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“Hey. Princess.” Leia jerked in surprise, turning toward the abrupt address. It was Jyn, standing stiff and tense just at the edge of the hangar’s entrance.
“Yes, Sergeant Erso?” Jyn shook her head.
“It’s Jyn, Princess.” Leia smiled faintly.
“And I’m Leia.” Jyn nodded jerkily, and Leia marveled that a woman who marched so fiercely into her own death could be so stiff and awkward having a simple conversation. Despite herself, despite everything, she found it endearing.
“Right. Leia. We’re having a drink back on Rogue One. For Jedha and Scarif. For Alderaan.”
Jyn cast a glance at the joyous revelry around them. The entire Rebellion, it seemed, was nearly giddy with relief and triumph. Jedha, the massacre on Scarif, Alderaan, had not been mentioned by anyone. Leia understood, of course she did. They needed this victory. But she could not share their joy. She felt weighted, haunted by the ghosts of her people. The ghosts of her family. And when she met Jyn’s wary eyes, so wide and green, she saw the shadows of the lost in her eyes as well. Suddenly, the weight on her shoulders seemed to shift. It remained, as pressing as ever, but she no longer felt as if she were moments from being crushed by it. She was not the only one who had paid a dear price for their victory.
“Cassian said you might want to join us.” Leia Saw Jyn press her palms against the fabric of her pants, and she wondered again about this curious, contradictory woman. She was relaxed, open with the rest of Rogue One’s crew, but anyone outside that circle sent her into rigid discomfort and distrust. Her face was still littered with healing cuts and bruises, her eyes shadowed with exhaustion and her face tight with it.
“I would like that,” Leia finally answered softly. Something in Jyn’s body language seemed to ease a little, and she gave Leia a barely-there smile.
They left the hangar together in silence, heading for the hangar on the opposite side of the temple. Leia had expected the silence to continue until they joined the others, but Jyn surprised her again.
“I’m sorry, Prin-Leia- for your loss.” Her voice was hardly above a whisper, soft and aching and full to bursting with the choking grief Leia had felt since Alderaan disintegrated in front of her eyes. Leia was mildly horrified to feel tears pressing behind her eyes. She had not allowed herself to break in another person’s company, not once. But with barely a handful of hushed words from one woman, she was nearly undone. When she could speak without sobbing or just sinking to her knees and never rising, Leia stopped and faced Jyn.
“Thank you. You are the first person to say that to me.” Jyn stared at her, looking genuinely horrified. Leia waved a dismissive hand.
“What they see is a great danger destroyed, unimaginable disaster averted. But for me, for you, for the rest of your crew, that unimaginable disaster already happened.” Surprising even herself, she reached out and grasped Jyn’s hand. Her grip was too tight and rough. Her hands were royal, but they were the hands of a rebel; the hands of someone who had been firing a blaster since she was seven years old. Leia was fierce determination and intensity. She had not been soft or delicate since she was very young.
“Because of you, because of your action and your sacrifice, no one else will have to know what that feels like.” Jyn stared at her, looking startled, almost afraid, but she didn’t pull away.
“We went to Scarif to die. All of us. All we wanted was to get the plans out first. I didn’t-we shouldn’t have lived.” Leia squeezed her hand again, too tight and too forceful for the tenderness she was trying to show.
“But you did. So did I. I thought I would die in the belly of that monstrosity. What matters now, is where we go from here. This war has only just begun. We will all lose so much more before the end.” She felt a faint pressure around her fingers, and then it was a solid, grounding grip.
“I will go where you go.” It was such a simple statement, but the conviction behind it was nearly breathtaking. Jyn seemed to realize what she’d said, her earlier awkward discomfort returning.
“You, as in the Rebellion. I’m with all of you until the end. Mine or theirs.”
Standing in a deserted corridor, fingers entwined and clenched with Jyn Erso’s, her own eyes arrested by the ferocity and sincerity in Jyn’s; Leia felt the first stirrings of hope since that horrible, exhilarating moment above Scarif.