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The poll went up on campus around 2am on a Saturday. At that time, most of the Academy students were either practicing their skills on long overnight training, partying at Club A, or sleeping in their dorms.
Ms. Marvel, however, was on her phone, and her eyes were getting bigger and bigger.
“This. Is going. To be. INCREDIBLE!!!”
~ ~ * ~ ~
On Sunday morning, Steve Rogers woke up with the sun for his daily marathon at the stadium. As he walked across campus, crunching an apple and enjoying the fresh air, he found himself accosted by a tiny, fluttery Wasp who had definitely started her day with espresso.
“Before you say anything, I only filmed you because you asked me to help you work on your technique, and I swear it wasn’t me, I would never do that to you, and I don’t know how it happened, but you have to admit it’s pretty cool and you’re totally going to win!”
Steve stepped back, partially out of surprise and also to let Jan grow to human size. The fashionista Avengers looked up at him and bounced a little.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he admitted.
Jan gasped. “Ohmigosh where have you been?!” she exclaimed. From nowhere she produced a phone and, before Steve could figure out what she was doing, she held it up to his face.
THE BEST AVENGERS ACADEMY HAS TO OFFER: SURVEY SAYS, THE SEXIEST OF THEM ALL
“It’s a contest!” Jan squealed. “I LOVE contests!”
And so it began.
~ ~ * ~ ~
After his run, which he refused to put off no matter what Jan said about campaigning for the title, Steve sat on the fence overlooking the wharf. Taskmaster had followed him there after he finished training with his soccer ball, and had pulled out his smart phone (everyone had one of those, Steve had learned), and was showing him exactly what it was that had gotten Jan so worked up.
“You gotta know what you’re up against,” Tony warned him. His voice was a bit muffled by the skull mask… thing, but he had a good point. Steve leaned over to inspect the phone.
Prominently displayed at the top of the page was that horrible title. Below it were four icons. Steve’s image was in one of them. He was sweating through his shirt and slightly red in the face as he trained on the punching bag on the roof of the Avengers dorm. Instead of remaining still like a picture, the little image was moving. A giph? Griff? One of those things.
The second image was of Loki, wandering around the quad in his shirtless Frost Giant form, casting spells.
The third was of Amora, as she stepped out of Tony’s hot tub. Steve quickly looked away.
The last thumbnail was different. All Steve could see of it was Ghost Rider kneeling on some gravel next to his car, gesturing at the front tire.
Below the four icons, a survey allowed the viewer to vote for one of the heroes.
“You should watch them all,” Tony said critically when Steve lost interest.
Steve frowned. He didn’t want to get involved with the survey, but both Jan and Taskmaster insisted he watch them. And Taskmaster had been in a phase recently where he liked Steve and gave him good advice, as long as there was no one around to see. He’d probably flip back to glaring at Steve across the Archives soon, but for now, he was pretty trustworthy.
“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “Here goes nothing.”
~ ~ * ~ ~
It turned out that every recruited student with an Avengers ID could submit a vote every 24 hours. Over the next few days, battle lines formed.
Both Loki and Amora seemed to take the challenge very personally, getting into bickering matches all over campus. These arguments sometimes ended with Amora sporting tentacles as arms, or Loki being flung through the air. Each Asgardian had a contingent of loyal fans, who also tended to get into fights on campus. Verbal fights at least; anyone caught physically fighting or fighting with their abilities was sent to the Arena for a few hours of hard training with Ares.
Steve’s fans were no less loyal. When he announced he didn’t want anyone fighting in his name, they took to passive aggressive looks and vicious back-and-forths on the online message boards- which wasn’t Steve’s intention, but at least no one was getting hurt.
Even Ghost Rider had a few fans, even though all he did on his four-minute-long video was explain how his flaming vehicle didn’t explode despite running on diesel. Those supporters were in three small groups. Some of the tech heads on campus were voting for Robbie on behalf of his ‘well-kept classic’ (as Phil Coulson explained, assuring Steve he’d voted for him most of the time). Then there was the online contingent, mainly self-identified as female, who like ‘grease monkeys,’ which Steve refused to question. Lastly, any Avengers who were tired of the battle over the poll were voting for Ghost Rider. If Steve were to cast a vote, it would probably be for the latter reason.
