Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a cold night of December; Changkyun is waiting in the living room as he had done for over 3 weeks, waiting for his lover to come home, He, Kihyun, his lover for almost 5 years now, it’s been ignoring him, Changkyun didn’t understand why, they know each other since Changkyun born, Kihyun is oldest than him, but that doesn’t matter, he’s the cutest and the most precious human in his life, meanwhile Changkyun is waiting for him, he remembers the old memories, the moment he confessed his love, during winter too, he was so nervous that he felt like if he could cry in any moment “Hyung, I love you” – Kihyun was surprise, but not angry or disgusted, he accepted his confession and was agreed to date him. Changkyun smiles when he remember him laying down the next morning after his confession, they told Changkyun’s parents he going to stay for the night, the kiss they shared, and how peacefully Kihyun felt asleep in Changkyun’s arms.

It was already 1 am when Changkyun hear the front door open, there was his lover, drunk as hell, with all his clothes messes up, he didn’t want to fight, not when he knows Kihyun going to ignore him, instead he help him to clean a bit, he can’t ignore the odor of cigarettes in him, Kihyun doesn’t smoke, “probably one of his friends”, he didn’t want to dude about his loyalty, not until he see proof.

Not long ago, one of his friends told him something Changkyun already knew but prefer ignored him, “Kihyun, cheating me? No way” he denied that possibility, he even fought with one of his closest friends, and he knows how much he dislike Kihyun, but to invent something like that? It was something Changkyun can forgive, since then, they don’t talk anymore.

During the morning, Changkyun wanted to ask directly to Kihyun, but as always, Kihyun left early, 6 am? Maybe early, his first class is at 8am, he doesn’t understand why he needed to leave so early, when they live 5 min away from the faculty. What does he do during that time?

Three weeks ago, they used to go together, holding hands, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, he remembered how they used to flirt in front of everyone having all his friends saying they’re “disgusting”, Changkyun miss those times.

In their university, is exactly the same, Kihyun also ignores him, he has new friends he did during the time he wait for Changkyun. Changkyun is youngest than him for two years, Kihyun left their town after he graduated, with the promise Changkyun going to follow him. He remember Kihyun crying because he didn’t want to left him, but not matter what, homework or parents, he spent all his weekends in his house. Their parents already knew about their relationship, so they just left him.

A day, Changkyun was already sick of his own thoughts so, he went for a walk for a park, it was a beautiful day, he can see the kids playing around, some people with his dogs, Changkyun loves dogs and kids so much, he can see pureness in them. He remembered when Kihyun and Changkyun used to be as pure as those kids, playing around, how innocently he asked Kihyun to marry him when they’re older and how Kihyun only took it as a joke; It wasn’t a joke

He was so into his thoughts that he didn’t see the person in front of him, Kihyun, he told him he need to do some stuff from his career, liar

“Hey Changkyun” – Kihyun is nervous – “What are you doing here?”

“Walking” – Changkyun at this point is kinda sick of his lies – “the question is why you are here?”

“I going to meet a friend” – he says – “what to come with me?”

Well, it was the first time during a month Kihyun asks him to do something together, so he just accepted, he was happy for a moment but not when he meets his friend, probably one of the most handsome in the town, perfect face and good body, he smiles when he see Kihyun, Changkyun can deny he felt jealous for the way Kihyun smiles at him, that's the smile he used to had when they were together. 

Kihyun introduces him as "his lover", that makes him feel better, that guy is Hoseok, his senior from university, the one who he spent most of his time during the past month. 

That night, Kihyun didn't sleep with him either. 

it become an habit, all the times Kihyun excuses himself saying he has something he need to do so he going to stay in some friend house, Changkyun doesn't like that

T_T

It's been a week since Changkyun met Kihyun's friend, and for some strange reason Kihyun thinks is okay bringing him to his house, it's not a problem, but he did it when Changkyun it's not there, more than once, Changkyun found them in a not really good situation, almost always they're extremely close, still Changkyun want to confidence on him, why? Because he loves him, he really does. 

Someday Changkyun decides to asks him about him "And he doesn't like anyone?" Kihyun was surprise but he respond "he likes someone for long time ago, but he doesn't like back" Hoseok was de definition of perfection, it was really difficult to find someone who reject such beautiful specimen.

After 6 weeks without properly talk, Kihyun invites him to a party in Minhyuk's house, he thougth it going to be okay since he likes Minhyuk a lot, he's very friendly, but since he didn't know the rest of the guys, he decides bring with him one of his classmates, Jooheon. he's as friendly as Minhyuk, they could get along faster. 

Jooheon, Kihyun and Changkyun go to the party together, thanks to Jooheon the silence it's not as awkward as always, actually all of them are talking, about their class or whatever, actually Changkyun is just happy Kihyun is in good mood. 

when they're in Minhyuk's house, Kihyun introduces them to the rest, Hyungwoo, a tall and tanned guy, the first thing Changkyun thought was that he's really scary, but when he smile remember him to a puppy, the next one Jaebum and Youngjae, very friendly too, Kihyun introduces them for about 20 persons more but Changkyun forgot about them very quickly, except one, Hoseok, 

Minhyuk and Jooheon get along so fast, if someone look at them, probably think they're been friends for long time, Kihyun and Changkyun are in the living room, sitting in the couch, Kihyun doesn't talk to him, and Changkyun to avoid the awkwardness decides to drink and drink and drink until he lose conscience and sleep there. my Kihyunnie

T_T

Changkyun wake up an hour later, Kihyun is not there anymore, actually he's not anywhere, he's still a bit drunk but enough sober for get up and walk around, he asks some people but no one know, he also notices something, Hoseok is anywhere, he goes upstairs, afraid of the worse, the first thing he sees is a bedroom, they're not there, he looks into the bathroom and the next bedroom, they're not there either, for one second, Changkyun thinks they left the house together, and that makes his heart hurt, until he notices a small balcony, and they're there, talking....

"I can't believe you bring him here" - Hoseok said and Changkyun can't know if he's angry or not- 

"Well, he was suspecting all the time" - Kihyun respond - "it was becoming bothersome"

"You can break with him when you want" - Hoseok reply, Changkyun can't believe what his ears are hearing, his boyfriend talking about him like if he did something to be a burden

"I don't think i love him anymore, but he does, i don't want to see him sad, he's still as family to me" - Changkyun's heart broke in miles of pieces. 

"But you like someone else" - Kihyun freeze, the same as Changkyun

"I do" - Kihyun respond after few seconds

"You like me"

"I do" 

"We can date if you broke with him" 

"I love you, you know it better than anyone else, but i know i'm just the replacement for him"

Changkyun can see clearly when Hoseok come closer to Kihyun and kiss his neck, actually he bites him, hard enough to leave a mark, Kihyun was surprise but not angry, hoseok moves his head and kiss him, just in front of his eyes, he sees his boyfriend kissing other guy, he wants to shout, says him to leave him alone, he's his, but not, Changkyun was stuck in the ground, he can't move, he was just seeing them, until Jooheon hold him and drag him outside of the house. 

They walk a bit, they forgot their jackets, but it's not like Changkyun was thinking clearly in that moment, he didn't want to cry but he can hold the tears, in front of Jooheon he cries, the oldest just hugs him until he was calm, and walk with him until his apartment.

That day Changkyun learn two things, First, you never know completely a person and second, the first love never last.

Chapter Text

Even when Changkyun lets Jooheon walk with him to his apartment, he asks him to leave, for some minutes all he wanted is be alone.

