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Noya is pretty good at reading Asahi. Granted, it’s probably not really hard for anyone on the team to tell when their ace is feeling up or down, but Noya can do better than that. He knows the difference between Asahi being quiet because he’s worried about something that hasn’t happened yet (this usually involves a lot of finger-tapping on the side of his leg that he thinks no one notices), and when he’s afraid that he’s done something wrong (he gets smaller when he feels like this, his shoulders curling in towards each other), and when he’s just having a hard time with all the noise and activity around him and needs to close himself off.
That’s the hardest one for Noya, because when he sees Asahi closing his eyes, clenching his hands in his lap, it makes him want to get closer to him and fix things somehow, even though he knows Asahi is fine, that he can handle his feelings on his own. It’s just that Noya wants to be on the inside with Asahi, not the outside, because the thing is…he likes Asahi. A lot. He watches him and pays attention to him—way, way more than he probably should—and that’s how he knows him better than Asahi probably even realizes.
That’s another thing Noya knows about Asahi. He’s totally clueless and deluded about the way other people see him. He would never suspect that Noya is as crazy about him as he is, because Asahi can’t comprehend that. Noya could probably shout, “I THINK ASAHI IS FUCKING GORGEOUS,” in the middle of a match, and Asahi would think it was a joke and laugh it off awkwardly, while never considering that it could be true.
Noya does think he’s fucking gorgeous though. And he thinks he’s funny, and strong, and amazing, and he really wishes he was brave enough to try to spell it out for Asahi as many times as it took for him to get it. Asahi thinks Noya is brave, he tells him so all the time, but Noya is a wuss. He flirts with Asahi, sure, but he knows Asahi doesn’t get it, he just thinks they’re playing, or maybe that Noya is an adoring kouhai, which is even worse. He tells Asahi how much he likes him—without really telling him, so Asahi understands—and he never presses hard enough to know if maybe Asahi could like him, too.
He just watches him, and knows him, all his little tells, until one day when Noya suddenly doesn't feel like such an expert anymore, because Asahi does something new. Something Noya hasn’t witnessed and analyzed and catalogued already.
They’re cleaning up after practice, and Noya is keeping half an eye on Asahi sweeping up the floor while he and Ryuu get all the balls picked up and put away. Asahi loses his grip on the broom somehow, and after it slips out of his grasp and falls to the floor, he crouches down to get it, the thick muscles in his thighs straining against his shorts, and Noya just about loses his shit. Then Asahi drops it again, and this time the angle is just right for Noya to watch how tight Asahi’s ass gets when he bends over, and Noya is done.
He throws a volleyball at Asahi, because he is seventeen, and stupid, and it’s the only thing he can think to do, when what he actually wants to do is catcall Asahi right here in the middle of the gym.
It hits Asahi on the side of his leg and he jumps a little, looking around until he spots Noya, and he breaks into a smile.
“Lose something?” he asks, holding the ball up.
Noya casts a quick glance at Ryuu, who cocks an eyebrows at him knowingly and backs away, taking the two last volleyballs with him. Noya grins and trots over to Asahi.
“You looked like you might need some help,” Noya says.
“I’ve got butter fingers today,” Asahi says with a soft laugh. Usually Noya hates when Asahi talks down about himself, but not when his voice is light and happy the way it is now. “I’m almost finished though.”
“Want me to do it?” Noya asks.
“No, no...I’ve got it. And anyway, you’re just as clumsy as me today, unless you meant to hit me with that ball.”
Noya grins, because he’s not very good at lying, and Asahi won’t be mad at him anyway. He laughs when he sees Noya’s smile.
“You shouldn’t pick fights with people who are bigger than you, Nishinoya,” he says.
“Oh no?” Noya asks, his smile settling into a smirk before he darts in and lands a light punch under Asahi’s ribs before jumping back again. “There’s something to be said for agility, Asahi-san,” he teases.
“True,” Asahi says, circling Noya slowly.
Noya is watching him carefully, the set of his feet and the lean of his hips, waiting for anything that will tell him which way the bigger boy is going to go. Asahi shifts to the left and Noya leaps to the right, but Asahi was faking and he spins to grab Noya around the waist.
