Chapter Text
“I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we’re from the same star.” ― Emery Allen
*****
« But how will I know who my soulmate is, daddy? »
The old man smiled at his little girl. She was barely five years old and understood so much already.
“You’ll know when you see them, when they are right in front of you. You’ll feel your skin warming, your heart beating faster than ever. You will feel drawn to them, in the best way you can imagine.”
The little girl was looking at her father in awe, drinking the words like they were the key to life.
“Please, tell me one more time how you knew Mother was yours, so I can know how it will be for me.”
Her mother came into the room, and she knew that the joyful moment was over. She jumped off of her father’s lap to stand straight, not looking at the woman.
“You will not know what it’s like, foolish girl. Look at your wrist, there is no name written on it.”
“Katherine, stop talking to her like that, she is so young.”
The woman glared at her husband, sighing, then threw a murderous look at her daughter.
“Grab your gloves, we’re going out, Kitty.”
“Yes, Mother.”
Cat looked at her notebook, the one she had kept since she was a little girl, since she had understood that she wasn’t like everybody else. She had started it after that day, when her mother had told her that she would never know what it’s like to find a soulmate. She had taken the notebook her father had given her for her birthday and had written the words her father had told her. Her toddler writing, combined with the grammatical mistakes, made it even more painful to see, but she needed it. She kept writing in it, adding versions of what a soulmate was through the years, what people told her, explained to her.
***
What a wonderful society. Everyone was born with a name tattooed on their wrist, the name of their soulmate. A wild concept, taking away all the pleasure of not knowing, of learning through pain that the person you love the most might not be the one. But people seemed to enjoy it, taking pleasure in knowing when to invest their souls and when they should not. Oh, how Cat disagreed with that false feeling of security in knowing that you have someone waiting for you somewhere.
The notebook was important to Cat. She had kept it all these years to remind her that she could get through life even without a stupid tattoo on her wrist. She was tired of this society where all of your life was determined from your birth. Tired of young people struggling to make themselves a place when they didn’t have a tattoo, or when the name on it was not the expected one. A « Jane » instead of a « James » on a little girl’s wrist, or a « Mohammed» instead of a « Christian »... It was common for young people to hate their tattoo because it was causing prejudice to them, to their family or to their social life.
But Catherine Grant... She was born without a tattoo. No name written on her wrist, not a single letter. Of course, it had happened before, but it was rare and not seen as a good thing. She was different and people hated different.
Cat had always loved writing, since she was a little girl. It helped her get through the sadness of being doomed to be alone, the fear that her mother would get home angry and throw harsh words at her because she wasn’t born like everyone else. Normality was overrated, that’s what her father had told her once, from his hospital bed. So she had started writing everything about soulmates in a notebook. How she dreamt of having one when she was a little girl, how she hated that she should have one, how she despised this society... Stories of her childhood were reunited in it, stories she had told no one else. It was her sacred place, and she would never give it away…
When her mother saw that she wasn’t gifted, she forced her to wear gloves all the time. Just to be sure that no one would know. And it had worked. Shaming her daughter about her peculiarity had made her aware of it, afraid of it. She had learned to hide it from the world. Even now, at twenty five years old. Oh, she was young, few were the people who knew about her bare wrist. The only one who had not made her feel ashamed of it was her father. But he died many years ago, she was alone.
To forget about it, she had thrown herself into her studies, into her work. Slowly building an empire, one that would show the world that she didn’t need anyone to be a woman, to be herself, to be powerful.
“You deserve to be loved, wait for your soulmate. Be joyful and happy together.”
These were the last words of her father before the illness took him. How she wished she could be so optimistic about her soulmate. But she had accepted the fact that she had none, she was – almost- okay with it.
Cat was getting frustrated so she closed her notebook, put it back in her drawer before falling asleep, nightmares haunting her like always.
*****
Her planet was destroyed, lost in the deep nothingness of the universe. She was cold, alone. Her destiny disappeared just like the rest of her world. Kara Danvers landed on Earth on a beautiful day, when the sun was still rising. She had felt it, as soon as the first ray hit her skin through the pod... the strength of her body multiplying.
