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“Loki” he said, his voice lacking the quiver it should have just by strong will.
He sped down the highway, swinging left and right on his heavy bike, making Loki, his little brother hang on tighter.
He was grinning, Thor knew.
He could feel it, hear it in the breath he took, even over the roaring of his own heart in his ears.
“Yes?”
He was a teenager, Thor almost twenty one.
“Do me a favor, brother”
They whizzed down the streets, the highway nothing more than lights. He was going so fast.
Thor swallowed at the next part, not daring to let the steering go.
“Take … take off my helmet”
He heard Loki’s frown in his voice
“Why?”
“Just do it, sweetheart”
Loki didn’t reply and a moment later he felt his cool fingers at his neck, unhooking his helmet. When Loki pulled it off, Thor took a deep, much needed breath.
“Now put it on”
“Thor, I just fixed my hair”
“Just do it, Loki, please brother”
Once more, Thor’s heart was racing as he moved them through traffic, whizzing past and trying to keep his tears at bay.
“There, it’s on”
Thor swallowed “Loki. I love you, alright. You know that, don’t you?”
His voice cracked and tears came into his eyes but he couldn’t stop them.
He was frightened.
“Thor…” Loki sounded worried.
“You know I would do anything for you, if I could, right?” Thor swallowed, blinking his tears away.
“Thor?”
“Don’t you?”
“Yes” Loki whispered.
“Tell me you love me, brother” Thor sobbed softly, barely avoiding a car.
The bike revved.
“Tell me I was the best brother you had, even if it’s a lie”
Loki’s voice quivered and he held Thor tighter.
“I love you Thor” he whispered against Thor’s neck “You were more than I deserved as a brother”
Thor pulled his lips inwards to stifle a sob
“I want you to remember me, okay?”
“Thor” Loki asked, finally “What’s wrong?”
Thor swallowed loudly and took a deep breath.
“We’re going to crash, Loki” Thor told him “I can’t stop this bike because the brakes won’t work”
Loki gasped.
And a few minutes later, Thor’s words came true and everything turned dark.
***
Loki didn’t die.
He was saved by Thor’s helmet. The wings on the sides, silver and gleaming made it seem as though they were the reason Loki was sent flying through the air as he was separated from his brother.
The car he hit after, screeched to a halt; the driver not expecting a teenager to come crashing through his windshield.
***
Thor wasn’t lucky.
He didn’t die.
But he didn’t live, either.
Not immediately, no.
He’d been flattened between the road, his own motor bike and the car that never saw it coming.
There was blood.
There screaming.
There were tears.
And a mangled bike.
***
Loki broke seventeen bones.
***
Thor went into a coma.
***
A year into it, Loki stopped talking to Thor.
A few more years later, he stopped regular visits.
Then he just stopped.
***
But it wasn’t his fault.
Loki would have come if he could.
But the world broke.
Laws of nature were violated.
And the dead rose.
They killed.
Thousands, they killed, they turned.
And humanity was lost forever.
***
And Thor woke
***
Seven years gone, his brother gone, humanity gone.
And Thor chose that moment to wake, gasping for the air he wanted but had long lost.
***
His hands had trembled and the doctors had helped him for months.
But they never gave him what he needed.
Loki, his lost brother.
He couldn’t have him.
Because, as far as everyone knew, he was the monster Thor didn’t believe roamed the earth.
Or he was dead.
Either way, Loki was gone.
And Thor was here, without his other half, his brother, his everything.
So, there was really nothing for him to do other than fight.
Other than join the fight against these monsters that roamed the earth.
These Walkers.
The Undead.
The Walking Dead
***
TWO YEARS LATER
The alarm clock was shrill beside his bed and Thor groaned as he pushed it, told it to shut up. It listened, after a few hits, so Thor slowly pushed himself enough so he could sit.
The early morning light flit through his room, falling on him and his empty bed through the blinds, stubborn, irritating.
Yawning loudly, Thor slowly made himself get out of bed. Once more, the light flit over him, over his skin, his bare torso, painting him with gold, amber and bronze, bathing him light.
He was Thor, a god to those he saved.
A devil to those he killed.
His hair looked almost white as he raised his hands to push it back, muscles rippling like water, the tattoo above his heart visible in this light, black against gold.
‘Loki’, it said.
