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Ever since Lilly’s death, Logan had done everything in his power to avoid February fourteenth like the plague. Everything about Valentine’s Day. The hearts, the flowers, the chocolate, the stuffed animals wearing shirts with clich é sayings like ‘I wuv you beary much’. All of it. But every year, Valentine’s Day had managed to show up—mocking him. But this year had promised to be different. This year he’d planned to spend his not-so-hard-earned money on trivial things for her .
Veronica.
Well, clearly Valentine’s Day was meant to be cursed for him. Veronica was gone and now he was left to wonder if she had ever listened to the last all-important voicemail he had left her. He hoped that if she had started to listen that she would have continued through to the end. The beginning of the voicemail was a bit harsh, he had to admit, but Logan wasn’t exactly one to sugarcoat the truth.
The chiming of his cell phone’s ringtone roused him from his thoughts; Dick’s name flashed across the screen.
“Hello?” Logan answered, hearing an excited crowd of laughter and loud music in the background. He realized that Dick must be at the Anti-Valentine’s Day party that he had badgered Logan about. It started at 8 in the morning and likely wouldn’t be ending until the wee hours of the following morning— a pre-party for February 14th put on by the Pi Sigma Sigma fraternity.
“Logan! Dude! Did you hear about our favorite blonde?” Dick’s obnoxious voice roared above the background noise, eager to share this tidbit of gossip.
“Dick, I really don’t—”
“She’s in jail , man! Jail! Everyone’s talking about it!”
Logan’s pulse quickened. Veronica had done many illegal things in her short time on this earth, but she usually managed to get away with it, mostly unscathed.
“Do you know why?” Logan tried to keep his voice even, but he knew his who-cares-one-way-or-the-other” attitude wouldn’t fool Dick.
“Dude, why should I know?” Dick snorted. “You gonna visit her? Give her a conjugated visit?”
“Conjugal, Dick. And no.”
“Whatever, just thought you like to kno— Hey!” Dick’s attention had clearly shifted to something shiny and new. His indecipherable words were muffled by the loudness of the background. Finally, Dick turned back to their phone call and shouted over the ruckus on his end, “Talk to you later, bro! Swing by when you’re done moping around.”
Logan threw his phone down on the couch next to him. His mind was racing. Should he call Mac? She’d know if Veronica was okay. Should he go to the sheriff's department and see for himself if the rumor was true? Curious as to what mess she could be a part of to land herself in jail, he rationalized that he should just head down to the county jail… just to make sure she was okay and, of course, to see if she needed anything. They were adults after all. They could be civil, couldn’t they?
The thought immediately made him feel anxious and jittery. He hadn’t been face to face with Veronica since the incident with Heather in the elevator. As much as he adored Heather, she had been far from subtle when she’d told Veronica that Logan was sorry. Clearly Veronica was less swayed by the cuteness of the little girl than he had been, because Logan had yet to hear anything from her.
“Shit,” Logan breathed when he realized he had no clue what he was going to say to her. He didn’t even know what he really expected to come of this visit. He just knew that if he didn’t seize this opportunity to talk to her. Plus, if she really was in jail, she would make for a captive audience. Literally. She would have to listen to him, which she had yet to do—ignoring him and all.
This might be my only shot , he thought critically. Might as well take it .
As soon as Logan pulled into the parking lot of the Balboa County Sheriff’s Department, his nerves set in. If Veronica hadn’t listened to his voicemail, she chose not to because she wanted nothing to do with him. And for good reason. He had betrayed her trust by sleeping with the one girl he knew she hated the most: Madison Sinclair. Why would she ever want to talk to him, let alone be with him, ever again? Doubting his plan to take advantage of her inability to avoid him, he realized that cornering her with his emotions, even as heartfelt as they would be, could go drastically wrong. All he could offer her were words, and he knew words would never make up for what he did.
But really, what did he have to lose at this point?
An unfamiliar deputy with dark brown hair and a clean shaven face sat at the front desk. He couldn’t have been much older than Logan. When Logan looked closer he saw that the officer’s badge read, “Deputy Rose.” The man looked up from whatever he was reading to give Logan a hard stare before asking, “How can I help you, Mr. Echolls.”
Great, one of my many fans, Logan thought cynically.
