Chapter Text
"I just can't anymore! It's over now, don't you get it Jason?"
The words rang endlessly inside the blond's mind. He and Nico were no more. While he was so preoccupied with work, Nico had found someone else. Blond with blue eyes, freckles dusting his nose, someone who looked like a surfer. It was just so sudden. Maybe he shouldn't have worked too hard into earning more. Maybe he shouldn't have taken those double shifts and over times. But he wanted to earn as much as possible to make Nico's overdue wish come true: travel back to Italy. Well that's out of the equation now.
"You never even thought about me!"
How come it was so easy for him to say that? After all they've been through. Nico had the audacity to say so. Jason tried his best to be a good boyfriend. He had gave up a lot of things, even his parents trust and he valued that trust. Finishing his third glass of beer, he asked the bartender for something much stronger. He'd regret this tomorrow he was sure but for now, he wanted to lose himself, forget about the world, about everyone else and just help himself with the comfort these alcohols could provide him.
One
Two
Three
Jason had lost count with the drinks he had that he started to laugh by himself, willing all the bitter emotions away. Percy and the others had told him to stop but he was too dead serious about his goal that night: get smashed. The world was unfair, cruel even but he didn’t care about those thoughts. He wanted nothing more than to be drunk and push the pain away from his chest. He had never felt this much pain in one night. The pain from being disowned wasn’t this great. He was actually proud to walk out of their house years ago when his parents made him chose. He’d do anything for Nico. He loved him too much; grown too attached to a person he just met during his freshman year in college. They both thought of the future together and Jason was grateful for the Italian to see this, wanted to live with him, wanted to things with him and wanted to risk things for one another. But it seemed like it Jason was the only one who came through. Somewhere along the path, Nico was left, found someone else and now Jason didn’t know what to do.
“Jason, you should stop it man. You’re drinking too much. Don’t you have something to do tomorrow?” Leo, one of his best friends, was standing next to him with an arm around his shoulder. Sometime ago, Percy had called their friends for help.
In all honesty, they have never seen or witnessed Jason being like this. To their little group, Jason was their beacon of strength and order and seeing him like this: weak and a mess up, they didn’t know what to do. Slowly, the images from eight hours ago started to play in Jason’s head.
Nico had wanted to meet with him that night at the café they usually go to. Though the clouds weren’t looking their best, daring the rain to pour, Jason still went as soon as he got out of work. It’d be their second time to meet that week outside of their apartment . Jason was happy after all the tiring hours he spent at work. Sitting down in their usual spot, Jason waited, his gaze falling outside into the street as the rain began to pour. Soon enough, he saw Nico’s silhouette nearing the cafe entrance. There was a short jingle of bells then Nico di Angelo was standing in front of him, a little wet from the on pour of the rain. Jason was about to stand up and pull him next to him when the other spoke.
“This won’t be long. No need for chairs.” There was an edge into his voice, something Jason hadn’t heard for years now. He only used that voice back when he was still head over heels about Percy and hearing it now only meant trouble.
“Well… what is it then ? ” Jason’s stomach started spinning. He suspected that this wasn’t to end well.
“Let’s break up.”
“..Ace. Grace! Listen to me when I’m talking to you!” Jason snapped his head up to the person standing right in front of him. It wasn’t Leo anymore that’s for sure. With unfocused eyes, he tried his hardest to recognize who it was.
“For the love of Jesus what the hell are you doing?” It was Reyna, probably steaming mad at the state Jason was. “Since when did you drink this much huh? And where’s your boyfriend? He should be stopping you-“
“Reyna cut that out!” Piper intervened. It seemed like she already knew. For a while, both ladies talked.
This was getting nowhere. It frustrated Jason that he took another glass of whatever he was drinking a while ago and chugged it down in one go, laughing bitterly after as he slurred some words in between “Nico” and “Break up”. The tension in the air seemed to thicken when Jason slurred some more, tears daring to fall down his perfect sculpted face. Everyone knew what the blond had to sacrifice and left behind for the Italian and they too could feel the secondhand pain Jason was feeling. But no one could ever feel the immense pain his heart was giving him. It made the phrase “the living dead” a whole new meaning.
“..love him..”
“how could he… hic..”
