Work Text:
Buck has a problem.
Eddie keeps picking up his ki-
Theo.
Not his kid his kid, just like, his kid… biologically…. Whatever, the point is Eddie keeps picking up Theo—Theo, notoriously wiggly, hyperactive Theo who is allergic to standing still and being held for more than thirty seconds—and Theo just… lets him.
Buck hadn't noticed at first, what with Eddie recovering from getting stabbed and all. He'd been barred from active duty—and heavy lifting—for nearly a month, a good chunk of which he spent at Buck's place because not only is Buck a good friend who will support his loved ones in times of need, he's also been around enough first responders with small kids to know not to discount the absolute blessing that is free babysitting.
If he had known the unforeseen side effects coming for him, he would have just maxxed out his PTO.
And all because of a stupid little routine.
"Teddy Teddy Teddy!!" Theo cried, running straight into Eddie's legs as he walked through the front door and latching on baby koala-style. He gazed up at Eddie with wide, expectant eyes, face smooshed against denim. "Are you all better now?"
"Hmm, let's see," Eddie said before reaching down and grabbing Theo under the arms, making a real show of huffing and puffing like he weighed 400lbs instead of 34.
He does this every time he gets back from a doctor's appointment, Theo giggling the whole time yelling Go Teddy go!! just for Eddie to eventually collapse on the floor with a defeated oof.
"You're just too heavy for me Bear," he'd say as Theo crawled onto his chest. "I need to eat more veggies so I get stronger."
Then Theo would hold Eddie's face between his tiny hands and whisper, as best a hyper-active toddle could whisper, "I believe in you Teddy," before kissing him on the cheek with a loud mwah! and every time Buck's heart would threaten to kill itself.
Then one day Eddie came over, did his little song and dance as Theo cheered him on before finally hoisting the kid high up into the air with a mighty grunt.
Theo shrieked and wiggled excitedly in Eddie's grip, yelling "You did it, you did it!! You're all better!"
"Whoa! I am!" Eddie laughed, pulling a giggling Theo to his chest and giving him a tight hug. "It's because of all your magic words."
"My words made you better?!" Theo asked, tiny fingers grabbing at Eddie's jaw as his big eyes gazed at him in marvel.
"So much better, Little Bear," Eddie said softly, kissing him on the nose.
If Buck had ovaries, they would have exploded.
And herein lies the root of all his suffering.
It's like Eddie picked Theo up that day and just decided to never put him down. And for some unfathomable reason, Theo let him.
Theo, who always calls Eddie Teddy, which lead to Eddie calling him Bear, which lead to Chris to calling him Little Bear, which, naturally, meant Chris became Big Bear, and Buck became Mama Bear because Chris is a little shit, and now sometimes Theo calls Buck Mama and Buck totally doesn't cry about it.
Everything is so cool and fine and normal in Buck's life right now.
His best friend is unstabbed and his notkid can sleep through most nights without having horrendous nightmares about his parents' tragic deaths and his other notkid seems really jazzed about being the coolest person alive to a toddler and Chim has forgiven him for losing those walkie talkies because of the general state of his life right now and Maddie keeps making him soup and Hen comes over for tea every week because she knows how to navigate bureaucratic child custody paperwork bullshit like it owes her money and Athena is a steady, unflappable source of reason as always.
Everything is so good.
Accidentally on purpose acquiring your own biological child post-calamity is no biggie.
And Theo seems to be adjusting well. At least that's what the child psychologist he sees twice a week says.
But Buck still worries.
He worries a lot. He's got a big body okay. There's a lot of room for worry in here.
Of all the things he thought would lead to his downfall though, he never in a million years would have guessed it would come at the hands of his best friend.
What is it about Eddie that's like crack to Theo??
The kid fucking loves him.
(Buck is not jealous, that would be irrational.)
Theo, arguably, loves everyone, but he's different with Eddie. Case in point, letting Eddie hold him for more than thirty seconds.
But it's not just that.
Theo started doing that mwah sound whenever he kisses Buck goodbye or goodnight because Eddie does it to him and Chris.
Theo only knows the names of fruits in Spanish now because him and Eddie did all the grocery shopping while Eddie was exiled from exerting himself. That man can't sit idle to save his life and he apparently took it upon himself to start Spanish lessons at Trader Joe's, and it stuck.
The morning Theo looked up at Buck, still blinking sleep from his eyes, made little grabby hands at the bottle of orange juice on the counter, and through a yawn said "Naranja, Mama?" Buck had to pretend to pour a glass of orange juice like a man not about to run himself over with his own jeep.
It's one thing to be hopelessly in love with your straight best friend. It's completely fucking psycho to start thinking of your notkid as his notkid, that your notraising together, like a notfamily.
Theo eats his vegetables when Eddie asks because veggies are how I got better and strong again Bear, remember?
Theo likes country music because Eddie listens to a lot of Shania Twain when he cleans. Now he shouts "Shiny Twain!!" excitedly whenever she comes on the radio.
Theo desperately wants glasses because Chris wears glasses and Buck and Eddie had to field a Category 5 meltdown at the optometrists when he learned he had 20/20 vision.
Theo drew a family portrait at school.
In it, he's holding Buck's hand, and Buck is holding Eddie's, and Eddie is holding Chris's. They're in a park on a summer day, and in the clouds, Theo drew Connor and Kameron smiling down at the four of them, little yellow halos hovering over their heads.
