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You’ve never seen this before.
You’ve never seen this before and it’s actually kind of terrifying.
He’s sitting there, calm and collected. He’s got his legs crossed and his faceplate off and you had to stop yourself from having a completely inappropriate reaction because you’ve never actually seen his face before.
Sure, you’ve hung out with Genji on multiple occasions when you had time between missions, he always seemed like he was so damned lonely and you couldn’t just leave him like that. You’ve been through enough of being on your own to know how much it really shakes a person. So when you both had a moment, and he was willing, you’d sit in the grass outside of HQ. Watch the breeze roll over the hills and you’d talk and he’d listen.
He probably knew everything there was to know about you at this point, from your most embarrassing story to the secret tattoo you’ve been sporting since you were fifteen but all he’d ever said about himself was that he was from Japan and that he’d had a brother once.
You never pressed. The demons in Genji were visible even under all his mesh and wires.
You knew a thing or two about those as well.
So for the most part you left him be, let him listen to your rambling and your tall tales about Santa Fe and the few friends you made back in Deadlock. You told him about missions and doctor visits, how your top surgery was scheduled and how much it was going to suck to have to be sore for so long while you recovered.
He always laughed at your silly stories, always supported you in every way he could. He’d really grown on you over the past few months.
But this.
This is something entirely different, completely new.
You can see the barely contained rage simmering underneath his cheeks as he concentrates on his breathing, the carved lines of sorrow that rake a path under his eyes. You never knew he felt so deeply.
His scars, both physical and emotional, are visible to you for the first time since you’ve met.
When he opens his eyes they’re on you in a heartbeat, as if he knew you were there, as if he knew you were staring. Something flickers in them, too fast for you to catch before he stands from his spot on the ground and paces towards you. Each step is measured and guarded to the teeth.
“McCree.” He says simply once he’s about three feet from you.
“Genji, hey.” You wave awkwardly and try to laugh around the sudden guilt you’re feeling at being caught so spectacularly.
“Do you see something that bothers you?” He snaps, and you can’t help but think that that’s probably the most loaded question you’ve ever heard in your life.
“Wh-? Nah I just. I just…” You look away as your hand comes up to rub at the heat building at the back of your neck, unsure what to say. Your entire face is most probably beet red.
“Just what.” His tone is sharp and it makes you wince. Without his guard in the way his voice is so much more clear. Still got that slight artificial static, but he projects so much more, coveys so much more with his face bare. You can’t help but feel like you shouldn’t be seeing him this...vulnerable.
“I just wasn’t expectin’ you to be so darn cute.” Your answer shocks you both, and for a second you think he might leave, but he’s frozen with disbelief and you’re hoping you didn’t say the wrong thing.
“Cute.” He pauses, visibly bristling at your words. “You think this .” He points to a particularly gnarled scar, eyebrows pinched together and face turning red as he takes another step in your direction. “Is cute ?”
“Well, yeah o’course I do!” You sputter, open your mouth to try and save this but he interrupts you before you can even take another breath, let alone speak in your defense.
“Do not mock me McCree.” There’s tears building up in the corners of his eyes, angry drops threatening to spill over. “Do not make a fool of me.”
Fuck.
You definitely said the wrong thing.
“Genji- No that ain’t.” You move closer, try to put a hand on his shoulder but he wrenches his body away from your touch like he’s been burned, curls in on himself just the slightest bit. You’re not sure he knows if he’s doing it or not it’s so subtle.
“Do not lie to me McCree!” His chest is heaving and there are real tears streaming on his cheeks. He looks tortured. Anguished.
Your blood runs like ice in your veins when he buries his face in his hands and turns away from you.
“Genji, darlin’, listen to me.” You beg and he’s shaking now and it’s your fault , “I mean it, I think you’re gorgeous! Just look at you honey you’re beautiful I ain’t never seen somebody so pretty.” You mean every word that leaves your big stupid mouth and you hope to god he doesn’t think you mean him any harm.
He’s silent for a moment, but when he speaks again you have to strain to hear him.
“The only thing I see when I look into a mirror, McCree,” He sounds more broken than you’ve ever heard him, “is failure and the scars that I deserve to wear for thinking that I deserved to be anything more than a tool for whomever chose to claim me.”
Silence blankets the both of you. Part of you wants to ask what he means by that, does he feel used? You’ve always been curious as to why he joined Overwatch but you never found it right to ask. Now you’re not so sure he joined because of an interest in world peace.
For a moment you’re not sure if he’s breathing and that thought ratchets up your anxiety by about fifteen percent.
“So tell me,” He shifts to turn halfway back towards you, eyes puffy, arms wrapped around himself like he might fall apart at any second. “how is it that you see something beautiful?”
