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Kara knew, consciously, that her parents, her old friends, every single person she left behind on Krypton, was dead. She knew that some of the stars in the sky weren’t even really there anymore, and that even those that did still actually exist were too far away to hear the words she whispered into the night. There was something about it, though, that made talking to the stars feel comforting.
When she just arrived on earth, the Danvers pushed Kara to speak English. Kara knows that they did it out of love, that they didn’t want her to get in trouble when people found out that she was an alien. Still, Kara had just lost her home planet and there was this constant fear gripping her heart that she would forget. Above all else, though, Kara didn’t want to disappoint her new family. So she would focus on the new language, even though it was strange and her mouth felt weird when she tried to wrap it around the words in the same way Alex did. Kara tried anyway, again and again and again. And at night, after the Danvers’ went to sleep Kara would climb out of her bed and out onto the roof. She would wrap her arms around her knees and look at the stars, and she would tell them stories in Kryptonian. She told them about the way her father smelled when he hugged her and the way her mother’s voice would sound when she told Kara bedtime stories. It didn’t make her feel better, exactly, but it made her feel less alone sometimes. It made her feel less like the weight of an entire planet was pressing down on her.
When Kara had been on earth for a few weeks, Alex clambered out onto the roof one night after Kara. Kara startled, nearly falling off the roof in her shock. Alex grabbed her arm and pulled her back wordlessly, sitting down next to Kara without letting go of her arm.
“Don’t stop.” Alex whispered, her eyes trained on the stars above them. It took Kara a little while to realize that Alex meant the Kryptonian she had been whispering before Alex had joined her. Kara tears her eyes away from her sister’s face, turns back to the stars, and continues telling her story. She’s telling the stars about the games her aunt used to play with her, the uncontrollable giggling that always took her over when they were playing. Kara knows that Alex doesn’t understand what she’s saying. Likes it that way, maybe. When Kara starts whispering about her mother’s eyes when she saw them for the last time, Alex’s hand slides down Kara’s arm to entwine their fingers, though, and Kara thinks that maybe Alex gets it anyway.
After that Alex joins her some nights. She always seems to know when Kara doesn’t want her to. They don’t talk, even when Alex does join her. Kara talks to the stars, Alex stays silent. Kara still tells the stars about Krypton, but she also starts telling them other things. Things about her life on earth and the things that happen to her at school. She doesn’t sneak out onto the roof every night anymore. She makes a point of doing it once every two weeks, though, even when she feels like she has nothing to tell the night sky.
*
“I think the Chinese place down the street thinks I have like seven children now.” Alex says when Kara opens the door to let her in. She chuckles, grabs some of the take-out from Alex’s hands and redirects them to the couch. It’s been a few weeks since they actually had a decent sister night and Kara has missed it.
“So how are things going with Maggie?” Kara asks when they’re two thirds through their way of a Stranger Things episode and most of the potstickers are gone. She sees the way Alex’s eyes light up at the mention of the other woman and Kara’s heart just feels like it expands in her chest. She’s never seen Alex this happy before.
“They’re going well. Great, actually.” Alex’s smile is uninhibited. Kara can’t remember her smiling like this, so open and unguarded, since they were children. “I really like her, Kara.” She whispers, as though it’s a secret, even though Kara is pretty sure every single person in Alex’s life is aware of her feelings towards Maggie. And the fact that even Kara knows that says a lot, since she’s usually fairly oblivious about these things. Alex tells her some more about Maggie, about their date a few nights earlier and how she brought her breakfast in bed the next morning (Kara tries really hard not to think about what happened in between those two things, but the way Alex blushes and bites her lip makes it hard). After a while, they fall silent again and turn back to the show.
Alex eventually falls asleep on the couch, head lolled to the side and soft snores coming from her mouth every few minutes. Kara opens her window as quietly as possible and flies the two floors to the top of the building. She lands on the roof, sitting down and crossing her legs. She doesn’t have a lot to tell the stars tonight, she thinks, but it’s been over a week since she last talked to them and she can already feel the weight of something pressing on her lungs.
She ends up talking about her week. Telling them about the fire she put out on Tuesday and the article she wrote that Snapper had only mildly negative things to say about. She talks about how she’s going to have lunch with Lena tomorrow, on Monday. And then she tells them about Lena. It feels weird, the way Lena’s name sounds kind of nice when surrounded by so many Kryptonian words. Kara figures that’s just because it’s a nice name. A good name, to go with a good person. Kara tells the stars that Lena is a good person, and that she’s just lucky to be her friend.