“Ha,” Asahi says. “There’s something to be said for having size and agility.”
“Lucky shot!” Noya shouts, wriggling in Asahi’s arm for a moment before he’s released. He steps back, panting a little, which is ridiculous because he’s barely exerted himself at all, but Asahi’s eyes are bright and playful and Noya is getting way too excited. “Best two out of three,” he says.
Asahi smiles and faces off with Noya again, making a few false starts towards him, and then just missing him when Noya manages to slip behind him and tickle his sides.
“Hey!” Asahi hoots, reaching behind himself to bat Noya way. “No...no tickling! I’ll—”
Noya laughs and dances back around to face Asahi again. “You’ll what?” he asks, grinning widely.
“I’ll get you next time,” Asahi says.
Noya has never wanted to lose more.
“Bring it, Azumane,” he says, setting his feet apart and crouching a little to show he’s ready for anything.
Asahi misses him on his first two attempts to grab him before Noya can jump to the side, but on his third try Noya misjudges Asahi’s direction again and winds up trapped in his arms, pulled up against his chest, while big, strong hands mercilessly scrabble over his stomach and sides until Noya is shouting through his laughter.
“Sto...stop, oh my God! I give!”
Asahi stops immediately, but he keeps his arms around Noya, curled over and laughing into his shoulder, and Noya is so happy, this feels so good, and....
Oh.
Asahi is pressed right up behind him, his body hot and solid against Noya’s, and Noya is feeling it, and he’s not the only one.
Asahi freezes suddenly, just long enough for Noya to try to memorize the feeling of something very hard (and large, holy shit) against the small of his back, and then just like that Asahi is a million miles away. He literally drops Noya, and takes such a hurried series of steps backwards that he trips over his own feet and falls on his ass.
“Asahi!” Noya says, stepping towards him.
Asahi’s eyes are wide as he scrambles to his feet, still backing away from Noya.
“I—I’m sorry, Nishinoya. I—”
“Asahi-san, it’s fine, it’s okay!” Noya says, taking another slow step forward so he won’t scare Asahi away, but the older boy just shakes his head and turns around, hurrying out of the gym without even going to the club room first.
Noya is cold and confused, and really obnoxiously horny. He goes to the showers alone, standing under the cool water until his own hard-on disappears, and thinking. Thinking and thinking, but he still can’t figure it out, because he doesn’t know this part of Asahi. Was he aroused because he’s attracted to Noya? Or because he was just excited from playing around and his adrenaline was up? Did he run away like that because his body’s reaction meant something, or because it didn’t? Noya doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what those wide eyes meant.
He gets dressed slowly, stopping just before he exits the gym when he hears voices outside. It’s Daichi-san, saying goodbye to the first years who had been tossing to each other outside. Noya thinks for a minute, kind of wishing it was Sugawara-san out there, but Daichi and Asahi are good friends, so he decides to brave the potential awkwardness and call out the captain’s name.
“You get lost in there, Nishinoya?” Daichi asks him with a grin when he spots him.
Noya laughs a little, shuffling his shoes nervously in the dirt. “Uh no....I was...I was wondering if I could talk to you about something.”
“Um...” Daichi eyes him warily. “If you punched someone again you probably shouldn’t tell me,” he says. “I’m obligated to report it and—”
“What? No, I didn’t punch anyone,” Noya says. Then he remembers how the tickle session with Asahi started and shakes his head. “I mean...I guess I sort of did, but not like...not like that. Daichi-san, can I talk to you about Asahi?”
“Did you punch Asahi?” Daichi asks, his expression tipping between amused and a little outraged. “Is that why he ran out of here like that?”
“No!” Noya says. “I mean yes, but we were just playing and that’s...that’s what I want to talk to you about.”
“Oh,” Daichi says. “Okay....go ahead.”
Noya kicks up a little more dirt, watching it cloud up and settle over the captain’s shoes.
“Could you not, please?” Daichi asks, but then he smiles and scuffs his own toe into the ground, sending a spray of dirt Noya’s way.