Sighing, stretching till his back popped, Thor looked around for the shirt he’d discarded last night and found the grey sleeveless thing at the edge of the bed.
Donning it, he went to the bathroom to start his day.
***
Emerging from his room and going into the early morning painted living room, Thor padded to the kitchen and opened his fridge, pulling out what he needed to make himself breakfast; toast and butter.
And coffee.
He couldn’t function without his Java.
Thor opened the tin, started to make himself the drink when he heard the click behind him.
Thor spun around with the speed of a killer, his gun already aimed, hammer cocked.
He blinked when he saw his intruder.
Odin, his white cat, sat behind him on the counter, unimpressed and raised his blue eyes to him.
He meowed and it seemed to Thor he was calling him a dumbass.
Thor scoffed and rolled his eyes, retracting his arm, putting the hammer back and placing the gun where he’d stuck it at his hip.
He went about making his food and Odin jumped down, rubbed against his feet, purring loudly.
Thor looked down at him and nudged him a little.
“Get lost, you idiot”
Odin purred at him, looking cheeky before he went over and pawed at his bowl.
“Obviously” Thor scoffed, looking for cat food “Greedy bastard”
Odin meowed
“You’re a stubborn thing, you know that?” he said as he opened the tin “A zombie apocalypse didn’t kill you, you think a few minutes wait will?”
Odin looked at him, unblinking.
“Dumbass”
Thor bent down and poured the food for his dumbass.
Odin promptly ignored him and started to gobble it down like there was no tomorrow.
“Cat butt”
Thor shook his head and went to his own breakfast.
He checked his phone as he did so, humming a very old song.
Three missed calls from Stark, ten random messages.
Thor flicked through them, eating his toast and looked up when Odin jumped on the table, right opposite him and sat before him, tail swishing, eyes fixed on Thor.
“What?” Thor snapped “I fed you already”
Odin didn’t move.
Thor frowned “Get off my table”
The cat didn’t obey.
“What do you want?”
The cat blinked slowly and Thor’s eyes narrowed “You’re a pain in my ass, do you know that?”
He lifted the phone and called Stark like he was supposed to. He stood and walked to the window, roughly petting Odin’s head, making him hiss and laughed.
Stark picked up after the fourth ring.
“Dick, you were supposed to call me last night”
“Good morning, Tony”
“Shut up, Thor” Tony growled “Talk”
Rolling his eyes at the conflicting command, Thor sighed
“It works, like you said” Thor told him “cut off the circulation and it works”
“What happened?”
Thor sighed and placed his forearm flat against the window
“Steve” Thor told him “He was too close”
“Shit” Tony cussed “Where is he?”
“With Banner” Thor said “He’s giving him the arm he lost”
“Whole fucking arm?!” Tony yelled “Thor, where the hell were you!?”
“Trapped” Thor told him “and he lost it till the elbow”
“How did he lose it?”
Thor didn’t speak
“Thor?”
“I cut it off” he said “Fuck, Tony, I couldn’t have him turn, not before my eyes, I couldn’t. He’s saved me more times than I can tell you!”
“I know”
“Then stop acting like I did something wrong!” Thor snapped “I did what I had to!”
“I didn’t say anything” Tony said calmly
Thor stopped a moment, then sighed “Jesus, Tony, I …”
“It’s okay, man” Tony smirked “When are you coming over?”
“Over?” Thor chuckled “We live in the same building, asshole”
Tony made a dramatic gesture, Thor could hear it in his sigh.
“Whatever, Point Break” he said “Come on up. Nat’s cooking”
“Thank God I ate”
“Bastard”
Tony hung up without saying goodbye.
He never said it.
Thor clicked his phone off and turned to Odin, who was having the remaining coffee.
“You’re washing that”
Licking his mouth, the cat looked up.
“Yeah” Thor told him, then turned to leave, his gun a support he would need.
***
The rest of the day was the same for Thor.
He watched his friends eat Nat’s poison while pretending to like it because she could kick their asses.
Then they moved.
There were two of them this time, Thor and Clint.
Nat and Tony remained back, looking after Steve while Bruce slept and looking at the designs Tony had for the new weapons.
A weapon you only have to fire once.
And it targeted only Walkers.
Their city destroyed, survivors hiding, Thor and Clint provided them with weapons, food and things they needed.
It worried Thor that there were only a few people that called to them.
