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This is awkward.
The thought passed through his mind, the moment he realized that he was alone with Akutagawa Ryuunosuke.
Atsushi wasn’t sure what to do. Every time the two met, fights would erupt and both would punch the living daylights out of each other. But recently… things have changed.
The fight against Guild’s leader was won and everything was fine, right? No, absolutely not.
After all the mess, and the nights spend doing paperwork, Atsushi decided to get something little to eat. It was in the middle of the night, and Atsushi was sure the little store not far away from his apartment was still open. So, he happily walked there only to bump into Akutagawa. Literally.
For a moment he bared himself for an attack, but oddly enough nothing happened and as he looked at Akutagawa’s face, he realized that the other wasn’t staring at him, but to the side. Then he walked away, still ignoring Atsushi’s presence.
And that was the moment, Atsushi realized that things have changed.
Normally he wouldn’t have minded that much. He could life with it. Or at least he could have, if Dazai Osamu and his stupid ideas didn’t exist. For some reason that bastard decided that Akutagawa and he would make a perfect team.
Shin Soukoku.
And that’s why he invited Akutagawa to a picnic on the weekend. It was a stupid and complete idiotic idea, that much was clear.
But nonetheless, they needed to talk things through, because maybe the words said in their fight against Fitzgerald were too much.
Too much truth.
—
He still didn’t know why exactly Akutagawa accepted, but it worked well for him, so who was he to complain? Maybe Akutagawa came the same conclusion - that they needed to talk.
Or maybe this all was a fucked up dream.
Though every thought he had vanished, the moment Akutagawa came into his sight, holding a dish. He had manners and Atsushi could appreciate that.
Smiling brightly like always, Atsushi waved his hand before pointing to the fabric on the ground, where a basket and a bag were placed.
“Sit down if you want to,” he said, still smiling as he observed the other.
The mafioso nodded before taking place, and placing the dish besides his basket. Atsushi sat on the opposite of him, still wondering why he thought a picnic would be a good idea. Or why the other even came without killing him on the spot.
Maybe he wanted to gather information on Atsushi, and indirectly the agency. Maybe he was forced by the boss because of “partner-bonding time”. Heck, maybe this was a perfect planned assassination. Or maybe…
… Maybe Akutagawa also realized they needed to talk, if they wanted Shin Soukoku to work.
“Thank you for coming,” he mumbled, as he opened the basket and laid most of it’s contents.
“Thank you… for inviting me.” Came the quick reply.
Atsushi was happy, that he wasn’t the only one finding the whole situation awkward and ridiculous.
Time passed and while they were definitely eating and enjoying the scenery, they still didn’t talk. Atsushi couldn’t handle it anymore, so he gulped before deciding to speak up.
“I-I meant it,” he said, his voice stuttering, but filled with honesty.
Akutagawa looked up and for a moment he wondered if he would lash out. He didn’t. Instead he furrowed his eyebrows, clearly questioning what Atsushi meant.
Atsushi breathed in and out, before speaking up.
“The time a-as we fought against Fitzgerald and I… told you that Dazai-san already acknowledged you.”
Dear God, if he kills me after this, please make sure that Dazai suffers. A lot.
Suddenly, he understood Kunikida and his wish to strangle Dazai. Weren’t it for that bastard of a mentor, he wouldn’t be sitting with the guy that tried to kill him almost everyday in a park, having a picnic and having an awkward… whatever this was.
Akutagawa opened his mouth and Atsushi feared the worst.
“… Didn’t I tell you not to linger in the past?”
What?
“Because, ma- no, Nakajima, you’re talking about something that happened weeks ago and is already cleared.”
Wait… What?!
Apparently his shock must have been obvious, because suddenly Akutagawa smirked and Atsushi wasn’t sure anymore, what was going on.
“He acknowledged me. Weeks ago. It’s over.”
Akutagawa might have smirked while saying those words, but Atsushi still saw it in his eyes.
It’s over.
Akutagawa was lost, without a propose.
Suddenly, Atsushi understood what his mentor really tried to do with the Shin Soukoku thing and for once he wasn’t sure what to think about it.
Atsushi looked at the other for some seconds, before he spoke up. “Want to go on a walk with me?”
A nod was the answer.
—
After that they packed their things and were walking around the park. The sun started to set down, but Atsushi knew neither of them was ready to go home and maybe it was better so.
Dazai did acknowledge Akutagawa, that’s for sure. But… was that all Akutagawa wanted? The mafioso talked about his former mentor as was he his everything (there was something bitter settling in Atsushi at the thought, but he ignored it).
Maybe… maybe he wanted more.
“Akutagawa… are you sure it’s okay? You surly want more from Dazai-san than acknowledgement.”
It was silent for a moment and Atsushi feared that he fucked up for sure, but then a sigh escaped Akutagawa’s mouth and dark grey eyes bored into his. He was smirking even more than before.
“You don’t really get it, Nakajima… take your time.”
And then he felt slender fingers caressing through his hair. A moment later the mafia member spoke up.
“Are you coming?”
He never knew Akutagawa’s touch could be so gentle.
—
The weeks were long enough for him to think.
To think about what happened, to think about Dazai’s praise which he sought for years and to think… about the man-tiger’s words.
Akutagawa felt oddly empty now where he had what he wanted. And suddenly he realized, that maybe it didn’t matter.
Dazai acknowledged him and it didn’t matter. It’s absurd. Instead he wondered about the man-tiger’s words. There was something strong about them, tearing at everything he believed.
And before he knew it, suddenly they were Shin Soukoku. It was… fine. Atsushi and he worked well together, even with the silence.
But it was all because of Dazai. Not because of them, but because of Dazai. Somehow it sickened him.
So, when the man-tiger invited him to a picnic, he was surprised. Nonetheless, he decided to go and he was… satisfied. It was nice, although the awkward silence was still there.
Until Atsushi spoke up.
And then Akutagawa realized, that Atsushi still couldn’t get over everything and he wondered what held the other back. He was sure he would find out in time. And he did.
The moment Atsushi asked him, if he wished more out of Dazai. It almost made him laugh, because honestly, there was nothing more that Dazai could possible give him.
Nothing that held any importance to him. In a way it was cruel of him. Now where he had his acknowledgement everything other was unimportant.
“Let’s sit down there!”
Atsushi pointed to a bank, smiling happily and Akutagawa nodded. The night had long ago arrived and a river of stars could be seen in the sky.
The boy besides him admired their beauty… whilst Akutagawa admired his. The white hair was shining sliver through the light of the moon and his eyes were glowing in a golden shine. He wasn’t sure if that was the effect of the boy’s ability or not.
Then Akutagawa noticed how the other shivered, so he slowly turned Rashomon into a soft blanket, which dropped down onto their shoulders, enveloping them in it’s warmth. It made him feel safe and secure.
“T-thank you.”
Akutagawa only hummed as an answer.
Time passed and he realized that Atsushi fell asleep, his head resting on Akutagawa’s shoulder. His eyes softened at the sight.
Until his eyes widened and his heart stopped for a moment.
Oh…, now he understood.
Closing his eyes and leaning his head against Atsushi’s, he smirked at sensation of the boy’s hair stroking his right cheek.
It was once again all about acknowledgement.
I’ll wait for you to acknowledge me, he thought, holding onto Atsushi’s left hand with his right. As more than partners.