A small pod drifting through space, a teenager asleep in it and a heart beating stronger than ever. Kara Zor-El was waking up as her pod left the Phantom Zone, heading straight towards Earth. She was afraid. Where was her cousin? Was he lost? Was she? She didn’t register what was happening, only the brutal impact of her pod hitting the ground, flames around her. As the glass roof opened, she could only feel two things…
***
When the pod first touched the ground, the impact was violent, rough. Shaking her. Her head pounding after it hit her seat several times. But it didn’t last. She felt better almost immediately, and she understood that the yellow sun had somehow healing effects. The warming feeling and the growing strength that provided the yellow sun of her new planet. It was hurting her eyes and burning her skin. She couldn’t see, only feel. Thinking about it, if she had survived a fall from the sky (quite literally), how was it possible that her arm hurt so much, even in the full light of the day?
That was one of her first memories on Earth. The pain radiating from her arm as she felt something like a knife cutting her open, like it was trying to draw something on her... She had watched her arm to see symbols appearing on it. She guessed they were letters from this world, she couldn’t understand them yet. She stared at it, like she was trying to understand them. They were already disappearing. She started to panic because the pain had soon transformed into warmth, comfort... She somehow felt like it wasn’t something she could live without and it was already going away, like everyone and everything she loved. She heard the words resonate in her head, she understood their meaning without really catching what it truly meant. « Cat ». The word of a language she didn’t know sounded great to her, sounded right. The very first word that this planet had decided to show her. She knew, on this very day, that she would hold on this to find strength, to get up and do what she was supposed to do, protect Kal-El.
But as soon as the sun touched her arm, the word disappeared. She tried to prevent it from doing so, but it was in vain. Her brain registered the word, deciding to save it, to cherish it. And then, Superman was helping her out of her pod, bringing her to the Danvers...
*****
Cat Grant was sleeping when she first felt it, the sharp pain in her arm. As soon as it hit her arm she knew, she knew what it was. She wasn’t the first one receiving her tattoo late in her life, she had read a lot about it. Because despite hating what these tattoos had made of the world, she had craved one her entire life, so she had hoped that maybe, it would come later. Through middle school, she was still hoping, in high school, it was more of a saving line, the only thing preventing her from drowning. But when she entered college, she knew it would never happen to her. « Don’t be such a fool, Kitty. » her mother had told her. And she had been right, like always.
Once, in middle school, she had broken her arm on the playground. When she had been taken to the hospital, she refused to have any x-rays because she was certain there would be nothing, that the pain came from her tattoo appearing on her wrist. She had not understood the look on the doctors’ and nurses’ faces then. But later, as an adult, when she thought back about the scene... They had been full of pity.
But in the middle of the night, as a thirty-seven year-old woman, Cat Grant knew that it was finally happening. Lost between relief and disgust, happiness and anger... She didn’t know if she was to hate or love the person whose name had been written on her skin. Her eyes opened slowly, she was hesitant to look. She had the right to be. Almost forty years waiting for that damn thing to appear, and now that it was there, she wasn’t sure she wanted it.
When she first felt the pain, she almost cried out, remembering just in time that she had her baby sleeping in the next room. She looked at the dark symbols on her skin, she couldn’t recognize them. They didn’t even look like they were from here... But somehow she knew that it was a name, and she could hear it in her head, even though she couldn’t quite know how to pronounce it, it was here, with her... “Kara...” A smile grew on her lips, maybe she wasn’t doomed to be alone after all.