Buck actually cried when he saw that one.
He wanted to put it on the fridge, but he wasn't ready to take 50,000 points of emotional damage every time he needed milk, so into a frame by Theo's bedside it went instead.
What the actual fuck is he supposed to do about that, huh?
Fuck.
"Buuuuuck!!! Look at this rock I found!" Theo exclaims as he runs into the kitchen from the backyard, holding a very regular-looking rock aloft as if it where some rare geological composition previously unknown to mankind.
"Whoa buddy, that's a beautiful rock," Buck beams, taking the grey rock into his hands where Theo shoves it unceremoniously before running back outside, its existence already forgotten.
Buck straightens and deposits it in the bowl by the back door, half-full with similar, average-ass grey rocks.
"Nice rock bowl," Hen notes, taking a sip of her tea. "Really adds to the feng shui of the place."
Buck sighs. "He fills the thing in less than a week."
"What do you do when it gets full?"
"Throw them back outside and let him find them again."
"And you thought you wouldn't be good at this," Hen laughs, punching his shoulder lightly as he sits back down at the kitchen table.
"Why does everything hurt?" he groans, closing his eyes for a second.
"Buck!" Theo's bright little voice pops up beside him. When he opens his eyes all he sees is green. "Look how big this leaf is!!"
"What a big leaf!" Buck exclaims, removing said leaf from his face. "You didn't pull this off a live plant, did you?"
But he's already gone.
"Busy guy," Hen remarks.
"He likes nature."
"At least rocks and leaves are cheaper than ipads and legos."
"Legos have gotten so expensive Hen!!"
"Forget I said anything." Hen rolls her eyes. "I get enough of this from Denny."
"Buck Buck Buck!" Theo of the Endless Energy reappears. "I got a roly pollie look look look!!"
Sure enough, carefully tucked into Theo's tiny fist is a very round, likely very disgruntled pill bug.
"He's so cool!" Buck smiles. They contemplate the little bug together. "Did you know pill bugs are detritivores, which means they eat the stuff other bugs and animals don't want? They're important parts of the decomposition and nutrient life cycles!" Buck explains, because Armadillidiidae are cool as hell. "But remember what we said about bringing bugs inside the house?"
"… to not to."
"That's right. He lives outside Theo. You want to put him back in his home?"
Theo pouts down at the pill bug. "But he's so wound."
"Theo."
"Okayyyyy," he says dramatically with his whole body, before running off again.
Buck turns back to Hen. "What were we talking about?"
"We haven't had a single coherent conversation since I got here."
"Buuuck!!!!" Buck sighs deeply, but no matter how tired he is, the smile he has for Theo is always genuine. "Look at this stick!" Theo says, nearly poking Buck's eye out with said stick. "It's all twisty, just like our hair! And Chis's!!"
That one hits him so hard in the heart he doesn't even have time to come up with a response before the kid is out the door.
He stares at the twisty stick on the table with burning eyes.
"Okay," Hen says softly, moving the stick to somewhere out of immediate eyesight. "I don't think mint tea is doing it."
She goes to start the coffee maker. Buck doesn't stop her, even though he's already had three coffees today and is pretty sure they aren't doing much more than convince his heart to beatbox poorly in his chest.
"Have you eaten anything other than these cookies?" Hen asks, nudging at the crumb-covered plate he polished off fifteen minutes ago. Buck winces. "Mhm. That's what I thought."
She starts rummaging through his fridge.
"Hen, it's fine. Eddie's gonna be here soon with groceries and I'll make a sandwich or something."
She gives him A Look.
"Promise," Buck says, doing a silly little salute.
"You better."
She lets the fridge door close.
"Buck Buck Buck!! Look I saved a dirty chicken!"
Tiny, excited feet patter full speed towards them.
"A dirty- Theo!" Buck balks, which is a very reasonable reactions to turning around and finding your notchild holding a fullass bird in your kitchen. "Where- that's not a chicken that's a pigeon!! How did you even-"
"Picken!!" Theo cheers, holding the bedraggled thing above his head triumphantly.
"Dear lord," he hears Hen whisper behind him.
"Theo, bud- h-how- what?? You need to put that down!!"
"But he's my friend!"
The pigeon, a mottled white-grey creature with beady black eyes, is clasped between Theo's hands, wings tucked in and weird little pigeon feet sticking out at the bottom. Its head remains eerily still as Theo rocks excitedly back and forth.
Buck looks at Hen desperately.
"Nah, no way," she says, hands up. "I'm not getting involved in all that."
He looks back at Theo, who at that very moment leans forward and plants a kiss on the top of the pigeon's head with a loud mwah!!
Oh god. Birds are so dirty. This bird in particular looks extra dirty. Can pigeons carry bird flu!?!?!? Oh god oh shit oh fuck-
"Theo, remember what I said about taking things out of their homes and bringing them inside," Buck tries.
"But this is a picken, not a roly pollie," Theo declares, brandishing the 'picken' at Buck as if Buck wasn't extremely aware of the live, wild animal currently in his kitchen.
"I-I know bud, but he still belongs outside."
Theo pouts. "But he looked sad outside."
"I think that's just his face," Hen remarks, extremely unhelpfully.