Last year, they were barely making it. Now, they had spare time.
He took solace in the fact that there were others helping them.
And he grabbed it as tight as Loki had grabbed him a moment before they crashed.
***
They were silent, as they should be, and alert.
Flitting through the shadows, risking their necks as they moved behind an unturned train, trying to ignore the scent of death.
Living away from the city, in Stark Towers, was easy.
Going into the city to help those that needed them …
…it was suicide.
They were armed, both of them, with Stark’s weapons, but they were bringing food and medical supplies, so their progress was more cautious and slower than it would have otherwise been.
And since they had barely been to this part of town, it took them only a moment to get lost.
“Shit”
“Shut up” Thor whispered, eyes searching for movement, ears tuned for noises. The back pack occasionally made small noises but Thor tuned them out.
“What?” Clint rasped “Thor, we’re…”
“Don’t say it” Thor whispered, looking about, one hand hovering over his weapon.
“Lost”
“Damn you, Clint”
“What?” Clint chuckled, looking down a street and shuddering when he saw a broken down Porsche “It was a good show”
“Go to Hell”
“Already there” Clint told him.
He went silent, then, going through shades and streets keeping alert.
Hearts racing.
***
“Where are they?” Clint whispered as they found another dead ended street and walked past
Thor shrugged “Hopefully, dead”
“They’re already dead” Clint told him “They just decide they don’t want to be and come back out. Ever seen them crawl out of the ground? I swear, I thought this was funny in movies but now…”
“You’re in the damned movie, Clint” Thor told him “Now shut up”
***
Clint was about to reply, the phrase no doubt snarky, when he stopped.
Thor felt the color drain from his face when he heard the guttural snarl and heard the debris shift, somewhere above him.
A moment later, something collided with his back and Thor fell face first into the ground.
***
“Holy shit!”
Clint pulled off his bow, arrow read, when he saw the creature jump on Thor’s back, tearing at the bag, growling, hissing.
He pulled back and shot it in the spine.
The monster shrieked and arched back, Thor pulled out from under it, gasping a moment later as he was pulled back and thrown to the ground by his bag.
“Thor!”
Their yells heard now, the roars increased.
“Shit!” Thor pulled out from his bag, grabbed his gun and shot the Walker in the head, sending it sprawling back, gone.
The gunshot roared into the air long after Thor lowered his arm, watching the brains gush out from the wound in the Walker’s head.
Growls filled the air and Clint looked at him.
They were screwed.
***
Thor was running, all subtlety forgotten as he wandered through a city he didn’t know, the streets all the same, the destruction as one.
Everything was dead, everything was wrong.
And he could hear them behind him, getting closer and closer.
His heart raced within his chest, bashing itself against his ribs, making him run faster and faster.
His gun was long useless.
And though he wanted to be brave, he was the prey.
And his predators were undead, fast and fear itself.
Thor jumped over a rusted car and didn’t grin when he heard the sick sound of flesh cracking against metal, breaking it.
They were close, he didn’t even know what they looked like, he’d been afraid to look.
He turned this way and that, heading for someplace where he could be safe. He would hae laughed.
There was nothing safe here.
And he was lost.
Turning a corner, Thor froze.
Three more, right there, in front of him.
As the color drained from his face, Thor turned, his eyes darting around before he saw an empty phonebooth.
He ran to it, uncaring that he was cornering himself further, the booth only a coffin to him.
He realized it, however, as he pulled the door closed and turned.
Seven
There were seven of them.
Thor pulled out his gun and a fresh magazine, hands shaking as he tried to shove it in while the Walkers came forward, growling, snarling.
He flinched when one hit the glass, cracking it, and dropped the magazine, scattering the bullets.
“Shit!”
Thor fell to his hands and knees, desperately picking them up, trying not to panic.
The Walkers attacked.
***
At first, Thor thought he’d imagined it; the whiz in the hair.
But when he heard a soft thud, heard a tortured scream, he looked up, hair falling over his face as he looked up and saw a knife protruding out of the socket of the closest Walker.
He heard a hiss, and flinched when an arrow pierced the thing’s skull.
The Walker fell back.
Another hiss sounded, another Walker fell and Thor could only stare, heart beating, eyes watered, as one by one, the monsters died before him.
He startled violently when something heavy landed on the roof of the booth and Thor got ready to fight a moment before a figure landed by the doors.