Noya manages to smile back, relaxing a little, and he tries again. “Okay...so, Asahi and I were just messing around, play fighting, you know, and...and he was...” He blushes, and he doesn’t know why. Daichi is just watching him with those calm, level eyes. “He was tickling me and...”
“Did you not want him to?” Daichi asks.
“No, no....we were having fun, he didn’t do anything wrong. As soon as I said I gave up he stopped, but then...okay wait I think this is gonna sound really bad unless you know that like....I wanted him to...to be touching me, okay?” Noya says, looking up at Daichi and willing him to get exactly what he’s saying right now.
“You like him,” Daichi says simply.
“I...yeah. I really like him.”
“I know. We all know, Nishinoya. I mean except for Asahi.”
“Oh....oh. Okay. You do?”
Daichi nods. “So what’s the problem, then? What happened?”
“Um...well, he was holding on to me after, ‘cause we were like, wrestling, you know...and then he...” Noya considers coming up with a euphemism or something, but that’s really not his style, and Daichi is a teenage boy too, he’s not going to faint. “He was hard,” he says. “And he knew I felt it, and I told him it was okay but he freaked out and ran away, and now I don’t know what to do. I really, really don’t mind that it happened. I really...I want him to know it’s more than okay.”
“Ah...” Daichi says, bringing a hand to his chin. “Okay. Well. Have you told him you like him?”
“No. I mean....I think anyone else would know, but...”
“He doesn’t,” Daichi says. “He is not like anyone else.”
Noya is about to jump to Asahi’s defense, but then he picks up on the fondness in Daichi’s tone, and he relaxes. “No...he’s not.”
Daichi smiles and walks towards the gym, leaning back against it and sliding down to sit with his knees bent in front of him. Noya sits next to him, legs stretched out in a V.
“Asahi likes you, too,” Daichi says. “It’s not really my place to tell you that, but...he does. He thinks you two are just friends, and he’s probably beating the hell out of himself right now for assaulting you.”
“But I told him it was okay!” Noya says.
“Doesn’t matter,” Daichi says. “He probably didn’t even hear you. His self-loathing mode pretty much drowns everything else out.”
Noya nods, and then his mind catches up with everything else Daichi just said. “Wait, he really likes me? Like, that wasn’t just some really badly timed wood?”
Daichi snorts and shakes his head. “No, I’m....pretty sure that was not remotely coincidental. So if you’re just worried about your thing with him being one-sided, it’s not. You should talk to him.”
“Will he listen?” Noya asks, but that’s not exactly what he means. Asahi is a good listener, but he’s terrible at seeing himself through anyone else’s eyes. “Will he...see?”
Daichi looks at him thoughtfully for a minute before he answers him. “If you want him to get it...you’ll probably need to show him,” he says, and Noya’s surprised to see color rising in Daichi’s cheeks.
“How...what do you mean?”
“If I tell you this, you need to keep it to yourself, okay?”
Noya is already itching to repeat this entire conversation to Ryuu later, but he nods his head.
“I had a crush on Asahi when we were first years,” Daichi says. “And I sucked at expressing it and Asahi sucked at being aware of it, and I finally just kissed him because even when I told him I liked him, he didn't believe me.”
Noya is speechless. He had no fucking idea there was any kind of romantic history between the team’s captain and their ace.
“So you....dated?” he finally manages.
“No,” Daichi says with a little laugh. “The kiss was terrible, we’re too much like brothers. We agreed it was too weird and that was the end of it. We’ve been better friends since then, though. I think he legitimately wasn’t sure I liked him at all before that.”
“Oh my God.....he’s so cute,” Noya says.
“He’s ridiculous,” Daichi corrects. “But I don’t want him to suffer, so you should probably get your stuff and go after him.”
“And kiss him?” Noya asks with a grin, smiling wider when he sees Daichi’s face filling with color again.
“When you leave here this discussion ceases to exist, got it? It never happened.”
“Sure, Captain,” Noya says with a nod, before he hops to his feet. “Thanks! For...for talking to me.”
“Go on,” Daichi says, waving Noya off.
Noya bows quickly and then darts back into the gym to finish cleaning up.
Now that he thinks about it, there are a lot of things he doesn’t know about Asahi. A lot of things he wants to find out.