“Uh, yeah, Deputy. Looking for Mars. The girl, not the planet.” Logan offered a smirk, amused by his own joke. This man didn’t appear to find Logan’s demeanor humorous, which wasn’t at all surprising. He was used to most people in “authority” not liking him— not that it mattered much to him one way or another.
“You know where the holding cells are; feel free to head back there,” the deputy responded, nodding toward the back. Logan saluted him and made his way to where he knew he would find a petite blonde behind steely bars—looking incredibly out of place. As he rounded the corner, Logan saw Keith walking down the poorly lit hallway toward him. Of course Keith would be visiting Veronica. Logan groaned inwardly, realizing he should have taken into account all the people he could have encountered while on his quest to win Veronica back.
“Mr. Mars,” was all Logan could manage without sounding like a total wreck. He half expected Keith to keep walking without a word in response, but Keith’s eyebrows raised at the sound of his name.
“Logan,” he answered back. Keith’s voice wasn’t cold like an ex-girlfriend’s father should have sounded. In fact, he sounded a bit amused. “Down the hall on the right,” Keith continued with a small nod in the direction of Veronica’s cell. If Logan wasn’t shocked by Keith’s acknowledgment, he was surprised by Keith’s nonchalant admittance to where Veronica was located. Logan would have assumed that Keith would be furious that his daughter was in jail—whether he would be ticked off at either Veronica or the sheriff’s department, was still up for debate. However, Keith seemed to be in a good mood.
Maybe that means she’s in a good mood too? This could be my lucky day after all.
Logan gave Keith a small nod of thanks before turning and continuing down the hallway. He picked up his speed as if he were going to miss the window of Veronica’s good cheer. He felt Keith’s eyes watching as he walked, but there was no way he was going to look back at the balding, middle-aged man. He was too embarrassed that he had been caught, tail between his legs, crawling back to Veronica.
When he arrived at Veronica’s jail cell, Logan saw that she was lying on the mangy mattress of the bottom bunk. He wanted to laugh at the sight, but refrained because he knew it would piss her off.
He was surprised when Veronica was the first person to speak.
“Logan?” The emotion in her voice was hard to read. It was a mix of shock and also relief to see him… or maybe it was just shock.
Determined to appear unaffected, Logan tucked his thumbs into his pockets before he spoke. “No holiday decorations, huh?” he asked before he thought better of it. Stupid, stupid Logan, he thought bitterly, resisting the urge to facepalm. The last thing he needed was to sound like a sarcastic asshole, giving her another reason to feel validated in her decision to break up with him.
“Actually, that's just why I'm in jail, to avoid Valentine's Day.”
He smiled. She was in a good mood. Her tone wasn’t full of malice like it had been most of the last few weeks of their relationship. Her banter, along with the expression on her face, felt friendly, even downright flirty— almost the way it had been when they were together during the good times. She stood up and moved a few inches closer. He wished that she would step even closer to him next to the bars so he could touch her cheek like he usually did when he tried to comfort her. As much as she was keeping up her nonchalant attitude, he knew it was killing her to be stuck in there. It bothered him that even with a physical barrier between them, she kept her distance. It was almost as if she was afraid that if she got any closer he might hurt her again.
“Glad to see you,” she continued seriously, but sweetly. There was a flutter of hope in his heart when she said that, but he kept his poker face strong.
“We're both adults now, right? We can be civil.” There was a curt nod from Veronica before he asked, “You need anything?” It was the most casual, platonic thing he could think of to say to show that he still cared.
Veronica pursed her lips and made the look she always did when she was thinking about something. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but she must have decided against it, because she shut her mouth again. Instead, she shook her head no. Her smile had curled down and she was now staring at his chest with a small frown. Logan’s heart began to race. He was losing her. She was shutting down.
“What’s that?” he laughed, pointing at a drawn-on tattoo on her bicep. She looked down to where he was pointing as if she’d forgotten there was something there. She let out a small snort.
“I was bored,” was her simple reply. She met his eyes again and the twinkle was back.
“I always did prefer my blondes covered in tattoos and smelling of urine,” he played back with a wide smile. He couldn’t help it. He missed the friendly tête-à-têtes they used to always enjoy.
“You do love to be bad,” she teased “I decided I would try it out for myself. You know, I have to say, the rush I felt when I shot the guy was not worth the disgusting mattress and stale bread.”
He shrugged in a way that he hoped conveyed, Been there, done that.