It’s was around midnight when he’s inside his apartment, he cried, in front of someone else, that’s something he doesn’t like, but he hold the tears for so long, 6 weeks? now nothing can stop him,  he broke the glasses, throw away the sofa, the chairs and table, broke everything that make him remember Kihyun, every letter and gift, was in the living room, in pieces. He can hear some of his neighbors knocking the door, but he ignores them, His phone sounds, but he was so busy destroying the apartment that just ignore it too, but whomever who was calling him was so persistent, and he respond.

-Oh, now you’re enough mature to talk with me? You’re ignoring me for weeks! Listen! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t said what I said but believe me, I don’t want someone hurt you… - said the guy but Changkyun didn’t reply- Changkyun-ah?

- “You were right”- Almost as a whisper

- “Ah? Changkyunnie what’s wrong?” - say the voice, he was worried

- “YOU WERE FUCKING RIGHT HYUNGWON-HYUNG”-Changkyun said, he was shaking, crying and shouting as if their neighbors don’t exist- “HE DOESN’T LOVE ME, HE NOT ONLY “FLIRTING WITH A GUY” HE’S TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM, HE DOESN’T LIKE ME ANYMORE, HE FINDS ME ANNOYING, HYUNG, I CAN’T ANYMORE”-

-“Wait Changkyun, are you sure?”- Hyungwon says, he doesn’t like Kihyun, since the first moment they met, in a way, Hyungwon was expecting something like that happen-

-“I’m sure Hyung, I hear him, and he said he’s in love of other guy”-Changkyun cries and tell Hyungwon the whole story

-“What do you want to do Changkyun?” - Hyungwon says – “you should think carefully what you want right now”

-“I want to leave” –Changkyun says firmly- “I don’t know where, even if I need to sleep in the street, I need to leave this apartment, the one I shared with Kihyun”

- “Come with me”- Hyungwon says, almost as an order

- “Mmm? Where?” -Changkyun says, he wasn’t in his right mind anymore

- “To be happy? OBVIOUSLY TO MY HOUSE, YOU IDIOT, Pack your thinks, I going to pick you up in an hour” –Hyungwon says and hang up

Even when Hyungwon almost obligate him, he does exactly what he said, he’s worried about living with him, after all, Hyungwon is kind of aggressive with him, all the time hit him or insult him “with love”, but whatever he can’t do anything else, pack his thing and in an hour exactly Hyungwon was in front of his, he’s not done so let Hyungwon sit in so space of his destroyed living room, Hyungwon sees the disaster of apartment, but he doesn’t say anything, he can’t, more than anyone else, he knows how in love is Changkyun of Kihyun, Hyungwon picks one of the piece of letter and read it “I’ll love you forever” – He sigh- Changkyun leaves all the clothes Kihyun bought for him, (Half of them) he wanted to leave fast but before, Hyungwon hugs him, even when he rejected him at first, he didn’t care, caresses his head “it’s okay, everything going to be okay”  kissing his head, checks, until his forehead, caresses his back. Changkyun never going to understand his friend, a moment he seems like he hates him and the next seems like he loves him, a moment he’s hitting him and the next moment his kissing him, well Changkyun just let him do whatever he wants, it feels good anyway, they didn’t notice the front door opened until…

-IM CHANGKYUN EXPLAINS ME WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE? - Kihyun said in the moment he sees the disaster of apartment and the (Beautiful) scene in front of him- YOU LEFT THE HOUSE WITHOUT SAY ME AND CAME HERE WITH OTHER GUY AND DESTROY THE APARTMENT, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU HEAD?

Changkyun doesn’t know what to do, if laugh for how ironic Kihyun is, or cry to see his ex-lover in front of him, he chose none of them, with his poker face he takes Hyungwon’s hand and his mallet, avoiding Kihyun, try to walk away of the apartment, but Kihyun doesn’t let him.

“Hey” – Kihyun stops him – “I’m talking with you”

Changkyun doesn’t reply- “Where are you going?” –Changkyun ignores him but Kihyun hold his arm he gives a fast look to the tallest man behind him and his hands together –“Wait, can you explain me what happen?”

-“What are you doing here, Kihyun-Hyung?” - Changkyun said expressionless –“I thought you going to pass the night with your Boyfriend again”

-“Which boyfriend? You are my boyfriend”- Kihyun said almost scared for his expression-

“I was your boyfriend” – Changkyun hold Hyungwon’s hand tighter, he notices Changkyun was shaking so with thumb he caresses his hand

“Are you broking with me?” – For some reason, Changkyun felt in his voices sadness

“We broke in the exact moment you let other man kiss you” -

“Wh…”

“Don’t even try to deny it” – he’s tearing up again – “I saw you, with Hoseok, don’t ever try to make fun of me” – Changkyun tries to calm a bit but he fails– “Hyung, if you don’t love me anymore it’s okay, I can accept that, but you cheated on me, ignored me, do you know how sad I was all this time? Waiting for you all the nights but you never came, how many times do you lie to me? How many nights do you said me you were with your friends but instead you were having sex with that guy? Then for you those 5 years didn’t mean anything? I lost 5 years of my life loving you and you just throw it away, you don’t know how much I regret knew you and dated you” – he was crying so much and Hyungwon intertwined their fingers,

This time, Kihyun doesn’t say anything; he’s in shock for all the youngest just said him. Changkyun leaves the apartment and this time Kihyun doesn’t stop him.

They walk to Hyungwon’s car, but before the tallest stops him and give him other hug “Everything going to be okay”

“Thank you but I really want to leave right now”

They didn’t talk at all, in the car Changkyun was trying to hold the tears, and just focus in the view all the way, Hyungwon was still holding his hand, that makes him felt (Just a bit) better. Hyungwon notices something “cuts”, all his hand has cuts, probably for the broken glasses, he needed to take care of it.

When they arrived to his house, Changkyun was kinda surprise, they know each other for years, but he never has been in his house, (Because Kihyun doesn’t like Hyungwon either and totally prohibited him to go there), it’s big, like if 5 person live there, but until he knows Hyungwon lives alone,  his living room is big, with a big couch and a big TV, he even have a room to play games, 3 bedroom, two bathrooms, Why the hell he needs two bathrooms?

“This is the house my family used to use when we lived together”- Hyungwon notices Changkyun confused face and smile at him

“Where are they?” – He was thinking the worse

“Overseas, working” –

“Oh”

“You can use one of the bedroom, and the kitchen, I don’t know how to cook so you can do whatever you want and just feel as if you’re at home”

“Thank you~”

“Go and take a bath, it’s late but I feel like you need to calm down a bit” – Changkyun nods – “When you’re done come here”

“Yes, sir”

He did exactly what Hyungwon told him, but when he was taking his bath, his mind become a mess with negative thoughts, actually, live with Hyungwon is concerning Changkyun, well, he just broke up with his long-time lover, also, Hyungwon is kinda popular between guys and girls, everyone want to date him, probably if he lives with him everyone going to think they’re dating, what about if Hyungwon likes someone? He can’t be there for long, he needs to take care of himself, that’s probably Kihyun doesn’t want him anymore, he can’t be a kid and hide behind someone else, he decides to look for a place the next day, he also needs to tell him to Hyungwon, he finished his bath, dress and goes to the living room thinking about how to tell him

“Is you brain thinking about stupid things again?” – Hyungwon notices his sad face when he entered in the room – “What it is now?”

“I think I should leave tomorrow” - Hyungwon was surprise, he didn’t think he was so mean to him – “I don’t want to be a burden anymore”

“If I thought you going to be a burden then I couldn’t say you to stay here in first place” – Hyungwon says – “Don’t say nonsense, I wanted you stay here”

“But…”

“If you still think you going to be a burden then let’s make a treat” – Changkyun nods – “You can stay here how much you want, but in charge you going to clean and cook for me”

“I don’t know how to cook…” –

“I think you could make it better than me….”