A bandana covered the lower half of his face, but Thor could make out the young man.
There was a crossbow in his hand as he turned a green scarf around his shoulders, worn more out of fashion than anything else and when he turned to look at him, Thor saw two large green eyes widen before openly stared at Thor.
He’d frozen, he didn’t know.
Thor frowned, walked a step to open the door when the man slowly, hand shaking, lowered the bandana off his face.
Thor’s heart stopped when he saw Loki standing right in front of him.
***
Loki’s breath stuttered, he couldn’t think, how was he supposed to breathe!?
Before he could comprehend, blink or raise walls around him, he was moving.
He shoved the door open and moved inside, pulling Thor out.
Thor… his brother, the one he’d …
For so long he’s thought him dead.
Loki gave a soft gasp and threw his arms around Thor’s neck, embracing him tightly.
Thor’s arms came around him, just as tight, holding him so close, Loki could feel each of Thor’s muscles against his front.
“Th – Thor” Loki breathed.
God, he never thought he would say that name out loud again. Tears came over his eyes before he could stop them and he squeezed them shut, fingers digging into Thor’s shoulder.
Thor looked at the skies, looking at God, there had to be one if he gave Loki back to him, gave him the impossible.
“Impossible” Thor placed a hand behind Loki’s head “Loki, tell me it’s you”
Loki gave the softest shudder, perhaps a sob, Thor didn’t know.
He didn’t care.
He didn’t dare think. Too much thinking proved lethal.
“I never thought …”
“Ssh” Thor said, stroking Loki’s hair “just … don’t speak”
Loki didn’t – he held on tighter.
***
“You’re alive, then?”
“You almost sound disappointed” Thor grinned
Tony shook his head “Bastard”
His eyes then turned to the young man behind him “So you’re it, then? The brother”
Loki’s eyes narrowed and Thor grinned, putting an arm around him. He couldn’t stop touching him.
Making himself realize he was truly here, this wasn’t an illusion. Loki was alive and here.
Right here, beside him.
“And you must be Stark” Loki smiled “the royal pain in the ass”
Tony raised his brows at him, then turned to Thor “I like him”
Thor beamed.
Loki.
Well, he was right here.
***
Loki made a face when he saw Thor’s apartment.
There were bars and protective barriers around the whole building, hiding it in a metal cage, so he didn’t expect Thor’s home to be without them.
He walked in, arms crossed over his chest, eyes scrutinizing.
Thor walked in behind him, watching him.
Loki looked at everything and he blinked when he saw a fat while cat come out from the bedroom.
“What the hell…?”
Thor smirked “That’s Odin”
Loki smirked and held out a foot for Odin to sniff. He shook his head when the cat rubbed against his foot, then went to Thor.
“How did you even keep him alive?”
Thor shrugged “Found him in the vent. I took him out and gave him to Nat, she’s the…”
“I know” Loki said “I think I can remember the only girl in your team, Thor”
He never thought he’d hear that voice say his name again.
Thor beamed and shrugged as Odin purred against his ankles “He kept coming back, so I just let him”
Loki hummed and looked around “This is it?”
“Afraid so”
Loki rubbed his arms up and down; a nervous tick.
“Loki…”
Loki didn’t look at him, instead walked to raid his fridge.
“You got anything other than tinned food I can eat?” Loki asked, moving things aside
Thor smirked a little and crossed his arms, “I have tuna, it’s in a can”
“Yuck” Loki said, a small crack sounded “God, Thor this expired like a billion years ago. What’s wrong with you?”
Thor smirked and watched him go through his fridge.
“I didn’t think you would ever dig through my stuff again, brother”
Loki stopped, froze a moment, then went on as though Thor didn’t say anything.
“Loki?”
Loki didn’t reply, he went deeper into the fridge, moving stuff around now.
Thor sighed “Loki, come on”
No reply.
Thor walked over “Brother”
Loki straightened and looked at him, expression fierce.
“I am not your brother, don’t you dare call me that”
Thor blinks, stunned by his disowning and watched as Loki strode away.
He went no more than three paces when Thor grabbed his wrist.
“Let go!” Loki snarled immediately, pulling against him.
But Thor was stronger and made Loki face him, grabbing the wrist of the hand Loki brings to hit him.
“I said, let go, Thor, you bloody idiot!”
