Work Text:
It was a quiet evening and General Hux and Lieutenant General Skylar May were on their way to their shared quarters.
"Can't wait for a relaxing bath for just the two of us," Skylar said as she smiled.
"Me neither," Hux responded as he smiled back. They kept on walking until they reached their quarters. Once they reached their quarters, Skylar typed in the code and the door opened. The redhead and blonde both walked in only to see five people in their living room: Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma, Lieutenant Mitaka, Lieutenant Emily Reynolds, and Petty Officer Thanisson. All five of them were in pajamas.
"Surprise!" Kylo said. He was wearing Darth Vader pajamas.
"Seriously guys?! Why are you all here?!" Hux asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You guys couldn't have waited in your own quarters? And how did you figure out the code to our door?" Skylar asked.
"I have my ways," Kylo said.
"But why are you guys here?" Hux asked.
"You two have the biggest TV," Kylo said.
"Your couch is the comfiest," Phasma said.
"You guys have more snacks than me," Emily said as she held up an unopened bag of Cheetos.
"Millicent likes me," Mitaka said as he pet the ginger cat.
"Your living room is fancier looking than mine," Thanisson said.
Hux and Skylar both pinched the bridges of their noses and sighed.
"What's wrong?" Mitaka asked.
"We were supposed to take a relaxing bath. Just the two of us, but it looks like we can't," Hux said.
"You two can still take your bath. We'll wait for you, just don't take too long," Phasma said as she winked at the couple.
"I guess we'll just take a quick shower," Skylar sighed as she went to the bedroom.
"Yeah, I guess so," Hux said as he followed her and shut their bedroom door.
The bedroom door opened revealing Skylar again.
"Emily, don't open those Cheetos," Skylar said.
"You have my word," Emily said as she saluted her friend.
"Good," Skylar said, then she shut the door.
"Open them!" Kylo said.
"No! If I do it she's gonna be pissed!" Emily said.
"Fine. Phasma let's play Patty Cake," Kylo said as he turned to face the tall blonde.
"Sure," Phasma said, then they played Patty Cake.
After about 15 minutes Hux and Skylar walked out of their room and saw Phasma, Emily, and Kylo watching Mitaka and Thanisson thumb wrestling.
"Guys, we're here," Hux said, getting everyone's attention.
"Hey! You two are finally here!" Kylo said as he stood up to hug the redhead and feisty blonde.
"Now can I open these Cheetos?" Emily asked.
"I bought them so I'll open it," Skylar said as she held out her hand.
"Fine," Emily said as she pouted and gave Skylar the bag.
"Can we have a food fight?" Kylo asked.
"No," Skylar responded as she opened the Cheetos.
"Whyyyyyyy?!" Kylo whined.
"Because I said so," Skylar said as she took a Cheeto and ate it, putting the bag down.
"Hux your girlfriend is being mean," Kylo said as he pouted.
"Well she is right. I mean this is our quarters, not yours, so we make the rules," Hux told him.
"So what do we do now?" Skylar asked.
"I guess we just hang out and chill," Emily said as she took a handful of Cheetos. She and Mitaka both fed each other.
"Hold on, I need a drink," Hux said as he went to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of brandy.
"Same here," Skylar said and she poured herself a glass of vodka.
"Whoa! Hold it right there! You guys are going to drink but not share it with all of us?" Kylo asked.
"What would you like to drink?" Skylar asked him.
"Rum, if you have it," Kylo said.
"Yeah we have it," Skylar said as she poured a glass of rum and gave it to Kylo.
"We should take shots!" Thanisson said.
"How old are you?" Hux asked.
"21," Thanisson responded.
"I think that's a great idea, we should take shots," Phasma said.
"The floor is lava!" Kylo screamed as he stood on the couch.
"Noooooo! You had a role in Toy Story and now you're dead!" Phasma screamed as she held a potato chip.
"Professor Snape! You're alive!" Emily yelled as she hugged Kylo.
"No that's Lord Voldemort! You're gonna die!" Mitaka screamed as he tried to "save" Emily.
"SpongeBob! What is the Krabby Patty secret formula?!" Skylar yelled as she held a kitchen sponge.
"Why did you kill Mufasa?!" Thanisson cried to Millicent. The ginger cat just meowed and walked away from him.
"Where the fuck is Narnia?!" Hux yelled as he went in a closet and banged on the wall.