“Well, its true” – Hyungwon smiles,

“Then, come here, I need to take care of those injuries” – Changkyun lets him.

Hyungwon is being really kind, that’s weird for Changkyun, in other circumstance he could say him “Then leave you fucking asshole” and ignore him, but he said he wants him to stay, that makes Changkyun smiles, “you’re a freaking me, why are you smiling? Weirdo” yes… he’s the Hyungwon he knows

“Today you going to sleep with me” – Hyungwon says

“Hyung, it’s not necessary you worry about me…”

“I don’t clean the other rooms for months” – Changkyun listen carefully- “and I wasn’t expecting a visit today at 2 am” Changkyun smiles

“Let’s go to sleep, I’m tired” – Changkyun says

Well, it couldn’t be awkward sleep with other guy, but it’s totally strange for him to sleep with Hyungwon, I mean they’re close, but not that close, but at the end, Changkyun feels comfortable and protected in his arms, during all the night, Hyungwon didn’t let him go.

***

When Changkyun wakes up it was already 12pm, he has like 20 lost call from Kihyun that he prefer ignore, he doesn’t has the heart to wake the perfect human laying next to him, hugging him, so he lets him cuddle with him, while he’s looking his perfect face sleeps “He’s beautiful” well, it’s not like he was blind before, he knows his friend is one of the most popular in his university, also he’s known for reject every single soul who confessed to him so since they know each other, he never met one of his boyfriends, or girlfriend? He doesn’t know if he’s into man either.

After an hour Hyungwon is totally awake, thanks goodness because Changkyun was feeling hungry and needed to pee, Changkyun did the breakfast while Hyungwon was taking a bath, after that they clean the house, while they talk for the rest of the day, nonsense things, Changkyun was taking the broke up extremely fine, or that’s what Hyungwon thought at first, but after 5 hours cleaning the notices he was trying to focus in other things to forget about Kihyun, he decides to asks him better now that he’s relaxed,

“So, who is the guy?” – Hyungwon asks directly, and Changkyun understands

“Hoseok…” – Hyungwon looks surprised

“Shin Hoseok?” – Changkyun nods

“How do you know him?” – Hyungwon laughs a bit

“He confessed to me” -

“Half of the university confessed to you”

“Yes, but I remember him because he was persistent” - Hyungwon sighs “We were friends before, but he confessed during first year and since then, he doesn’t let me alone, it was kind of surprise he’s interested in Kihyun…” - Changkyun looks sad – “I’m sorry”

“You didn’t do anything wrong” –

They finished clean around 8 pm – “Seriously Hyung when was the last time you clean?” – “I don’t remember” – Hyungwon was the lazy type but Changkyun didn’t know he was that bad, but at least he helped.

They took a bath, ate and went to sleep, they have class the next day and they were extremely tired, Changkyun went to his new room, it was spacious, with closet and his bed was also big, it didn’t have a lot of things but at least in not time he going to feel at home there, but he still missed his bed and he missed Kihyun too, they didn’t sleep together for months but when they did it, it felt good, Changkyun was feeling sad again, until Hyungwon enter in the room with his pillow

“I going to sleep here” – Hyungwon says, he doesn’t ask, just enter in the bed and hugs him

“Hyung” – Maybe he hugs him a bit tight –

“Are you feeling sad again right?” –

“I’m okay” – Changkyun smiles

“Stubborn brat” –

“What is the point of clean then?”

“I said you going to have you own room, but I didn’t say I couldn’t sleep with you”

Changkyun just let him sleep there, after all, he likes sleep next to someone, and Hyungwon likes hug when he’s sleepy, he thinks they make a good couple… of friends, obviously only friends…

Chapter Text

The Monday they wake up (Thanks to Changkyun) early to go to class, he can’t understand how Hyungwon made it until now, he’s so lazy to wake up in the mornings, didn’t clean or cook, seriously, Changkyun feels like he need to take care of him.

That day, when Changkyun walks with Hyungwon, he can feel the gazes for his neighbor, even an old lady asks him about Changkyun, he was kind with her and explains her he going to live with him from now, everything with a smile… Who is he?

“By the end of the day everyone going to know about you” – Hyungwon says – “The neighborhood is not so big and everyone is very friendly, I think you going to be comfortable here”

They walk until the university, it not so far from there and it was a pain use the car only for a short distance, in the entrance, they meet their friends, Jooheon, Gunhee and Seokwon, whom looks extremely surprise to see them together.

“Should we know something?” – Jooheon says; they didn’t talk since the party.

“He’s living with me” – Hyungwon explains

“Oh but Kihyun?” – Jooheon almost kills Gunhee with his eyes

“We broke” –

“Oh…”- Well, everyone was waiting for that since Kihyun practically ignore his existence for weeks.

Actually, Changkyun was waiting for them to ask, after all, it was strange for them to come together, Hyungwon insists to walk with him to his classroom and he going to wait for him when his class finish.

For the rest of the day everything was okay, Changkyun evaded Kihyun, and the probably places he could be, however, they still meet in the hallway, the oldest tried to talk with him but all the time Hyungwon was there, pushing Changkyun closer to him, ignoring completely his tries to approach.

Changkyun has a part time job in a restaurant as a waiter during weekdays, and yes, Hyungwon follows him there too…

“Hyung you can’t be here!!” -

“Why?” – He asks like he didn’t interrupt his work

“My boss going to kick me off”

“No, I’m not” – His boss is a grandma who falls totally in love of Hyungwon the moment he entered in the restaurant – “You can stay here Hyungwonnie ~ <3”

“Boss!!!!” – Changkyun whine

“Thank you Mistress- Hyungwon smiles and Changkyun can see hearts in her eyes

She left the restaurant with a smile.

“Seriously Hyung” – Changkyun whines again – “Everyone love you”

“Is that so?” -

When Changkyun finished his shift he was extremely exhausted, thinking about he still need to do some chores in the house, “I can do it” – No, Changkyun didn’t let him, after all, he stays in his house with that condition, he prepared the food, clean a bit and did the laundry, he was exhausted.

Hyungwon was taking a bath while Changkyun was sitting in the couch resting a bit, until he felts someone lying in his lap, Changkyun didn’t care, instead, he caressed his head for a while

“Hyungwon Hyung…” – Changkyun whines – “I need to take a bath”

“You lap is comfortable” – Changkyun smiles Maybe stay here is not so bad

“You can use it whenever you want, but right now I need to take a bath” –

“You know” – He’s still lying with no intention to get up – “You don’t need to work so hard, you already clean yesterday, it wasn’t necessary to clean today, if you’re tired to cook we can eat out, I  can help you too, you’re living with me but you are not my slave”

Changkyun was surprise for his words, but makes him feel warm

“Thank you” – Changkyun smiles again

After a while, Hyungwon let him take a bath meanwhile he was waiting for him in his bed, when Changkyun is done and see him sleeping there, he didn’t say anything, he just lay next to him and hug him.

***

It’s been a month since Changkyun moved, and their routine didn’t change at all, Hyungwon is still his stalker, Kihyun still tried to talk with him, and they still sleep together, the only difference is they decided do it only in Hyungwon’s bed, since is bigger, Hyungwon help him more with the chores, and Changkyun is feeling more attached to him.

Something else also change, other students already saw them as a couple, that brought to Changkyun a lot of hate from his fans, obviously the confessions stopped and Hyungwon is thankful for that.

Changkyun avoid the cafeteria the most, but someday they didn’t have time to prepared breakfast so they went with Jooheon, Seokwon and Gunhee, There, they were having fun until Changkyun saw Kihyun with his friends, Minhyuk, Hyungwoo and of course, Hoseok, he pretend he didn’t care, but he was awkward and try to focus in his cell phone to forgot about him.

