Chapter Text
"no, mom, i'm sure i'm fine" jaebum's voice wasn't shaky anymore, even though his hands still were.
"are you sure you don't want me to come over? is jinyoung there with you?" the voice on the other side of the line sounded worried and slightly desperate.
"yes eomma, i'm sure. and yes, he's here with me. i'll be fine, don't worry" jaebum assures to her again (for the fifth time, to be precise).
"ok, ok, i'm sorry" she says. "go get some rest, i'll call you tomorrow. i love you, 'kay?".
"ok eomma, love you too. i'll be fine, you don't need to worry" he says one last time. "bye".
"goodbye honey, i love you".
and with a thud, the phone is back in it's place and the call is ended. jaebum walks towards the living room, where jinyoung waited paciently, pretending he was entertained by anything on his smartphone's screen and absolutely wasn't listening to jaebum's call with his mother.
"you don't need to call her all the time" he said, a little bit of anger in his voice.
"in fact, i do need. you know that" jinyoung answered, letting his phone over the couch and looking up at his friend. "and i'll keep calling. these are the doctor's orders, and they're just because you're stubborn and doesn't want to let your own mother know of your anxiety attacks".
jaebum huffs in annoyance.
"ok, fine" his voice still sounds angry. "are you going to bed?"
"i inteded to".
"i'm going to the academy".
"ok, i’ll keep the door unlocked".
jaebum's hands hit the punching bag for the thousandth time that night. he can feel the sweat running through his temples, his cheeks and nose and down his neck to his bare chest and back. he can't tell if his hands are aching, he can't feel them. the bag, on the other hand, feels heavy against his red gloves and arms, who keep punching and punching throughout the hours.
the dark environment around him helps, too. in the dark, there is nothing but silent compliance and, sometimes, the smell of rain. that eases him.
one, two punches. kick. turn. start again.
it's stupid. he's stupid. he hates feeling like that. he's jealous and lonely and no one knows that despite him and the sparring sacs. there's no use in trying to make other people understand the way he feels, because they don't. they judge him, telling him he's being lazy and a baby, wanting nothing more than endless attention. so he just shuts up and swallows the tears, his feelings and the pills the doctor gives him every three months.
one, two punches. kick. turn. again.
well, at least he's found out boxing. "you should do something like karate or boxing, it would help to release your stress and reduce the incidents" the doctor was clear on that. and so there he went, in the glory of his 16 years of age, to start training. and now, looking six years after, things have became way different than he thought they would.
one, two punches. kick. turn. stop.
he held the sparring bag with both his palms, waiting until it stopped trembling with his last move. his hands had stopped shaking, and now the only reason as to why his heart was beating that fast was due to the exercises. that was good. that meant it was time to go back home.
the sound of the keys clicking when he closed the academy faded into the night, just when he started walking away from the door. coach shin had left spare keys with him in case situations like those happened. despite jinyoung and his eomma, he was the only one who knew about his condition - as he so kindly adressed to what he had. but again, no one tried to care. so neither did he.
already clean and in the safety of his room, he collided against his mattress with a loud thud. jinyoung was sleeping on the other room and, so far, hadn't complained or shown any life signs. that was good - he would be absolutely mad if jaebum woke him up. well, jinyoung was a heavy sleeper, so waking him up would only happen in two very specific situations: jaebum having another crysis or throwing a party. despite those (which wasn't the situation, because jaebum just had a shower, ate the ramen jinyoung made for him and went to bed), his dongsaeng should keep sleeping like a good rock and jaebum would be free of complaints.
he noticed his phone screen had a message. he normally didn't take it to the academy, so it was a ritual to always check it after coming back and before going to sleep, just in case his mom or some of his few friends had sent him something. it was a message from jinyoung, sent about 2 hours ago. he opened it and read, wondering what would be so important for jinyoung not being able to wait until tomorrow to tell him.
jyp: mark and i
jyp: we're kinda going out tmrw night
jyp: and i want you to come w me
jyp: he's bringing a friend so u don't have to be alone
jyp: pls say yes
jyp: i'll wash your laundry for the next month if u do
jaebum scattered his memories trying to remember who was this mark jinyoung was talking about. he knows jinyoung was into someone from his calculus class, but jaebum didn't actually pay attention to his childhood friend ranting about his mathematic crush - so he doesn't remember his name neither anything else jinyoung told him. it must be him - has to, there's no one else jinyoung talks about, anyway.
jaebum thought seriously about denying the offer, even though he really hated doing his laundry and having jinyoung washing it for a whole month sounded really tempting. and he also had a important test in three days, to which he really needed to study. but that was just an excuse, because the truth was jaebum didn't want to go simply because he wasn't up to it. you see, jaebum hates meeting new people. he doesn't know how to talk to them, how to be polite and nice and don't make a fool out of himself - and that never ends well. that normally ends with him hating himself for not knowing how to be social. rarely, in very specific situations, that leads to another incident. and the last thing he wanted after today was another one of those.
defjb: idk
defjb: i need to study
defjb: i'll let u know tmrw
he hated himself for not being able to tell jinyoung a 'no, i don't want to' right away. he just couldn't, there was something inside him that didn't let him say no to a friend asking for help - even if that help meant going to a date that wasn't even his to keep company to a friend. it would be absolutely boring and he would accept being in any other place besides there, but he knew jinyoung would keep asking him and bribing him with laundry until he said yes. and he'd do it, eventually. it's just how it worked with him.
he locked his phone's screen again and turned to face the wall to which the bed was near. he was tired and his muscles were screaming for some rest, so it didn't take him much to sleep a dreamless slumber.