Each faction was campaigning for their favorite hero. T-shirts and banners were being made. Mayhem reigned.
Steve was unhappy.
~ ~ * ~ ~
Steve sat down in the park. It was usually a peaceful spot, despite the ongoing reconstruction of the fountain. He chose this area of campus hoping he’d be able to eat his lunch in peace.
“I don’t know,” Hellcat said conversationally, a copse of trees away from Steve’s bench. “On the one hand, Captain America is gooorgeous . But, Enchantress is sooo sexy, and she knows how to work it. God, imagine if you got both of them in bed?”
Sometimes, super-hearing was more of a curse than a gift.
“I could imagine that,” Satana replied suggestively. Steve blushed. “But I like the boy whose hair is on fire.”
“You would,” Daredevil chuckled.
“Who are you voting for today, Matt?” Hellcat asked.
“I’m not,” Daredevil replied, irony in his tone.
“Why not?!” Hellcat gasped. “This is practically a campus-wide event! You have to participate!”
“You’re supposed to vote for whose video is the sexiest,” Daredevil explained. “I’d have to be there whenever they were performing their talent. Otherwise, I can’t exactly judge.”
“That could be arranged,” Satana mused.
Steve left the park. Maybe the roof of the dorm would be free.
~ ~ * ~ ~
Steve settled in the chair on the roof of the Avengers dorm, listening to the comforting sounds of Bucky doing his workout on the punching bag above him. He unwrapped his sandwich, finally starting to relax.
“Come on, this has gone on long enough.” War Machine’s exasperated tone floated up from below, shattering the comforting silence.
“I didn’t do it!” Tony Stark whined in reply. “Believe me, I wish I did. But I’m just voting once a day, like everyone else.”
Steve scowled and set down his sandwich, giving up.
“Tony,” James sighed. “It’s been pretty fun, I’ll admit. But it’s starting to get out of hand. Electro and Nico Minoru nearly got into a fistfight in the Archives. T’Challa’s had to declare the embassy a safe zone because people have started pelting students wearing the wrong team shirts with water balloons.”
“Fine,” Iron Man replied. “I’ll try to hack it again, but the site is pretty secure. Whoever set this up is determined to see it through.”
“Okay, Tony,” War Machine said. He sounded disappointed.
“It wasn’t me!” Tony protested shrilly.
Steve rolled his eyes and decided it was time for more training.
~ ~ * ~ ~
At the Obstacle Course, Steve taped up his hands in preparation for hitting the climbing wall for a few hours. The survey hullaballoo and its takeover of the Academy had him frustrated, so he was perhaps wrapping them tighter than he should. After the second bad wrap, Steve tore the tape up with an uncontrolled pull. He sighed and hung his head, trying to take deep, calming breaths.
“Allow me.”
Steve turned. The Lady Sif was picking up the roll of tape where he’d left it and neatly tearing off strips of the length Steve preferred. With a regal nod, she indicated that he should lift his hands, and when he acquiesced, she began wrapping his hands.
“It is unlike you to be so imprecise, Captain,” Sif chided him gently.
“It’s this darned online competition,” Steve sighed. “Everyone seems to be completely overcome by it.”
“I imagine it’s all in good fun.”
“I guess. But that’s not the point.”
Sif gazed up at him curiously, though her hands did not falter. “What is it that bothers you so?”
“It’s the pageantry,” Steve said. “I’m used to being a figurehead for a cause. I don’t like being made into a spectacle for degenerate entertainment.”
“I don’t understand,” Sif replied, her frown drawing a crease between her eyes. “Your video shows you exhibiting impressive strength and fighting skill. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“It’s not about that. Jan took that video for me, so I could evaluate my technique. It was never meant to be- sexy, ” he stuttered.
Sif finished wrapping his hands, but she held them firmly. “Steve, you are a warrior and a leader. You are intelligent, powerful, and honorable. Right now, your fellow soldiers are embracing this prank, but at the end of the week, they will still follow you into battle. Set aside this distraction and focus on what truly matters.” She squeezed his hands once and then let them go.
Steve curled his hands into fists. The wraps were perfect. “Sif. You’re a wise woman. Thank you.”
“You are welcome.” Sif smiled.
They walked together over to the training apparatuses and Sif held out her hand to stop Steve between the climbing wall and the tire track.