The longer it took for him to get to the point, the larger the knot in his stomach grew. It wasn’t like him to feel so nervous around her. The look on his face must have mirrored the anguish he was feeling internally, because Veronica laughed as she said, “ I didn't realize seeing me in this unfortunate position would be so devastating for you.”
His forced smile must have been a giveaway that something more than her sleeping arrangements was bothering him. So she tried again more seriously, "Logan?"
Here goes nothing, he thought seriously. If you don’t tell her now, you never will.
“We need to talk, Veronica,” he sighed. When he brought his eyes to meet hers he saw the walls— those walls that never allowed him to see the inner thoughts and feelings Veronica carefully kept hidden.
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” she asked. Though her tone was light, her words were guarded.
He knew she was trying to give him an out. She was giving him a chance to run. But he refused.
Not this time, Sugarpuss.
“You know what I mean.”
She crossed her arms protectively against her chest as she backed further away from him, back to the dingy bed. “What do we have to talk about?” Veronica sat on the bed which made a terrible creaking noise. They both cringed at the sound, neither smiled or laughed, the playfulness they had moments earlier gone. A fervent desire had replaced any playfulness Logan had been feeling moments earlier. A desire to finally talk to Veronica. A hope that she would play along.
‘What do we have to talk about?!’ Oh, I don’t know, it’s not as if we live in the perpetual cycle of rosy to doom and gloom. There had always been a silent understanding between them not to talk of the past, the problems with their relationship, or even the tragedies they had experienced. Smile, laugh, make love, repeat. Avoidance, it was what they did best. However, after this last attempt at a relationship—and the inevitable failure of said relationship—Logan knew the destructive cycle had to be broken. Words needed to be said, whether they liked it or not.
“Let’s start at the very beginning,” Logan suggested.
“A very good place to start,” Veronica sang back, mockingly. It took everything within him not to roll his eyes and walk away. She was feisty and proud. This was going to be a very long day and he was going to need a chair, as standing there for the next however many hours was not going to be an option.
He headed back out to the lobby to find a chair to drag back to the holding cells. That was when he almost knocked over Sacks. The man furrowed his brow which made Logan wonder if he was wracking his brain, trying to remember if they had an arrest warrant out for him.
“Echolls, what are you doing…?” But he stopped his question, clearly remembering Veronica was in the holding cell a few feet away.
“Do you guys have an extra chair lying around?” Logan asked him.
Sacks nodded and rushed off to retrieve it.
“Oh, and while you’re at it, I’ll take coffee and one of those jelly donuts you guys always have stashed away.” Logan had always enjoyed screwing with Sacks and the rest of the department, especially Lamb… He looked around, hoping to see him, but Lamb was nowhere in sight. Maybe they were having one of those Neptune bachelor auctions again and he was getting ready for his limelight. Logan shuddered at the thought.
“Here’s your chair, but the coffee and donuts are your problem.” Sacks was clearly trying to hide the smile that was trying to creep onto his face. Logan grabbed the chair and bowed his head in thanks.
As Logan headed back around the corner, he saw Veronica sit up quickly. Her widened eyes betrayed her before she could resort back to her poker face.
“Didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?” He laughed as he set the metal chair down. It made a terrible clanking noise that made both Logan and Veronica jump. Veronica watched as he plopped down, getting settled in, determined to be there however long this took.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be on the day before Valentine’s Day?” Veronica asked sweetly. She batted her eyelashes at him sarcastically.
“No, do you?” He laughed, realizing that even if she’d had somewhere else to be, she was stuck here for the time being. She drew in a short breath.
“What is it you need to talk about?” Her voice was still guarded, her walls still up.
“We, what we need to talk about,” he corrected.
Her face softened a bit. “What do we need to talk about, Logan?”
He decided to start with something he thought would be easy. “Are you and that… Piz kid seeing each other?” Logan couldn’t help but smirk as he said the guy’s name. Piz… what kind of name was that? It reeked of douchebag, and that was coming from someone whose best friend’s name was Dick.
“No, we’re just friends. He’s Wallace’s roommate…” Logan watched as Veronica knit her brows together trying to work out her thoughts. “Why would you think…?”
“Did you cheat on me? With Piz, I mean. When we had our fight and you were staying with him? I know you were angry. I would understand if you—”
“God, Logan! No! I didn’t cheat. I’ve never cheated on you... “ Veronica’s face was flushed, and he could tell he’d just poked a bear. Although Veronica was pissed, he felt a rush of relief flood through him. He had never wanted to think Veronica would cheat, but his experiences in life had taught him to question a girlfriend’s faithfulness to him.