He struggled against Thor, but Thor didn’t relent; he knew what was coming.
Loki struggled, then managed to yank one hand from Thor’s grip and hit his shoulder.
Thor let go
“How could you!?” Loki screamed, punching him and hitting him with his fists, his chest, his shoulder “How could you do that to me!?”
He shoved him and Thor stumbled back, looking at Loki
“How could you leave me like that, I had no one!” Loki screamed at him.
Odin looked offended and turned to leave
Loki advanced on him and shoved him again “I had no one, I slept on the hospital bench, you asshole!”
Thor grabbed his arms gently and Loki pulled weakly
“I never …” he gasped, tears forming in his eyes “I never thought I would see you again, I told myself you were dead! How dare you do this to me!?”
Thor pulled his lips inwards and yanked Loki close, hugging him tightly.
Loki held him just as tight, sobbing into his shoulder.
“You’re cruel” he told Thor “You’re cruel and heartless and I hate you”
Thor cradled the back of his head with one large hand and Loki hugged him tighter.
“I hate you”
“I know” Thor whispered
Loki shook his head “I thought you were dead. I saw your mangled body and I thought you would never …”
“Hush” Thor rubbed his back “It’s alright, darling, it’s okay”
Loki shook his head “I hate you”
“I know”
***
“This sucks”
Thor made a face at Loki “Shut up and eat it, you idiot”
Loki rolled his eyes and dug into the stew Thor made.
“You used the expired fish, didn’t you?”
Thor chuckled and pointed to the food “Maybe”
Loki looked up at him and Thor grinned.
“You’re evil”
“And you’ve finished it”
“I hate you”
“I know”
***
“Thor!”
Loki looked up, looking guilty and happy at the same time.
Thor looked from Tony’s yell to his brother.
Loki’s seat was vacant.; he was gone.
Tony walked in with his brush stuck in his hair.
“Really, Thor!?” he yelled, pointing to his head “Really!?”
Thor tried not to laugh as he calmed Tony down and tried not to tell him that the glue in the hairbrush was a trick Loki learned from him.
***
Natasha found worms in her boots.
Loki wasn’t lucky that time.
***
“God, that woman” Loki grumbled, trying to sit comfortably on the sofa.
Thor kept his laughter down.
It had been hilarious.
Natasha had walked into the kitchen, her eyes for Loki.
Loki’s eyes had widened and he’d run, heading to the counter and running around it to the door.
Natasha had jumped over it and tackled him to the ground.
Thor couldn’t see it all, but he saw Loki trying to breaststroke across the floor and failing because Natasha was ruthless.
There had been a ladle and Loki’s yelps.
No one dared to interfere.
Now, Thor was watching Loki shuffle a little and groan when he couldn’t and ended up lying flat on his back, feet in Thor’s lap.
“You could have helped, you know”
“And go against Natasha?” Thor asked as he pulled Loki’s shoes off and massaged his feet “I’d rather face a Walker”
Loki smirked and hummed at the massage “You’re scared of a girl”
“At least I didn’t get beaten by one”
Loki mock gasped and threw an arm over his head in exaggeration.
Thor chuckled and silence fell.
Loki looked around and waved at Odin, much to the dislike of the cat, then looked back at Thor.
“How did you get in with Stark and everyone?”
Thor sighed and leaned back “It’s a long story”
“I have time”
Thor smirked halfheartedly and turned to Loki.
“After …” he licked his lips “after I woke up”
Loki swallowed and kept his breathing calm
“Stark found me” he went on “he told me he needed help, he was just building weapons and he needed someone to test them. No one else trusted him, I guess, so I agreed”
Loki waited, but when Thor didn’t go on, he frowned
“That’s it?”
Thor shook his head
“Tell me”
Thor looked at him and Loki saw the ‘hurt puppy’ look in his eyes.
And suddenly he didn’t want to know.
“I’m tired”
“Yeah, you should sleep”
Thor didn’t stop him, even though his heart screamed at him to.
He just let Loki go, let the huge matter between them go, and leaned back on the couch as he waited for Loki to sleep before he joined him.
***
Things went on as normally as they could with a world full of zombies, Loki made himself a presence in Thor’s home without hesitance.
He never spoke about his past.
Thor didn’t push him.
***
Loki joined their team.
Tony was ecstatic.
Natasha was glaring.
