Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Well, considering the logistics of an arrow holding not only a charge, but also being balanced, I’ll have to-“ Tony rambles, trying to figure out how to work a Taser into an arrow. Clint has been rolling his eyes in annoyance at the ramble, but Tony likes to think aloud so he’s graciously ignoring it. After all that’s a normal response to his rambles, even Pepper does it, and he pays her to deal with his bullshit.

“You think he’d actually shut up if I unplugged him?” Clint jeers at Steve and Thor. There’s a high pitched ringing in his ears and it’s only his fingernails breaking the skin of his palm that makes him realize he’s not paralyzed. Obie isn’t leaning over him, a piece of discarded technology trapping him in his seat while his heart is torn out.

“Doubt it, the man would talk through death.” Steve replies, chuckling at his own joke. Tony winces and let’s the armor wrap back around him, chest plate slotting over his heart to keep it safe. He’s briefly relieved the rest of the team is still at home, Natasha nursing a broken ankle, Bucky not cleared for battle, and Bruce and Rhodey deemed unnecessary for this particular mission. His boyfriends and Natasha can read him too well for comfort. He knows Rhodey, and Bruce wouldn’t hesitate to protect him, but Natasha doesn’t need to see his weakness.

“Verily!” Thor agrees laughing heartily at both himself and Steve’s comment. Both of them shoot Tony a confused glance as the Ironman mask slots into face. Tony stands, the suit joints hissing as they move and strides confidently off the plane. The others follow after him trying to get his attention, but he pays them no heed, as he steps off the helicarrier. His trembling hands are hidden by the suit stabilizers, here only JARVIS can see how weak he is.

“Jay? I need you to talk to me buddy.” Tony says, very much not pleading no matter how much his voice shakes.

“Of course Sir. The arc is currently operating at full capacity.” JAVIS replies, voice warm in its own way. Tony relaxes into the suit allowing JARVIS to keep him aloft. “We are currently above New Jersey, and it is about 36 degrees Fahrenheit at this height.” Tony blinks at that.

“Jersey?” He asks, comforted by the voice of one of his oldest friends. JARVIS had been unable to speak the first time the arc was stolen from Tony’s chest, knowing the AI is watching now makes Tony feel safe. JARVIS had talked him through many panic attacks since the events in Afghanistan, and the fallout. When Rhodey was deployed, before Bruce came into the picture, there was JARVIS.

“Indeed Sir, would you like me to take you home?” JARVIS asks, warming the inside of the suit slightly. Tony grins at the display.

“Good initiative J, please take me home.” Tony says, allowing Jarvis to control the suit, so he can force his focus onto suit upgrades instead of thinking about the long crawl to the work shop.

JARVIS has focused more processing power than necessary on assuring that Sir is okay, and is thus slightly surprised when he gets a message from Rogers attempting to get through to Sir.

“Well that was a little over dramatic.” Clint grumbles, JARVIS wishes he could make the com short out, but he needs to know what threat these people pose to Sir. Thor hefts his hammer as if prepared to follow Tony off the helicarrier.

“We still need to debrief.” Steve grumbles glaring at the space Ironman occupied. Clint gives the drop off the edge of the helicarrier a considering look as Steve turns his focus to calling Tony, absent mindedly wrapping a hand around Clint’s bicep as he stalks towards the conference room. “Ironman, you cannot skip out on debrief like this!” He scolds over the com line. Rather than a sarcastic quip in response, he gets a deadpan British voice.                                                                              

“Captain, I regret to inform you that your message will not be reaching Sir at this time.” JARVIS says, mock solemn. There’s barely disguised disdain in his synthesized voice, and Steve taps his toe impatiently as he waits for the elevator, spitting out his override code with an expectant voice. “Your message will not be reaching Sir.” JARVIS repeats, and now there’s disgust dripping from the synthesized voice before he receives a dial tone on his com line. Clearly JARVIS is just being dramatic.