“I just needed to know,” Logan replied quietly.
Veronica stood, arms crossed and lips in a firm line, her eyes everywhere but the direction in which he was sitting. She wanted to run. This was her ‘get out of here as fast as you can’ look. Fortunately for him, she was stuck here for now. Logan felt a slight pang of guilt for trapping her like this. “If you want me to leave, I can,” he finally relented. As much as he wanted to talk things through with her, he knew it would ultimately be less-than-productive if she wasn’t a willing participant.
It took Veronica a few seconds to respond. She stared at him as if she was trying to figure him out. Finally she huffed and stepped closer to him. “You can stay. Just don’t ask anymore stupid questions.”
“What kind of name is Piz anyway?” Logan couldn’t help but ask. He didn’t know what Veronica’s response to that jab was going to be, but a snort and large smile from her was what he received.
“I have no idea,” she admitted. They both laughed and the tension seemed to drop a notch.
“He’s a major douche, Veronica. You can date anyone you want, but if we’re going to be friends…” he watched for any sign he shouldn’t continue with that line of thought and thankfully found none, “...that guy isn’t going to work for me.”
“And here I was thinking I was finally going to fulfill my boyband fantasy,” Veronica quipped back. Logan internally cringed. She was right, the hair, the faux ‘good guy’ act… he was totally boyband material.
“Okay, next question, Bobcat.” As soon as the nickname left his mouth, he regretted it. He watched Veronica’s body stiffen.
Still, she surprised him by responding with a playful smile that danced on her lips, “Go for it.”
“Did you get my voicemail?” Logan couldn’t quite read the look on Veronica’s face.
Veronica shifted her weight and looked at her feet formulating her answer. “I heard enough of it to get the gist of what you were trying to say…” Her voice was quiet and still. She took another step closer and finally sat on the ground, keeping her head down and eyes away from his gaze. Her fingertips tapped against the metal bars as if she was trying hard to appear distracted from the conversation.
Of course she hadn’t listened to the whole message. He was such an idiot. He couldn’t blame her for giving up after the beginning. He had been downright mean in his anger; he’d been the jackass she’d expected him to be. “I have a feeling you didn’t wait to hear the good part,” he told her.
She stopped tapping on the bars and looked up at him. Her eyes burned holes into his chest as she refused to make eye contact with him.
Logan continued, “I sounded like an ass at the beginning of that message, but I ended it on a positive note… I apologized again and said something about being encouraged someone still had such high expectations of me,” He finished with a smirk, head slightly bowed, looking up at her under his eyelashes with that endearing expression that he knew always seemed to win her over.
“I still do,” Veronica shrugged. Her lips were turned up slightly and she finally met his eyes with her own. “Just because you’re a jackass doesn’t mean you don’t have the potential to be great.”
He didn’t know how to reply. Great ? He had spent the better part of his life wondering if that were possible. His dad had never seemed to think he would amount to anything. Hell, if genetics played a part, Logan wasn’t even sure God himself expected greatness of him. His whole life had been overshadowed by his dad. His dad would walk around like a god, with everybody worshipping at his feet wherever he went. All the while, that same guy would fly into rages, hurting his own son claiming it was to teach him life lessons, but many times for no reason at all. The “lessons” he taught Logan would never be forgotten. Even after Aaron’s death, Logan couldn’t help but feel like that helpless child he used to be. If he wasn’t a disappointment to an abusive dad, now Logan feared he would end up like Aaron. Either way, life seemed to have dealt him a bad hand and most of the time Logan believed he was screwed regardless.
Still, Logan couldn’t tell Veronica any of that. At least, not now. He just grinned and rolled his eyes. “Jackass? You’ve got the wrong guy.”
Even though he knew Veronica always saw through his jokes, she played along for his benefit, “That’s Admiral Jackass to you?” she asked with a smile.
“Yeah, something like that.”
There was a moment of silence between the two of them, and just as Logan thought it couldn’t get any more awkward, Veronica finally sighed and said, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to the whole thing. I was angry with you and when I heard you ridiculing me… I just couldn’t.”
Logan stood and pushed the chair back with a screech before sitting on the floor across the bars from Veronica. They sat criss cross, staring at each other. Logan swept his right thumb lightly across the knuckles of her fingers that were currently wrapped around one of the bars. Her eyes watched his caress, but she didn’t pull her hand away.