Buck throws her a glare over his shoulder before moving closer to the feathered thing sitting too calmly in Theo's grasp.
"Theo," Buck waits for Theo to look up at him. He ignores the pigeon also looking up at him. "We can't just take wild animals out of their homes. This guy seems really chill, but not every animal will be. Some might be scared, and sometimes when animals are scared, they might hurt you. Do you understand?"
Theo frowns down at the pigeon.
"I didn't mean to scare him," he says, voice small. "I just wanted him to be my friend."
"I know buddy," Buck says, crouching in front of him. "And that's so awesome of you, but part of being a good friend is making sure you're doing something that your friend also wants to be doing. And pigeons like to be outside."
"I like to be outside."
"Then you can hang out with your pigeon friend outside, yeah?"
"Can I still hold him?" Theo asks, eyes unfairly wide and pleading.
"No," Buck says, like a terrible person, cause watching sadness seep into those innocent eyes makes him feel like an actual monster. "Wild animals are wild. They don't really like to be touched. You can look at them, but you shouldn't try to touch them, or catch them. I just don't want you to get hurt, okay?"
"… okay."
"Can I take him back outside?" Buck asks, placing his hands carefully over Theo's.
"His name is Mr. Poop," Theo says seriously as he relinquishes the bird.
"Of course it is," Buck sigh, a fraction of his anxiety loosening now that the bird is safely out of Theo's reach. "Can you go see Hen so she can help you wash your hands please?"
Theo walks dejectedly towards Hen, who looks like she's actively trying not to burst out laughing.
"Come here sweetheart," Hen says, pulling out the stool Buck got so Theo could reach the sink. "Let's get those sticky hands of yours clean."
It's not until Buck is standing in his own backyard, holding a bird, that he realizes he's got no idea how to release said bird back into the wild.
Does he just… throw it??
That seems morally wrong, but he's definitely seen someone somewhere just sorta toss a bird into the air and it flies away. They made it look so easy. This does not feel easy.
He looks at the pigeon. The pigeon looks at him.
It seems a lot smaller in his own hands than it did in Theo's. Now that he's got the chance to look at the thing up close, he notices that it's missing most of its toes on the right foot and has a weird dent in its beak.
What if this one specific pigeon doesn't know how to fly? What if that's why Theo was able to catch it, and here Buck is, about to launch the poor thing mercilessly into the open air only for it to crash back to earth and break its little neck. It's so light!?!? Is it supposed to be this light??!
"You can fly, right?" Buck asks the bird. It cocks its head to the side. "Please be able to fly," he begs.
He gets into his best bird-tossing position. He does the motion a few times without letting go, but the pigeon gives absolutely zero indication of whether it will fly away gracefully or fall flailing to its death.
"Nope, can't do it. Maybe I can just-"
He crouches in the grass and carefully places the bird down. Slowly, he starts to let go. As soon as his hands drop away, the pigeon erupts in a flurry of white-grey feathers and shoots into the sky, nearly colliding with Buck's face and startling him so hard he yelps and falls back in the grass.
"Okay, so you can fly. Good," he says up to the empty sky.
He maybe lies there for a little bit longer than strictly necessary.
When he eventually hauls himself to his feet with a grunt, he turns to find Chris sprawled out in one of the patio chairs, phone held up like he just finished filming something.
"Chris?!!" Buck squawks. "Have you been out here the whole time?"
"Yeah," Chris shrugs, typing something out on his phone.
"Did you see Theo try to catch a wild bird??"
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you stop him!!???"
Another shrug. "I wanted to see if he could do it."
"Chris!"
"What?" Chris says, finally looking up at him. "He was being gentle. The pigeon seemed kind of into it honestly. It definitely could have flown away like, five times."
"Okay, well next time you see-" your brother is what his traitorous brain supplies, nearly making him choke on his next words, "-Th-Theo try to catch a wild animal, can you maybe try to stop him?"
"Sure," Chris says, unconvincingly, still typing away on his phone.
"Please don't send that to your dad."
"I would never," Chris says with a very evil, very Eddie grin. "I'm gonna show it to him in person."
"Would you consider not doing that if I let you have ice cream before dinner?" Buck tries, hope thin but alive.
Chris snorts. "I'm not five anymore Buck. Why would I want ice cream when I have peak blackmail content?"
"I'm so glad Eddie is basically tech illiterate," Buck grumbles, rubbing I had down his face. "I don't think I could survive two of you with a working understanding of the internet."
"Dad knows how to google things like 'how to tie a tie,' he's not that hopeless," Chris supplies nonchalantly, as if that will obscure the fact that he's subtly defending his father's honour, which is sweet, except-
"He still can't tie a tie to save his life," Buck huffs.
Chris frowns. "They always look fine to me."
"That's because I've been retying them for him for the last like, five years."
The furrow between Chris's brow deepens. Damn, he really does look just like Eddie sometimes. "He's always tied mine fine."
"He can do them fine on other people, just not himself," Buck waves off, picking up a few miscellaneous toy trucks from the grass. He'd hate to run any over with the lawnmower. Again. "They're always crooked."
"You think you know a guy," Chris says solemnly, shaking his head before returning to his phone.
When Buck returns to the kitchen he finds Theo running laps around the dining room table making what Buck can only describe as very wet farting sounds.