*
Kara and Lena have lunch every Monday afternoon. It’s one of the only days that Lena can make time, Kara knows, and it makes her happy to know that Lena is willing to make that time for her. So Kara figures the least she can do is try to bring something for lunch that Lena would like. The first time she flew to a bakery she knew in Metropolis, wolfing down three croissants on the flight back so that Lena wouldn’t think she ate extraordinarily much during their lunch. Lena had raved about the brownies that Kara had brought for three days straight and Kara was just happy to see her friend smiling so much. She’d done the same every week after that, flying half-way across the country (or the world sometimes) to get Lena the best of the best. It wasn’t doing wonders for her bank account, but Kara figured doing nice things for a friend was more important than money anyway.
This week Kara admits she has outdone herself. During lunch last week (pasta from a traditional restaurant in Naples) Kara found out that Lena’s favourite food was, of all things, cheeseburgers. She hadn’t been in a fast food restaurant until she was in college, she told Kara with a red tinge on her cheeks, but she had loved it immediately. Eating burgers and drinking milkshakes didn’t fit into the Luthor lifestyle, she said. Her voice had turned a little bitter, like it always did when she mentioned her childhood or the Luthors. Kara hated it, wanted nothing more than to take all that unhappiness away. She couldn’t, of course, she knew that. So she did the next best thing. She flew to Austin, Texas to what google told her was the best burger restaurant in the United States and arrived at the L-Corp building with a bag full of fast food and two minutes to spare.
“Good afternoon, miss Danvers. Miss Luthor’s meeting is running a little late, but she will join you in her office as soon as she’s finished.” Jess greeted Kara happily as soon as the reporter got off the elevator.
“Thanks Jess! I’ll wait for her inside then.” Kara smiled at Lena’s assistant before pushing through the heavy doors of her office. She sat down on the sofa and waited. After less than a minute, her stomach started growling and she glanced longingly at the brown paper bag she had placed on the coffee table. She didn’t want to be rude and start eating without Lena, but she had just flown half-way across the country and the burger she’d had back in Austin before she flew back was already forgotten. Kara closed her eyes and tried to locate Lena’s voice within the building. She usually refrained from listening in on her friends, but she figured it was warranted in this case. It involved food, after all, and Kara was a strong believer in everything being fair when it came to food.
She located Lena’s voice fairly quickly and she could hear the woman concluding her meeting. Kara couldn’t help but think that Lena’s voice sounded nice. It was different than when she talked to Kara. There was authority lacing her every word and an edge that Kara hoped would make all those middle-aged white men Lena always complained about realize that Lena Luthor was a force to be reckoned with.
Kara had been so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t even realize she couldn’t hear Lena’s voice anymore. A few seconds later, the CEO came walking through the office doors. Kara instantly brightened at the sight of her friend, jumping up from the couch and giving Lena a quick hug. They had started hugging only a few weeks earlier. Kara always enjoyed physical contact. She liked the reassurance of it. Lena, however, had stiffened the first time Kara had tried to hug her. Kara had backed off immediately, sputtering out apologies that Lena simply waved away without another word. Kara figured that would be the end of it, but the next time she visited, Lena hugged her. It was fast and a little awkward and Lena wouldn’t meet her eyes for five minutes afterwards, but Kara still felt happy.
“Hey. How was your meeting?” Kara asks when they’re both on the sofa, sitting across from each other. Lena looks good, Kara finds herself thinking. She always looks good, of course, with her professional clothes and that beautiful smile.
“Boring.” Lena pulls a face, one that Kara recognizes as her post-meeting-with-boring-old-men look. She likes it, since it’s one that Kara is pretty sure not many people get to see. Kara smiles back, wide and happy.
“I got us lunch.” Kara says, sitting up and grabbing the paper bag from the table. Lena looks on curiously, trying to lean over to see what’s in the bag. Kara takes out two burgers in paper wrapping and two orders of fries, which she places on the table. When she looks up from the bag and hands Lena a burger, she finds the woman looking at her with a weird smile on her face. It’s a happy one, Kara thinks, but there’s something else in there that Kara doesn’t quite recognize as well.
“You remembered?” Lena asked, taking the burger out of Kara’s hands and unwrapping it almost reverently. She looked at it like it was the holy grail and not just a ridiculously good burger. Kara frowned at the tone of Lena’s voice, at the reminder of how little other people must’ve cared for Lena if something as trivial as remembering someone’s favourite food was received like this. Kara didn’t understand that. How anyone could possibly not care for someone as amazing as Lena.