He was playing a game until he received a message; he froze when he read the name in the screen “Kihyun” Hyungwon also sees it, so he only takes the phone from Changkyun’s hands and throw it into the bag, without even read the message, - “You little bitch”- Kihyun thought when he see what Hyungwon did, he walk quickly to their table.

“We need to talk, Changkyun” – say a voice that Changkyun can recognize even in his dreams, but act like he didn’t listen at all and keep eating his lunch- “Hey, I’m talking to you”

Hyungwon, who don’t have any patience, get up of his chair- “What do you want?” – He’s angry- “don’t you see he doesn’t want to talk to you”

Kihyun, who has similar personality than Hyungwon, was angrier than ever – “I didn’t know your name is Changkyun” – Talk back- “I’m not talking with you”

“Got away, don’t you think you already hurt him enough” – he walk closer to Kihyun, and Changkyun was scared, he doesn’t want they fight for his fault, so he took Hyungwon from his wrist and walk outside the room, he was so embarrassed, Changkyun didn’t want this happen, he doesn’t want his friend and his ex-boyfriend fight, or that his friends look that scene, he knows he needs to talk with Kihyun, but he just doesn’t want to.

The smallest drag Hyungwon into an empty classroom, he needs to calm down before talk, Hyungwon feel guilty but know he didn’t do anything wrong… right? He was protecting his friend, but the looks on Changkyun face make him feel sad, he talks first

“I’m sorry”- He finally says

“You didn’t do anything wrong Hyung I just didn’t want to stay there”- the youngest give him a smile – Hyungwon Hugs him, this punk is so cute

“Thank you”– Changkyun said- “You’re also cute”

“Did I say that out loud?” - Hyungwon looks embarrassed and let Changkyun go

“Yes” –Changkyun looks at his face and laugh so loud – “Hyungwon Hyung you are really cute”

***

Changkyun is always surprise how their coworkers love Hyungwon, they also think they’re dating, so already finds normal Hyungwon is always around, he finished his shift successfully as always and go home, there, Hyungwon take the bath first and Changkyun went to the kitchen, this time he doesn’t need to cooks since the chef give them some food, he remembered his phone in his bad which he didn’t touch in the whole day, he took a big breath and read the message Kihyun send him that day

"Hey, I’m sure you misunderstood something; I’m not dating with anyone, believe me when I say I still love you, please come home, I’m waiting for you every day, prepared your favorite meal, and still save you place next to me when I sleep, I miss you Changkyun, I don’t know what you hear and probably you don’t want to talk to me, but please, at least one last time, let’s make this disaster clear, and if you want to break after, I’m okay with that, but please listen to me first”

Well, Changkyun knew the message could make him feel something, but he didn’t know it could affect him so much, after finished to read the message he feels the tears in his cheeks, obviously he can believe him, that’s not something someone tell him, he saw him, and now that he’s feeling better he needs to ruin him again.

He was so into his own thoughts until he feels Hyungwon arms around his stomach and his chin in his ear- “Are you okay?” he said as a whisper that makes Changkyun forget about Kihyun almost instantly, he was him back hugging him, breathing so close of his ear, smelling like fruits, his heart was beating so fast, it was a feeling he didn’t have since a lot of time, for the last of response of the youngest Hyungwon interpreted as he wasn’t so he whisper again “Changkyunnie?” and he blush, “I’m okay” and run away from the embrace to the bathroom.

I need to calm down I need to calm down I need to calm down I need to calm down I need to calm down

His heartbeat were so fast, and his face was red, Hyungwon didn’t do anything he didn’t do before, but the way he was reacting was strange, he quickly take a bath, when he hear the oldest complaining saying he was hungry, so he finished fast and went to the kitchen

“Are you better now?” – Changkyun forgot totally about Kihyun’s message so he just nods

“Let’s eat” –

They talk of some things while they’re eating, Changkyun looks normal to Hyungwon so that makes him happy, they watch TV for a while, Hyungwon laying on Changkyun laps and the youngest staring more to his friends that the screen.

Changkyun forgot reply to Kihyun.

***

It’s been 2 weeks since that kitchen incident, he’s still thinking all what he felt was consequence of his broken heart for the message (that he forgot). It was a normal day the only difference is that Hyungwon this time is not waiting for him outside his classroom, he excuses saying he going to wait for him in the library since he was studying for an exam, it’s not like he was a little kid anymore but Hyungwon still didn’t want to let him alone.

He was walking when he feels a pair of hands dragging him inside a room, two guys he never know before

“So…” – one of them says – “Hyungwon rejected us for you?”

Great… Hyungwon’s fans

“Really” – The other guy says – “I can’t understand what is so special about him”

“Hey guys” – Changkyun finally says- “I don’t know what are you trying to say but I need to go now”

One of the guys took him from his shoulders and pushes him against one of the walls, it was painful, but it’s not like Changkyun going to admit it

“And you think you going too left like that?”

Changkyun didn’t reply, but he knows what going to happen, he left goes his bag and prepares to fight,

“Come then” – Changkyun wasn’t the strongest man, but definitively he wasn’t weak either.

Obviously they win in number, and Changkyun received a lot of hits in his stomach, but he was protecting his face the most, with the rest he can hide it from Hyungwon, but Changkyun instead hit them strongly in the eyes and mouth, for some minutes Changkyun can anymore and think they going to win until someone see the fight

“This looks funny” – Changkyun knows that voice – “Can I join?”

He was Hoseok, with his big and perfect body enter in the room “Great other one who wants to fight with me” but for his surprise, he doesn’t he stand up next to Changkyun

“Two VS one?” – He says, the other two guys seems like cowards when he entered – “That’s unfair, let’s make funnier”

“Let’s go” – one of the guys says and run away

“Are you okay?” – He doesn’t but it’s not like he going to admit it in front of him

“What are you doing here?”

“You’re welcome”

One of the aggressors hit him really strong in the stomach that makes difficult to Changkyun stay stand up, so he sits down in one of the chair and hold his stomach,

“Hey” – Hoseok seems worried – “Are you okay? Do you want to go to the infirmary?”

“No” – Changkyun deny his help, WTF you practically stole my boyfriend and now want to help, fucking asshole

“You can’t stay here” – Hoseok force him to follow him

“Where are we going?”

“Infirmary”

“I don’t want to” – Actually, he needs to go where Hyungwon was before he gets worried – “Listen, Thank you but I need to go somewhere”

“With Hyungwon” – Changkyun doesn’t reply

“Can I ask you for a favor?” – Changkyun is kind of surprise – “You can’t reject if you want, don’t take it as a obligation for before”

“Just tell me” – Changkyun says, he can deny that he saved him just a while ago – “I’ll see if I do it or not”

“Talk with Kihyun…”

“Rejected” – Changkyun interrupted him and walk away

“Hey”- Hoseok stops him – “Please, Just listen what he want to say”

“I going to think about it”

Changkyun knows he should do it, but if he can postponed, he going to do it, Hoseok walks with him until he meets Hyungwon, Changkyun didn’t notice him at first and he still was holding his stomach

“What happened?” – Hyungwon run to him and cup his face - “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay” – Changkyun can’t looks at him in the eyes

“Did you do something?” – Hyungwon asks to Hoseok

“I didn’t” –

Hoseok looks at Changkyun for permission

“Two of your fans…”

“Who?” – Hyungwon doesn’t need to know the rest-“I going to kill them”

“That doesn’t matter” – Hoseok respond – “He already hit their asses”

Hoseok looks at the scene in front of his eyes; he has a crush on Hyungwon for 2 years so it’s still hurtful see him worried about other guy, with a sad smile, he left them alone

Hyungwon drag him into one of the bathroom and try to take his shirt off to see the injuries

“Hyung you don’t need to worry” – Changkyun was red as a tomato

“Let me see” –

“I’m not going to undress in a bathroom!”