"He's a racecar," Hen supplies. "Apparently."
Suddenly Theo breaks from his pattern and runs towards the front door screeching with excitement.
"Where's he off to now?"
The knot in Buck's chest loosens. "He knows the sound of Eddie's keys."
"Teddy Teddy Teddy!!" Theo chants jumping up and down as the door unlocks.
"Little big man!" Eddie says as he steps in, immediately dropping the groceries so he can pick Theo up with a mighty raaah! "What have you been up to?"
He settles Theo on his hip as he kicks off his shoes, then leans down to pick up all three grocery bags with his remaining free hand.
(Buck does not stare at the way his bicep strains under the soft white fabric of his Henley.)
"I saved a picken!!" Theo announces brightly.
Eddie raises a brow at Buck and Hen as he deposites the grocery bags on the counter.
"Don't ask," Buck grumbles.
"Please ask," Hen grins.
"I have it on video!" Chris calls through the open patio door.
"Teddy, did you know roly pollies are dirt-dirtytratevors?" Theo asks, little hands grabbing at Eddie's face to get his attention.
"I did not know that, Bear," Eddie says, starting to unpack one of the grocery bags one-handed. "What's a dirtytratevor?"
"Detritivore," Buck corrects. Eddie sends him a soft smile over Theo's mess of curls. Something warm and definitely illegal blooms low in Buck's gut.
"They eat all the leftovers no one wants," Theo explains. "Like you!"
Hen snorts. "He's got you there Eddie."
"Dirtavors are important to the ecostem!" Theo insists.
Eddie laughs, soft brown eyes full of amusement as he looks to Buck. "What do you say Buckley, am I an important part of the ecosystem?"
Buck narrowly avoids blurting out something insane like you're an important part of my ecosystem, you know, like a lunatic, and instead manages to choke up a very convincing and nonchalant "Y-yeah man, of-of course!"
Hen looks at him in a way that suggests she's got opinions, which Buck valiantly ignores.
"You should make Buck a sandwich," Theo says to Eddie, suddenly very serious.
Eddie raises both eyebrows. "I should, should I?" Theo nods. "And why's that?" Eddie asks.
Theo leans in, bringing one hand up to whisper in Eddie's ear, albeit not very effectively because everyone in the kitchen hears him say, "He only ate cookies today."
Eddie's eyes dart over to Buck again, a touch more critical than before. "Did he now?"
"Eds, I-"
Buck is interrupted by the sound of his very own stomach betraying him. Loudly.
"I told him to eat," Hen says, pouring herself a cup of coffee from the fresh pot.
"You brought the cookies!" Buck protests.
"Well if I'd known you were living destitute I would have brought something a bit more substantial."
"We aren't destitute," Buck huffs. "Eddie just took forever to pick up like four things."
"Hey now," Eddie says brandishing a cucumber in one hand while still holding Theo snugly to his hip with the other. "I had to go to three different places to get your fancy limes."
"Three seems excessive," Hen remarks.
"Tell that to Mr. I Only Like One Specific Kind of Lime over there."
"Mexican limes are better for making key lime pie, Eddie," Buck stresses, starting to pull things out of the other bag. "I know you love my key lime pie, and you know why? Cause I use the right limes."
Eddie rolls his eyes and tosses a bag at Buck.
"Your limes, my liege," he says, bowing slightly and making Theo giggle. "Turkey or ham?"
"W-what?"
"In your sandwich," Eddie says, holding up a package of deli meat.
"Oh, uh, turkey, but only if-"
"I use the green mustard, yeah yeah, I know."
For a few blissful moments the jumbled car crash clatter of Buck's brain eases off a bit as he switches to autopilot and puts the rest of the groceries away. In the background he's vaguely aware of Hen and Eddie chatting easily about produce prices, occasionally broken up by Theo proudly declaring the name of some fruit or other in Spanish and Eddie saying, "That's right Bear, keep practicing and you'll be speaking better than me."
Buck's just finishing up tetrissing the last of the cereal boxes away when he feels someone come up behind him. He turns to find Eddie holding out a plate with a sandwich on it, accompanied by some cucumber slices and a small handful of chips. His hair's sticking up on one side, which Buck knows is due to Theo's newfound love of playing with people's hair, and he's got that easy smile on his face, the one that makes the world feel like it's moving just a little bit slower, just enough for Buck to catch his breath. Theo is tucked up under his chin, small fist balled tight into the fabric of his shirt.
It's a sight that's become familiar to Buck over the last three months, but unfortunately, no matter how often he turns around to find this exact thing—Eddie and his warm smile and patient eyes, Eddie with Theo in his arm—familiarity isn't enough to banish the choking affection tying Buck's esophagus up into love-sick knots.
"You gonna take this, or have you developed the ability to eat with your eyes now?" Eddie teases, brandishing the plate.
"R-right, thanks. Man."
Buck takes the offered plate, pops a chip into his mouth just to give himself something to focus on other than how hot and single and dad the man currently standing in front of him is.
If Hen's eyebrows valiantly making a run for her hairline are any indication, he's not doing a great job at keeping all that locked down.
Eddie, thank fucking christ, doesn't seem to notice, just hums in approval as he goes back to his own half-eaten sandwich.
"Wait," Hen says, squinting at Eddie and Theo. "Is he- is he asleep??"
