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The Doctor had many rules. Most of them he had established to keep everyone around him save. But rule number 11 was only there to protect her... Keep away from young River when you're mourning her later self!
Every so often he had his moments when those dark memories of the library would not leave him alone and he had sworn to himself never to go and see her when he was in this particular mood. She just knew him too well. She'd see right through him, see that something was far from ok.
No, he had to protect her from knowing too much... Until one day he would finally be able to find a way of changing her future. His past. He had saved her, yes. But he'd never accepted this to be the ultimate solution.
Now, however, he wasn't so sure if there would still be a loophole left. Having just said goodbye to her echo seemed terribly final and it made him fall into a deep dark hole of depression.
-
He was sitting on the stairs leading towards the console room and stared holes into space. He had dropped Clara off at her place with an excuse - he needed to be alone for a while. Well, actually, he wanted to be around River. A living, energetic version of her. But... Rule number 11.
The TARDIS had dimmed all the lights sympathetically and made the stairs underneath him heat up a little so he would feel a bit more comfy, but he hardly noticed what was going on around him. His thoughts merely revolved around the image of her slowly vanishing in front of his eyes, of the sound of her last whispered "Goodbye, Sweetie", of the tears in her eyes and the somewhat surreal taste of their last kiss...
He had to change it. Just had to! He couldn't allow this to happen. Not to her! But how? Everything he thought of he dismissed again as impossible.
He must have been sitting there for hours when he finally couldn't bear it any longer. Angrily fighting back his tears he jumped to his feet. "Fuck rule number 11", he murmured under his breath and stepped towards the console.
"Okay, Sexy, I need your help", he said and gently stroked a lever. "We must be very careful, invisible and... quiet." He released the brakes with a sad smile. It had been an ongoing in-joke for River and him to quarrel over the question whether the noise of the TARDIS was a cool one or not. Now he would have to make sure, there would be no noise at all...
-
The TARDIS materialized in the Stormcage cell just vis-à-vis River's bed, unheard and unseen thanks to the invisibility mode.The Doctor opened the door just a few inches and peeked out. River was curled up under a thin blanket, lying with her face towards the dirty grey wall. He leant against the door case of the TARDIS and watched her breathe steadily. Her beautiful silhouette rose and fell rythmically and from time to time there was a soft, content sigh. The Doctor just stood there and watched. It made him feel both happy and miserable. And it wasn't until the first rays of dawn crept in through the barred window that he could finally break away and disappear silently in his TARDIS.
-
Sneaking into River's cell at night to watch her sleep almost became a ritual during the next days. He would just stand there and soak in the view of River being peacefully alive.
After a few times the Doctor dared to open the door a bit further so he could sit on the floor underneath the doorway arch. He had told the TARDIS to stay invisible, keep watch and quickly close the door in case River woke up. Lost in his grief, he just sat there and watched, imagining the adventures River might be dreaming about right now.
He knew it would still take a while for him to get over his last goodbye at Trenzalore. But sitting here close to his sleeping wife made him feel a bit less gloomy from night to night.
Tonight, she lay with her face towards him, some curls covered parts of her face. A soft smile played on her lips. What a flawless beauty she was! The Doctor closed his eyes and sighed heavily. When he opened them again, River glanced dozily at him. He froze. Why hadn't the TARDIS closed the door as she was told to? "Sexy!" he hissed between gritted teeth.
"What?" River smirked bemused. "Nothing. I was talking to... oh, never mind" he muttered. River grinned and sat up in her bed, her hair sticking in every direction. "What are you doing there on the floor?" she asked. The Doctor stared at his hands, avoiding to look at her and mumbled "Watching you sleep..."
She rose slowly, came over to him and settled next to him. "You are so sweet. A bit creepy though, but in a sweet way." She grinned and ran her fingers through his floppy hair. He smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. River paused and looked at him firmly. "Doctor, what is it? What's wrong? I know this look... Have you lost someone?"
"No... It's... nothing! Just tired..." he claimed, but she shook her head knowingly. "Sure", she whispered, "except for rule number one, right?" He didn't answer.