“Then you rise it a bit, let me see you stomach”

Changkyun do it and Hyungwon carefully touch him with one of his fingers, for this Changkyun blush again “It look painful, are you sure you going to be okay? I can call you boss…’”

“Don’t worry” – Changkyun interrupted him - “I going to be okay”

Actually it was painful, but Changkyun finished his shift without complain; when they’re in their house, Hyungwon almost lose his mind when he saw how bad their injuries are. He put some ointment and totally rejects sleep with him that night

“Why?”  - Changkyun whines –

“Look at it, they’re really bad” –

“But Hyung” – Changkyun whines – “I want to sleep with you”. Hyungwon and Changkyun blush for that…

“O…Okay”- Hyungwon finally accepts – “But I going to be careful”

During that night Hyungwon tries to be not so close to him, but at the end he gives up, they’re so used to it that at the end unconsciously, they going to hug each other.

It was around 4 or 5 am when Changkyun suddenly wakes up for a horrible pain in his stomach, he doesn’t want to wake Hyungwon up so he just stay like that for few minutes until the pain is gone, but after that he still can fell asleep again, so he stares the oldest face for a while, he likes to do it, he notices the first time he came to his house and stared him, also when he’s lying in his lap he liked to stare him, but his sleepy face is so beautiful, his eyes, his nose, his lips, they looks so soft and sweet, his lips are so close to him, in a moment he doesn’t know how he moves  but he close the distance between them and kiss him, and then blush, “What the hell are you doing? Asshole, thanks goodness he’s not a light sleeper, what about if he wakes up, stupid, stupid, stupid, wait, why do you kiss him? And what are you so nervous, go to sleep now!”

Changkyun tries to convince what he did was because he was sleepy, because he was in pain, but he knows his feelings better than anyone else

***

It’s been a week since the kiss and even when Changkyun is trying to deny it he knows it, he’s in love again, confess to his friend it’s not a option, Hyungwon is not the type who has a lot of close friends, since half of them confess to him he has lost a lot, he’s scary Hyungwon reject him too and ruin their friendship, that’s why he needs to control himself, it become more difficult when the other is totally touchy with him,  he tried to avoid him for a day, and it become worse, until the point he didn’t let him go to the bathroom alone, so just gave up and accepted he can do it anymore.

Also, during that week he decides to talk with Kihyun, so he sends him a message to meet him in a park near Hyungwon’s house during Saturday morning, Changkyun knows how Hyungwon never wakes up early during weekends so, he’s planning do it while he’s sleepy and come back before noon.

It’s the day, Changkyun took a big breath before walk to the park and wait for Kihyun, he was thinking about what he could say him, or what Kihyun wanted to talk with him, Hoseok asked him to do it, and Kihyun is trying to do it since 2 months ago, he tries to relax, breath in and out, he’s nervous, but that’s something he decided.

It didn’t take long to Kihyun to be there so Changkyun only wait for 5 minutes, they greet and any of them say something.

“How have you been?” – Kihyun tries to approach first

“I’m okay” – Changkyun replies without sounds with a lot of interest – “how about you?”

“I’ve been better” – silence again

“Hoseok told me you wanted to talk with me” –

“I want”- Hoseok already told him about the incident – “I think I need to explain you some things”

“Oh” – Changkyun was shaking – “then you can talk, I going to listen you”

“I don’t know for which part I should start” – he was nervous, in other circumstances Changkyun could think he’s cute, but now he doesn’t has head to think about it.

“What about you beg with the cheat part?” –

 “I didn’t cheat you” – Changkyun was ready to leave but Kihyun stops him- “Listen please”

“Okay”

“First, what do you hear?”  -

“Why? Do you want to invent something for that?”

“I want to know since which part I should explain”

“when we were in the party and I fall asleep, you let me there, I went with Hoseok to the balcony” – Kihyun nods, that make it sounds already bad – “when I woke up I tried to find you and I listen a bit of your conversation, you told him you were tired of me, and I was suspecting something, also I saw how he kiss you… and you respond the kiss”

“Well, it was true” – Changkyun’s heart hurts again – “Actually, I thought I was tired of the relation, but I wasn’t sure, I avoided you because I needed to think first, I was having feelings for other person and that’s already so bad, I thought you was suspecting about me liking someone”

“I was suspecting about you having an unfair with other guy”

“I didn’t” – Kihyun denies it – “The last person I had sex was you”

“As if I going to believe it” –

“Believe me” –

“Then, can you explain me why do you expend so many nights outside”

“I told you, I was with friends” –

“All those nights, I was waiting for you” – a tear fall for his cheeks and Kihyun tried to clean it

“Don’t touch me”- Changkyun hit his hand

“I´m sorry” – Kihyun felt bad for that – “but as I said, I wasn’t sure about my feelings”

“What about the cigarettes odor in your clothes”

“Well, Hyungwoo likes to smoke a lot” –

“And Hoseok?”

“Hoseok doesn’t smoke”

“What about the message?”

“I told you, I love you” – Changkyun let a tear fall again, but this time he clean it himsel

“No, you don’t” –

“What I said in the message, was true” – Kihyun tries to explain- “I never let to love you, but I realized when you let the house”

Changkyun sigh “Hyung, we can’t do this anymore, the simple fact you fix your eyes in someone else during that time, we already have months without be truly together, we were more roommates than lovers, but even as a roommates I’ve never seen you in the house, you ignore me in the university, the time we spent together we were so tired to talk, 6 months Hyung, half year, we already broke 6 month ago when you start to feel insecure”

Kihyun nods – “When you said you regret know me and dated me…”

“I lied” – Changkyun interrupts- “During the time we were together, I was happy, I’ve never regret know you, confessed to you, kissed you, I gave you my first kiss, my first time, you were my first love, but sadly you weren’t my last” - Kihyun was already crying-

“I’m sorry” – Kihyun said between sobs – “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry”

“It’s okay Hyung” – Changkyun touches his checks – “Thank you for those 5 years”

Changkyun smiles, Hugs Kihyun and caresses his back, it’s been a while since they are so close.

When Kihyun calms down Changkyun realized it’s already so late

“I need to go now”- Changkyun let him go – “He’s waiting for me”

“Your relationship going well for what I can see” – He gives him a sad smile – “I’m glad for you”

“We don’t have a relationship” –

“You like him” – Kihyun stands up – “You have the same eyes you had when you confessed to me”

Changkyun blushed, it’s not like he wants to talk about that with his ex-boyfriend

“Not because I like him mean he going to likes me back” – Kihyun smiles –

“Do you know why I hated him so much?”  -

“No” –

“Then” – Kihyun sighs – “You don’t know”

“Do you going to say me or not?”

“If you confess to him, you going to have my answer”

“What the…”

“Shouldn’t you go? He’s waiting for you”

“Well, bye Hyung”

“See you around”

***

“Where did you go?” Those are the first words Changkyun hears in the moment he opens the door, Hyungwon is in front of the entrance, in pajamas, angry as hell

“I…”

“You know what? I know everything” –

“H…”

“This neighborhood is really small and friendly; I told you, they were so kind to takes photos and send them to me”

“Hyungwon Hyung…”

“Then, while I was sleeping you went to cuddle with your ex” – Hyungwon was furious –

“Can I…”

“Are you together again? Great!!” –

Is he jealous? Changkyun can’t hide the smile in his face and that pissed him off more, he moves closer to Hyungwon

“Am I joking with you? Seriously…” – Changkyun cups his face and kisses him,

“Can I talk now?” – Hyungwon only nods; he was in shock for the kiss.

