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Peter is bored.
Sure, it's Valentine's Day and there is a flurry of rushed ideas and lovey couples. The shop that line the sidewalk on either side of the road all advertise specials for couples and frilly heart decorations. All of the outdoor seating for the restaurants he passes are occupied with couples sharing meals It’s the perfect spot for any person in a relationship, but Peter is flying solo this year, walking down the streets all alone. So yeah, he's bored.
Before Peter can react, a hand grabs his. Peter’s eyes follow up the well muscled arm straining under the deep red jacket to see a set of startlingly blue eyes. They stay staring into each other’s eyes for a second, two strangers holding hands in the middle of the sidewalk. A huge grin spreads across the stranger’s face, “This is going to be much easier than I thought.”
“Excuse me?” Peter stares at the stranger confused. Neither of them have made any attempt to break their hands apart, but it is kind of nice in the cold chill that has taken New York. Peter won’t admit that the rough, large, calloused hand holding his own felt nice.
“Will you be my husband?”
When Peter rolled out of bed this morning, this is nowhere close to what he imagined, a complete stranger proposing to him in the middle of the street. Peter looks around to the surrounding people, expecting to find a hidden camera or someone videotaping them, only to find everyone around them totally focused in their romantic dinners. Peter leans in, “Excuse me?”
The stranger finally releases their hands, subjecting Peter’s to the cold New York air again, to gesture to a nearby restaurant’s advertisement of ‘45% off for bringing a spouse’. Peter slowly blinks as the stranger smiles at him widely, “Will you be my husband for an hour or so, baby boy? Why not take advantage of this sweet deal and hang out with a pretty boy?”
"Are you talking about me or you?”
“¿Porque no los dos?” Peter slowly blinks at him again, “Please tell me you’ve seen that taco commercial with the little girl with the soft or hard tacos.”
Peter’s confused stare brought out a long sigh from the stranger, staring his clear eyes up to the gray sky, as if asking for help from a higher power, “I don’t know if our marriage is off to a great start.”
"If we’re going to be married, can you at least tell me your name?”
“Wade Woodrow Wilson, and yours hubby?”
"Peter Benjamin Parker, and please don’t ever call me hubby again.”
“How about snuggly wumpkins?”
"No.”
“Snookums?”
"Sure.”
“Good, boundaries are important in a relationship. Now that we got that all sorted out, what is our origin story going to be? I think that we should both be fighting Godzilla as he threatens to take over Tokyo and as we fight this bad ass lizard, we fall in love and I notice that hot ass of yours so we go fu-”
"How about you went to a candy store and bought too much ice cream so you needed someone to share it with. I offered to and you agreed.”
Wade crosses his arms with a huff, obviously displeased with the change of their story, “I don’t think that’s very plausible. What kind of fool thinks there’s such thing as too much ice cream.”
"Don’t you ever get a brain freeze.”
“Only the weak give up after a brain freeze. True strength is powering through the obstacles life throws at you.”
"Okay, well most people are going to think that the story I gave is endearing, and totally sounds like something you would do, so let’s just go with that. Now, how long have we been dating?”
“4 years, 7 months, and 12 days. God, I don’t even know why I married you if you can’t remember our anniversary, but I love you anyway. I guess your butt makes up for it.”
"That’s a very specific date.” Peter says totally ignoring the last comment. He can put up with this weirdo if he’s going to get a discount meal. The life of a struggling college student has put him in some pretty tight spot,
"Wait, if we’re going to be married, where are our rings?”
Wade looks at him as if that was the dumbest question he could have possibly asked, “I’m a florist and you’re a surgeon. We take them off for work, this is our only time off, so we keep them in a safe at home in your office. Come on Peter. Come up with some harder questions.”
“I think we got it all cover. Anything else?”
“Nah, we can improv once we get in there, baby boy.”
Awkwardly, their hands fumble together until they are holding hands, and stroll into the restaurant. Wade smiles at Peter as he kisses him on the side of the temple, but the smaller just looks straight at the hostess who is look at them with a big grin. Peter smiles back, and feels an arm wrap around his waist, sitting snug on his hip pulling him closer to Wade, “Can we have the dinner for two, with the spouse discount?”
"Are you two married?”
“Yeah,” Wade responds this time, meeting eye contact with Peter as he attempts to look at him wistfully. Wade squeezes his hand on Peter’s waist, pecking a kiss to his lips. Peter chuckles, trying to brush off the awkwardness of having a stranger kiss you but still trying to keep up the charade.
“You guys are so cute! How long have you been together?”
“4 years dating, almost one whole year married.” A wide grin spread across Peter’s face as he tried to seem like a happily married guy.
Wade smiles at Peter, “It feels like we just met a few minutes ago.”
Peter can’t help but burst out laughing, hitting Wade on the chest in an attempt to keep up the charade, “God, you are such a romantic. I don’t know how I put up with you.”
“Must be all the sex.”
The hostess awkwardly shuffles from foot to foot, obviously getting uncomfortable with the quick shift in topic. She grabs two menus and ushers them out, “Follow me.”
Wade leans in to Peter, a huge smile on his face, “We have successfully infiltrated.”
For the entire course of the dinner, the conversation flows naturally between them; Peter has almost convinced himself that they are in a steady marriage with how easily conversation flows between them and the interests they share. It’s impossible to keep up with all of Wade’s pop culture references, but Peter does a pretty good job. Peter has never met anyone like Wade before, but it’s nothing bad.
Peter has to remind himself a few times that they aren’t actually in a relationship, that this is all pretend, but Wade’s hands wrapping around his, or the fond looks he keeps throwing at him try to persuade Peter otherwise. Peter honestly feels like this relationship could go somewhere, maybe not a four year thing going on marriage, but Peter has felt something that he hasn’t felt in a long time: a connection.That’s why it startles Peter a little when the bill comes around, meaning the end of their phony relationship.
Before Peter can even reach for paying for it, Wade grabs it, looks it over and drops his credit card in without a second thought. Peter crinkles his forehead, “You don’t need to pay for all of this. Let me at least cover my own meal.”
“No, it’s fine baby boy. I got it.”
“Come on, Wade. I can pay for myself.”
“Nope. This was my idea to take you out, so let me pay for it.”
“Wade-”
An idea must have come to Wade’s mind because he leans forward, his smile turns into a crooked grin as he huskily says, “Well, hubby, why don't we go back to our place to cement this Valentine’s Day.”
“What do you-”
The meaning dawns on Peter when Wade gives him an over exaggerated wink; his whole face, and even his shoulders, shifting for the expression. A flush spreads across Peter’s face as he nods and begins to gather his stuff, pulling on his jacket and scarf. Wade throws his hands out in front of him, his confident look turning to panic, “Wait, Peter, you don’t have to- it was a joke, well not entirely, but like I understand that not everyone is into guys. I’m not offended by the rejection. I’m cool with just being friends, but like hey, where are you going? You don’t have to leave, because I was just kidding. Peter.”
"Can you put on your jacket already so that we can go back to your apartment, hubby.”
Peter has never seen someone move so fast as Wade flung on his jacket, rushing after Peter out of the restaurant.