“Of course I did.” She said therefore and added, “That’s what friends do.” Because she wants Lena to know that she’s not doing anything special. That Lena deserves this treatment. Of course it doesn’t come out as smoothly as she would like it to, due to the fact that she’s also trying to chew three bites of cheeseburger at the same time, but Lena seems to understand anyway.
“Thank you, Kara.” Lena says as she looks down at her burger. When she takes her first bite, she lets out a loud moan. Kara stops chewing, stares at Lena in shock, kind of feels like maybe she’s stopped breathing as well. She can feel a blush creeping up her face and she doesn’t even know why she’s reacting this way, but it feels strange. She shakes her head and tries to turn back to her burger before Lena notices anything is wrong.
“Kara, this is honestly the best burger I’ve ever had.” Lena says between bites, looking at Kara with an adorably excited glint in her eyes. It’s the same look she gets when she’s talking about an especially exciting new piece of tech her company is developing. Kara feels kind of proud that she’s the one that put it there this time. “Where did you get it?” Lena asks her, eyebrows raised in question.
“Oh I—uh. I don’t remember.” Kara says, avoiding Lena’s eyes as she tries not to stumble over her words too much. She can feel that Lena is looking at her curiously.
“You don’t remember where you got us lunch. An hour ago.” Lena’s voice sounds mostly amused, so Kara figures it could’ve been worse.
“Yeah, you know how forgetful I can be.” Kara lets out an awkward chuckle and stuffs the rest of her burger in her mouth to keep herself from saying anything that’s going to make her sound even more like an idiot.
They spend the rest of their lunch chatting amicably. They don’t have a lot of time, since Lena’s schedule is packed and taking more than thirty minutes for a quick lunch is just not something she can permit herself. So when they’ve polished off the burgers and fries Kara gets ready to leave.
“Are you still coming over on Thursday to watch a movie?” Lena asks. Movie night on Thursdays has become kind of a tradition as well. A bi-sometimes-tri-weekly thing that’s really probably not deserving of the title ‘tradition’ considering the only common thing was that it was on Thursday and that they watched a movie, but whatever. Kara liked it.
“Of course.” Kara tells Lena therefore. She steps in for another quick hug before walking towards the doors of the office. A part of Kara feels like she doesn’t want to leave. It’s probably only natural, wanting to spend as much time with your friends as possible. Still, Lena has to get back to work and Kara herself probably doesn’t have that much time left of her lunch break either. So she waves one last time and steps out of Lena’s office.
*
“So what exactly is the appeal of this movie again?” Lena asks for what’s probably the fifth time of the night. Kara sighs dramatically, turns her entire body so that she’s facing Lena.
“They’re puppies.” Kara explains, pointing at the screen. When Lena still seems a little lost, Kara frowns. Honestly, it’s very simple. “Puppies, Lena!” She repeats, louder this time.
“I’m just not certain whether I would say Air Buddies is, as you described it, a cinematic masterpiece, exactly.” Lena purses her lips as she regards the dogs running around on screen. Kara is shocked, honestly, how anyone could say that about one of the best movie ever created.
“Lena, look at the puppies.” Kara gestures wildly towards the screen, trying to get her message across. Lena chuckles indulgently and nods.
“Yeah okay. The puppies are cute.” Lena admits, looking at Kara with a smile on her face. Kara likes this. Sitting on the couch with Lena, watching a movie and joking and smiling at each other.
So naturally, Kara’s phone goes off to interrupt her happiness. She picks up quickly, sending an apologetic smile towards Lena as she wanders off towards the hallway. The DEO on the other end tells her that there’s a robbery going on downtown and they need Supergirl. Kara sighs, pinches the bridge of her nose and tells the agent that she’ll be there in five minutes. She walks back into the living room, grabbing her purse with one hand as she tries to put her shoes on with the other.
“I’m sorry, I have to go. It’s an—uh, a family emergency.” Kara winces at the excuse, knowing that there’s no way she’s getting out of explaining what kind of family emergency this is about exactly later. Lena has a worried look on her face as Kara stumbles over to the front door, but there also seems to be a hint of something else there. Amusement, maybe.
“Alright.” Lena says, standing up and joining Kara by the front door as she’s pulling on her coat. “Stay safe. Even superheroes can get hurt.” She adds just as Kara has pulled open the front door. Kara nods distractedly, already thinking about how to get to the scene of the crime as quickly as possible.
“Yeah, I wi—wait, what?!” Kara swivels around all of a sudden, eyes bulging out and mouth agape. Did Lena just—what?
“You’re not as subtle as you think, Kara.” Lena says, and now the smile on her face is definitely amused. “We’ll talk about it later. I’ll leave my balcony unlocked if you want to come back after you’re finished?” Kara is still trying to wrap her mind around what the hell just happened, but she also knows she doesn’t have time to dwell on it right now.
