Chapter Text
It was past midnight, when Queen Victoria was walking through the hallways of Buckingham Palace.
„No, you must keep it intact for someone else. “
It has been about two weeks. Two Weeks, since Lord M has turned her down and two weeks, since she was utterly confused. It was true, he has rejected her, but then there he was again. Dancing with her and talking about Elizabeth I. and her Leicester. He had told her, that like a rook, he was bound to his late wife, but he has sent her these wonderful flowers.
Victoria groaned. She tried to make sense of everything, tried to get her composure back, that seemed to crumble, whenever he was near. And most importantly, she wanted to get the ability back to find her sleep, which escaped her since that tearful visit to Brocket Hall.
Sometimes sleep found her, but then she woke in the middle of the night. Seeing images of that face, that was so dear to her. Hearing his words over and over again.
„You cannot give it to me. “
How was it, that he could not see, that there was no one else, she wanted to give her heart to. Infect, it was even worse. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t do it. She wasn´t sure, when it happened. Only knew, that at some point she had realised, that her heart belonged to him and there was no possibility to get it back.
And as if her current state wouldn’t be troubling enough, her cousins would be arriving soon.
She had nothing against them on a personal level. Yes, she found Albert a bit dull and Ernst was too much of a rake for her liking. She didn´t wanted a husband who would cheat on her. She couldn’t imagine living with a man, who was constantly meeting other women. Her biggest issue regarding their visit was that her Mama and Uncle so wished for her to marry Albert. And she was afraid, that with enough pressure, she would someday crack and do as they wish.
Now she was standing at her desk again. Looking through the room.
She had to confess, that she was nervous at first when she became Queen. She knew nothing about state affairs or the laws, she swore to protect, with her coronation oath.
But then Lord M had come into her life and things didn´t become easier, but there was someone who stood by her side. Someone who wanted to help, rather than control her. Victoria knew that she was very depending on Lord M in the beginning and that he had been right, when he resigned. She now was able to manage without him, but she didn´t wanted to be without him.
In moments when she was honest to herself, she knew it. Her main reason, wasn’t her dislike for Sir Robert or the change of her Ladies, even though these things were true. Her main reason for not accepting Lord M´s resignation was that she didn´t want to lose him. The hard truth was, that she was able to live without him, but she didn´t want to
Victoria stopped her own thoughts, that would ultimately lead her to cry. She remembered a book Lord M told her about, which he seemed to really appreciate. She had looked for it later that same day in the palace library and found it. Maybe it was best to get it and read it until sleep would finally find her.
Lord Melbourne sat alone in his library and tried to avoid thinking of a particular beautiful face with heavenly blue eyes.
He sighed.
There was no use to it. How could anyone ever hope to forget her.
„You could be with her now. “ whispered a voice in his head. „But you fool turned her down. “ It was the same voice that kept him up at night since she came to him at Brocket Hall and offered him her heart.
“I believe you have it already.”
He had rejected her and he couldn´t sleep ever since.
He knew he had done the right thing. He wasn’t suitable for her. If not for his age, then in his lack of status. He was a mere viscount. The second one in his family line. He didn´t came from a family, who could present a long and glorious tradition, but one who had been haunted by scandal ever since it entered society. He himself was no exception. He most definitely wouldn’t drag his Queen in front of the public, to be publicly shamed, because her name was put into relation with his. No, it was already bad enough as it was.
There wasn’t any reason to think about something like that anyway. Even if scandal wouldn’t haunt him, he was in no way suitable to her majesty.
Everything would end soon enough. Her cousins were arriving in London and King Leopold would move heaven and hell to have Albert married to Victoria, he knew that much about the king of the Belgians.
She would forget him. He would ultimately resign, when she would have a husband to guide her. He really hoped he would to that. Guide her. Trying to help the Queen and not take her power away by the first possibility that offers herself to him and keep his extraordinary Queen in the nursery, as Leopold would have surely done with Charlotte.
He would retire to Brocket Hall and probably stop looking up the news. He knew he was becoming a coward, but there was only so much, that someone could endure in one’s life.