“I went to meet Kihyun” – Changkyun stops thinking Hyungwon going to interrupt him again – “He wanted to explain me about what happened before”

“You going to come back with him” – Hyungwon expression was sad, as if he lost something precious

“I’m happy here” – Hyungwon smiles

Changkyun takes a breath, it’s the moment, it’s now or never, he takes Hyungwon hands and prepares to say everything

“Hyungwon” – They are looking straight to each other eyes – “Not matter what, can I stay here with you?”

Hyungwon doesn’t understand but he only nods –

“Hyung, I know this could run everything” – Changkyun let go a sigh – “Hyung, I’m falling for you, I’m in love with you, I really love you I don’t know how or when, but my heartbeat rises so fast when you’re near, and I do some stupid things, I tried to avoid you but that didn’t work, I’m seriously in love with you”

Hyungwon’s eyes are wide open, he can’t move, he can’t talk, he’s a statue in front of Changkyun

“That’s something you can say when I person just wake up” – he finally says, Changkyun thought he going to reject him

“Do you know how much I’ve been in love with you Changkyun?” – Changkyun didn’t expect that –“Two years”

“Do you know how unrequited I thought my feelings were?”

“I love you too”

Hyungwon hugs him, so tight; he’s finally his now, it’s been so long since Changkyun feels loved, he moves and takes Hyungwon’s face again, caresses his checks and join their kiss again, he wanted to do that since so long, his lips are so soft as he remember, Hyungwon hands are in his hips, holding him so tight, showing him how much he loves him.

That day Changkyun learns two things:

Some things are not as you think, maybe it could be difficult but sometimes its better forgive and forget.

Maybe some things could be scary, you could be afraid of lose something important, but its better be brave, the result could be better that you expected.

Right now, Changkyun know that and is the happiest person alive next to the person who makes him feel complete.

Chapter Text

Kihyun knows, Kihyun knows he’s being the worst boyfriend in the history, he knows he’s hurting Changkyun so much, he knows he needs to stop, but he doesn’t know how…

Dating 5 years with the same person sounds so long, but the time passed so fast, especially because two of those years they were apart, missing his boyfriend so much during all the weekdays, only thinking about how he going to be there every weekend.

It was always like that during his first year, until he met some cool guys with whom he had fun after class, Minhyuk, the guy who is always smiling and makes everyone smile around him, Hyungwoo, the shy guy who seems he could beat you in any moment but instead he protects you and care about you not matter what, and Hoseok, a sensible guy who he got attached really quickly, he listen all his problems and become in his biggest support, all the time he’s insecure, sad or angry he’s there for him. They used to spend a lot of time together in Kihyun’s apartment, and Kihyun didn’t know when he was waiting more the weekdays than the weekends.

Everything changed when Changkyun moved with him, he supposed to be happy, but something inside him was waiting for his boyfriend to not be there. That’s when he realized his feelings have changed, and his heartbeat rise faster for the wrong guy.

That’s something important Minhyuk said him once “If you are in love of two person chose the second one that you fell in love because if you really love the first one, you can’t never fall for anyone else” what he said was so difficult to understand but Kihyun did it, and he was totally right

Kihyun told Hoseok about the feelings that is growing inside him, he was extremely surprise but not disgusted, obviously the youngest didn’t expect to date him, not until he was totally secure, however, Hoseok rejected him because he’s still in love of other guy, Hyungwon

Kihyun Hates Hyungwon, not because he’s the guy Hoseok is in love with, it’s because he’s a close friend of Changkyun, it’s not like the youngest can’t has friends, but particularly Hyungwon didn’t try to hide his feeling for him, even in front of Kihyun.

Seems like they become closer 2 years ago for Yoonho, a common friend of their, Changkyun liked Hyungwon because his strong personality and asked him to be friends, even when Hyungwon studies in the same university than Kihyun, he went to Changkyun’s hometown and spent some time in his house but Kihyun didn’t know about that guy until he saw them eating together in the cafeteria and he didn’t like at all.  

However, Kihyun still doesn’t know what to do with his feelings, he likes Hoseok, but he’s not ready to let Changkyun go, he’s being selfish but he wanted to keep both of them. That’s when he made the 5^th worst mistake in his life, he thought if he avoids Changkyun he could had again the sensation he felt every time they saw each other only during weekend, plus, he wanted to spend more time with Hoseok.

But it become worse and worse, until the point he didn’t spent whole nights in their apartment, sometimes he stayed in Hyungwoo or Minhyuk’s house, but he can’t deny he spend most of them in Hoseok’s, nothing happened, not even a kiss, Kihyun is not that type of guy, but his feelings for Hoseok are still there, stronger than before.

The day they met in the park, he really didn’t expect him there, it’s not like he was doing something wrong, but definitively he lied about that project, that’s when he did the 4^th worst mistake in his life, introduced them, the happy looks in Changkyun’s face when he said he’s his lover made him feel guilty, but it was the truth, Changkyun was his lover and Hoseok only his friend.

Day after day Kihyun is more convinced he already doesn’t love Changkyun anymore, but instead of being a man and tell him directly how he’s feeling he prefer to run, avoided him more, he’s so used to him than think about lost him… that’s doesn’t feel good for Kihyun.

But indeed what he’s doing is destroying the youngest, he already never see him smile, well, actually he never see him, but the few times they’re together he’s always depressed, as if he’s holding his tears, that broke Kihyun’s heart little by little, more when he asked for Hoseok, that’s when he notices his little lover is smartest than he thought, he’s noticing his feeling for the older and that scared the hell of him.

That’s when he did the 3th worse mistake in his life, invited him to that party, he thought if they spent time together as they used to do maybe things could change, but it’s all his fault they’re so distance, Changkyun already doesn’t talk with him, and even invited one of his friends to go there, it’s okay, it’s his fault after all.

He thought being with Minhyuk could makes him feel better, he loves Minhyuk so much and Minhyuk loves him too, it could sounds bad but all the time they’re together Minhyuk always asked for Changkyun, it was so weird until the point it made Kihyun jealous some times, also, Minhyuk was the only of his friends that greet him and talked with him in the university, and every single time Kihyun was dying of jealousy, he even said “Well, if you don’t want him give him to me” making the smallest almost kill him with his eyes, look at him now, wanting to Minhyuk to comfort him.

But Minhyuk didn’t do it, he wanted they solved their problem together, so practically push them in the sofa and stole Jooheon; the silence was so awkward he can feel his boyfriend is tense next to him trying to relieve his stress with alcohol, until he passed away.

After exactly an hour Hoseok decided to drag Kihyun to the balcony, he wanted to talk with him

“It’s been a while right?” – Kihyun didn’t understand – “since you’re together”

“We’re not been properly together since…” – Kihyun thought about it carefully, counting the weeks with his fingers – “Six months”

“What the…” – Hoseok knew their relationship was a disaster, but it was worse than he thought – “Are you sure you are dating?” 

“I’m not” –

They stay like that, in silence for 30 minutes, but it wasn’t awkward, just looking outside without say anything, it feels so right…

"I can't believe you bring him here" - Hoseok finally said broking the silence, he was more curious than angry, but actually even Kihyun can’t believe Changkyun is there.  

"Well, he was suspecting all the time" – it was true, he can’t handle Changkyun had that kind of face or asks for Hoseok or think he’s a slut or something - "it was becoming bothersome" – it was bothersome, he didn’t want to be fighting in the few minutes they spent together.

"You can break with him when you want" – Kihyun was surprise for his respond, yes, he can’t break with him whenever he want, that’s the problem, he doesn’t want to, he’s so afraid to broke with him, even when he already is sure he doesn’t have any feelings for him, maybe not romantic feelings, maybe he still loves him as a friend or brother, after all they know each other since Changkyun born, and think about break his fragile heart, make his own hurt so much. 

