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For a long, long time, Satoru was a God. Or, that’s what he was told. The entirety of his clan practically fell to their knees at the sight of him, eyes wide, in awe of his potential future power. Though he’d only mastered Blue and Infinity by the time he was fifteen, they still worshipped him.
That’s how he grew up. He was othered, ostracized, even when their intentions were to raise him up and appreciate him like their savior. An object to be displayed and observed, but never interacted with.
It’s Satoru himself that insists he attend Jujutsu Tech in Tokyo, much to the chagrin of effectively the entire clan. They do not argue with Satoru, though, because it is such a benign request and they have made a habit of giving him anything he wants. They don’t like it, and they make it known, but they still drop him there.
Suguru does not worship him. Suguru does not even like him. It’s so new to him, the indifference. He’s never met someone that doesn’t instantly fall at his feet in supplication, let alone someone who clearly does not buy into Satoru’s speciality. It’s new, and confusing, but it quickly becomes refreshing. Suguru is someone to banter with who does not back down but also does not beat him when he’s disobedient.
They become fast friends, and that friendship turns into something more, something bigger. Something more intimate and connected than just simple friends. Satoru has a toothbrush in Suguru’s bathroom and shampoo in his shower. His favorite blanket lives on Suguru’s bed and an extra uniform hangs in his closet.
So Satoru is utterly blindsided when Suguru leaves. He’d noticed some signs, like Suguru losing weight, his hair becoming greasier, and the bags beneath his eyes getting bigger, but because of his newly awakened Eyes and ability to use Reverse Curse Technique, he’s being sent on more missions than ever. Not as much time to pay attention to his- whatever Suguru is to him- and his descent into apparent madness.
A whole village, Suguru kills, including his own parents. Satoru doesn’t know what to say to that, and still doesn’t when he gets a call from Shoko saying she’s found the runaway criminal.
Hollow Purple, his newest skill, sparks at the end of his fingers, but he cannot fire it, not at Suguru, even if he is a threat Satoru was ordered to eradicate. He watches his back as it gets swallowed up by the throngs of passersby before finally lowering his hand.
Satoru immediately feels something in his chest die with Suguru’s departure. He clenches his fist and bites his lip, eyes clouding with tears behind his opaque glasses.
Suguru’s willingness to defy him and treat him like anyone else was part of the reason Satoru was so drawn to him, but now it seems to be biting him in the ass. Right now he kinda misses when everyone would obey him and let him be in control. He wishes that Suguru would obey him. The floor seems to be coming out from under him and it’s terrifying.
Yaga asks him if he did the job, which is a stupid question because of course he did not kill Suguru.
He wishes he could say that his life changed drastically after his confrontation with Suguru, but it didn’t. Nothing changed at all, on the outside at least. The missions he went on were no less difficult, though no more frequent. They really can’t force on him anymore than they already have.
Inside him, though, something has shifted.
“Are you the strongest because you’re Satoru Gojo, or are you Satoru Gojo because you’re the Strongest?” Suguru had asked him. It’s a ridiculously stupid sentiment, but it’s rended Satoru’s entire being. Everything Suguru and Shoko had taught him over the course of two years is immediately in question and he wonders.
Is he a person? Does he have value outside of his abilities? Jujutsu Society sure does not treat him as if he does, running him ragged like the dog he is. Because he isn’t a man, not anymore. Not according to the one person who really made him feel like he was.
It feels remarkably like Satoru is crafting an entirely new personality over the next few weeks. He keeps the air of confidence, but does his best to make it seem deeper and more real than he has in the past. He’s rude and unkind, shrugging off any attempts at friendship he’s given. He doesn’t want to watch anyone else die or run away from him.
Then he meets Megumi and Tsumiki. These children don’t know anything about him, or where he came from, or what he is, or who Suguru made him to be. They don’t know him at all, therefore he has a fresh start, and he was not going to waste it.
Megumi doesn’t like him much, but that’s ok, because his sister does. Tsumiki is the light to her brother’s shadow. And he really is a shadow, all the way down to his inherited Technique. That was the original reason Gojo went looking for him.
He sees himself in this standoffish little creature, who is angry and bitter and violent. Perhaps he should attempt to curb this attitude while he can, while Megumi is still young, but he isn’t going to. He doesn’t want to mold Megumi the way his clan molded him.
It’s funny how taken he is to the pair of siblings, so shortly after he’d proclaimed he would never again be caught babysitting. He doesn’t live with the kids, but he funds their apartment, bills, groceries, and all school expenses. He even takes them for a meal at least once a week, and makes a point to watch a movie at their place every Friday. Even if he falls asleep halfway through or develops a migraine and cannot pay attention, he’s there. He takes them to movies, museums, aquariums, libraries, and anywhere they ask to go.
They are at his graduation, and he’s at theirs. It’s the pair of them that really convinces him to become a teacher. Them, and the desire to keep anyone else from falling down Suguru’s path.
Sometimes he still does not feel like a real person. Any time he interacts with his Clan, or the Higher Ups, he feels himself slipping into the way he was before and after Suguru. That empty shell, a body without a soul in it. He isn’t a person, he’s a machine.
Then he’s hit by one of his migraines which remind him he is mortal and has the needs of one, or he slices his hand cutting vegetables and sees that his blood is red, not gold, or Tsumiki hugs him and he feels warm. A machine cannot feel the warmth of a little girl’s gratitude and fondness.
It’s his students that really keep him grounded, though. He owes them more than anyone else. He needs them to survive and he needs them to hold on, even if the world they’re walking into will probably tear them down.
He thinks of his classmates when he looks at them. Suguru who broke and ran away, Haibara who died, Shoko who buried her grief in cigarettes and booze, Nanami who fled. Jujutsu Society has torn them all down in their own unique ways, and he will not watch it happen again.
That is who he is. He is a person and his purpose is not just to fight and kill, it is now to protect and nurture. He is someone, and he is someone that matters for reasons other than just his strength. He has value outside of being The Strongest.
And even killing Suguru does not take that away from him.