Archive of Our Own

Sitting in the mess hall later that day, Jim watched as Leo played with his teddy bear while Spock contemplated his next move in their game.

Leo had spent the rest of his day hanging around Spock, with the occasional escape to Nyota’s work station to see what she was doing. Jim had looked back once in a while, smiling to himself when he saw Leo sitting on Nyota’s lap and holding onto Spock’s leg. He had to admit, Bones was adorable as a kid.

The only downside was that Leo had mostly ignored Jim, even when he tried to get him to sit on his lap and look around the whole bridge. Apparently, that fear about space was a lot more serious than Jim had ever thought. Every Time Leo had caught sight of the window, he had hide himself behind Spock’s leg and buried his face into his pants so he didn’t have to see it anymore.

Jim had thought it was a little adorable, but he still would have liked if Leo had just sat on his lap.

He just wished Leo would pay some sort of attention to him, but Jim didn’t seem to be someone he liked.

Seeing Spock moving a piece out of the corner of his eye, Jim turned his attention back to the board game and examined what had been done.

“Leonard, are you tired?” Jim looked back down at Leo when Spock spoke, noticing that the little boy was now yawning and leaning his back against Spock’s chest.

“Not sleepy.” Leo protested even as his eyes started to close.

Smiling to himself, Jim sat there and watched as Leo slowly fell asleep in Spock’s arm. His arms were tucked tightly around Doctor Padsey, his back pressed against Spock’s chest, and one of Spock’s arms were wrapped around Leo’s shoulders to hold him up.

“I guess we should postpone this game and get him to bed.” Jim smiled softly.

“That would be a logical deduction, Captain.” Agreed Spock, throwing his right leg over the bench and starting to stand up before he stopped mid way and looked back at Jim “Where shall i put him for the night?”

Wincing, Jim looked down at the table and tried to think of an appropriate answer to that question. His room was out of the question for so many reasons, the main one being that he didn’t think Leo would accept that as an answer. Joseph’s room was probably equally out of the question, mostly because Leo seemed to have a vendetta against Scotty and he did live next door and share a washroom with Joseph so Jim didn’t see that ending well.

“What about your room?” He asked, hoping for a quick answer from Spock. He should have known the answer to that question though, considering Spock had started this conversation.

“I do not believe that is a wise idea Captain.” Spock responded calmly “If something is to change and he does become his adult self…”

“Ya...i get that.” Jim nodded. It had been one of his various reasons to not sharing his room with Leo, after all. “Well, he seems to like Nurse Chapel and Lieutenant Uhura. Maybe he can sleep in their room?”

“I will go see if they are open to the idea.” Spock agreed, nodding his head towards Jim before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

Placing his elbows on the table, Jim lowered his head into his hands and sighed.

If he didn’t get his grumpy sassy older Doctor back soon, Jim was going to scream because as far as he was concerned, this was torture.

“Mr. Spock!” Nyota stood in front of Spock in her PJ’s with a bowl of popcorn tucked protectively under her arm. “What can i do for you?”

“I was wondering if you and Nurse Chapel would be open to sharing your room with Leonard tonight.” Spock responded, holding Leonard’s sleeping figure up for emphasis.

“Oh...Oh!” Turning on her heel, Nyota beamed over at her girlfriend happily “what do you think Chris? Can we make room for him?”

“I think we can manage that.” Christine chuckled, leaning back against the couch and watching as Nyota turned back to Spock.

“We’ll take care of him Mr. Spock.” Promised Nyota.

Holding out her arms, Nyota watched as Spock carefully maneuvered Leonard into her grasp and let her take the little boy from him. She even pretended that she didn’t see the way that Spock’s hands lingered on Leonard’s back, almost as if he was reluctant to give him up. “We have a big day full of diplomates tomorrow, Mr. Spock, including your dad.” She smiled softly “you should go get some rest.”

“Thank you.” With a nod of his head, Spock turned on his heel and headed down the hallway back towards the mess hall.

Nyota took a step back into her room and waited for the door to close before turning around and heading back to Christine’s side. “Where should i put him?” she asked softly.

“Let him have the bed. He can sleep while we finish our movie.” Christine smiled up at her.

Doing as she was told, Noyta turned towards the bed and walked over. She leaned down, careful not to move Leo too much, and pulled the blanket back.

Laying Leo down on the mattress, Nyota put the blanket back over his shoulders and tucked it down so that it wasn’t covering his mouth.