"Come here, Sweetie", she pulled him into her arms and kissed the top of his head. "It's ok, tell me whenever you feel like it. But please know you don't have to hide in the dark when you're miserable. I'm your wife, I'm here for you no matter what..."
"Oh River", his sad green eyes filled with tears and he turned his head away a bit. He pressed his teeth together and turned back to her. His hand stroked over her cheek before he grabbed her neck and pulled her into a desperately passionate kiss.
River hadn't seen the Doctor for weeks and enjoyed this unexpected physical closeness. But despite her personal longing, she felt his vulnerability and did not want to take advantage of it.
When they finally broke their kiss she asked instead: "Did you see my parents lately?"
Surprised by the unexpected question he gave her a puzzled look, before his face fell again: "No, can' -" he stoped in the middle of the word. He was not going to tell her, that their parents were out of his reach. This hadn't happened to her yet! Again, his vision turned blurry behind tears. With a creaky voice he replied: "They're not travelling with me anymore... But - but don't worry, they're fine! They have a wonderful life, your mother told me!"
River hesitated for a second, wondering what had happened, but then she got up, stretched our her hand and said firmly:
"Well, come on then! Let's go and visit them. Their company will cheer you up - and I miss them, as well!"
"But-" The Doctor took her hand and got up slowly. Could they actually do this? Wasn't this against some rule - or at least very dangerous? It was a bit like rule number 11 afterall...
He looked at his wife who went to fetch her diary from underneath her pillow and thought Well, I have a time machine for goodness' sake. What is that good for if I can't go and see old friends? River does this all the time!
She probably was right... It had helped him to come and see River - it would certainly make him feel even better to spend some time with the whole Pond family. His family, he thought wistfully.
-
When Amy heard the beloved sound of the TARDIS, she nearly dropped the plate she was drying. "Rory! Roooory", she yelled, "Come downstairs, it's the Doctor!"
There was a rumbling on the stairs, long red hair flying towards the backyard where the TARDIS sound had come from and a surprised yelp of Amy and Rory nearly crashing into River and the Doctor who had just approached the backdoor.
"Oh what a nice surprise - you both came" exclaimed Amy and beamed at River before she pulled the two into an embrace.
Peeking at her husband, River noticed that she had been right: The Doctor's face had lightened. She could still see the sorrowful lines on his forehead, but his eyes looked much less tired now that her excited mother bombarded him with questions like "Where have you been?" - "When did you pick up River?" - "What are we doing?".
The Doctor gave everyone an honest smile. "Oh my Ponds... it's so good to see you. You know what? Let's just have a family evening at home!"
"Oh I know what we need in that case..." Amy rushed into the kitchen and soon the four of them found themselves in the living room eating fishfingers and custard.
Amy and Rory reported that they had just returned from a certain town called Mercy. So the Doctor and River knew where in their timestream they were and which stories they were allowed to talk about.
This night at the Pond's with his wife by his side felt like a rejuvenating cure to the Doctor. It was wonderful to be with River in such a careless atmosphere. He kept looking at her, patting her back or stroking her arm. Amy and Rory gave him an extra amount of lightheartedness. He had been right - his wife knew him too well... She'd known exactly what he had needed!
When he finally said goodbye to Amy and Rory, he gave them an extra-long hug - just in case he wouldn't be able to come back and see them again. It felt like the burden of Manhattan, too, was now lifted off his soul.
-
Back at Stormcage, he kissed his wife goodbye, finally feeling able to face the adventures of the universe again. New confidence had found him. He knew, he would never stop thinking about a way of saving her. Never give up, never give in he told himself, while he stroked River's cheek with a thumb.
"Now, back to prison, Doctor Song, you bad, bad girl" he grinned. She laughed and gave him a gentle tap.
"I hate you!"
"No you don't" he replied almost automatically.
River leant against the bars of her cell, blew him a kiss and watched him stroll towards the TARDIS.
Before he closed the door, he gave her a long and affectionate glance. "THANK YOU", he mouthed soundlessly.
~~~