"I don't think I love him anymore, but he does, I don't want to see him sad, he's still as family to me" -

"But you like someone else" - Kihyun freeze, he already told him about his feelings, but feel weird listen him talking about it,

"I do" - Kihyun respond after few seconds, it’s true, he can deny it

"You like me" – in that point, Kihyun already doesn’t know what Hoseok want to do

"I do" -

"We can date if you broke with him" – they can’t, after all his feelings are not reciprocated

"I love you, you know it better than anyone else, but I know I’m just the replacement for him"

Kihyun was so confused when he feels Hoseok bites him, now he has a problem more he needs to hide from Changkyun, it hurts, but he didn’t say anything because Hoseok was coming closer to him until they felt the other breath and only a second took him to join their lips, that’s the moment when Kihyun made their second worst mistake in his life, respond the kiss. That kiss is something Kihyun wanted, he really wanted it, then, if that’s what he wished the most, why it feels so wrong?, after few seconds he realized, Changkyun, the boy is still sleeping peacefully in the same house, he thought in his sad face, how he always looks like if he want to cry, he remember his crying face, and how it hurt him so much, it feels so wrong, he stops and push Hoseok away of him,

“Do you realize already?” – Kihyun was really confused – “You don’t love me Kihyun”

"What are…” - Hoseok interrupted

“You don’t love me” – Hoseok tried to explain himself – “Listen, I’ve been looking at you, you said me before, you avoid him because you weren’t sure about your feelings, but 24/7 the only think that is in your head is Changkyun, in how make those feelings go back but you don’t realized they never left, you’re just used to his presence, that is so normal to you having him around without noticing, he’s like the air for you, you know he’s always there and you need him for live”

Kihyun didn’t say anything, so Hoseok continued

“What it’s the first thing you thought when I bite you? It was Changkyun right?” – He’s right and Kihyun only nods– “Even when I kissed you, you didn’t feeling right, you push me, were you thinking about Changkyun right?” – Kihyun nods again – “You don’t love me in that way, maybe you get confused with admiration or strong friendship, but it’s not love”

Well, maybe it’s true he didn’t love Hoseok, but he’s still unsure about Changkyun, however, Hoseok hit in the right point.

“I tried to explain you before when we were in your house” – He continued – “That day when Changkyun came home early; I guess he hates me right now”

“He does” – Kihyun smirked

Maybe he could be right and he still loves him, during half hour more they stay like that, talking, until Kihyun felt is already so late, and wanted to know how Changkyun was, for his surprise, he left the house with Jooheon, Kihyun had a bad feeling for all this, so he left too.

He didn’t think the way was long until he needed to walk alone, at 1 am and worried as hell for someone else. When he arrived to his building he can see some of his neighbors outside the house, looking really worried,

“Kihyun-ah” – One of the grandma said – “I think something is wrong with Changkyun, since long ago we can hear strange sounds from your apartment”

Strange sounds?

“Don’t worry” – He replied with a smile – “I going to check if everything is okay”

He tried to open the door silently, only to found his lover hugging other guy, and Hyungwon from all guys, he exploded, he can’t control his jealous anymore

-IM CHANGKYUN EXPLAINS ME WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE? – Kihyun shouts out loud - YOU LEFT THE HOUSE WITHOUT SAY ME AND CAME HERE WITH OTHER GUY AND DESTROY THE APARTMENT, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU HEAD?

Then he noticed how bad the apartment was, everything was broken, he didn’t understand what happened, just a moment ago he decided to give all in for that relationship and now his lover is with other guy.

Changkyun is the obedient type, but that time he refused to respond, Kihyun looked how Changkyun hold Hyungwon hand and mallet and prepared to leave.

“Hey” – Kihyun stopped him – “I’m talking with you”

Changkyun didn’t reply- “Where are you going?” – Kihyun was losing his patience, not only because Changkyun was ignoring him, also because of the man behind him –“Wait, can you explain me what happen?”

-“What are you doing here, Kihyun-Hyung?” - Changkyun said expressionless –“I thought you going to pass the night with your Boyfriend again”

-“Which boyfriend? You are my boyfriend”- Kihyun can’t deny he was scary too, they fought several times, but it’s the first time Changkyun has that expression.

“I was your boyfriend” – Those words hurt Kihyun so much, No, not know when he already decided to stay with him.

“Are you broking with me?” – He felt how his heart broke in miles of pieces

“We broke in the exact moment you let other man kiss you” -

“Wh…”

“Don’t even try to deny it. I saw you, with Hoseok, don’t ever try to make fun of me” – Kihyun can’t say anything, he’s in shock– “Hyung, if you don’t love me anymore it’s okay, I can accept that, but you cheated on me, ignored me, do you know how sad I was all this time? Waiting for you all the nights but you never came, how many times do you lie to me? How many nights do you said me you were with your friends but instead you were having sex with that guy? Then for you those 5 years didn’t mean anything? I lost 5 years of my life loving you and you just throw it away, you don’t know how much I regret knew you and dated you”

This time, Kihyun didn’t say anything; he’s in shock for all the youngest just said him. Changkyun leaves the apartment and this time Kihyun doesn’t stop him, it’s the exact moment when Kihyun did the worst mistake in his life, let him go.

That night, Kihyun didn’t sleep at all.

***

During all the Sunday, he tried to call him during all the morning, obviously he didn’t expect Changkyun to respond him with a smile, but at least only once, he wanted to talk with him, He knew Changkyun spent the whole night with Hyungwon and that made Kihyun so angry, but what can he say? Nothing, after all, all the mess is something he created.

That didn't change during the whole week, Changkyun still avoided him as the pest, always being next to Hyungwon, in that point he already knew something is happening between those do, Something that Kihyun is not happy about. 

Unconsciously, Kihyun always left him a side on his bed, hugging his pillow, missing the whole nights they spent together and regretting the ones he lost because he was so stupid to realize his feelings sooner.

Exactly a month later, Kihyun was making his breakfast, he was worried about his job, he’s not the type who bring his problems into his work, but all his coworkers already knew something is wrong with him because Mr. perfection was making a lot of mistakes, he works in a restaurant and all the time he’s broking glasses or forgot some things, thanks goodness nothing so bad to make his boss kick him off.

When he was done, he noticed he was making Changkyun’s favorite food, and felt that empty inside him again, that time he decided write a message for him: “Hey, I’m sure you misunderstood something; I’m not dating with anyone, believe me when I say I still love you, please come home, I’m waiting for you every day, prepared your favorite meal, and still save you place next to me when I sleep, I miss you Changkyun, I don’t know what you hear and probably you don’t want to talk to me, but please, at least one last time, let’s make this disaster clear, and if you want to break after, I’m okay with that, but please listen to me first”

He didn’t send it.

***

During the same day, he was eating with his friends as he used to do, until he saw a recognizable figure entering in the cafeteria, Changkyun

He sighed, he’s glad his doing fine, he looks happiest in that moment, that in the 6 months they lived together, he decided sent the message, not because he wanted Changkyun back to him, but at least he deserved to know what happened since he jumped to his own conclusion, one when Kihyun did the worse to him.

He saw Changkyun’s reaction when he saw the message and saw how Hyungwon throw his phone away, he didn’t want to fight, but if only they can talk only once, that’s what he was thinking when he got up of his chair and walk to his table, obviously Changkyun ignored him and walk away with Hyungwon.

***

“You look like shit” – Hoseok said sitting in the chair next to Kihyun, he has a lot of exams that week and being in his apartment didn’t let him to concentrate so, he was in a small library near the university.

"Thank you!!"

