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The music is pounding in his ears. “God I am too old for this.” Roy mutters under his breath. A giggle to his right signals that he didn’t say that as quietly as he had meant to. Roy can’t help the fond smile that accompanies the sound. Adore is looking at him with her big eyes, crinkles beside them to match the smile further down her face. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”
Adore just smiles wider. “I can.”
Roy pushes her playfully and she grabs his arm, pulling him after her onto the dance floor. Adore begins to rock her hips and sway to the music, completely unaware of anyone around her. It was sloppy, because she was a little past tipsy, but nonetheless she was mesmerizing to watch. Roy tried to keep up, but found he was incredibly incompetent when it came to this type of music.
He hadn’t been to a club in ages, which he was perfectly fine with. They were too loud and messy anyway. He didn’t have time for messy. Maybe he was just getting old, but he preferred everything to be well lit and orderly.
He was too busy berating his own mind for that thought and he completely missed what Adore was saying. “What?”
“You need to stop thinking so much.” She shouted in his ear, but he only barely heard the words. Roy was about to just call it quits and retire to the bar for the night, when he felt her hands on his hips. Adore pulled Roy closer to her and began to push on his hips so his body was swaying in time to the music. When his hips got with the program, Adore trailed her hands up to his shoulders and began to move his arms as well. The tension slowly began to dissipate from his movements the longer he danced, and after the first couple of songs, Roy seemed to be getting the hang of this whole being young thing. Adore seemed to agree, and smiled proudly as she removed her hands from his body entirely.
The sudden loss of them jolted Roy a bit, and he tried not to think about that feeling too much.
The song changed again and he found himself surrounded on all sides by strangers, except his front, where Adore had begun moving rather seductively. Roy was pressed close to her, and she smirked when their bodies met. Roy tried to not knock into her, but the mass of people only pushed him closer. Adore didn’t seem to mind though, and she flung her arms around Roy’s neck and began dancing into him. Roy went stock-still and did everything in his power to distance himself from Adore. He went to pull away again and felt a hand on his shoulder that didn’t belong to the younger queen in front of him.
Turning to face the hand, he was met with a pair of eerily familiar eyes. It took him more time than it should have to recognize the owner, but when he did, all the blood in his body turned icy. Roy’s face reflexively sunk in response to the searing anger he saw in those eyes. The same firm hand from before grabbed his arm and forcefully pulled him from the dance floor. Roy glanced back at a confused looking Adore with an unreadable expression plastered on his face.
The grip on his arm tightened, as he was lead through the throngs of people. It only let up when he was met with the cold night air in the back alley of the club. Roy shook off the hand and finally had enough sense in him to glare at his captor.
“What the hell are you doing here Jason?” Roy demanded, as he ran a soothing hand over the arm he had been dragged by.
“I could ask you the same damn question.” Jason’s voice was angry and shrill, and Roy cursed himself for shrinking ever so slightly at the pitch.
“I’m dancing with a friend. I thought that was fairly obvious but forgive me, I forget that your intellect isn’t exactly up to par.” Roy spat.
Jason stalked forward, an all too familiar gleam in his eyes. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”
Roy refused to step back or relent in any way, however much he wanted to, and instead just stood up straighter. “You and I aren’t together anymore, thank god for that, so it really doesn’t matter who I dance with or how I spend my time.”
“What, are you dating him then? That kid?” The word him was practically growled into his ear, and Roy flinched backwards ever so slightly.
“No. Adore is just a friend I told you that.” Roy’s tone was still firm, but the longer he looked at Jason, the less courage he seemed to have.
The slap across his face took him by surprise, and a yelp worked its way out of his throat at the stinging sensation it left behind.
“Don’t lie to me. You were dancing all over him like a slut. You want him don’t you? You think he can do anything for you? He is a child.”
Roy was still clutching at his face and all thoughts of confrontation had flown out of his mind. He managed to whimper out, “No I don’t want him. We are just friends.”