Eddie looks down at the would-be bundle of energy in his arms, now curled quiet and still against his chest, breathing evenly.
"Oh yeah," he says through a mouthful of sandwich. "Conked out about five minutes ago."
Hen looks at Buck incredulously.
"He does that," Buck signs. "But only if Eddie's holding him."
"What can I say?" Eddie shrugs, finishing off the last bite of his sandwich. "Imma kid whiswerer."
"Or maybe your story about lime prices was so boring he couldn’t stay awake," Buck grumbles. "And don't talk with your mouth full dude, that's gross."
"A win's a win," Eddie says, focus already shifting to making himself another sandwich.
"Well," Hen says, standing. "I'd love to stay and continue watching… all this-" she gestures between the three of them, Buck, Eddie, and Theo.
"All what?" Eddie asks through a mouthful of ham.
"-But I've got my own family to get back to."
"I'll walk you out," Buck offers, shooting Eddie a disapproving look as he leaves, to which Eddie just rolls his eyes.
At the door, Hen's opinionated eyes are back in full force.
"Don't," Buck sighs. "Don't say anything."
"I didn't say a word."
"Your face is very loud."
"So is yours."
And damn if she isn't tragically right. It's a small miracle Eddie seems to be the only person on the planet blind to the mortifying performance that is Buck's softest, squishiest emotions play across his face every time he looks at the fucking guy.
He wishes the audience would stop calling for an encore.
"I still have no idea how he does that," Maddie says as she hands Buck another beer.
They claimed the two big Adirondack chairs back by the fire pitt in the name of Sibling Bonding as soon as they got to Athena's. They'd had to reschedule yesterday's brunch because Theo learned the 'don't run with scissors' lesson the hard way. That was a fun five hours at the ER waiting for him to get stiched up. Luckily it wasn't serious, but that didn't stop Buck from feeling like he was two seconds away from puking his lungs up the whole time.
"It doesn't look deep," Eddie had said over Facetime after Buck had called him in a panic. "Hands bleed a lot."
He was on shift, but he'd still picked up on the second ring.
"Honestly, you could probably get Maddie to patch him up." The video was shaky and he had his turnouts on, which meant he was probably in the rig, y'know, doing his job, his very important job that involved saving live, which Buck was currently distracting him from. "But judging from how pale you are, I'd say just take him to the hospital. That way you hopefully won't give yourself an anurysm before I'm off shift."
Buck had indeed taken Theo to the hopistal, and the cut had indeed been shallow. They didn't even use real stitches to close it, just those tape ones, which honestly made Buck's life way easier.
Theo had cried less than Buck thought he would, which made Buck even more nervous because kids are suppposed to cry when they accidentally cut their hands open with scissors. He should have bawled his eyes out and been hard to calm down. He should have been a terrible, squirmy little patient, but instead he was calm, his tears quiet, and that unnerved Buck more than anything because it was just too damn close to how he'd been when Buck had pulled him out of that car.
But five hours and some fancy tape later, he was his usual bubbly, energetic self. He even showed off his 'battle scar' to Jee when they first arrived before starting up their favourite game: Run Around the Backyard Screeching Like Wild Animals Until They Exhaust Themselves.
Those kids have the stamina of fucking racehorses, jesus christ.
It wasn't until Eddie arrived—straight off shift—that Theo showed any signs of slowing.
Now he's perched happily on Eddie hip telling him who knows what. Buck can't hear from this distance, but he'd hazard a guess it has to do with his Transformers given the way he's been brandishing them about. He's nearly taken Eddie's eye out five times already.
"I mean, it's been like," Maddie glances at her phone, "half an hour?! And he's still holding him!" She cracks open her beer and sinks back into her chair. "I think maybe Eddie's a witch. A child whispering witch."
"I think I have baby fever," Buck says.
Maddie spits out her beer. She whips around, voice an urgent whisper despite no one being in earshot. "Wait, so are we admitting we're in love with Eddie now??"
"Maddie, we've moved so far past being in love with him," Buck groans, watching Eddie easily move Theo to his other hip while avoid getting whacked in the face with Optimus Prime. "I want to get him pregnant."
"Okayyyyyy, and that's enough information about all that, thank you," Maddie skweaks. "Give a girl some warning next time."
"You've had ten years!"
"Yes and you've been dumb for all of them!!"
"Well I'm still dumb but now I'm dumb and in love with my best friend!" Buck whisper-yells. "There. Happy now?"
Her face softest. "Evan."
"Don't Evan me," Buck huffs, taking a swig of beer and glaring as his stupid best friend and the stupid way he gives Harry stupid pointers at the grill, Theo's little fingers tangled tight into his stupid floppy brown hair.
Maddie manages to hold her tongue for all of thirty second.
"Sooooo, what are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing. He's straight."
"Buck-"
"Mads, can we talk about this later please?"
Another breif pause. Then, "You know he baby trapped you, right?"
Buck groans, head falling back and thuding dully against the chair. "No he didn't."
Maddie raises a brow.
"Technically… I baby trapped myself."
"Yeah, because you looooove him. And his kid."
"Well I didn't know that at the time."
They both watch as Eddie deftly switches Theo's Transformer out for a plate of snacks, including carrots, which, absurdly, Theo eats first.
