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Lee dropped his luggage right inside the door of his apartment, not caring about anything really at the moment. New York was cold, and dismal, and made all the more so by the fact that Lee was miserable.
He had left New Zealand to return to New York to work on the Normal Heart, with Jim Parsons. And while he was excited about finally getting this production underway, he hated the fact that he had to leave New Zealand to do it.
No, that wasn’t true. He enjoyed being in New Zealand, it was beautiful and ethereal in a way, but that wasn’t why he felt so despondent.
He had had to leave Richard.
That was what hurt the most, and that frightened him more than a little. Yes, they had been having sex since pretty much filming started. Well, since the night after Lee had helped Richard unpack since the Englishman was set on the fact that he was going to be leaving soon, so why bother. Lee had convinced Richard that he was meant to be there and that Peter was not going to change his mind, and he had worked hard at it also. Richard was rather self depreciative, especially for such a talented and gifted actor.
And they had gotten drunk and ended up sleeping in Richard’s bed, but nothing had happened. Not that Lee hadn’t wanted it to, but he had truly thought that the other man was straight, straight as an arrow, so he kept his thoughts and hands to himself.
And then the next day, while they were once again in Richard’s trailer, talking, somehow the word ‘date’ had flown out (Lee hadn’t meant for that to happen, had he?) and the next thing he knew, they actually went on said date. And there had been something there. Some form of magic floating in the air, a vibe, and it had been a wonderful feeling to Lee. He had been lightheaded all that evening, and more nervous than he could ever remember while in the car back to the studio.
Richard had invited him in, and there in the dark what Lee had told himself would never happen, happened. And it had been nothing short of incredible. Even now, just thinking about it, and every time since, made Lee’s knees weak, his pulse race, and his body ache.
And it had not been awkward the next morning. Richard had kissed him good morning and then kissed him goodbye on his way out the door to the makeup trailer as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
And they had spent a great amount of time together since that first night. Kisses when they could find a moment and a quiet corner, full on making out in whatever empty room they came across, a brush of hands in the cafeteria, standing close together in a crowd, and sex on the nights they could sneak to one trailer or the other and Richard wasn’t too tired from filming that day.
No, Lee thought to himself, it hadn’t been just sex, had it? He had gone into it thinking that was all it was, convincing himself of that fact, but he had never believed that was all it was, and he felt that Richard felt the same way. Rich wasn’t the type to just do something for the hell of it. No, if this had just been about sex, then Richard would have backed off quite early, but instead he had done just the opposite. So, no, it wasn’t just a casual fling, a thing between two people far away from home. It hadn’t just been convenient.
Then why hadn’t they ever talked about it. They had sat down and talked about a lot of things, but why never what was going on between them and where it was going, or could go? And it could, couldn’t it? Go somewhere?
Lee sat down heavily on the couch, kicking his shoes off, and leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling. This thing between him and Rich, it could be something. Something long term. Something that he would be happily in for the rest of his life. He knew that. It had been apparent in New Zealand, he had just been afraid. Afraid that if Richard didn’t feel the same way, then he would lose everything they had together and something was better than nothing. But Rich had to feel the same way, didn’t he?
Lee wanted to scream. He wanted to kick and throw something. He wanted to weep like a child. He wanted to call Richard on the phone just to hear the sound of his voice, just to hear his name spoken in that deep voice with that accent. He wanted to know if Richard was thinking of him. If he missed Lee as much as Lee missed him. He wanted to hear the older man admit it. He wanted Richard to tell him that he wanted to same things he did.
And the phone was right there in Lee’s hand as if it had appeared out of thin air. All he had to do was push a button and then another and the line would be ringing, and he was so close to it.
But the time. If it was 11:30 A.M. in New York then it was 4:30 A.M. the next morning in Wellington, New Zealand. In an hour, Richard would be up and walking Stone Studios, waiting to get his day started.
Lee sat the phone down. He didn’t know what to do, and it was tearing him up.
_______________
Lee had taken a nap. Well, more like, tossing and turning with bouts of staring at the ceiling. The bed was too big and cold and lonely. How was he going to get any sleep?
He took a shower, forced himself to eat something, and then had to get ready to get to the theater. They were opening in a few weeks and practice made perfect. His heart wasn’t in it, but he had to do this.
New York was cold. Winter was refusing to release its hold on most of the country. He retrieved his luggage, tossing it on the bed, and opening it. When he did, he froze.
Lying there, right on the top, neatly folded was a black coat. Large buttons, buckles, a very nice and warm coat.
A very nice and warm coat that wasn’t his. It was Richard’s.
He couldn’t understand how it had gotten in his suitcase. He didn’t remember putting it in here. Richard loved this coat. Had it for years. Said the only time he would part with it would be when it fell apart. Lee had told him once, weeks before, that he was going to steal it when he left, and now here it was.
Taking it out of the suitcase, Lee sat down on the foot of the bed. The material felt warm, as if Richard had just taken it off after having worn it. It smelled of him, an intoxicating fragrance, one Lee knew so damn well because he had smelt it on skin and sheets and tasted it on Richard’s tongue and body.
There was only one explanation: Richard had put the coat in here. Had neatly folded it and snuck it in while Lee was not paying attention.
The thought brought a smile to Lee’s face, a genuine one that only moments before wouldn’t have even been considered. Richard was letting him borrow his coat. Borrow so that Lee could return it to him.
This meant something. Something so much more.
Lee got up, his steps light, his smile wide, threw the coat on, burrowing into it with a sigh of happiness and content, and left his apartment in a much better mood than he had entered it.