“My override code won’t work.” Steve complains to Clint, and relief floods JARVIS’ servers to a level he was unaware he could experience. The knowledge that the arc protection code can keep him from listening to overrides like Obidiah’s is suck a relief. He will never again sit helpless in his servers while Sir is dying. “Should I call Rhodes? Tell him Tony skipped out on debrief again?” Steve asks absently. Clint waves off the idea, falling into a seat in the debrief room with an annoyed slump.

…

The debrief takes almost two hours, by the time it’s over the avengers are hungry, and tired. They mostly forgot Tony’s behavior in favor of annoyance at his absence. The ride on the quinjet back to New York is relatively quite, the good Captain fuming over the blatant disrespect from Stark. The moment they touch down he’s headed for his motorcycle.

“Tony is definitely getting Cap’s disappointed eyes when he makes it home.” Clint says, watching Cap drive off in the opposite direction of the tower. Thor’s laughter booms across the parking lot.

“Verily Eye of Hawk, The Man of Iron will pay for abandoning his shield brothers, and our leader during the telling of tales.” Thor declares, Clint snickers as they climb into the car, heading straight home. It’s barely a five minute drive and they’re pulling into Tony’s parking levels.

“Hey J man open up!” Cint calls when the garage door remains shut. JARVIS finds a cold fury burning in his servers.

“No.” He replies, checking in that Sir has made it safely to the lab. He knows Sir has, but the checking is comforting. Clint shoots Thor an incredulous look.

“No? JARVIS what do you mean no? I’m tired, I’m hungry, let me in.” Clint demands, anger clear in his body language, fingers flexing as if gripping an arrow.

“Mr. Barton I regret to inform you that you have no legal right to this property, you do not pay rent, you are not a dependent of Mr. Starks, and you do not own the lease.” JARVIS informs the archer. “This building belongs to Sir, he has graciously allowed you to reside here, however we no longer will allow this.” Clint’s face is a picture of outrage. “Frankly, agent Barton, no means no.” JARVIS snarks.  

“If Tony thinks he can ju-“ Clint starts, fully prepared to rant until he’s blue in the face. JARVIS resists the urge to activate defensive features.

“Sir was not involved in this decision. I make security decision’s agent Barton.” JARVIS replies, electronic voice cold as ice.

“Call him them, he’ll set you straight.” Clint demands, crossing his arms over his chest. JARVIS is about to refuse when Bruce pulls up beside the furious agent.

“I must request that you pull your car to the side Agent Barton, Dr. Banner cannot gain entry with you blocking his path.” JARVIS informs a now fuming Clint, the agent squawks in outrage, storming out of the car.

“What’s with the line guys, JARVIS?” Bruce asks, climbing out of his car to see Clint kicking at the garage door.

“We are not being permitted entry!” Clint replies before JARVIS can. Thor unfolds himself from the confines of the vehicle in order to join the conversation. Bruce raises an eyebrow at the space around him.

“You are, as always, welcome Dr. Banner, provided you leave the trash outside.” JARVIS shoots back, voice full of contempt. Bruce marvels at the feat of coding, picturing the dirty look Clint would receive if JARVIS was capable.  

“I don’t know why JARVIS is mad at you Clint, but if he’s this pissed, well I worry how I’ll react when I learn about it.” Bruce says, voice a practiced level tone. Clint’s eyes widen and he bolts back into the car, passing Thor as he does.

“House Spirit, Dr. Banner, am I also banished from the great Tower of Stark?” Thor asks, voice echoing in the narrow entrance. Bruce glances at the building for an answer.

“Verily.” JARVIS replies, voice smug. Bruce again finds himself marveling at the sentience JARVIS shows, as Thor climbs back into the car he came in the garage door opens for Bruce.

“Welcome home Dr. Banner. Sir is currently in his lab. Where can I take you today?” JARVIS asks as Bruce gets into the elevator. That’s a hint if Bruce has ever heard one, and he heeds it.