Jason’s hand rose in the air a second time but froze as Roy ducked. “Don’t get smart with me.”
Roy’s voice had gone desperate at this point. In the back of his mind he knew what was happening. He knew this was Jason manipulating him, the way he had done so many times before, but it still had the same effect on Roy that it had the first time. “I wasn’t getting smart I swear. I’m sorry Jason. I’m so so sorry.”
“You should be.” Jason spoke harshly. He turned from Roy and walked a few paces back and forth before speaking again, this time his voice was heavy with emotion. “I can’t believe you would betray me like this.”
Roy knew he had done nothing of the sort. He and Jason weren’t dating. He didn’t owe him anything, explanation or otherwise. Roy knew this, he did, but the all too familiar feeling of letting Jason down crept up his back, and he began to apologize profusely. “I’m sorry Jason. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“You think I should forgive you for this?” Jason’s voice rose. “You think you deserve to be forgiven after cheating on me like this?” Without giving him time to answer, Jason spoke again, “Forget it, you know what, forget it. You aren’t worth the trouble.”
“No wait! Jason don’t go.”
This is how it always ended, with Roy groveling in submission. Shame burned in his chest, but it was overpowered by his immense need for validation, validation from the one person he never got it from, Jason.
“I gave you everything I had, and you treat me like this? I thought you were different. I thought you cared.” Jason was on the verge of tears, whether they were real, or just another manipulation, Roy didn’t know, but they still pained him all the same.
“I only want you. I am sorry. Please don’t go!” Tears were falling freely from Roy’s eyes, almost completely obstructing his vision.
Jason walked back to Roy, pain etched into every pore. He took Roy’s face in his hands, and the older man tried not to wince as two fingers came up to wipe his tears away. “Its ok I’m here now. Its ok. I forgive you.” Jason pulled Roy to his chest as the older man sobbed into his shirt.
Roy cried for many reasons. He cried because he knew this wasn’t healthy, and he hated himself for feeling like he needed this relationship. He cried because on some sick level he was glad that Jason had forgiven him. He also cried because he didn’t know if he would ever truly be able to get free of this toxic mentality.
The banging open of a door and a tentative voice calling his name prompted Roy to turn his head. Adore was staring at him, question clear in her expression as her eyes traced the red outline of a hand on his face.
Roy’s only warning was a violent whisper of, “Are you fucking kidding me?” before he was shoved hard to the ground. His head connected with the pavement and he saw black spots appear at the edge of his vision.
“You fucking liar. You are a fucking liar Roy.” Jason was looming over him and spitting each insult down at his immobile form. The tears were coming out full force and Roy heard himself mindlessly apologizing between each nasty word. “You are useless. I can’t believe I wasted my time on such an idiot.” With that, Jason had decided enough was enough, and began to walk away. Roy jumped to his feet to run after him, but a pair of scrawny arms stopped him from moving.
Adore was holding him effectively in place. He cursed at her, blamed her for everything, and called her every name he could think of in an attempt to make her let go, but she held fast. Eventually, Roy gave up and slumped to the ground in defeat. Adore followed him down, never releasing her grip on his body.
Roy began to sob uncontrollably then, and murmured things he had never intended to admit to anyone. Adore just stroked his hair and cried at each of his confessions.
She continued to hold him tightly until he finally fell asleep in her arms. Adore carried him, with a bit of difficulty, to a cab and later up to her hotel room. After cleaning him up as best she could, she tucked him into her bed. As she moved away, he grabbed her arm. “Don’t go.” He whispered.
She felt tears prick at her eyes at the pure neediness in his voice. She crawled into bed alongside him, and they both cried into each other’s shoulders. When Roy finally fell asleep again, Adore made sure to whisper to him everything she hadn’t gotten the chance to say, or the things she couldn’t say when they were awake. In the end, she just repeated the same line over and over again.
“You are loved.“