"I mean…" Maddie starts, "he's sort of baby trapping himself in return, if you think about it."
"Maddie."
"Just food for thought, is all," she says innocently, returning to her beer.
Buck stares glumly at the fire. Maybe if he stares hard enough it will burn the dancing images of an impossible future out from behind his eyelids.
By month five Buck has ruled out bribery, barganing, hypnotism, and real actual drugs. He remains at a complete loss as to how Eddie Diaz is able to hold the world's most unholdable child for more than five minutes at a time, at great personal and emotional cost.
He's resigned himself to a lifetime of mysteries, to watching his best friend light up like the fucking sun every time he sees his notchild, hoist him into the air with one of his stupid little sounds before placing him on his hip like Theo was born specifically to sit exactly there.
Resigns himself to grocery runs taking twice as long because Theo has graduated from fruits and Eddie is now teaching him vegetables.
Resigns himself to Buckley-Diaz dinners at his place every Thursday and Saturday and at Eddie's place every Sunday and Tuesday.
Resigns himself to Chris teaching Theo how to play Mario Kart (and how not to destroy the controllers when he gets too excited about seeing Princess Peach).
Resigns himself to getting home late from a shift to find Eddie passes out on the couch, Theo curled up on his chest, Eddie's big arms wrapped protectively around his tiny body.
It's the settling of this resignation that finally spurs Buck to just… ask.
"Hey Theo," he says one afternoon while folding laundry in his room, cause whatever, fuck it. "Why do you like when Eddie carries you so much?"
"I love Teddy!" Theo declares, rolling around the bed and toppling half of Buck's carfully folded laundry.
"I- I know that buddy, but is there anything else?"
"Oh. The music."
"The- What music?"
"The shaking music," Theo explains, tapping at his chest. "It goes like hmmm hmmm hm hmmmm-"
Theo hums a little tune, one Buck realizes, in this moment, is vaguely familiar.
"Eddie hums?"
"Shaking music!!" Theo announces as he rolls off the bed before holding his Transformer triumphantly over his head and speeding around the room making airplane noises.
Has Buck ever heard Eddie humming before??
He's pretty sure he hasn't. That feels like a thing he would remember, like the time he walked in on the guy dancing in his underwear. Eddie's a weird guy okay. A weird guy who dances in his underwear and hums, apparently. A decade in and there are still new things to learn about him.
But then again, the tune Theo hummed had sounded really familiar, prickling some deep, blurry part of Buck's memory, something sluggish and blood-tinged. It makes him flinch and look away.
A problem for another day.
He dreams of Eddie getting shot.
Dreams of lightning strikes and comas. Clawing at cold, wet earth with bare hands. He dreams the taste of his best friend's blood on his tongue, the taste of saltwater. Of Eddie holding Chris tight after the tsunami.
He dreams of U-Hauls and collapsing bridges and impenetrable glass walls. Of a dark, quiet lab. Of his own body unfamiliar to him, shaking and shuddering with withdrawal.
He dreams of Eddie. Eddie curled small in his broken room. Eddie in an empty house after Chris left. Eddie in Texas, always smiling through the phone screen, but never in a way that made it to his eyes. Eddie in an elevator.
He dreams of a car crash.
Everything smells of smoke and fire and over it all is the quiet, low humming of a simple, familiar tune.
Buck wakes with a gasp, sweating, heart clawing its way up his throat. The shaking followed him out of the dream. His entire body trembles as he gets up, pours himself a glass of water, and tries to will away the flood.
It doesn't work.
It's 3am and Buck is crying on the couch when Theo crawls into his lap. He pats Buck's cheek with his tiny, miraculous little hand before curling against his chest.
He starts to hum.
Buck doesn't bother trying to stop the tears this time. He just holds his kid tight and memorizes the feeling of his hummingbird heartbeat, little chest vibrating against him, alive with quiet, gentle music.
Buck has just finished putting Theo back to sleep when he hears the front door open.
"Eddie?" Because unless Buck is halucinating, that is Eddie standing in his living room. He's wearing the sweatpants he usually doesn't wear out of the house and an old LAFD t-shit that looks a couple sizes too big. "What are you doing here?"
"So," Eddie starts, scratching at the back of his neck. "I may have found out where those missing radios went." Buck stares at him. Eddie takes another step forward, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Apparently Chris has them- well, he's got one," he explains, rocking back on his heels. "He gave the other to Theo. Showed him how to use it. For emegencies, apparently."
Buck balks. Stalls. Processes.
"Chris stole our radios?!?!"
"Ha, yeah," Eddie huffs, looking away. "He propably gets that one from me."
"And he gave one to Theo?" Buck asks. "How long ago?"
"About a month. Apparently emergencies up until now have just been Theo telling Chris stories about his Transformers at night until he falls asleep. According to Chris, they're pretty good."
"Oh my god. Is that why he's been sleeping better??"
"It would seem so."
A tiny avalanche of things click into place in the back of Buck's mind. But none of them explain-
"Wait, what does that have to do with you being here now? It's 4am."
"Yeah, well," Eddie shrugs. "Theo called Chris. Said he needed to send me over to help because, and I quote, Buck is sad and Teddy makes Buck less sad."
Buck starts crying. Again.
"Ah shit," Eddie huffs, crossing the last of the distance in two quick strides and pulling Buck into a hug. "Long day?"