* * *
Asahi has been in the shower for the past twenty minutes, just standing there under the spray, not doing a thing, and he still doesn’t feel ready to come out. It’s cold and he’s shivering, but he can still feel himself burning with shame.
He cannot believe that just happened. He doesn’t even know where it came from. Not that it hasn’t happened before, of course, but not with Nishinoya. Only when he’s at home, alone in his bed. When he lets himself think about the way Nishinoya looks at practice, the way his body moves, so fast and strong, and the way he smiles at Asahi.
It never should have happened at school though. He shouldn’t have let himself get so close to Nishinoya when he feels the way he does about him.
He’s shivering hard now and he shuts the water off, reluctantly stepping out of the shower and drying himself off. His phone is flashing where he left it sitting on the counter and he ignores it, stepping past it to go into his room and get dressed.
It rings while he’s pulling a t-shirt over his head, a stupid American song Suga programmed into his phone for anytime he or Daichi call him. He still hasn’t figured out how to fix it. It’s raining men, hallelujah, it’s raining men…
Asahi jumps up and rejects the call without even looking to see which of his friends it was. He’s going to kill both of them.
He sits down on his bed and stares at his phone, rejecting another call (from Daichi, who saw him run out of the gym, so he’s definitely not answering) before opening up the text messages he’s missed.
Daichi: Azumane
Daichi: pick up
Daichi: text me or pick up
Daichi: I will call you until you’re singing It’s Raining Men in your sleep
Daichi: you’ll accidentally sing it in class and then what will you do?
Daichi: come on Asahi i need to talk to you
Asahi: What?
Daichi: are you okay?
Asahi: I’m fine
Daichi: i talked to Nishinoya
Asahi: Oh my god..Daichi please don’t kick me off the team
Asahi: It won’t happen again i’m so sorry is he okay?
Daichi: yes you imbecile. which he tried to tell you before you fucking flew out of the gym
Asahi: I didn’t know what to do!
Daichi: well you can’t just bone Nishinoya’s leg and then leave him hanging
Asahi: I didn’t!!
Asahi: Oh my god it was his back (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
Asahi: Daichi what do i do??
Daichi: calm down
Daichi: are you calm?
Asahi: Of course I’m not calm
Daichi: okay. well...try to be. nishinoya is on his way over
Asahi: What????
Daichi: Asahi he really likes you, and he’s really okay with what happened.
Asahi: That doesn’t make it actually okay though..he’s my teammate and my friend and I feel horrible
Daichi: oh my god asahi
Daichi: he LIKES you
Daichi: like...he’s probably ecstatic that he gave you a hard-on
Daichi: he’s only upset because you’re upset, and he was afraid you’re not interested in him
Asahi: That can’y be right
Daichi: are you scottish now?
Asahi: What?
Daichi: nevermind
Daichi: do you remember when I told you i liked you, and you were clueless as fuck and I had to mortify us both by kissing you?
Asahi: I meant can’t*
Daichi: i know asahi. are you listening?
Asahi: Yes I remember
Daichi: okay. this is like that. except with someone who is really good for you, and who I know you like. so please don’t listen to yourself, and just listen to him when he gets there.
Asahi: Did he tell you that? that he likes me likes me?
Daichi: did you mean to type that twice
Asahi: ....yes
Daichi: oh...lol. yes. he did. but i already knew anyway...everyone knows. how can you not see the way he looks at you?
Asahi: I don’t know
Asahi: Really?
Asahi: You’re not messing with me?
Daichi: im not that much of an asshole...you know i want you to be happy
Daichi: right?
Asahi: Yeah
Asahi: Sorry...I do know. thanks Daichi
Daichi: I saw him leave about 20 minutes ago so he should be there soon
Asahi: Okay
Asahi: Oh my god
Asahi: Tell me one more time that he’s not mad at me
Daichi: azumane...i swear to god
Daichi: he’s not mad. be honest with him and trust what he says to you
Asahi feels a little ill, and he’s still shivering from the cold water dripping from his hair and down the back of his shirt. He tries to find a response for Daichi, but then there’s the distinctive sound of Nishinoya knocking on his front door. He comes over pretty often, to work on homework, or just listen to music and find things to snack on until dinnertime, and he always announces himself the same way. An excitable series of too many sharp raps.