"Let's party! Everybody dance now!" Kylo sang. The song "Best Of Both Worlds" by Hannah Montana started playing and everyone did different dance moves. Kylo twerked, Phasma did the Electric Slide, Hux did the Cotton-Eyed Joe, Skylar did the Thriller Dance, Mitaka did the Carlton, Emily did the Cupid Shuffle, and Thanisson did the Whip/ Nae Nae.
"I wear your granddad's clothes. I look incredible," Kylo sang as he walked around wearing Hux's greatcoat.
"May, you're a horrible aunt! Why aren't you spending time with your nephew Spider-Man?" Thanisson asked Skylar.
"I don't have a nephew named Spider-Man, I'm scared of spiders!" Skylar said.
"I'm so jealous of NSYNC! They get to serenade you!" Hux whined to Skylar.
"Just steal their song and sing it to her! Duh," Phasma said as she slapped the back of Hux's head.
"It's gonna be May!" Hux sang as he pointed to Skylar.
"Aww that's so sweet!" Skylar said.
"Simba! Blah blah I don't know the intro to the Circle Of Life! It's the circle of life! And it moves us all!" Kylo sang as he held Millicent.
"Oh shit he took the baby!" Skylar yelled. She was in one of Hux's uniform shirts and pants, which were way too long on her.
"No! Not my baby!" Hux yelled. He was wearing one of Skylar's dresses, which was way too short on him, and red lipstick, which was all over his lips making him look like a clown. He even had a bra outside of the dress.
"How do you spell bananas?" Emily asked.
"This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" Mitaka sang.
"I ain't no hollaback girl! Ain't no hollaback girl!" Emily sang.
"That's so fetch!" Phasma yelled.
"Stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not gonna happen! We should totally stab Caesar because I'm such a good friend!" Kylo cried.
"What a crybaby! No wonder they call you Crylo Ren!" Hux yelled.
"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!" Thanisson sang.
"I'll cry until my pity party's in flames!" Skylar sang.
"I love Melanie Martinez!" Thanisson yelled.
"Yes! Crybabies unite!" Skylar yelled, and they tried to high-five each other but since they were so drunk, they accidentally hit each other's foreheads.
"No! She's my girl bitch!" Hux yelled, hugging Skylar.
"Fight me bitch! You have no soul!" Thanisson yelled.
"Because he's ginger! Gingers have no souls!" Mitaka yelled.
"I'm going down to South Park gonna have myself a time!" Emily sang.
"Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation!" Phasma and Kylo sang.
"Drinks are on me bitches!" Skylar yelled as she poured glasses of vodka for everyone.
"Yes! This is why we love you!" Phasma yelled as she took a glass.
"Bottoms up everyone!" Hux yelled as they all drank, only to be knocked out a minute later.
The next morning everyone woke up with pounding headaches.
"Ugh! What happened?" Hux asked as he rubbed his head.
"I like your dress," Kylo said sarcastically.
"What?" Hux asked, then he looked down. "Shit," he added.
"We must've been pretty wasted," Phasma said.
"Tell me about it," Skylar said.
"Does anyone remember anything?" Emily asked.
"I certainly don't," Mitaka said.
"My head hurts," Thanisson whined.
"Oh really? Your head hurts?" Kylo asked sarcastically.
"Meow!"
Everyone looked at Millicent.
"Good morning Millie," Hux and Skylar said to their ginger cat.
Millicent looked at Kylo and Thanisson, then hissed at them. The two men just looked at each other then shrugged.
"Nice uniform Sky," Emily said to her best friend.
Skylar then looked down at her outfit. She was wearing General Hux's uniform. "Damn it," she said as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
"I'd have to say, you look hot wearing my clothes," Hux said, and everyone groaned.
"Nice lipstick," Skylar said.
"What are you talking about?" Hux asked. Skylar pointed to a mirror in the living room, and the ginger got up to look at himself. "Shit, I had no idea we were that wasted," he said.
"And your cat hates me," Thanisson whined as he looked at the ginger cat, who looks ready to attack him and Kylo.
"Really? We all have awful headaches and you're worried about a cat hating you?" Kylo asked.
"I still can't remember anything," Phasma complained.
"Me neither," Mitaka said.
"Ren, remove my greatcoat off of yourself. I look better in it than you do," Hux said to Kylo.
"Let's not do this ever again," Skylar said as she rubbed her head. Everyone agreed.