“Why are you here?” she finally asked.
Well, this is it. Moment of truth.
“To get you back,” he admitted.
She seemed to contemplate his answer before teasing, “You think you can handle being the boyfriend of someone who’s in the joint?”
He laughed and lightly squeezed her hand. With a smirk he whispered, “I dated this blonde for a while; she was pretty badass, really taught me how to deal with people like you.”
“People like me? Please , a pretty boy like you wouldn’t stand a chance with a hard criminal like moi ,” Veronica scoffed batting her eyelashes playfully.
“Veronica.” As much as he loved their playful banter, he wasn’t about to let them fall back into their old cycle: glimpse of truth, avoidance, playful banter, passion, and incredible pain when the whole truth came out. “We still need to get things out in the open. If we’re ever going to work, we have to be able to talk about things— really talk.”
Veronica pulled her hand away and leaned back. “Fine,” she conceded. “But after all the bloodshed is out in the open, I expect a very special Valentine’s Day present.” She quirked an eyebrow as if to dare him to argue.
Like in any lifetime he ever would.
“Ask me something you want to know,” Logan coaxed her, avoiding the topic of Valentine’s Day sex that was looming over them.
“Madison.” Veronica’s voice had a slight quiver, but she recovered and continued, her voice stronger, “What happened, and why.” It was a demand, not a question. He understood the subliminal message behind the words. What happened, and why— how could you do that to me, Logan? She wanted answers he couldn’t provide.
To be fair, he had expected as much from her. He had spent weeks and many sleepless nights trying to come up with the best explanation for what had happened.
“I was drunk…” he started, but Veronica’s look of distaste stopped him. “Hey, I’m not saying it’s a good excuse but it was part of the problem,” he told her. She had apparently decided to retract her claws so he continued. “There’s really no good explanation. I was drunk. She was… very pushy. I was pissed off and feeling sorry for myself… and I honestly don’t remember sleeping with her, but the next morning there she was in all her glory. I knew I had royally fucked up, so I threw my clothes on and got the hell out of there. I hoped she didn’t remember anything, but as you know—”
“She did,” Veronica interrupted.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “If anything really did happen, I don’t remember.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Veronica probed. It was a good question, one he had asked himself several times in the days since their break up. Why hadn’t he told her? Was he paralyzed with fear that he had finally failed her by losing the never ending battle of measuring up to her incredibly high standards? Was he scared that now, after all they had been through, he would lose her forever?
“I didn’t want to hurt you over something I couldn’t even remember.” It was as good a reason as he could come up with, and it was honest.
“So it didn’t mean anything to you?” she pressed.
“No, Veronica! It was a momentary lapse of whatever good judgement I have in me! It was a stupid, stupid mistake and I would go back and change it if I could. I screwed Dick over, my best friend… but more importantly I hurt the only person I ever truly loved.”
Veronica was quiet as she contemplated his words. She closed her eyes and let out a long breath before answering with a slight smile, “I’ll move past it if you’ll promise never to keep things from me, even things you think are going to hurt me.”
Logan reached between the bars for her hands and again she didn’t flinch or pull away. “I’ll promise to never keep things from you if you promise to talk things out with me instead of running away.”
She nodded in agreement, still staring into his eyes.
“Veronica, I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know,” she breathed with a sigh.
They stayed like that for a while, hand-in-hand, words now seeming inadequate. They were still at a crossroad though. Logan knew he wanted to give this thing a fighting chance and believed Veronica did too. Yet in order to do so, all cards had to be on the table. No more hiding behind passion and smiles. He wasn’t stupid and neither was Veronica. Both knew that they had gone through far too much hell and high water to pretend they lived in a technicolored world.
As Logan watched Veronica, he couldn’t shake the feeling that an elephant named Madison was still in the room. He realized he didn’t know how Veronica had even found out about Madison. He assumed Veronica must have run into her at some point because the only two people who knew about that night in Aspen had been him and Madison.
If Veronica had found out because of that bitch, he couldn’t imagine the things Madison must have told her. Madison was known for two things: exaggerating the truth and hating Veronica. Logan needed to know what had been said so that he could begin to undo the damage Madison’s lies had done.
“Veronica?” Logan asked softly. Veronica furrowed her brow to tell him to continue his question. “What exactly did Madison say to you?”