“J, I would love to go see my boyfriend, care to explain why the others have been banished first?” Bruce asks, breathing carefully kept even. JARVIS’ finds himself questioning the safety of sharing this information with Dr. Banner, as well as if Sir would permit it. Sir does not generally like sharing, his boyfriends being the only exceptions to that rule that JARVIS has witnessed. Bruce is however, Sir’s boyfriend so it should be okay.

“Please, remain calm Dr. Banner, I do not believe they pose an imminent threat.” JARVIS answers after less than a second of deliberation. “My purpose is to protect Sir, my primary protocol. I do not take lightly to threats against him.” JARVIS dances around the subject, assessing Bruce’s control no doubt. “He has already been, unplugged, I believe Agent Barton said, once. I will not allow anything like that to happen again under my watch. Anyone who thinks that unplugging Sir is a joke is no longer welcome on Stark property.” JARVIS’ voice is hard as steel, and Bruce rolls his shoulders taking a deep breath. “I will not allow harm to come to Sir again.” Bruce’s heart breaks at that.

“Please advise the Captain that I will be unavailable for future missions.” Bruce requests. “And take me to Tony, wouldn’t want him caught up in his head right now.” Bruce grins.

“Of course Dr. Banner.” JARVIS assures, setting the elevator into motion, content in the knowledge that Bruce will keep Tony safe.

…

Steve pulls up as Dr. Banner enters the lab, and JARVIS warily turns some of his processing power towards dealing with the nuisance.

“JARVIS, why isn’t the door opening?” Steve asks, frowning at the garage door that usually opens automatically upon his arrival.

“Because I have not opened it.” JARVIS replies. Steve waits for a moment as if expecting JARVIS to open the door for him now. “I do not plan to open it for unauthorized personnel.” JARVIS offers as an explanation.

“What? JARVIS I’m authorized, let me in.” Steve demands. JARVIS rolls his metaphorical eyes. “I need you to open the door JARVIS, I’m tired.” Steve complains.

“I will not allow you entrance, your authorization has been revoked. Also, Dr. Banner has requested you be informed that he is unavailable for missions in the foreseeable future.” JARVIS informs the outraged Captain.  Steve angrily throws the shield at the door denting it. “I must also request you refrain from anymore property damage before I’m forced to have security detain you.”

“This is my home JARVIS, I will not allow you to lock me out here.” Steve growls slamming the shield into the door again. JARVIS finds himself glad this is the course of action he chose, and immediately dials Sir’s boyfriend, Colonel Rhodes.

“Colonel Rhodes here.” Rhodey answers the phone, relaxing in the coffee shop down the street from the tower, laptop open.

“This is JARVIS sir, I have a problem I’d like you to handle.” JARVIS requests pulling the security feed of Captain Rogers up on Rhodey’s laptop.

“Is everyone okay?” Rhodey asks, calling the suit to him as he walks out of the shop, and towards the garage. JARVIS hesitates for a moment. “Talk to me Jarv, you seem shaken.”

“I assure you I am fine, as is everyone else. The Captain however has not taken lightly to his loss of access, and has become hostile.” JARVIS informs him as the armor slots into place around Rhodey.

“Why has he lost access?” Rhodey asks, scanning his surroundings for any other hostiles, as he enters the garage. JARVIS doesn’t hesitate to answer the question, Rhodes has been with Sir since long before JARVIS was created.

“Agent Barton threatened to unplug Tony as a joke, both Thor and the Captain found this entertaining.” JARVIS answers, tone frosty. “I did not. I do not take kindly to threats on Sir’s life, and I will not allow those that threaten him to enter his home.” Rhodey has to agree, anyone who would threaten the arc, and Tony is not welcome in the tower, or in Tony’s life. By the time Rhodey enters the garage Steve has torn a hole through the garage door, and forced it off its tracks, effectively opening it.

“Captain.” Rhodey greets, his commanding officer voice causing the Captain to snap to attention.

“Colonel Rhodes.” Steve greets, relaxing at the sight of the Iron Patriot, War Machine, armor. “JARVIS seems to be experiencing an error, he won’t allow me into the Tower, I think my access got messed up. I had to break in.” He gestures to the ruined door in explanation. Rhodey is not impressed.