***
Their first mission, Loki killed seventeen Walker’s.
Tony took a picture.
Clint almost looked jealous.
Actually he looked completely jealous.
Thor couldn’t stop beaming.
***
At night they talked about everything.
They didn’t talk about what they should have talked about.
That was their mistake.
***
“To the left!” Thor shouted, running faster.
Loki was right behind him, he could hear his breath.
“Where did Steve go?” Loki asked loudly
There were growls behind him and somewhere he heard gun shots.
He wished Steve was alright.
Loki gave a gasp behind him and yelped, making Thor looked back.
He cussed when Thor fired over Loki’s shoulder at the Walker.
“Are you trying to turn me deaf?!”
“Shut up”
Thor led them forward, faster.
They came to a fire escape and Thor looked up.
The ladder was rusted and he climbed on it heavily, shaking it. Loki followed and when they were both at the top, managed to kick it down, break the window of the empty apartment and rush in.
He pulled Loki inside, shot from the window.
Loki broke the window beside the one Thor was using and hurled his arrows from his crossbow at them, his arrows lethal and accurate.
He was a cold blooded killer, just like Thor.
But until that moment, Thor hadn’t known.
***
“So, what now?”
Thor panted softly and fell back against the dusty bed.
Loki made a face at the dust that rose, Thor seemed unfazed.
“We wait”
“For how long?” Loki asked.
“Couple of hours”
Thor sighed and closed his eyes, Loki looked around the abandoned home.
There was a stain on the wall, rust and red.
He looked away.
“Did …” Loki licked his lip “Did any of your friends make it?”
Thor looked at the ceiling before he spoke
“No”
Loki stilled
“I burned them all after I killed them”
Loki gasped softly
“Sif…”
Thor swallowed and shook his head, Loki went pale.
“I’m sorry”
“Don’t be” Thor said “You weren’t here. Thank God for that”
***
They managed to escape unharmed.
But Loki couldn’t stop thinking.
***
“You…”
Loki looked up when Thor spoke from the other side of the room.
They had gotten back barely an hour ago from another mission and were fixing a few minor scrapes.
Loki was tying a bandage around his wrist and looked up, confused.
“What?”
Thor looked at him and sighed
“You left”
Loki’s eyes widened and he took a soft breath “I …”
“You just left”
“I went to find help” Loki told him bluntly, standing up, uncurling his bandage and opening wounds.
“I was alone, Thor, I was … I was going to lose you, I couldn’t see that”
“The doctors said they told you I will make it” Thor said
“Yes, but then …”
“Then you left”
Loki swallowed.
Thor was right, he just left. He got tired of waiting, he was selfish. He was a fool, just like Sigyn had said before she died. He would betray everyone he loved, just to see what would happen.
“Thor, I …”
Thor looked away and Loki sighed
“I’m sorry”
Thor shook his head and Loki watched as he walked to the bedroom, leaving the door opened behind him.
***
Another attack, and their chance to vent out anger was gained.
Things were alright again.
***
For a while at least.
***
“God damn it, Loki, that was stupid and reckless!”
Tony looked up and Bruce elbowed him to keep ignore it.
The brothers were at it again.
It was like they did nothing other than fight and yell, a complete turnaround for both of them. The smallest things set them off and a yelling match started.
Tony had tried interfering and gotten so yelled at, he wanted to hide.
Steve always looked awkward while Natasha watched. Clint discreetly left and this time, he took Steve with him.
“You cant just go around like that, you idiot, what’s wrong with you?!” Thor followed Loki as Loki poured himself a drink, not speaking.
“I know you think you are better than us, but you’re not!” Thor went one, uncaring that Loki’s mouth tightened “Running right into them like a bloody fool is not what gets you glory or whatever you were trying to show off. It gets you killed. One bite from those monsters and you’re dead!”
Loki didn’t turn and that pissed Thor off more
“Look at me, damn it!”
Loki turned and there was a fire that bode ill.
***
“I don’t care!” Loki yelled at Thor “I don’t care about you or your stupid friends or any of the God damned lives you have planned for me!”
Tony sighed, raised his hand to his head, first two fingers extended.
He shot himself and Clint smirked.
The yelling didn’t stop.
***
“Who the hell do you think you are!?” Thor yelled at him, grabbing Loki by the arm “You weren’t even here these past nine years, you think you know how my life works!?”