There was a long pause— too long. Whatever had been said had deeply hurt Veronica. It was etched across her face as she took a long, deep breath before talking.
“I ran into her at that overpriced lingerie boutique downtown. It seems she and I had the same idea for a fun time because she gave me some friendly advice on lingerie. Apparently, you’re not a fan of one pieces?” Her words hit him, full force. The sudden rush of nausea was overwhelming. Her voice was cold and she quirked an eyebrow as if to dare him to speak, but his words were stuck in the back of his throat. He didn’t know if he could listen to the rest of what she had to say.
Veronica was clearly unimpressed by Logan’s lack of response, but she continued sharply, “You know, I was trying to do something nice for you. Buy something sexy, sneak into your suite, surprise sex...you know, normal girlfriend stuff. But instead of the sexy black teddy I had been looking at, I left the store with news of your tryst in Aspen and a newfound hate for lacy two-pieces.”
Logan didn’t know what to say. Madison had preyed on Veronica’s sexual insecurities. How many times were the stupid 09ers going to do that to her? Logan had been one of the many to joke about her sexuality in high school. She had been the essence of purity while Lilly was alive, and it had been easy to call someone that was innocent a slut. Nobody seemed to laugh when someone joked about a known promiscuous girl’s sex life. It was why Logan had made Veronica the salt lick that fateful night at Shelly’s, why she had to scrub the word ‘skank’ off her locker every other Friday, why people joked about her purity. It had never been funny. Logan knew that now. His rumors and actions were still affecting her all these years later. He hated himself for having put her through this then and even more so with Madison now.
“Veronica—” he began to say, but she cut him off abruptly.
“Save it. I heard enough from her. I don’t need to hear it from you too. God, Logan, I felt like such an idiot standing there. Madison smiling down on me like the evil bitch she is, knowing she had taken what was mine… I can’t imagine all the people she gloated about it to.”
Veronica switched her voice to a mocking version of Madison’s. “Oh my god, you guys. You’ll never believe who I fucked in Aspen. Logan Echolls. Poor Veronica, she’ll never be able to ride him the way I did.”
Logan watched as Veronica’s face contorted into something that looked like a mix between bitter and sick. Tears had sprung to her eyes. He wanted to throw up.
“Veronica, it’s not true… You have to know that I would never compare you to someone else…” He didn’t know what to say. Her anger. The breakup. It all made so much sense now.
“You have no idea, Logan, how humiliating it is to find out that your boyfriend slept with the person you hate most while standing between a mannequin in pink lace and a sale table of cut out bras.” Her voice cracked and Logan could hear the pain in her voice. She looked back up making eye contact and spoke softer, “So do you?”
“Do I what?” he asked carefully, not entirely sure if he wanted to know the question.
She gritted her teeth as she clarified the question for him. “Do you prefer sets over one pieces? Was that her secret ingredient for getting in your pants?” He knew she didn’t really want the answer. She was pissed off now, having just relived the experience with Madison. Part of Logan wished he had let sleeping dogs lie.
“I don’t care as long as you’re wearing it.” It was a lame answer, and he knew it. But it seemed to clear some of the tension between the two of them because Veronica smiled a little, even if the smile looked a little sad.
She wagged her index finger at him. “You don’t get to act like this is no big deal,” she told him.
“I’m not,” he told her sincerely.
Veronica bit her lower lip and searched his face. “I just want to forget all this ever happened, but I can’t. Everytime I think I’m over it, I see her smirking face and I want to punch something all over again.”
“I wish there was something I could say to make it go away, Veronica. I do, but I can’t.” She had to know he could only say he was sorry a million times. He couldn’t change the past as much as he wished he could.
“I know.” She let out a puff of air and closed her eyes in frustration.
“Can we ever move past this?” Logan asked. He waited for an answer, expecting the worst.
“It’s killing me— holding onto it like this. It hurts, but I want to move past it, Logan. I really do. I just don’t know how.”
He realized it was his turn to talk. He knew his reassurances wouldn’t ever be enough, but he had to try.
“Veronica, Madison is a bitch. I can’t believe she did that to you in the middle of a goddamn lingerie store. I should have told you about what happened, and I’m honestly sorry. I was an idiot, a dick. But it meant nothing. It could never have meant anything when I was still in love with you. I thought you were gone for good. You didn’t need me. You never had. I just assumed you’d finally realized that.”