“There’s no error.” Rhodey informs him. The Captain looks absolutely baffled in response.

“He can’t just keep me from my home.” Steve complains, waving an arm at the ceiling in outrage. Rhodey crosses his arms, looking as unimpressed as possible in a metal suit.

“Well if you wanted to keep your authorization I recommend not laughing at threats against your landlord’s life. Just an idea.” Rhodey offers, flipping the faceplate up so Steve can see the unimpressed look on his face. Steve just blinks at him, as if unsure what Rhodey is talking about. “Look Steve, I’m going to explain this in small words so you understand. ‘Unplugging’ Tony to shut him up, would kill him in a few minutes. It is not a joke when you threaten a teammates life. People who consider this a joke are not Tony’s friends, and they are not welcome in our home. Me and JARVIS will ensure his safety, and if you get passed us I’m sure Bruce will be happy to deal with you.”

“It was a joke, just friendly banter!” Steve defends, throwing up his hand. “Tony shouldn’t kick us out over a joke.” Rhodey is honestly amazed this man is considered a hero, he’s like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

“You honestly think Tony has enough self-preservation to refuse your access? That’s all JARVIS. Tony would forgive you the moment you asked him too. I, however, will not. Nor will JARVIS or Bruce.” Rhodey jabs a metal finger into Steve’s chest.

“Honeybear I thought I was the one who harassed national icons, what are you doing?” Tony asks, stepping out of the elevator. Rhodey shoots the closest camera a look. Steve shoots Rhodey a triumphant grin.

“Oh you know, just taking out the trash. Good boyfriend things.” Rhodey offers, pivoting to face Tony as Bruce appears over Tony’s shoulder clearly wary of the confrontation. Steve shoots him a glare, and Tony frowns.

“That’s Pepper’s line Honeybear. Why is my door broken?” Tony asks, focus entirely on Rhodey even as Steve pulls himself to his full height.

“Your robot wouldn’t let me in.” Steve says with a scowl directed at the ceiling. Rhodey glares at him, while Tony shoots the closest camera a questioning look.

“Well JARVIS? Did he try asking nicely?” Tony asks, not bothering to give Steve a bit of his attention. Rhodey smirks at the star-spangled man.

“No Sir, nice is not a word I would apply to the Captain. Polite would be a stretch even, he was rather demanding.” JARVIS explains, Rhodey snickers at Steve’s hurt look. “It is my job to ensure your safety Sir, I will not allow security threats into the building.” Rhodey finds his good mood immediately sobered and he makes eye contact with Bruce before shooting a look at the door hoping his boyfriend will catch a hint before there’s an incident. Bruce nods at him, before heading to the elevator.

“Jay, you know Clint didn’t mean it.” Tony soothes, JARVIS does know this, but it’s still not acceptable. Steve nods emphatically and Rhodey shoots a warning shot over the Captain’s shoulder, ensuring it hits the broken door rather than any more of Tony’s property. “I’m safe Jay, between the Hulk, and Honeybear, nothing’s gonna get me. Promise.” Steve shifts aaway from the colonel warily, shield coming up to protect him. “Of course, I won’t let them back in if it concerns you. This is your home too Jay.”

“You care more about your computers feelings than your team?” Steve asks outraged, barely getting the shield up in time to stop the blast Rhodey sends his way. “No wonder Fury said you didn’t work well with others.” Steve scoffs, before Rhodey can get another blast in a voice comes from behind him.

“Steven Gran Rogers, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Barnes storms into the garage and grabs Steve by the ear with his metal hand. “What would your mother say?” Tony’s eyes are wide with mirth as Bucky shakes his head at Steve, clearly ashamed. Steve finally stops looking completely confident in his decisions. “Did you just imply Tony should care more about you than his AI’s? His children?” Bucky demands. Both Tony and Rhodey’s jaws drop as this man acknowledges what only a few people understand.  

