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Eric Chapman does not have time for this right now.
Actually, he never has time for this.
He has a funeral home to run, okay? There are bodies that need to be gotten into the ground- oh, now he's sounding far too much like Rudyard.
Stupid Rudyard Funn and his stupid pretty face and his stupid bad decisions. Which is what this all boils down to, really. One of Rudyard's bad decisions. He had shown up at Chapman's funeral home before it was even open, raving about being cheated by "the one person I hate more than you, Chapman. Well... it's a close call."
It was hard to gather much of the story from Rudyard while he was ranting on like that. What he had gathered was this: some man had cheated Rudyard out of some amount of money by promising to pay for the funeral after it occurred.
"Just because his brother is dead does not mean I won't be sure he pays his money."
"And what are you wanting me to do about that?"
"You are going to go with me. For... protection. To confront him."
"Rudyard, I've got a busy day today, why can't you ask Georgie-"
"Georgie has abandoned me. As well as my own sister."
Chapman laughed. "It's not quite as dramatic as that. They're just having a weekend to themselves. How is that going, anyway?"
"I don't know, Chapman, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell the likes of you."
"Where is this man you are going to confront, anyway?"
"We are going to confront. And he works for the mayor."
Chapman sighed, mentally rearranged his to do list, and gave into Rudyard's demand.
Which brings him to wear he is now.
Trapped.
In an elevator.
In an elevator, for god's sake! He would think it's a cliché, but really, he's too focused on not being able to believe that this is actually happening. As in, happening in real life.
They shouldn't have gotten on this elevator to begin with. It didn't look quite like it was capable of carrying the weight of a cat, much less two fully grown men. What else could be expected from a town like Piffling Vale?
The elevator stopped, of course, between the first and second floors. Rudyard was impossibly more angry than he already had been. It wasn't so much that Rudyard himself was being annoying, but more than, in this scenario, in the tiniest elevator Chapman's ever been in, with Rudyard's face just inches away, and really if he leaned forward would it be so bad... yes, this is the part that gets annoying. Yes, this might actually be Chapman's breaking point. If this was his supervillain origin story, then now would be the moment he made a morally terrible decision that lead to the deaths of hundreds.
"Really, this is all your fault. If you hadn't come along with me the elevator wouldn't have had to carry as much weight."
"Rudyard, you insisted I come along!"
"I wouldn't quite call it insisting."
He's right, Eric thinks. Rudyard hadn't really pressured him all that much, and yet, here he was.
"Well I wasn't going to let you go picking fights with cheating customers all by yourself! You could get hurt!"
"That's probably what you want! To get rid of the competition!"
"Then why would I be here with you, Rudyard?"
"Why are you here with me, Chapman?"
"Because I care about you, idiot!"
Was this elevator getting smaller? Rudyard leaned closer and closer.
He kisses Chapman, and despite the suffocating space and the argument still echoing around both of their heads, it is good. It is good because they've both waited, what, years for this? Good despite the awkward angle and the bumping noses and the fact that they're both smiling too hard for any real kissing. It's still good when the elevator starts working again, and when Rudyard is too blissful to really yell at the man who owes him money. It's good when they leave hand and hand, and Chapman figures that it will keep being good for a long, long time.