It takes a bit of deep breathing before Asahi can get himself to walk through the house. He’s home alone and he’s grateful for that fact, and also extremely nervous, because he’s never been alone with someone who he’s undergone the incredibly embarrassing experience of having an erection right in front of.
He opens the door and Nishinoya is there, looking up at Asahi with too much in his expression for Asahi to be able to sort through.
“Asahi-san—”
“I’m sorry,” Asahi says. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
Nishinoya worries his lower lip between his teeth, his eyebrows drawing together a little, and Asahi thinks about what Daichi said. About how maybe, somehow, Nishinoya was happy about what happened. He has no idea how to address this.
“It’s okay,” Nishinoya says. “Asahi, I....I liked it. I mean, until I realized you were upset. I...I really liked it.”
Asahi isn’t sure if he’s trembling now because he’s still too cold and the crisp fall air is wafting through the open front door, catching in his wet hair, or if it’s because of what Nishinoya has said. He didn’t say I like you, which Asahi has always found very hard to interpret, but “I liked it.” It. The feeling of having Asahi turned on and pressed against him. That’s not something that a friend says to a friend. That’s not something someone enjoys just because they enjoy the company of someone else. That is beyond the kind of feelings Asahi has always thought Nishinoya had for him. That is....much more like the feelings Asahi has for Nishinoya.
And Nishinoya just said it. Right to Asahi’s face. Asahi doesn’t know where that kind of bravery even comes from, but it makes him want to try to be as brave as he can.
“Would...would you like to come in?” he asks.
Nishinoya nods and steps inside, kicking off his shoes and stooping to arrange them more neatly. “Sorry for the intrusion,” he says.
“It’s just....us,” Asahi says. “My parents aren’t home yet.”
“Oh,” Nishinoya says, straightening up.
His hair is damp where it sticks out under his beanie and Asahi realizes he must have rushed to come here, not taking the time to style his hair.
“Do you want something to drink? Hot chocolate?” Asahi asks. He’s still shivering a little, and he thinks Nishinoya is too, and he wants to say something about how he liked being close to Nishinoya like that, but he doesn’t know how.
“Sure,” Nishinoya says. “Your hair’s all tangled, Asahi.”
“I—I know. I just showered and Daichi was texting me and...”
“I can help,” Nishinoya says.
Asahi is about to say that he doesn’t need to, but he’s trying very hard to listen to Nishinoya, and if the other boy offered, it must be because he wants to. Maybe. Right? Asahi isn’t sure, but Nishinoya is smiling, reaching for Asahi’s hand and wrapping cold fingers around it.
“Come on,” he says. “I’ll heat up some milk, you go get your brush.”
Asahi stands in the entrance to the kitchen where Nishinoya leaves him, and tries to breathe. He watches his friend moving around, setting two mugs on the counter. Nishinoya sends a tentative smile over his shoulder at Asahi, and finally he’s able to smile back and go to retrieve his brush, this silly looking one that is probably meant for children. Suga got it for him after watching Asahi struggle with his perpetually knotted hair in the locker room, and he doesn’t care that it looks vaguely like a turtle, because it works, and he likes the way it makes Nishinoya smile.
When he comes back to the kitchen Nishinoya is pulling a mug out of the microwave, and Asahi waits while he scoops out a spoonful of hot cocoa powder and stirs it in. When both mugs are ready they carry them to Asahi’s room and sit on the bed together, Nishinoya’s drink set on Asahi’s nightstand while he kneels behind Asahi’s back.
“Asahi...” he says, sectioning Asahi’s hair off with his fingers and then gently working on a handful of it with the brush. “Will you tell me what you’re thinking?”
Asahi is thinking that Nishinoya’s hands feel like magic, and that he probably wouldn’t be here right now, on Asahi’s bed, touching him and close to him, if he didn’t want to be. And he probably wouldn’t want to be here, after what happened, if he didn’t really mean it, when he said he liked it.