2 weeks has passed since the message incident, Kihyun didn’t receive any reply from Changkyun, but that’s what he expected. He could only gives up and let him thought what he wants, but no, still those words are stuck in his mind “you don’t know how much I regret knew you and dated you” it hurts him, Kihyun in any moment doubted he loved Changkyun, he did it, and for 5 years he was the most important person in his life the one who brought him happiness, only him, but thinking maybe Changkyun didn’t felt in that way, that he actually regrets dated him,

Its hurts…

He already knows Changkyun is in love of Hyungwon, it’s not like he’s showing it so easily, but Kihyun know it so well, the eyes Changkyun has for Hyungwon are exactly the same he had 5 years ago when they were still friends, the eyes he had when he confessed, the eyes Kihyun loved the most but now, those eyes are looking at other guy. And there, he was again thinking about Changkyun, if he keeps doing that, he going to fail all his exams.

He didn’t even give a second glaze to the guy sitting next to him, until he talks

“You know” – Hoseok finally says – “Today I talked with Changkyun”

Well, not even in his craziest dream he thought those two could talk again, not even when Kihyun introduces each other they get along

“If you are asking” – Hoseok continues after the lack of response of the youngest – “Today some guys pick a fight with him”

“Why someone want to fight with him?” – Those words scared Kihyun – “Is he Okays? Is he hurt? Who are they? Do you know them? Wait… How do you know? Don’t tell me…”

“Can you shut up?” – Hoseok interrupts – “They were two jealousy Hyungwon’s fans, but seems like he’s okay, I tried to help him but those cowards run away when I entered in the room.  Anyway I let him with Hyungwon so I guess, he going to be fine”

“Oh…” – Kihyun didn’t know what to say to him

“Also” – Hoseok didn’t tell him the important part – “I asked him if he could talk with you”

“You didn’t need to do that” – Kihyun said but he was still curious – “What did he say?”

“He “Going to think about it” that’s what he said me” – Hoseok smirked – “He hates me so much right?”

Kihyun nods - “He thinks we had sex”

“But we never…”

“I know, but that’s what he thinks” – Kihyun sighed.

***

Just a week later his heart almost stopper when he read the name on his phone “Changkyun” the youngest send him a message asking him for met that weekend, without thinking so much he accepted, maybe that’s what he needed in that moment, he needs Changkyun.

The day came fast, Kihyun thought carefully in the words he going to say him during the whole weeks, repeat it one another in his mind, that day he was terribly nervous, he can fix or ruin their relationship.

He walked quickly to the park Changkyun asked him to come, and the youngest was already there, politely Kihyun greeted him, Changkyun is beautiful, he always has been but also, he’s gently, considerate, kind and not his anymore.

“How have you been?” – Kihyun tries to approach first, he wanted to know about his injuries but he didn’t know if he could ask something like that.

“I’m okay” – Changkyun replies without sounds with a lot of interest that already made Kihyun all his hopes – “how about you?”

“I’ve been better” – silence again

“Hoseok told me you wanted to talk with me” – He finally said,

“I want”- he took a big breath before talk again– “I think I need to explain you some things”

“Oh” – Kihyun could noticed he was shaking, well, it’s normal, he’s probably as nervous as him– “then you can talk, I going to listen you”

“I don’t know for which part I should start” – he thought every single word he could say him, but in that time, he already forgot everything.

“What about you beg with the cheat part?” –

“I didn’t cheat you” – Changkyun was ready to leave but Kihyun stops him- “Listen please”

“Okay”-

“First, what do you hear?”  -

“Why? Do you want to invent something for that?” – Kihyun knew he could be angry with him, but at least he could believe him right?

“I want to know since which part I should explain”

“when we were in the party and I fall asleep, you let me there, I went with Hoseok to the balcony” – Kihyun nods, that make it sounds already bad – “when I woke up I tried to find you and I listen a bit of your conversation, you told him you were tired of m and I was suspecting something, also I saw how he kiss you… and you respond the kiss”

“Well, it was true” – Kihyun could saw how Changkyun’s expression changed from Angry to hurtful in one second – “Actually, I thought I was tired of the relation, but I wasn’t sure, I avoided you because I needed to think first, I was having feelings for other person and that’s already so bad, I thought you was suspecting about me liking someone”

“I was suspecting about you having an unfair with other guy” – Kihyun felt as if Changkyun just insult him, does he really think he’s that kind of guy?

“I didn’t” – Kihyun denies it – “The last person I had sex was you”

“As if I going to believe it” – Kihyun knew it was difficult to believe him, but that’s all he can say, and it was the truth but how can he makes him believe? He lost his confidence long time ago.

“Believe me” – It sounds as if he was begging

“Then, can you explain me why do you expend so many nights outside” -

“I told you, I was with friends” – It was true, and between those friends was Hoseok too.

“All those nights, I was waiting for you” – Kihyun can clearly hear his voice broke with that sentence, guilty, sadness, those are the feelings Kihyun felt when he saw one tear run for Changkyun’s face, and the same as always it hurts him until the point he can cry just seeing him cry, he tried to clean it, but Changkyun punch his hands away.

 “Don’t touch me”-

“I´m sorry” – apologizing with a guy for touch him when he was so used to do it in all kind of possible ways, ironic, but hurtful as hell, Kihyun could felt the little piece of his heart broking again– “but as I said, I wasn’t sure about my feelings”

“What about the cigarettes odor in your clothes” – Well, Not even Kihyun was conscious about his clothes had that kind of odor.

“Well, Hyungwoo likes to smoke a lot” – he’s the only one of his friends that smokes, so he guess it was Hyungwoo’s fault.

“And Hoseok?” – Hoseok again, at that point he was already tired of Hoseok.

“Hoseok doesn’t smoke” -

“What about the message?” – So, he read it, and didn’t reply him at all,

“I told you, I love you” – Changkyun let a tear fall again, but this time Kihyun didn’t move at all.

“No, you don’t” – Kihyun can’t blame him, after all, he doubted about his feelings too.

“What I said in the message, was true” – Kihyun tries to explain- “I never let to love you, but I realized when you let the house”

Changkyun sigh “Hyung, we can’t do this anymore, the simple fact you fix your eyes in someone else during that time, we already have months without be truly together, we were more roommates than lovers, but even as roommates I’ve never seen you in the house, you ignored me in the university, the time we spent together we were so tired to talk, 6 months Hyung, half year, we already broke 6 month ago when you start to feel insecure”

Kihyun nods he’s right, tried again only going to make the relationship worse, he only needs to get used to the idea he lost the most important person for him and all is his fault, but still, Kihyun only want a last thing, only an answer, – “When you said you regret know me and dated me…”

“I lied” – Changkyun interrupts- “During the time we were together, I was happy, I’ve never regret know you, confessed to you, kissed you, I gave you my first kiss, my first time, you were my first love, but sadly you weren’t my last” –

Kihyun can’t control the tears anymore, and just there, in front of Kihyun he broke, let it go all he was trying to hold during so much time “I’m sorry” – Kihyun said between sobs – “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” that’s all he can’t say, he’s so stupid, an idiot, he should took care of him, love him properly, Kihyun felt like if he was a big mistake in his life, that’s why he cried, he was feeling as the worst man alive, how could he hurt such kind man? He cried more when he felt Changkyun’s arms around him, “its okay Hyung, Thank you for those 5 years” he cried more when he saw Changkyun’s smile, it’s been so long since he saw him smile and just like always he loves it.

Changkyun left when Kihyun was better, such gentleman he just lost, but at least he can see he’s happy, sadly he needed to let him go so he can find happiness.

Kihyun only took 5 mistakes to ruin everything he had with one of the most wonderful man, but at least one of two is happy now.