“hahaha so stupid…”
“o-ne mo-re…”
“fuck…”
Nico was stomping out of the café when he had delivered his message, leaving a confused and hurt Jason. As soon as his mind processed this, Jason ran after him, disregarding the downpour of rain as he grabbed and pulled the younger one to him, eyes searching for the answer.
“Don’t touch me Grace.” Nico hissed, pulling his appendage away from the other. Jason on the other hand just stared at him, pain slowly engulfing him.
“Why?” it was unfair. After all the things he had done for Nico, after all the sacrifices, sleepless nights and secrets, this was how it was going to end? Why?
“I met someone, someone who actually has time for me, someone who doesn’t cage me in that damn apartment for hours, someone who’d take me to places and let me experience new things, someone whose not you.” His words were like venom. It hurt to listen to them. Hadn’t Jason done enough? Hadn’t he proved himself worthy enough for Nico’s affection? Where’s the loyalty?
“I’m sorry I barely have time for you but I was taking all possible steps to get you closer to your wish. Didn’t you want to go back to Italy? Visit Italy at least?”
“I am and he is taking me to Italy, tonight at midnight, we’ll be flying to Italy. I can finally search for my family with the person who won’t leave me behind.”
“But I didn’t leave you behind! You were just impatient to wait for me-“
“Don’t give me that shit Jason. I waited for weeks and days for something to happen but nothing! You’re too busy to even look at me. Too tired to even do the usual shit we do. Do you know how that makes me feel? I can’t anymore! It’s over now, don’t’ you get it Jason?”
“But I love you-“
“Well you have a shitty way of showing it Grace.”
“Can’t you just understand that I was doing it for you?!” people were now starting to look at them, being in the middle of the street during a rain, who wouldn’t stare? “Couldn’t you wait for me at least?”
“I waited enough for you but nothing.”
“Well shit, how many years did you think I had to wait for you then?” this was it. When the blame game started, there was no turning back. “Tell me, how many years did it take for you to move on from Percy? Tell me how many times have you said Percy in your sleep while I was the one holding you? Tell me how many times I had to stop myself from punching Percy when all you moaned during sex was Percy? Don’t you think this is unfair? I finally get you to myself yet… you’re still so far away. Tell me Nico, am I not enough for you that you had to look for someone else? I waited for you every single god damn day, waiting for that day you realized you love me down and I finally had that chance but then it was short lived. Here you are leaving me after all the things I have done for you. What do you take me for Nico? What?”
Jason sniffled against the leather bound of Reyna’s car. He remembered everything even with a drunken mind. Everything made perfect sense to him. Nico never really loved him the way he loved the other. It was just unfair. He did everything he could to the extent that he’d take a bullet for Nico. It might have been naïve but didn’t love do that to people? Make them do crazy things. Slowly, the car moved away from the bar Percy had brought him to. Where the heck was Percy anyway? Who cares. These people would just reprimand him when he sobered up so why not get more alcohol to drink? But soon that thought was washed away by memories of Nico. Jason stared out the car window as tears finally fell down his face. He remembered that time when Nico finally said yes to him. There was a small satisfied smile on the Italian’s face as Jason hugged him tightly; Jason’s smiling much more widely than the other did. Then the memory faded into their first date. Jason had taken Nico to the pier for some good sea-side party. Although he knew how Nico hated the crowd, with him, the other seemed to light up. They met a few strangers that had welcomed them warmly to their camp fire. It was the first time since they met that Jason heard the other laugh freely and dance with him, like some stupid chain was broken and it warmed Jason’s heart immensely to see Nico smile and be happy. This was what he lived for, to make Nico happy even it meant his own life was taken away. A small smile crept the blond’s lips but then the pain was greater than the happiness that memory provided. A batch of tears fell down his face as he watched people walk down the street. What was he doing in this car? He should be out there running after Nico and saying how sorry he was for saying such cruel things earlier that day.
“You’re Jason Grace, the most perfect human being in this world. That’s who you are and I’m Nico di Angelo, the most useless and most worthless piece of shit that ever existed in this god damn world. Me being with you is like tipping the balance. It’s like I’ll keep disappointing you at some point. You think I don’t realize it Grace? I know that face you make when I disappoint you and it hurts. I don’t want to disappoint you anymore and at the same time I don’t want to try anymore. It’s tiring. Unlike with Will, I don’t have to try my hardest to be the perfect boyfriend-“
“You assumed again. Nico, how many times do I have to tell you that you’re perfect just the way you are? How many times to I have to tell you that you mean the world to me?”