“Yes, right. Okay. Bye.” Kara says, hugging Lena quickly before walking away from the apartment.
*
The robbery is pretty simple and straight-forward. Supergirl flies in, punches a few bad guys and is out of there within twenty minutes. She flies straight back to Lena’s apartment. There’s a small voice in her head, one that sounds suspiciously like Alex, that’s telling her that she should’ve denied it. There’s an overwhelmingly bigger part of her, however, that’s relieved. She felt bad keeping this secret from Lena.
She lands on Lena’s balcony and, even though she knows the door’s unlocked, knocks on the glass door that leads to the apartment. She can see Lena sitting in front of the TV, where some cooking show is playing that she doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to. When she hears the knock, her head immediately turns towards the balcony and a smile lights up her face. Kara can’t help but smile in return. Lena gestures for her to come in, so Kara opens the balcony door and walks into the apartment. She’s still in her Supergirl clothes and she’s so used to acting differently as Supergirl, to keep up the persona, that it feels weird being around Lena who apparently knows who she really is.
“I’m going to get changed first if you don’t mind.” Kara says, shuffling on her feet awkwardly. Lena nods, smiles at Kara again and points her towards the bathroom. Kara disappears into it and changes into her regular clothes in under two seconds. It’s nice, not having to slow down everything now. She steps outside again and joins Lena on the couch. She waits, thinks Lena is going to say something. Nothing comes, though, and the only sounds that fill the room are those of the cook on the show explaining how to make sure a turkey doesn’t dry out when you roast it. Kara awkwardly clears her throat and turns to Lena, scanning her face for a few seconds before she speaks,
“How did you know?” Kara doesn’t actually care that much about the answer. Winn and Alex and James and basically everyone in her life who knows that she’s Supergirl have told her on more than one occasion that she’s pretty obvious. She always tells them they’re wrong, or that they’re exaggerating, but she knows deep down that there’s some truth in the things they tell her. The truth is, though, that the people that know Kara well enough to notice these things, are mostly people that Kara doesn’t really want not knowing anyway. Kara hates keeping secrets. She wants the people she cares about to know who she is.
“Well, first of all you told me that you flew to my office. On a bus.” Lena starts, an amused quirk to her lips again. Kara feels her face flush when she remembers how awkwardly she stumbled through that whole exchange. “Secondly, the napkins that came with the burgers you got us this Monday had a name on it. When I googled it to find out where this amazing burger restaurant was located, I found that it was actually in Texas.” Kara felt her face becoming even redder. She was kind of starting to regret even asking the question in the first place. “But, more importantly, you’re my friend. I notice things about you. After a while the amount of things you had in common with the girl of steel became so abundant that I realized you were one and the same.” Lena’s voice trails off a bit at the end, like she’s almost shy about telling Kara that she notices things about her. It’s cute, Kara decides.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I don’t know why I didn’t, really.” Kara is still looking at Lena. She can see the way her jaw tightens, the way it does when she’s thinking about her family. Kara decides to stop her before she even says anything, because she doesn’t think she can hear Lena say it.
“It’s not because you’re a Luthor.” Kara says quickly. Lena seems surprised, but she stays quiet and allows Kara to continue. “In fact, it doesn’t have anything to do with you at all. You’re my friend, I care about you and I trust you. I suppose I was just scared. But I’m glad that you know. I don’t like keeping secrets.” Kara looks into Lena’s eyes. They’re greener than she remembers and it’s a shade of green that she hasn’t really seen on earth before yet. One that almost, almost reminds her of home.
*
Kara and Lena say goodbye not too long after that. They hug when Kara leaves, longer than usual and Kara can’t help but like the way Lena fits in her arms. When she leaves she flies to the top of her apartment building immediately, settling down on the hard stone ground. She looks up at the stars, says hi to a few of her favourites. She falls silent after that, though, doesn’t know where to start when there’s so many thoughts in her brain.
Eventually Kara just tells them about her night. She leaves some things out, although she’s not sure why. She doesn’t tell them about the colour of Lena’s eyes or the way her lips quirked into a smile when Kara admitted to flying to Italy to get her lunch a few weeks earlier. Kara doesn’t even know why she can’t seem to stop thinking about it, all of these small things just playing on repeat in her head. She goes inside of her building and, for the first time in her life, she doesn’t feel lighter than before she started talking.
*
The next day Kara is still thinking about it. She’s having dinner with Alex and Maggie, the former sending her these little nervous glances every few seconds. Kara knows that Alex wants them to get along and she knows Alex was nervous that it would be awkward, but she can’t help being lost in thought.