“Daichi said that you were afraid I’m not interested in you,” he says, keeping his eyes on the soft billows of steam coming from his hot chocolate. “But I...what—what happened was an accident, but it....it happened for a reason.”
Nishinoya’s fingers go still in Asahi’s hair, curled around it.
“I like you a lot, Nishinoya....not the way I like anyone else.”
Nishinoya makes a little sound behind him, something airy and sweet that sounds like surprise, and Asahi doesn’t think he could have said that if the other boy had been looking at him, but he really wants to see him now. He wants to see that it’s okay, and he wants to know that it’s not just him, that Nishinoya’s words weren’t just words.
He leans forward to set his mug down, and Nishinoya’s fingers catch in his hair and then slip out of it. When he settles back again he turns so they can face each other.
“Really?” Nishinoya says, and Asahi smiles, because he’s pretty sure that’s his line. He’s the one who always doubts, and Nishinoya is always sure.
“Yeah,” he says. “I was only upset because...well because I was really embarrassed. But I also...I didn’t think you would want...that.”
The uncertainty in Nishinoya’s expression starts to edge away, a familiar smile starting to tug his lips up on one side. “I want that, Asahi. I don’t like you the way I like anyone else either. I should have told you that sooner.”
Something is dancing in Asahi’s stomach, and his thoughts are spinning, analyzing, trying to see Nishinoya’s words from every possible angle and be sure, absolutely positive, that this means exactly what he thinks it does.
Nishinoya’s eyes are dark and honest, and he is good, Asahi knows that. He’s the best person Asahi knows, and Daichi said to listen to him, and what he’s saying is that he wants Asahi. And Asahi doesn’t want to talk himself out of believing that.
He’s sure of that, but Nishinoya still looks a little uncertain, hesitant in a way Asahi is unused to, and he thinks he knows what to do.
He cups Nishinoya’s face between his hands and leans down, waiting until he can feel the shape of the other boy’s lips with his own before he closes his eyes and kisses him. He’s not sure it’s a very good kiss, objectively, because he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but Nishinoya’s lips are soft and cool and sweet. They part a little when Asahi presses against them, and Nishinoya makes a sound he’s never heard before, rough and low in his throat, his hands tightening in the front of Asahi’s shirt, and the way he kisses back seems very, very certain.
Asahi’s heart is pounding so hard he’s sure Nishinoya must hear it when they pull apart. He doesn’t let go of Nishinoya’s face, and Nishinoya doesn’t let go of his shirt.
“I was gonna kiss you,” the smaller boy says, his tongue slipping out to run over his bottom lip. “I thought it was so obvious that I liked you, but you never saw it, I didn’t...I didn’t think you’d just believe me.”
“Ah...” Asahi blushes and lets his hands slip from Nishinoya’s face to wrap around his hands instead. “Well, I guess it was obvious, to everyone else. But Daichi texted me and told me to listen to you, and....and you’re here, after I practically molested you.”
“Asahi,” Nishinoya says, cheeks lighting up before he drops his face into his hands. “You were touching me for all of two seconds before you took off like the motherfucking Flash.”
“And you followed me,” Asahi says, gently pulling Nishinoya’s hands down so he can hold them again. They’re warm now. Nishinoya is warm, and Asahi is warm, and he doesn’t feel sick or shivery anymore. He feels the way he does when he’s on the court, and Nishinoya is at his back, steady and confident and comforting. “You...you still wanted to see me.”
Nishinoya laughs softly, lacing his fingers through Asahi’s. “Of course I did. Even if I didn’t want more with you, you’d still be one of my very best friends. But I do want more. I want to kiss you, and I want you to hold me like you did and not let me go.”
“I...I know you do. I do believe you,” Asahi says, forcing himself to keep his eyes on Nishinoya’s despite how quickly he’s going from warm to hot now. “And I want that, too. Except...”
“Except?” Nishinoya asks.
That tiny bit of uncertainty is still there, and Asahi thinks he’d better kiss him again. And then maybe again after that, for good measure.
“Except not in the gym,” he says, and Nishinoya laughs, and he doesn’t look uncertain at all anymore, but Asahi kisses him anyway.