Loki sneered at him
“You weren’t here, either, Thor” he snarled, snatching from his grasp “You were a vegetable, in case you forgot”
“Shit” Tony cussed.
The color drained from Thor’s face and all anger left him.
Loki walked away, slamming a door behind him.
***
Thor stayed at Tony’s.
Loki stayed awake.
***
More attacks followed, the Walkers were killed.
But Thor and Loki avoided each other, fighting on opposite sides, never coming close.
It was like they had vowed themselves to avoidance.
***
And then came the day Tony had enough.
***
“Great” Loki growled, sitting back against the glass container he and Thor were locked it.
Clever of Tony to lead them here under false pretenses.
The glass was unbreakable, he said. Sit down and solve your shit, he said.
Thor scoffed and looked away, agreeing.
He hadn’t expected this, at all. But knowing Tony, this was sort of coming.
He sighed and sat back, inclining his jaw because he knew Tony could be stubborn. He wanted them to hash it out and he wanted them both to be professional from now on.
They’d almost killed Clint in their rivalry.
Loki cleared his throat and Thor looked at him, his gaze was on the ground and he seemed to be as stubborn as Stark.
Thor swallowed and looked at him “I …”
“Don’t apologize” Loki looked at him “Especially since you won’t mean it”
Thor’s eyes narrowed “Excuse me?”
“You’ve been wanting to fight me since you saw me” Loki told him “Hurl insults at me, call me a traitor because I left you when you were in … in a coma. This was what you wanted”
Thor didn’t speak
“You wanted to let me know, to tell everyone what a horrible brother I was to you” Loki went on “That you almost gave your life for me and I couldn’t stay in the damned hospital because I couldn’t take looking at you”
Thor blinked and Loki finally looked up.
There were tears in his eyes.
“I couldn’t look at you without thinking it was my fault” Loki told him “that I was the reason you were like this, not dead, not alive, just there. This barely living thing before me, broken but breathing, here, but gone. You couldn’t talk, you couldn’t … God, damn it, Thor, how could you do something like that!?”
Thor startled
“You gave your helmet to me, you crashed for me, you stupid, fool!” he yelled, standing and pointing a finger at Thor “You made me hate myself, you made me think you were dead because of me! If I had just grabbed the helmet like you told me to, this wouldn’t have happened!”
Thor stood as well.
“Do you even know what you did to me!?” Loki asked “You saved me! You saved me instead of yourself, people don’t do that! brothers don’t do that, especially when they’re not even real! We were never brothers, Thor, how could you do that for me!”
Thor walked over and Loki shoved him angrily
“What was I supposed to do, did you even think that!?” Loki yelled at him “I was ruined, you ruined me…why did you save me, after what I did, why!?”
Loki sobbed and Thor felt tears in his own eyes
“I was stupid, I was an idiot and you just …” Loki sobbed and hugged himself “You just saved me … you weren’t supposed to save me”
Thor finally walked over and hugged Loki, rubbing his back and kissing his hair.
“You weren’t supposed to save me” Loki sobbed into his shoulder
Thor cradled his head
“You are the only one I am supposed to save, Loki”
Loki sniffed and put his arms around Thor’s shoulder waist.
“You are the only one”
***
Loki, fifteen years old, walked in.
His iPod was in his ears, loud music on, and he avoided Thor as his brother waited for him.
“Loki”
Loki sighed, sensing Thor’s voice more than hearing it, and stopped.
He turned and gave Thor a dry glare “What?”
Thor, who sat like a menacing figure, on the sofa, glared at him. Loki pulled out his headphones.
Thor stood “You have a curfew”
“Says the unemployed nineteen year old” Loki sneered “What do you want?”
Thor’s mouth tightened “It’s one in the morning. Where were you?”
Loki shrugged “Out”
He turned to leave then, clearly thinking Thor useless.
Thor growled and grabbed his shoulder, hauled him back and pinned him against the wall.
Loki gasped, his eyes wide as he looked up at the not brother he had.
He discovered he was adopted last year; things hadn’t ended well.
Loki swallowed and looked at Thor, the taller, stronger man before him.
He’d never been handled like this before, never by his adopted parents before they died, never by Thor.
It worried him
Thor glared down at him and tightened his hold, making Loki’s breath stutter.
“Never” Thor rasped “be late again, do you understand?”