“Well I guess it’s just not enough.” And that was it. Nico turned around and walked away without a single glance back. Slowly, Jason fell down to his knees, eyes wide from the truth between them. All along, Nico was just pretending to be happy for him because he thought Jason had expected something of him and god did it hurt. Those stupid assumptions burnt his chest and because of those stupid assumptions he lost the person he loved the most, the person he’d take a bullet for any day, the person he gave everything for. How did it come to this?
The care came to a halt when it came across a red light. Without a second thought, Jason unlocked the car door and dashed for it, Reyna screamed just behind him. He had to get to Nico he just had to. He had to say he was sorry for being so cruel, he had to see him and make everything alright and he most definitely need to see him, to tell the Italian he loved him dearly. But where could Nico be? Where was he anyway? What part of town was this? Unable to thing right, Jason kept on running, his head pounding from the effects of all the alcohol he had consumed earlier. Somewhere along the way, he had puked his guts out, tears falling down along with it. He was in a losing battle but he didn’t give up, you just don’t give up on someone you love.
“NICO!” Jason yelled, then he fell face first on the ground. “Ow…”
Not far from him was a bridge. Really, where was he? This wasn’t the way to their apartment . Trying to get his bearings, Jason tried to stand, only to fall back on his ass. Then the sky rumbled. As soon as it passed, the rain came. Jason squinted at the sky above him, his eyes too sore to look properly. Where was the blue sky he loved? Why was it so dark? The darkness reminded him of Nico. It wasn’t such a bad thing but it wasn’t so comforting now. How did it come to this? Slowly, picking himself up once again, Jason stood. He wobbled his way to the bridge and sat on its railings, looking down at the dam before him. What if he jumped down there, will the darkness of the water welcome him? Would the pain stop if he did? Will he finally feel at peace at least? With Nico gone… a lot of things weren’t just the same anymore. Then another memory came back to him.
It was their first day in their new apartment . Even before they’ve got to unpacking, they were already claiming the space with their love making. It made Jason’s heart swell at the thought. They were madly in love so what happened? Wasn’t their bond together strong enough? What had made Nico fall out of love with him? He hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t cheated Nico nor have he kept secrets from the other. So what happened? Did he simply just got tired of it all? Again, it was unfair. Jason didn’t intend it to be like this. He loved Nico. He endured all the pain that came with loving someone who was sensitive, foul mouthed and depressing. Jason was ready to throw everything else just to make Nico happy. Now all that remind in him was anger, regret and pain. He really shouldn’t have grown attached, look where it got him? But once you start talking about the future together, you also see it and talking about the future together with Nico had been the happiest times of Jason’s life. There was no comparing it. True love was once in a life time.
“Someday w-we’ll know..” Jason sobbed, voice hitching and breath shortening as he continued to sing their song. “why the sky.. is blue…”
Someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you
Someday we’ll know why Samson loved Delilah
Someday we’ll know that I was the one for you.
Jason took a deep breath and sobbed, heart wrenching noises escaping his lips as he remembered everything about Nico. His smile, those long eyelashes, his curly hair that reach his shoulders, that white alabaster skin, the small noises the Italian made when he was surprised and most especially, the way Nico looked at him with a twinkle in his eyes. Jason would miss everything about Nico. He’d miss Nico. Who would he say good morning to from now on? Who would he cook breakfast for? Who would he kiss good night? Take out on movie dates? Hug when they felt like breaking? Who? Jason didn’t have anyone significant to him anymore. He didn’t have family anymore. He didn’t have Thalia like he used to. His friends wouldn’t look at him the same way anymore after tonight. He was literally all alone.
“Don’t you dare move a muscle Grace.”
Reyna had obviously found him. But then he was so much of an idiot he turned around to face the other, which resulted into knocking off his balance and falling into the dam below him.
“JASON!” he heard her scream before he heard the slushing of the water against his buzzing ears.
Slowly closing his eyes, all Jason thought about then was the peace he could obtain. His raging emotions had made him into a mess. He knew for a fact that he wasn’t going to be the same anymore. It was over. It was time to stop all this nonsense.