camera shakes, and then a tuft of tawny hair appears. Theo.
"Eddie!"
"Theo, honey, where's Buck?"
A small thumb partially covers the camera. "Buck's here."
Eddie watches Theo shift, again, and there's a sliver of fluorescent lights above him. "Where are you, Theo?"
He smiles carelessly, distracted by something outside of his virtual window. "The hos-pital!"
Oh boy.
"Okay Theo, I'm on my way, alright? I'll be there soon." Eddie says, already grabbing his keys.
To Eddie's relief, when he arrives, Theo is sitting sweetly at an empty Emergency Department counter, unharmed. But that means—
"Come on," Theo says, yanking back a curtain to reveal Buck, nose swollen, clearly not expecting to see Eddie.
Eddie feels just as dumbfounded as Buck looks. "What the hell?"
Buck sells him and the doctor some story about falling on his face, and they all know he's lying. Eddie's nose scrunches up in sympathy. Poor thing, a nose fracture like that must be radiating pain. Buck declines the doctor's offer of painkillers. It takes everything in Eddie not to offer to kiss it better.
The universe likes to kick him when he's down, so the doctor eyes Eddie up and down before heading out. Eddie recognizes her suspicion instantly, because he knows what they look like now; he has been acutely aware of it since New Mexico. Poor, wounded Buck, and his heavy-handed husband.
Theo floats back over to them from the end of the bed and grabs onto Eddie's hand. Buck smiles at them both, then grimaces slightly. Eddie wishes that for once, someone would look at the two of them together and see love. He doesn't understand how anyone could miss it.
➔ u/UncertainTexas OP
Update: our toddler hurt our teenager tonight. He's fine, and it was an accident, and he even apologized, but it still hurts that BF didn't stop it from happening. For context, our teen uses mobility aids, and the little one is like a hyperactive puppy in a china shop. BF has gotten his fair share of this lately, too. AITA?
➔➔ u/wafflebangerswag
still kinda think ESH. except maybe ur teenager.
➔➔ u/CeliaStThames
NTA. Most of us are no match for a toddler. It sounds like you have more feelings to share about this than your BF does right now. Keeping them to yourself is just going to drag this out and hurt you more. After all, if you're raising kids together, you have to do it /together/. Dad up, OP.
Eddie finds him in the thankfully otherwise empty bunk room. Between two kids, full time firefighting schedules, and a volcano in the middle of the city, there aren't many great options for a one-on-one these days.
"Hey," Eddie says gently. "Can we talk?"
Buck sits up against the wall with a hangdog look. "Yeah, sure."
"How are things with Theo this week?"
Buck gives a half-hearted laugh. "Let's see, on Monday I fell asleep on the sofa and he drew on the coffee table with Sharpie. And then on me. Tuesday, I stepped on a pile of Legos again, so that sucked. And then he drank too much chocolate milk and threw up right before this shift." Buck's eyes fall shut, and he sighs deeply. "I sent him to Maddie with three changes of clothes and a towel."
Eddie's heart swells picturing it. Buck tends to dress Theo like himself, and Eddie's not sure if it's intentional. They both have dorky white sneakers.
He puts a hand on Buck's knee. "I know exactly how you feel. I've been you."
Buck waves him off. "Yeah, yeah. Bet you were a natural."
Eddie laughs. "No, I definitely wasn't. And for a long time, I thought I had to make up for that. I tried to spoil Chris rotten. But, you know, it's okay to say no sometimes."
When Buck looks at him, his eyes are wet. "Eddie, I can't. Half the time, I'm lucky if he calls me Buck and not Mr. Poop. And with Connor and Kameron…" He shakes his head. "I don't want to do anything to make this kid anything less than happy."
"Well, I regret to inform you that that's impossible. Kids make themselves upset all the time." Eddie deadpans. "One time Chris cried because he thought cats and dogs spoke different languages. You don't have to be a miracle worker, Buck. You just have to be a parent."
Buck's gaze travels away, then back to him. "How did you do it?"
"By fucking up over and over," Eddie says, "And with help. My abuela, my tía Pepa, the 118, Carla. You."
Buck looks like he could cry again, so Eddie reaches over and hugs him the way he's been aching to. Call it conversational aftercare.
With his cheek squished, Buck says, "You should see his puppy eyes, Eddie, they're so hard to say no to."
Eddie laughs and laughs for a good minute. "I've seen them, Buck. I've been staring at those eyes for almost ten years now."
Buck's arms tighten around him.
"Remember when I asked you to talk to Chris about his girlfriends?"
That shakes a surprised laugh out of Buck, a balm. His breath hitches on it. "How could I forget?"
"I really, terribly, did not want to do that. It truly takes a village, sometimes."
They shake together with laughter.