There was silence for a brief moment before Veronica spoke up. “You’re my best friend, Logan. Regardless of being in a relationship or not, I do need you. I’ve always needed you. I needed you in seventh grade when I told you about Lianne’s drinking. I needed you at Lilly’s funeral when you held my hand while I cried. I needed you to be there to save me from Beaver…And I need you now.”
Her words resonated deep within him.
She needs me? He repeated it to himself silently. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to tell her everything was going to be okay. He wanted to say, “I love you.” But he couldn’t. It wasn’t the right moment, and he knew it.
So instead he smiled, “Veronica Mars needs things? Even a jackass like me?” She pursed her lips, and he knew she wanted to laugh. “Are you willing to put this Madison thing to rest?” he asked more seriously.
She nodded. “I need to, for my sake if nothing else... “ she paused and sighed, “And... I may miss your stupid ass. Life is boring without our weekly Clint Eastwood marathons.”
There she was. His Veronica.
“You do realize we are never ever doing an Eastwood marathon again. The last time I was stupid enough to do that, I heard your terrible impersonations for days .” She laughed, which made his heart skip a beat. “But I won’t complain if I find you on my couch every Friday. You think that might happen?” he asked unabashedly.
I would not mind at all . Couch, bed, floor… where else did we ‘watch’ movies? Logan shook his head, refusing to let that train of thought continue further.
“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” Veronica asked in her terrible impression. Logan found himself laughing harder than he wanted. He watched her as she smiled, proud of herself. She was always so damn proud of herself. It was one of the many Veronica expressions he loved most: eyes twinkling, shoulders back, head slightly tilted.
“Any other questions?” Logan finally asked, changing the subject. He hated the uneasiness of his voice as he asked because, though hearing her feelings was painful, he knew it was necessary.
“Anything?” Veronica asked and Logan braced himself. When he nodded, she continued, “How did you feel about your dad being killed the way he was?”
“Shocked mostly. Guilty that I wasn’t as sad as most people thought I should be. Relieved I never had to worry about him hurting me— or you or anyone again.”
Her question had caught him a little off guard. It hadn’t ever occurred to him that they had never really talked about his father’s death— Aaron did try to kill her after all. They had even managed to skirt around the topic of Aaron’s abuse. But even now, there was no way that here, in the county sheriff’s department, he was going to hash out that mess. Logan was glad when Veronica didn’t press any further on the subject, but instead was met with her sad, knowing smile.
Everything out there, Logan breathed to himself before he asked a question that had always haunted him. “If Duncan hadn’t left with Meg’s kid… would you have ever come back to me?”
He waited as she articulated an answer. “I think so,” she admitted. “He seemed like the easier, safer choice… But there was never any— fireworks— with him, and he was gone before I ever had the chance to come to terms with that.” She stopped and appeared to be trying to read his expression. “Logan,” she continued slowly, “you need to know that I never felt about him the way I felt… feel about you.” Although it was a messy answer, it was good enough for Logan.
Veronica blurted out, “And Lilly? What if she hadn’t died? Do you think we would have had this ‘Epic Love’ you talk about?”
Of all the questions she could have asked, he wasn’t entirely prepared for that one. The truth was, he didn’t know. How could anyone truly know the different paths on which life could take you?
“I would like to think so. I used to think what Lilly and I had was love, but then this happened...” he motioned between them, “...and I realized it wasn’t even close to the real thing. And you know Lilly, odds are, even she would have eventually been happy that we ended up together.”
A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. A smile that Logan knew she reserved for Lilly. “I’d like to think so,” Veronica murmured.
As Logan gazed into her eyes, he could see the love that she held for him. Veronica had never told him directly that she loved him, but he always knew that she did. Knowing that one day she would say it was enough for him.
"I loved Lilly, the best way I knew how. And I know Lilly loved me. Just not like I loved her. But it doesn't matter now. It hasn't mattered since the day we kissed. I used to think I needed to feel guilty about moving on. But I did, and I found my best friend and the real love of my life.You're it, Veronica! I've actually known it far longer than I even let myself believe. ”
“You and your ‘epic love’ speeches,” she laughed. But her face grew more serious before continuing, “Logan, I lo—”
“Veronica Mars, looks like you’re one popular girl today.”