“There we go.” She smiled, standing there for a moment and brushing her fingers through Leo’s hair while she watched him sleep. “All warm and comfy.”

“Best way to sleep.” Standing up, Nyota turned around and returned to Christine’s side, chuckling when Christine grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto her lap. “He’s cute.”

“He’s always cute.” Nyota chuckled “But...ya, he’s really cute right now.”

Shaking her head, Christine nuzzled her nose against Nyota’s neck and chuckled when she reached back to slap her in the side while she laughed.

Sitting down across Jim once more, Spock got comfortable and examined the board in front of him for Jim’s latest move. “How is he?” he raised an eyebrow at Jim’s question. “Bones...i mean, Leo.”

“He is with Lieutenant Uhura and Nurse Chapel now.” Spock explained “he was asleep when i left him.”

“Good.” looking down at his hands, Jim fiddled with the edge of his shirt. He wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to say or do now. Him and Spock hadn’t really had a lot of conversations over their chess games in the last few weeks.

In fact, they hadn’t talked at all unless absolutely necessary ever since Leonard died. It was mostly Jim’s fault. He was afraid he would blow up at Spock again, or blame him for everything that happened. He was terrified all of the thoughts running through his mind when he was alone would spill out into the open, and everything between them would be permanently damaged.

“What do you plan to do, Captain?” Jim brought his eyes up to meet Spock’s “If Leonard is to take the form of an adult once again, we will have a lot of explaining to do to him and Starfleet. Explaining which we do not have all of the answers to.”

“We’ll have to figure something out.” Jim admitted “I mean, there’s not much we can do. We don’t know how he got here, where he came from...if he’s…” the words caught in Jim’s throat.

“If he is real?” Spock finished for him “or if he is to stay here with us?”

“Ya…” Jim sighed “all of it. We don’t have answers to any of it and we can’t just produce them. Whatever happens, we’ll have to just tell Starfleet what we know.”

“And if he does not grow up?” Jim’s heart dropped at the sound of that. He didn’t really have an answer, but he couldn’t tell Spock that. He was supposed to have the answers to everything.

“If he doesn’t grow up…” he swallowed around a lump in his throat “If that happens, then we’ll have to find him someone to take care of him while he grows up. We...i can’t keep him on this ship if he’s not going to…”

Jim wasn’t sure when exactly Spock had moved to his side and put a hand on his shoulder, but he was glad for it. It gave him the opportunity to turn around in his seat and hide his face in Spock’s shoulder while tears rolled down his cheek.

“I Can’t…” he whispered “I can’t keep him here if he won’t…”

“I know…” Spock gripped Jim’s shoulder lightly, rocking his body in the same way he had seen Leonard do multiple times when Jim needed his support.

Staying like that for a while, Jim allowed himself to cry into Spock’s shoulder. Something he hadn’t done at all since Bones had died. Something he didn’t think he had needed until now.

“I just want him back…” Jim whispered against Spock’s shoulder “i want Bones, and us. I want us back, Spock.”

“We have not broken apart, Jim.” Spock assured him, though Jim didn’t take his word for it. How could they not have broken apart? It had been a month since they had a decent conversation outside of work, weeks since they had shared a bed, and what felt like forever since they had even touched.

“We did Spock. He died and we broke.” Jim whispered “We broke because he makes us work. He makes this whole thing work, and there’s nothing wrong with that except that he died.”

Sitting there in silence, Jim kept his face hidden away in Spock’s shoulder and focused on the feeling of Spock’s fingers rubbing circles into his back. “I’m sorry…” he whispered weakly “i yelled at you and i pushed you away...It’s not cuz of Bones dying that we broke apart, not totally.”

“You required time to process what had happened and mourn.” Spock reminded him. “It was logical for me to step back and allow you the space you required. I knew that when you were ready, you would approach me and we would figure out the future then.”

Of course it was logical to Spock. Everything he did was based on logic.

“What do we do then?” Jim asked softly “if he stays a kid, or he disappears on us. What do we do then?”

“We continue to explore the universe, just as he would want us to.” Spock said softly “And we do it together, regardless of what happens to our relationship. He would want us to stay together.”

“To watch each other's backs.” Jim laughed bitterly.

“Exactly.” Turning his face up, Jim examined Spock’s face for a moment and smiled to himself.

“Well, let’s hope things work out for us then.” He said softly “we’re the worst cuddle buddies ever.”

“That, Captain, is because you kick.” Spock contested.

“Hey, i may kick but you snore.” Jim chuckled, poking Spock in the chest playfully.