Slowly, carefully, you inch forward and take his chin with two of your fingers. “Genji,” you’re staring into his eyes, searching their golden hues as you try your damndest to be as vulnerable as he is right now, “you’re the most beautiful person I ever met. I don’t see no failure here. I don’t see no scars. I just see you darlin and I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you. I don’t know how you got it up in your head that you ain’t nothin but a tool but conejito , you’re only human.”
You rub his cheek with the pad of your thumb and smile sadly, trying not to think about what in the world could have convinced Genji that he was so, well.
Not amazing.
But you don’t have much time to think about it. He makes the most pitiful sound you’ve ever heard in your life and a part of you breaks because in the next second he’s got his face planted firmly in your chest and he’s wailing , just bawling in your arms and you’re helpless to do anything but hold him close and try to calm him down.
“Sh-shhh.” You’re starting to shake as you raise your hand and try to pet his head, finding it awkward to maneuver around his antennae but you manage. “It’s...it’s okay Genji it’s alright.” You’re terrified that you said the wrong thing again, fuck you’re really bad at this.
He starts to loose his hold on you, the cries bubbling out into soft sniffles and somehow the both of you ended up on the floor in all of this.
“McCree.” He mumbles, forehead still firmly on your chest so that you can’t see his face anymore, “Do you consider me to be a human?”
“Yes?” You’re unsure why he would ask. Of course he’s a human what else would he be? Your hand never stops petting his head as you try to sort out what he means.
He sighs and holds out his arm, steam momentarily filling the air as his vents slide open and you realize.
Oh.
Oh.
“Genji.” Your voice is raw with emotion and you just hold him tighter to you, squeezing him closer with the help of both your arms and your legs. He simply lets you, curling up a little to make it more comfortable. “Your parts don’t make you hon. I ain’t any less human because of this shiny metal arm. You’re just as much a person as I am.”
He sobs, whole body tightening as he grips hard at your shirt and tries to stop himself from crying again.
You do your best trying to comfort him and act without thinking.
You press a kiss to his forehead but that only seems to make it worse because he grunts like he’s been punched in the gut and looks up at you, face screwed up in pain.
“I,” He starts, “McCree I could not feel that.” And he looks so lost, so desperate for something, anything to cement the fact that he’s a person and you can’t stop yourself.
You move just a hairs width forward, eyes slipping shut and before you can fully process what’s happening your lips are on his.
He makes a small sound in the back of his throat, one you can’t really decipher but he doesn’t give you time to before he’s reacting. Pulling on your serape to tug you closer and kissing you back like he’s been drowning and you’re the blessed breach to the surface.
It’s all you can do to keep up.
He pulls away from you suddenly, and your eyes open to quite possibly the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.
The setting sun frames his head like a halo, his eyes open and honest, surprise fluttering through them as he blinks at you. His lips shine and you feel your heart skip a beat when he subconsciously licks at them. When he licks you off of them.
The silence that stretches between the two of you is punctuated only by puffs of breathing.
“Genji?” You start, searching his eyes for any kind of reaction. “I, uh.”
“Thank you.” He stops you, and nope okay this is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen because he’s smiling at you.
He’s smiling at you with all of his teeth and his eyes closed and you can’t help but wonder what on earth you’ve done in your life to deserve this.
“For what?” You ask, dumbfounded for anything else to say.
He leans forward and tucks his chin over your shoulder to whisper in your ear. “For being so honest.” His arms find their way under yours as he squeezes you gently.
“Whaddaya mean darlin? O’course I’m honest.” You’re confused. You would never lie to Genji, you have too much respect for him.
He chuckles, jostling the both of you slightly. “If it were anyone else,” He explains, “I would not have believed them, no matter how hard they tried to convince me otherwise. But,” He pauses and leans back to look at you again,
“I do not think you have a lying bone in your body Jesse McCree.”
“Hgg.” You can be so articulate when you want to be, honestly. “I,” You try again, “Thanks.”
He laughs and rolls out of your lap to sit beside you.
And it takes you that long to realize that he’s been in your lap this entire time.
Your entire being blushes as you try not to dwell on that thought for too long.
“Hey.” A realization blessedly stops your train of thought. “That’s the first time you’ve called me that.”
“Hm?” He cocks his head to the side, eyebrows pinching together. There’s still a sadness to him, still an air of anger pulsing just beneath the surface but he looks more relaxed. Just a little more at peace.
“You called me Jesse.” You smile wide and laugh as he makes a small ‘o’ shape with his mouth.
“I suppose I did.” He grins, something wicked and mischievous. If you could bottle it up you’d be drinking it for the rest of your life, “Jesse.”