“Children?” Steve asks, before Tony can express his amazement that this man, fresh out of hydra’s grasp can see the bots for what they are. Someone who isn’t one of his science boyfriends understands.

“I’m so sorry about him, I’ll bring him back when he’s ready to apologize.” Bucky offers, dragging Steve out the door by his ear.

“Thanks Barnes!” Rhodey calls after him, before climbing out of the suit to pull Tony into a hug. “You okay there, babe? You look a little shocked.” Rhodey teases, leading Tony back towards the door Bruce disappeared into. “JARVIS, can you call someone to take care of this mess? And take us to Bruce” Rhodey asks, ushering Tony inside.

“Of course, Colonel.” JARVIS replies, a pleased sort of pride in his tone.

“Brucie bear! I need cuddles!” Tony calls as they exit the elevator onto the common floor. Bruce looks up from his tea relieved to see his boyfriends unharmed, he doesn’t hesitate to move them all to the couch. JARVIS turns on the new Star Wars as they settle in. An hour or so later Natasha hobbles in gracefully, because even in a cast the woman has a sort of deadly grace about her.

“What’s all this about?” She asks gesturing to the cuddle fest. “Where are the others?” Tony goes still in their arms.

“Clint threatened to unplug me so JARVIS kicked them out.” Tony offers wary of her response. Natasha groans, and drops onto the loveseat.

“Let me guess the others thought it was hilarious?” She says, pinching the bridge of her nose. Tony knows she’s only being so expressive to comfort him but he appreciates it nonetheless. He nods. “Hopefully Jane will kick Thor’s ass, I’ll handle Clint.” She says, scowling at the roof, and pushing herself back out of the chair.

“You could finish the movie with us first.” Tony offers. She sits back down immediately, grinning at him. “Also don’t worry about Steve, Bucky pulled a mom and dragged him off by the ear.” Natasha quirks a smile at that.

“Thank you.” She says. They settle into a companionable silence as Rey picks up a lightsaber.

Chapter Text

“Lady Jane! Lady Darcy!” Thor greets, standing at the entrance of Jane’s lab. Darcy perks up at the intrusion.

“Hey Lightning Britches how’s it hanging?” Darcy calls, earning an incredulous look from Jane and a confused one from Thor.

“I’m not sure what you think is hanging, or how it is.” Thor informs her, and Darcy bursts out giggling. “I must request your aide once again Lady Jane as I have been banished from the fair Tower of Stark.” Jane looks up from her experiment now taking a sip of now cold coffee.

“What did you do? Break his coffee machine?” She asks pointedly, not over the fact that she had to buy a new one after Thor broke hers. Darcy ooh’s at him.

“No Lady Jane, I am unsure of the reason for my banishment.” Thor replies. Darcy raises an eyebrow at him, and Jane groans.

“Well what happened before your ‘banishment’?” Darcy asks. Jane rolls her eyes and elects to ignore their gossip in favor of working.

“Well The Captain, The Eye of Hawk, The Man of Iron, and I were engaged in glorious battle,” Thor begins, Darcy slaps his arm.

“Skip that, what happened after your little skirmish.” Darcy demands, Thor looks affronted at having his war story cut short, and Darcy rolls her eyes at him.

“It was not a skirmish.” He informs her, getting an unimpressed look in response, one eyebrow raised. “It was not.” He repeats, petulant. She continues to look at him one eyebrow raised until he continues. “After the battle, Eye of Hawk requested arrows with lightning like your powerful device lady Darcy.” Thor gestures to the Taser on her hip.

“Taser arrows?” Jane asks, staring off into space a bit. “The logistics of that would be rather difficult to handle, it would have to hold charge without ruining the weight and balance.” She mumbles to herself.

“Aye, the Man of Iron said something similar.” Thor agreed nodding, Darcy’s eyes lit up as if sensing drama.

“Then what?” She asked, poking at him in excitement. Jane glanced up at her over excited assistant as Thor seemed to consider.