Her eyes landed on the delicate symbols. The pain had been replaced by a very comforting feeling spreading in her whole body. She wondered what this mysterious person would look like, how their voice would sound. What will be the color of their eyes? Everything she had pushed aside all other life coming back, flooding her mind like a tsunami. She had never giggled like the other girls when they talked about their tattoos, always found them ridiculous and stupid. But now that she was the one thinking like that... She started to understand the feeling. Should she go and look for them? And- Her thoughts were interrupted by soft babbling coming from her son’s room. What was she thinking? She wasn’t alone, she had Carter. She didn’t need someone to complete her, she had everything at home. She could almost hear her mother’s voice: « Stop acting like some teenager, Kitty. »
*****
Kara was looking at Alex’s wrist with curiosity.
She had been on Earth for a week now, learning different languages of this new planet very quickly and getting used to the new customs of her new home. She had learned what her cousin had become, a hero. He was already an adult, older than her. He was the one protecting her now, not the other way around. And it was hard to accept for Kara, the only thing that had kept her sane in this pod was the thought that she would be useful for her cousin. Feeling useless was the worst thing in the world, and she had to deal with it while accepting the loss of her family, friends and world.
The Danvers were really supportive, giving her time, never raising their voice even when she did something wrong. They were nice to her. But the best was Alex, because she wasn’t being so kind with her. Kara knew that she hated her for disturbing her little family, for taking a place so important in their lives. But at the same time... Kara felt that she loved her, in her own way.
So during a Sunday afternoon, while they were both watching a movie, Kara let her eyes wander on Alex’s tattoo.
« Watch the movie, Kara. I won’t replay it again just because you didn’t understand the joke. »
The teenager blushed, she had a hard time understanding Earth’s humor so she always asked Alex to explain it to her.
« What is on your wrist? »
Alex turned her head towards Kara and looked deep inside her eyes. She saw the intense curiosity in her eyes and decided to indulge her.
« It’s my soulmate’s name. »
Seeing that the girl still didn’t understand, she explained.
« The person I’m supposed to end my life with, future husband or wife, you know? »
Kara nodded gravely then frowned.
« I thought Earth’s coupling customs were different than on Krypton... »
Alex nodded.
« They are. »
« But you have these tattoos that pair you with someone, like on Krypton. Is it for political reason too? » Alex smiled fondly, Kara really was weird sometimes.
« You silly, it’s not the same thing at all. A soulmate is... It’s more than just someone you marry.»
« I don’t understand. »
Love marriage were so rare on Krypton, Kara had trouble getting the concept.
« It’s about love, mind connection... A soulmate it’s... »
Alex had thought about what was a soulmate for years. She had wondered how it would feel to be loved so powerfully, to find the person that could understand everything about you but still make you feel stronger rather than weaker.
« I guess it’s the person you don’t have to hide from, no matter what happens The person you don’t need to fool, the one that lets you just be.”
It wasn’t exactly what she thought her soulmate was, but it was what Kara needed to hear, because she was the one who needed to hide from the world, needed to hide her true self…
« Does everyone has a tattoo? »
« Yeah, usually. Some people doesn’t have any... It’s kinda seen as a bad thing. »
She looked at the bare wrist of Kara. She smiled softly, looking sorry.
« I think... I think I may have one too. A soulmate I mean. »
Alex didn’t know what to say, she wanted to reassure Kara, tell her that she wouldn’t be alone all her life. How was she supposed to tell the girl that without a tattoo, she would probably never find a soulmate?
« I am sure you do. It’s not because you don’t have a tattoo that you’ll stay alone. »
« No but Alex... I had a tattoo when I arrived. It disappeared, I think that it may be because of your sun... »
Alex nodded gravely, looking so much like her mother.
« It’s possible since it helps you healing... »
The older girl looked excited.
« What did it say? »
Kara shook her head.
« I don’t know how to pronounce it. I couldn’t read when I first saw it... It’s just... there. In my mind. I know how it sounds inside me, I just can’t manage to get it out. Does that make sense?”
Alex chuckled.
« Not at all, but I’m sure you’ll manage one day. »
The blonde smiled at her, Alex was so comforting sometimes, she was lucky and happy to have her.
Her soulmate’s name resonated once more in her head, « Cat »... She smiled, and she knew that somewhere else in the world, someone was smiling too.