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"How would you like it if I tried to convert you?"
Mac is standing, soaking wet in their doorway saying "I wouldn't care." He's saying "-that's like impossible. There's no way you guys could convert me to your lifestyle."
But the other man chimes in anyway with "Let's give it a shot,"
That makes Mac nervous. Give it a shot? Are they going to come on to him? Try to suck his dick just to prove that he would like it? He feels his confidence wavering, but Scott reaches past his husband to put a hand on Mac's shoulder, and says "Come in, Mac. I'll get you a towel."
With some trepidation, Mac follows them inside. There's a narrow sofa opposite the bed- the single bed- Mac thinks, that these guys are sharing. Mac sits on the sofa, on top of a towel Scott lays down for him before sitting on the edge of the bed. David meanwhile reaches into a the bedside table's top drawer. What he pulls out is not what Mac expected- A leather bound bible, red with gold lettering and trim.
"What's that for?" Mac asks. "I already believe in God, I thought you were trying to convince I'm gay."
"I don't think it's your gayness that you need to be convinced of." David answers.
Mac blinks. What then?
"How well do you know your scripture?" asks David, sitting across from him, thumbing through the pages.
"Oh, I know all about the bible." Mac replies with confidence.
David smiles at Mac's reply. "Paul's Epistle to the Romans?"
Mac can't remember anything in particular about that one, but he's certain he's read it before. "Sure," he replies.
The two men- the gay men- exchange a look. The one holding the holy book clears his throat. "I want you to listen to this," he says and then begins to read.
"Welcome anyone who is weak in faith, but not for disputes over opinions..."
Mac recognises it from the first line. Three years ago. Dennis. The old apartment. It was called The Weak and The Strong. Mac liked it for the title. Thought it cast him as strong because of his faith, as superior, as knowledgeable and therefore trustworthy in matters of scripture and morality, of virtue and sin. He was trying to explain it to Dennis, arguing with him without getting anywhere. And Dennis, not for the first time- and not even for the last- had turned on him like a beast of prey, trying to sway him from his faith, to convert him.
The memory has drained all the colour from Mac's face. He's struck by an irrational panic, wondering if somehow they know.
David keeps reading, but Mac spaces out. He wonders if Dennis could have told them about that passage, about that day, but Dennis didn't even seem to know that they were here, didn't seem to care.
He spaces back in when he thinks for half a second that David is addressing him directly. He's saying-
"You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgement seat. It is written, 'As surely as I live' sayeth the lord-"
"I know this!" Mac cuts in. "God says 'Every knee will bow for me, every tongue will worship God'."
Dennis liked that bit. Liked the image of anyone on their knees, if they were going to worship him.
David smiles. "Close," he says. Every tongue will give praise to God."
Worship, praise- they were one in the same to Dennis, and neither had a thing to do with holiness.
"Do you know what comes next?" Scott asks.
No. Mac shifts in his seat. "Yeah," he says. "I'll let you finish reading it though."
"Thanks," David says, though it doesn't sound sincere, especially not compared to what he says next- "I want you to listen very closely to this part."
Mac does.
"Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself." He gives Mac a few second to absorb the words, though the meaning David wants them to impart is clearly lost on him.
"Paul the apostle said that," he explains. "That nothing is unclean unless we decide it is. But we don't make those decisions; God is the only judge. Therefore, Paul tells them, do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil."
"But God said homosexuality is evil," Mac interjects. "In another part of the Bible- In- In Leviticus."
"Leviticus says a lot of things, Mac. Saint Paul didn't believe that all of them were deal breakers. You don't have to believe that either."
"You think..." He's not sure he understands. He can't possibly be hearing this right. "You think being gay isn't a deal breaker? For God?"
"I don't think it is. I believe that gay love is beautiful- one of the most beautiful things He ever created. I also believe, like Paul, that as long as you love God he will see you as you are, and he will love you in return."
"What did he say next?" Mac asks, captivated.
David smiles, he doesn't have to look at the book to finish the quotation. "He says whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God." He reaches across the narrow gap between them and touches Macs knee with the book. "Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. Do you know what that means?"
Feeling like a very small child on a Sunday morning, Mac shakes his head.
"It means that if you know in your heart that something is good, the same as you know in your heart that God is good, then don't condemn yourself based on what others believe about God. If you know goodness, you know God. "
"To love," Scott says, and here he smiles at David. "is to be one with God."
That's beautiful, though Mac can't help wondering if this is some kind of test. In his heart though, which he's apparently supposed to trust, he wants to believe it isn't. More than that he wonders if this could be the sign that he was so desperately waiting for. He likes the idea, could get used to it- God seeing his heart the way it really is- all twisted and beat out of shape maybe, but still full of light, full of love. He likes the idea that that's worth something to God, the way it never really had been to his fellow man.
Mac nods slowly as he thinks.
"So, if you're right. If God actually loves the gays. Does that mean..." He's afraid to even say it, speaks softly but his voice is too real against the silence of the room. Even quieter he concludes "Do you think that God made me gay?"
David smiles at him, knowingly. Asks "Did he?"
Mac stares at the bible, all red and gold, held in those strong looking hands- one of them wearing a ring. Mac lets himself imagine, however tentatively, a new possibility. As he considers it, he feels something welling in him- adrenaline? excitement? the very of light God? He wants very badly for this man to be right, and it's possible Mac thinks, that he is. He just doesn't want to be the first one to say it. Thinks if the admission comes from somewhere outside of himself then it will mean something more, be more trustworthy, more definite. But he looks between the two men, who might just be a lot like him, and they look back at him with warm, expectant eyes that seem to be giving him permission.
Mac knows the answer, and when he finally says it, it's with the finality of an amen- "Yeah." Mac says. "Yeah, He did. God made me gay."
"And that's beautiful," says Scott.
"It's a gift," David affirms. "God wouldn't want you to deny it."
"Yeah," Mac standing up now, smiling. "Yeah."
And as he stands he realises something even more impossible- he's still here; still alive. God hasn't struck him down, and maybe he won't, at all. Maybe God has only been unhappy with him for denying his gifts. These guys, after all, seem to be happy. And in fact, so is Mac.
He never thought that he would feel like this, awash in an unmitigated feeling of ease, an absolute freedom from guilt. Mac says a simple "Wow."
Then, he realises, he has to tell the gang.
"I have to go" he says suddenly. He has to find them, has to tell them the incredible news.
In his excitement, he runs out on David and Scott, leaves them sitting there, knowing at least that they succeeded. That Mac is gay, and that nothing short of God himself could change that. But Mac is convinced, for the moment at least, that God's not going to change it, not going to smite him, strike him with lighting, or drown him over this.
God will, of course, try to drown him in the end. At least that's the way Mac's going see it. But that's still ahead of him, he's not there yet. Right now, he's halfway out the door and turning back to look at them with a bright eyed smiled on his rain-wet face. Right now, he's saying the last thing he'll ever say to these two, gay strangers.
Right now, Mac is saying thank you.