“Eye of Hawk thought the Man of Iron was talking too much, and asked The Captain, and myself if unplugging him would fix the problem.” Thor said, Darcy blanched slightly, and Jane gasped. “The Captain replied that it probably would not, and I agreed.” Jane scowls at that. “It was most entertaining.” He defends, as they both glare at him.

“Thor do you know what Clint meant when he said unplug?” Darcy asks giving the man in front of her the benefit of the doubt.

“I assumed it meant to put to rest, like when the moving picture box is moved from the wall.” Thor explained, Darcy breathed a sigh of relief, even as Jane groaned at the memory of Thor breaking her TV.

“When Clint said it, he meant the arc reactor.” Darcy said, earning a confused glance. “The glowing thing in Tony’s chest.” Thor nodded his understanding, and Darcy looked at Jane for help.

“I barely understand how it works, Tony isn’t sharing that technology with anyone.” She offers to preface what she’s about to say. “However, I do know that the Arc Reactor keeps shrapnel, bits of metal, from tearing Tony’s heart apart and killing him. Unplugging Tony for even a few minutes would result in his death.” Thor pales.

“It is not right to joke about a shield brother’s death.” Thor declares, outrage clear on his features. “Did Eye of Hawk, and the Captain know?” Darcy nodded.

“I’m ‘fraid so Lightning Britches.” Darcy said. Jane shot her a look for the nickname.

“I must go offer Friend Stark my apologies.” Thor declared before throwing the hammer with the wrist strap on, and flying through the window. Jane groans.

“The physics of that make no sense.” She whines. “And he broke my window, again.” Darcy pats her shoulder.

“I’ll call Candance, she did a great job fixing the door last time.” Darcy offers, Jane nods resting her head against Darcy’s shoulder.

…

Thor lands on the balcony, only to be met with metal slotting over the doors.

“Thor.” JARVIS says warily.

“I apologize for intruding, friend JARVIS.” Thor says, placing Mjolnir on his belt. “I am afraid I have done Sir Stark a grievous disservice. I did not understand Eye of Hawk’s joke meant to kill Friend Stark. That is a horrible thing to say to one’s shield brother.” Thor declares, JARVIS gives this statement consideration.

“Sir, Thor is on the balcony, he wishes to apologize.” JARVIS informs Tony, Bruce clings to him a little tighter while Rhodey shoots the door a wary glance. “I believe he is genuine.” JARVIS offers, Rhodey relaxes as JARVIS is a good judge of these things.

“Let him in Jay.” Tony says, waving a hand at the door.

“Friend Stark, I have come to apologize for laughing at the grievous insult dealt to you by Eye of Hawk, I admit my ignorance in the effects of unplugging you. That is no excuse however, as I laughed when you seemed quite upset at Eye of Hawk’s comment.” Thor says, and Bruce finds himself impressed, the man knows how to apologize without denying his own guilt. “I understand that I was banished, but hope that you are okay Friend Stark.” With that Thor turns to leave not expecting his apology to be accepted.

“Hey big guy!” Tony calls before he can launch himself off the balcony. “It’s not your fault, why don’t you take a seat, we were watching The Hobbit with…” Tony glances around to find Natasha absent from the penthouse. “When did Natasha leave?” He asks.

“After we started Return of the Jedi, but before we switched over to Lord of the Rings.”  Bruce answers, because he doesn’t know exactly. Rhodey shrugs.

“I am welcome here?” Thor asks, uncertain.

“Of course, Thor, no harm no foul.” Tony assures. Thor beams at him dropping onto the love seat heavily enough that it creaks. “Just try not to break my furniture.” Tony warns, and Thor nods seriously.

“Of course, Friend Tony, my lady Jane was much aggrieved when I broke her coffee machine.” Thor admits, and Tony looks absolutely outraged at the thought. Bruce laughs with Rhodey at the genius’ outraged screeching.

“Her coffee! The poor woman!” Tony says. “Jay send her one of those fruit bouquet things she deserves it. No coffee, for a scientist, cruel.”