“If you need someone to evaluate your technique, I am available. We have not yet pitted our strengths against each other on the practice courts. Perhaps, after you finish your training here, we could attend the Arena of War?”
Steve grinned. “That sounds perfect.”
With a heart much lighter, Steve began to climb.
~ ~ * ~ ~
Steve was in the back study room of the Archives, the one people rarely went to because there was no computer or desk and the only books were about entomology. At the moment, it was the only place on campus where he could find any peace. He sat on the floor with his back to the wall, watching make-up tutorials on his phone, and felt truly relaxed for the first time all week.
And then, the shouts started.
Yelps and shrieks and a general horrible rush of noise that belonged nowhere in the quiet archives. Steve leapt to his feet and raced to the main room, pulling his shield off his back in case attackers were rushing the library. What he found was worse than anything he could have imagined.
The ruckus was gathered around the sole computer, but there was no attack. Ghost Rider had been lifted up on Drax’s shoulders, and was flailing in celebration as other students cheered. A group wearing Team Loki shirts were shouting at the happy pack, and Team Amora shirts were picking on both groups.
Several ‘Team Cap’ students noticed Steve’s appearance and came over to console him. “That was a steal,” Wasp told him, buzzing around his shoulders. “You deserved to win.”
“I don’t mind,” Steve replied. “Honestly, I’m just glad it’s over.” He waved and smiled as Robbie’s train went by, accepting a nod from the victor.
“She’s right,” She-Hulk said over the crowd, raising one eyebrow. “Everyone expected you to win. The numbers were heading that way. It was only the last day or two that the vote started swinging.”
“Well, whatever it was, it’s over. Now we can all get back to training and studying.”
Several people groaned. “Let us have our fun before we have to think about the next invasion,” Yondu complained.
“The man’s suffered through his own invasion this week, give him a break,” Falcon said good-naturedly, putting his arm around Steve’s shoulders and starting to guide them toward the outdoors. “You want to hit the Stadium?” he asked Steve.
Steve relaxed. “That sounds great.”
They were nearly at the Stadium, the sounds of Iron Man and Wasp’s post-survey party fading in the distance, when someone stepped away from a statue. Steve and Sam stopped instinctively, but it was only Sharon. She grinned at them as she approached.
“Didn’t feel like partying?” she asked. “Didn’t expect you to. Heading for the Arena?”
“The Stadium,” Sam answered. “Want to come with? There’s plenty of room.”
Sharon shook her head. “I always feel cramped with more than two people there. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling down on yourself after the results came out,” she said to Steve.
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Did you have a hand in this?”
Sharon spread her hands innocently. “Who, me? You think I could have affected the outcome of the survey?”
“I know not to underestimate you,” Steve said, smiling.
“Well, handsome, you know a super spy never tells her secrets. But I’ll always have your back.”
“I know that, too.”
“Then I guess you’re pretty smart.” Sharon walked back the way they came on the path, leaning in close to Steve as she passed. “You know you’re always number one in my book.” She winked at the both of them before walking away.
Sam shook his head. “Man, if I wasn’t already dating someone. And if she didn’t already have a target in mind.”
“You think Sharon likes someone?” Steve asked, surprised. Sam was definitely better at picking up on campus romances, but Steve thought he knew Sharon a bit better.
“Why do I even try with you?” Sam sighed, rolling his eyes and dragging Steve off to the Stadium.
~ ~ * ~ ~
Late at night, deep in the unmapped expanse of the Academy Archives, Natasha Romanov typed on a secret second library computer. She worked intently for a long time, fingers flying over the keyboard and glaring suspiciously at the screen.
Finally, she sat back in her chair and allowed herself a satisfied smile.
The mirror site had worked. Iron Man’s hacking had exposed a weakness in SHIELD’s cyber security that Natasha could exploit, and the traffic overload from every student on campus constantly logging onto the SHIELD server meant that Natasha’s machinations went unnoticed.
With her new level of access, Natasha could blow Fury’s secrets wide open. Soon, she would know everything there was to know about the Time Fog and Avengers Academy.
Even if her favored candidate hadn’t won. But it was no real loss for Natasha. The next time she needed a distraction, she would simply set up Sexiest of Them All, Part 2.