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Summer and come and passed since the accident and still it was all Zoro could think about.
His life had become a horrific nightmare that he would never wake up from, one of the ones that drain you and leave you in a pit of despair that you can never claw yourself out of.
A darkness has loomed over him since Sanji's death and he knew it would be there forever, because how was he to get over such a devastating loss?
The worst part was that sanjis presence had never left, it haunted zoro in everything he did, everywhere he went. It had been a comfort at first but as time went on it was driving him crazy. The empty rooms, the vacant kitchen, and worst of all, Sanji's side of the bed was cold, yet for some reason he was there. His same smile lines and messy blonde curls, his ocean blue eyes were still looking at zoro with a warmth only sanji could produce.
"I'm so mad at you for leaving me, God I miss you so bad" zoro said through tears.
Sanji's eyes softened impossibly more and his smile turned to one filled with sorrow.
"I know love, I'm sorry"
was all sanji said in response.
His lack of explanation made zoro angrier, though there was no real fire behind it, it was instead fuelled by a gnawing pain in his chest.
"That's all you have to say? Why? I needed you and-" he cut himself off with a sob.
"Zoro, I need you to forgive me. Please.
I can't move on if you don't forgive me"
Zoro didn't want him to move on. He wanted him to be stuck the same way he had been since his death.
After a long silence zoro turned to see that sanji was also crying, it was a sight he'd always hated seeing, sanji, the light of his life upset, and for a moment his anger faltered and was replaced with an agonising ache.
"Sanji I- I love you, but I can't forgive you"
Zoro wasn't sure if it was because of anger, or if it was a desperate attempt to keep sanji here with him, even if he was no longer alive.
The rooms atmosphere shifted once the words left his mouth, it was too quiet, too cold, too empty, as zoro remembered that night, the night he'd found sanji. He remembered the way his body lay limp in his arms, his hand cold in his own.
Suddenly zoro wasn't angry anymore, he was hit with a crushing wave of sorrow and guilt. His baby was gone and he couldn't do anything about it.
He opened his mouth to speak again when he realised that sanji was nolonger there.
"Wait
Sanji come back please
I'm begging you
I need you still, I'll always need you"
He got nothing in response
"I can't feel you here anymore, why can't I feel you?"
Zoro collapsed to the floor in a tearful slump.
"Sanji I forgive you, ofcourse I forgive you! I should've been there and I wasn't and I'll never forgive myself for that, but I forgive you! Please. I love you."
Moments of crushing silence passed before zoro had heard a faint "I love you too" almost too quiet to hear but he knew it was sanji.
That was the last time he'd felt him there or heard his voice.
He just wished he'd looked at him longer before sanji left.
More time had passed and zoro had never felt more alone, he was starting to forget what sanji looked like, and his voice, his laugh. All he had left of him now was grief and he cherished it always.
As sanjis memory faded, zoro started to re build his life, his pain had simmered into an emptiness which he hated, but one that he could live with.
Zoro would always need sanji, but he also needed to move on and eventually, that's what he did.
It took time, lots of time, but knowing that sanji loved him was enough, as long as he had that he would be ok.