Loki swallowed and nodded
“Answer me!”
Loki shrank from him
“Y – yes”
“Good” Thor said
Loki flinched when Thor pulled his iPod away and let him go.
“Get up and go to sleep and don’t you dare be late for school tomorrow”
Loki nodded again and fled
Thor watched him go before he sighed.
**
Loki cried that night and Thor came over to comfort him.
Loki sobbed into his chest, telling him he was sorry.
He said he was stupid, but he liked this girl and she didn’t like him, so he wanted to impress her by drinking.
Thor stilled but Loki shook his head.
He said he couldn’t do it, he was pathetic and ugly and stupid and Thor was right.
Thor shushed him, rubbed his back.
“You’re not stupid and ugly, Loki” he said
Loki sniffed “I am”
Thor shook his head “You’re not. You’re a beautiful person, inside and out. You’re wonderful and that girl is an airhead if she doesn’t see it”
Loki smiled at him and let Thor hold him.
That was where things changed forever.
**
Loki began to worship Thor, he was everywhere with him.
Thor didn’t mind.
Loki’s grades improved and he got scholarship offers to college.
The night of the accident, Thor was taking Loki out to celebrate.
**
“Loki” he said, his voice lacking the quiver it should have just by strong will.
He sped down the highway, swinging left and right on his heavy bike, making Loki, his little brother hang on tighter.
He was grinning, Thor knew.
He could feel it, hear it in the breath he took, even over the roaring of his own heart in his ears.
“Yes?”
He was a teenager, Thor almost twenty one.
“Do me a favor, brother”
They whizzed down the streets, the highway nothing more than lights. He was going so fast.
Thor swallowed at the next part, not daring to let the steering go.
“Take … take off my helmet”
He heard Loki’s frown in his voice
“Why?”
“Just do it, sweetheart”
Loki didn’t reply and a moment later he felt his cool fingers at his neck, unhooking his helmet. When Loki pulled it off, Thor took a deep, much needed breath.
“Now put it on”
“Thor, I just fixed my hair”
“Just do it, Loki, please brother”
Once more, Thor’s heart was racing as he moved them through traffic, whizzing past and trying to keep his tears at bay.
“There, it’s on”
Thor swallowed “Loki. I love you, alright. You know that, don’t you?”
His voice cracked and tears came into his eyes but he couldn’t stop them.
He was frightened.
“Thor…” Loki sounded worried.
“You know I would do anything for you, if I could, right?” Thor swallowed, blinking his tears away.
“Thor?”
“Don’t you?”
“Yes” Loki whispered.
“Tell me you love me, brother” Thor sobbed softly, barely avoiding a car.
The bike revved.
“Tell me I was the best brother you had, even if it’s a lie”
Loki’s voice quivered and he held Thor tighter.
“I love you Thor” he whispered against Thor’s neck “You were more than I deserved as a brother”
Thor pulled his lips inwards to stifle a sob
“I want you to remember me, okay?”
“Thor” Loki asked, finally “What’s wrong?”
Thor swallowed loudly and took a deep breath.
“We’re going to crash, Loki” Thor told him “I can’t stop this bike because the brakes won’t work”
Loki gasped.
“Thor?”
“Loki” Thor swallowed loudly “You asked me for something once, darling, remember? When you were high on that … thing”
Tears fell down Loki’s cheeks “Yes”
“If nothing else” Thor swallowed “I want to give you that”
“Now?” Loki sobbed, holding Thor tighter
“I might die, Loki” Thor wept “If you want it …”
Loki held Thor tighter as a response.
“One kiss, you said” Thor sniffed “That’s all it will take”
Loki nodded “What do I do?”
Thor turned his head to the side and Loki leaned forward.
They were both crying, they had their eyes closed.
Loki cupped Thor’s cheek. Thor didn’t release the steering.
It was sad, heartbreaking and beautiful.
Thor closed his eyes and he wouldn’t open them.
Loki’s mouth latched on to his and he deepened the kiss, licking Loki’s palate and gaining a soft, sobbing groan.
Loki pulled back and looked at Thor.
“I love you”
Thor’s hands dropped their grip.
And a moment later, they crashed.
***
Thor hummed into Loki’s hair and rubbed his back.
Loki sniffed.
“I will always save you, Loki” he whispered “I was always meant to save you”