"His parents are dead Eddie," Buck sobs into his shoulder. "And now all he's got is me."
"I know the feeling," Eddie says quietly, arms tightening around Buck's back. God they don't hug enough. Eddie gives really good hugs.
"I don't know why I thought I would be good at this," Buck whispers into the worn fabric of Eddie's sleep shirt.
Eddie snorts. "If you're a bad parent Buck, then by those standards, I'm worse."
Buck disentangles himself from Eddie enough to stare down at him boggle-eyed. "Eddie, you're a great dad."
"And so are you," he says simply, brown eyes warm and steady.
His words don't leave any room for doubt, though Buck's brain scrambles to find any cracks it might be able to shove some into.
"You know," Eddie says, "there was a time when all I had was you."
"Lucky you," Buck says sarcastically, wiping at his eyes.
"I was. Lucky, that is." He waits until Buck meets his gaze. "Buck, there's a version of me that never met you, and you know what he is right now?"
"Playing basketball with a less annoying friend?"
"Sad."
"W-what?"
"I've spent most of my life sad," Eddie says. "I was sad for so long I didn't even realize I was sad. I couldn't be sad. I had a job to do and a son to raise."
Buck's never really thought of Eddie as a sad person. He's a secret dork with a sweet-tooth who loves his son, and food, and his job. He's effortlessly charming but can't flirt for shit. He's competent as hell on the job but kind of hopeless in an alarming amount of regular-person senarios. And he cares so fucking much, all the time.
But Buck remembers the holes in the wall.
Remembers the empty second bedroom. Remembers the street corner where Shannon died. Remembers Eddie in Texas, the way he moved different there, like some long-forgotten echo had caught up to him.
"I was sad for so long," Eddie continues, "and I thought that was just how life was, you know. That there wasn't really a better. That loving my son was enough. That being a dad was enough. And all of that is great and all. But then I met you." Buck's heart stutters. "And I realized that I kind of love being your best friend."
Buck swallows. His eyes sting. They haven't really stopped, honestly.
"I think of that Eddie, the one who never met you, and I feel bad for him. He probably still doesn't realize things could be better, that he could be- could be happy. Not just for Chris or for his parents. But for himself," Eddie says, still refusing to break eye contact even as his go misty. "You did that Buck." He punctuates this with a poke to Buck's chest, righ over his rabitting heart. "You."
Buck doesn't know if he's breathing. That doesn't really seem important right now though.
"So Theo's in good hands," Eddie concludes with as much unwavery conviction as he started with. More somehow. "I know from experience. I was in your hands, and they saved me from living a life I didn't even know I never wanted."
He's technically still in Buck's hands now, seeing as instead of fully pulling out of the hug they both sort of just leaned back slightly. Now Buck's fists are curled tight into Eddie's shirt at his sides. One of Eddie's hands at some point slide up to slot itself into that spot at the base of Buck's neck it always does. The other is resting gently on his waist.
Buck needs to change the subject. Now.
"Theo says you hum to him," he blurts.
Eddie's cheeks colour. "I- Yeah. Sometimes."
Buck waits him out, knowing there's more to it than that.
"It's something Shannon used to hum to Chris when he was really little," he says slowly, like every word is a battle to get out. "I used to- I mean by the time I got back he was a bit old to be carried around like that all the time, and Shan and I were fighting a lot, so I never really- with Chris. But I used to hum it to myself when I was deployed, whenever I missed them." Here, finally, his eyes dart away. "Or when- when I was scared."
"Eddie."
The image of Eddie, young and terrified and in the middle of a war zone, missing his baby, almost brings Buck back to tears.
But Eddie just shrugs like it's no big deal. Like it's never a big deal when it's him who's hurting. "It always made me feel calmer. I thought it might do the same for Theo."
Did you hum to me when I was in a coma? Buck wants to ask.
Did you hum to yourself after you were shot and I just didn't hear it because I was too busy trying to make sure I didn't lose you? Did you hum yourself to sleep after Chris left? After you left? After Shannon? After Bobby? Why are you keeping your sadness where I can't see it?
But the words get caught in the swell of fondness overtaking Buck's chest.
He's just so fucking grateful to have Eddie his his life, in his kid's life, and he's more than a little sleep deprived, which probably contributes to what Buck does next, which is kiss Eddie. On the mouth. In the middle of his living room.
A soft press of lips. A sharp inhale. A pressure at his waist. A thumb against his neck. An exhale.
"Oh," Eddie says, so quiet it's barely more than a puff of warmth against Buck's lips. "That's not-" he laughs nervously. "That's not what I thought you'd say."
Reality slams back into Buck like a semi full of barbells.
He rips himself out of Eddie's grasp like the man is made of lava.
"Shit, sorry- I'm- I shouldn't have done that."
Get out. Run. Leave. Leave before you fuck anything else up you stupid fucking-
"Buck-"
Leave leave leave leave except- shit. Theo. Shit. Fuck.
"I gotta-" Buck points randomly over his shoulder, looking anywhere but at Eddie. He flees.
Unfortunately, when you're in your own home, a home with your toddle asleep down the hall, a home your potentially ex-best friend has a key to, there aren't many fleeing options at your disposal. Which is how Buck ends up standing in his back yard, in the rain. In socks.