Logan cringed at the sound of Sheriff Lamb’s annoying voice as he interrupted Veronica. Logan wanted to tell the guy to get lost, so Veronica could continue. He was pretty sure what it was she was going to say, but Veronica had shut her mouth, now refusing to speak.
Logan stood and spun around to see Lamb accompanied by Wallace Fennel.
“Seems my fan club is meeting at an unconventional place today,” Logan mused. Wallace’s look drifted from Logan to Veronica who gave a weak smile and shrugged.
“I’m sure there’s something we could book you for. Stay here long enough and we won’t have to go out and find you,” Lamb spoke pointedly to Logan. Wow, he really liked beating that joke into the ground. Lamb didn’t wait for Logan’s snark, but rather turned and left Logan with Veronica and her best friend.
“What’s he doing here?” Wallace asked Veronica under his breath.
“Leaving… he was just leaving,” Veronica told Wallace. She looked at Logan with pleading eyes.
“Fine, but call me when you’re out,” Logan told her.
“I’ll find you,” she smiled. It was this smile that gave him hope things would be okay again. Sure, it was Neptune. Things were bound to turn sour again sooner or later, but maybe this time they could hold on to each other. He began to take a step back to leave.
“Wait.” Her sweet voice stopped him in his tracks. Wait . And he would. He always would. “ Actually , Logan, could you possibly help a sista out?” she asked, remorsefully closing one eye as if there was a possibility he would say no.
As if he ever would deny her anything.
“Oh, now you want something. Somehow strings are always attached,” Logan mused in a sing-song voice.
Veronica sweetly smiled, her head tilted slightly to the side. It was her classic ‘asking for a favor’ pose. “Get my wireless card back from the deputy. I was taking it to Mac when I got arrested. She said she needed it for a thing tonight.”
“Find Mac, give her the wireless thingy… sure, consider it done.” Logan made sure he made eye contact with her and lifted his eyebrows suggestively. “But it’ll cost you, Mars.”
Veronica grabbed a hold of the bars and looked at him under her eyelashes. “Thanks, you've nearly warmed this cold, cold heart of mine,” she drawled. Again Logan had the impulse to kiss her. He loved when she was playful. He hated how much it turned him on.
Logan could feel Wallace’s judgemental gaze on his neck. That was his cue to leave.
“Your... present will be waiting at The Grand,” Logan smirked, giving an exaggerated bow.
Veronica creased her brows together as if she were annoyed, but her smile betrayed her. Logan winked at her and saluted an angry Wallace before turning and heading out.
“I expect chocolate!” she called out after him.
As he turned away to walk out, Logan couldn’t help the beaming smile that took over his face. He didn’t wait to hear Wallace’s protests as he could care less what anybody else had to say about him and Veronica. He thanked all the Valentine’s Day gods that he had gathered enough courage to actually come down to the sheriff’s department.
Once Logan made it to Mac’s room, he had already planned the evening out in his head. He would need to stop by Olson’s Flower Shop to get Veronica roses, as many roses that he could get his hands on.
Parker, Mac, and a guy Logan could only assume was Mac’s boyfriend, were gathered around, discussing something that had nothing to do with Logan or Veronica. Logan pulled the wireless card out of his pocket and handed it to Mac, who made a quip about Veronica’s friendship and surprised Logan by not questioning why he was even with Veronica in the first place.
Mac’s boyfriend huffed over a message on his phone. “Jason can’t do it either. He’s out of town.”
Parker groaned. Logan wasn’t entirely sure what this ‘Jason’ couldn’t do, but he didn’t have time to find out. He turned to head out when Parker stopped him.
“Logan, can we, like, borrow you?” she asked him. There was a hint of flirtation in her voice that Logan was sure made other boys swoon.
“Tonight?” he asked. The three downtrodden individuals nodded somewhat enthusiastically in return. “No can do. I have plans with a petite blonde that involves chocolate, movies, and makeup sex. And not in that particular order.”
Mac made a face and swatted Logan’s arm.
“Gross, get out of here!” gagged Mac. “And tell Veronica I expect to be filled in when she’s done with you!”
Logan laughed as Mac guided him, pushing him toward the door.
“Have fun with whatever you guys are planning! Maybe ask Wallace? Or the Piss guy—, the one with the emo hair. He seems like a good time…” Mac swatted him again, shaking her head. “Ouch! It was a joke. Chill, Mackenzie.”
He quickly said his goodbyes and hurried away. He had so many plans and so little time before his little convict was released.