Maybe Theo's pigeon friend will just dive bomb him and brain him to death. Yeah. That'd be nice.
"Buck-"
Oh no.
Eddie.
He found the backyard.
"Buck!"
Unlike Buck, Eddie's still wearing shoes. Unfortunately, shoes don't protect the rest of him from getting absolutely drenched the second he steps outside.
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know!" Buck yells over a crack of thunder. "I don't know what I'm doing!"
"Standing in the middle of a fucking thunderstorm is what you're doing," Eddie yells back.
"Fuck man, I'm so tired," Buck says, starting to pace. The grass squelches disgustingly underfoot. He deserve the misery of wet socks, honestly. "And you're so you and- and I-I wasn't thinking-"
"You weren't thinking so you kissed me?!"
"Apparently!"
"That doesn't make any sense!"
"Well I'm sorry, but I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know what I'm doing with Theo or my future or-or you- I don't know Eddie! I'm tired and my guard was down and you're always just so- and your hand was on my waist and-"
"Did you want to?" Eddie cuts in, voice quieter now.
"What?"
They stand in the middle of the lawn, facing each other. The rain is a cold sheet around them, a wet drape between them and the rest of the world. Overhead, lightning cracks the sky in half, throwing their shadows over the damp earth.
"Did you want to?" Eddie asks. "Kiss me?"
It's the barely-there shake to the last word, the way his eyebrows scrunch ever-so-slightly like they do when he's worried. It's his hands, tugging at the edge of his shirt. It's his eyes, beautiful even in such darkness, fatal when the lightning's flash catches in their warm depths, searching Buck's face for the answer, like he knows it will change everything, like he… wants it to. It's all of that that has him saying
"I always want to kiss you."
"Good." Eddie nods decisively. "Cause I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you."
Then he marches across the lawn and pulls Buck in by the front of his shirt.
He kisses him hard, nothing like the gentle press of lips in the living room. Eddie kisses him like he doesn't know what else to do with his life, hands tugging, mouth open, breathe hot, and Buck meets him there, cradles Eddie face between his palms and uses that leverage to tilt his head up, to deepen the kiss, to slide his tongue into Eddie's mouth alongside the rainwater and the dancing images of the future he's been desperate for flickering back to searing life.
"Only pretty sure?" Buck pants when they finally pull apart.
Eddie hums before pressing a lingering kiss to Buck's lips, eyes still closed. "Definitely sure."
"Cool," Buck grins.
"Cool?" Eddie huffs. "I profess my love to you—in the rain—and all you have to say is cool?"
"Super cool."
"You're an idiot," Eddie says, then kisses him again.
If hypothermia was not a real actual thing that they should be worried about, Buck could have stayed out there all night.
"We should go back inside," Buck says, reluctantly removing his mouth from Eddie's.
"Can we keep doing this inside?"
"Only if we don't wake Theo."
Eddie leans in, catches Buck's bottom lip breifly between his teeth. "I know how to be quiet," he whispers. "Do you?"
A shiver runs down Buck's spine that has nothing to do with the rain.
They absolutely drench the kitchen floor when they get inside, but that's a future Buck problem. Present Buck is busy pushing Eddie up against the counter and kissing his neck, which has him all squirmy in a way Buck wasn't expecting.
"Shit-" Eddie groans.
"I thought you said you knew how to be quiet," Buck teases just as his eyes catch the tag of Eddie's shirt, which must have gotten flipped inside out at some point during their activities. There's a little poorly embroidered EB in the corner. "Wait." He pulls back, grabbing at the tag to get a better look. "Is this my shirt?"
Eddie, who has always been a blusher, blushes very prettily now.
"Oh- um. No?"
"How long have you had this?" Buck asks. He stopped putting his initials in his shirts years ago when Bobby reassured him for the fifth time that they really could just order more.
"If I tell you, you have to tell me something equally as embarrassing in return."
"Deal."
Eddie bits his lip. "Since the lightning strike. I took it out of your locker while you were, you know…"
Ah shit, that's not embarrassing, that's-
"When you pick up Theo and carry him around on your hip while you do chores I get so horny I think I'm gonna die," Buck blurts out to stop himself from dropping to one knee and proposing on the spot in his damn kitchen.
Eddie looks stunned for two whole seconds before he bursts out laughing.
"Is that why you're always glaring at me?" he wheezes. "I was worried I was overstepping."
"And yet you never stopped."
"He's like a little you," Eddie says, eyes overflowing with fond adoration. "I could never."
"Can I have ice cream?" a small voice asks from the doorway.
"Theo, buddy, what are you doing up," Buck asks, going over to pick up a very sleepy-looking Theo.
"I heard you talking, and I heard Teddy," he says through a yawn. "Hi Teddy."
"Hi Bear."
Theo makes grabby hands at Eddie and Buck passes him over. He yawns again and curls up under Eddie's chin, one hand grabbing at his shirt collar while the other stays wrapped around Buck's index finger.
"Ice cream?" he mumbles into Eddie's neck.
"We can get ice cream tomorrow with Chris," Eddie says.
"I love Chis," Theo says. "And you. And Buck."
"I know Bear," Eddie says, eyes finding Buck's over his head. "So do I."
Buck kisses the top of Theo's head, gaze never leaving Eddie's. "I love you too."