“Alright, little Danvers. You’ve been staring off into the distance for like five minutes straight now.” Kara’s head snaps up from where they’d been fixed on the wall. Maggie is looking at her expectantly from the other couch, where she has Alex cuddled into her side as they were watching a movie which, Kara only notices now, Maggie had paused. “What’s up?” Kara likes this part of Maggie especially. The fact that she’s so focused on people around her, always trying to make everybody feel better. Kara knows that Alex has the tendency to curl into herself when she’s not feeling well and she’s so happy that she found someone that will be able to pull her out. Right now, though, Kara wished Maggie wasn’t as perceptive and communicative.
“It’s nothing, really.” Kara tries. She knows it’s not going to work, though, because even though Alex had been too wrapped up in getting Maggie and Kara to like each other to notice anything earlier, Maggie’s words seem to have waken her up and the look she’s giving Kara right now makes it abundantly clear that she’s not getting away with saying nothing.
“Kara.” Alex just says. She’s not forcing, Kara knows. She’s telling her, in not so many words, that she can talk. That even if she doesn’t want to right now, with Maggie there, they can still talk later. And Kara doesn’t want to talk, not really, but considering she has to anyway she’d rather do it with Maggie there. Kara feels comfortable around her. It’s like she just got an extra big sister.
“Lena knows I’m supergirl.” Kara tries to say it very quietly, so that maybe Alex won’t hear her. Alex, of course, does anyway.
“Lena knows what?!” Kara can see, from the corner of her eye, how Maggie places her hand on Alex’s shoulder to calm her down. More surprising is that it actually seems to work. Alex takes a deep breath before she speaks again, “Did you tell her?”
“I didn’t have to. She just knew.” It’s strange, but Kara feels like she’s still stuck in her own head. She usually talks so much that not knowing what to say makes her feel weird. “She was good about it, though. I would’ve told her pretty soon otherwise anyway.” Maggie tilts her head, like she doesn’t quite understand and asks,
“So what’s the problem then?” Kara doesn’t know what to say, so at first she just shrugs, eyes trained firmly on the floor.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but it’s a lot.” Kara doesn’t notice, her eyes still downcast, but Maggie’s eyes twinkle with amusement at Kara’s words.
“Does any of it have anything to do with the huge crush you have on Le—Ouch!” Before Maggie can finish her sentence, Alex punches her square in the arm. The damage is already done, of course, as Kara stares at Maggie with wide eyes.
“We agreed not to say anything, Mags.” Alex scolds and Maggie just shrugs. Kara is left feeling even more confused.
“Wait—what?” Kara’s mind is racing, but the thoughts appear and disappear so quickly that she can’t get a grip on any of them. Alex looks at Kara carefully.
“A few weeks ago Maggie and I started noticing that when you talk about Lena it—it kind of seems like you might have some more-than-friendly feelings for her?” Alex poses it as a question, even though it’s really not. “We agreed to let you figure it out on your own, though.” Alex throws Maggie a pointed glare.
“I—I like Lena?” Kara asks, because she’s still just trying to wrap her mind around this somehow. Yeah, sure, she loves being around the dark-haired CEO. She enjoys hugging her and she likes making her smile, likes hearing that wonderful laugh. Especially likes knowing that she caused it and—“oh my god. I like Lena.” It seems so obvious now that Kara can’t believe she even missed it in the first place.
“I like Lena!” Kara says again, excitedly waving her arms around as she sits up. Alex and Maggie both look on with an amused smile. Kara feels like her heart is bursting. She feels like she could fly around the world five times with the amount of energy coursing through her veins right now. She likes Lena Luthor.
*
The excited feeling in Kara’s chest settles down after a little while, and makes place for something that feels heavy. So when Alex and Maggie seem to be wrapped up in each other and the movie, Kara slips away and flies to the roof.
She tries to tell the stars that she likes Lena. She tries and tries and tries, but it doesn’t work. Kara can’t tell them and before she knows it there’s tears accumulating in the corners of her eyes.
“You know they can’t hear you if you don’t say anything.” Kara recognizes Alex’s voice immediately. She doesn’t turn around to face her, keeps her eyes trained firmly on the stars above their heads. “You okay?” Alex sits down next to her. Her voice is softer than usual, like she knows that Kara’s entire being feels heavier right now.
“There’s no word for ‘crush’ in Kryptonian.” Kara’s voice is raspy, from the crying. “There’s no word for liking someone like that. There’s friendship and there’s family and then there’s romantic love, but there’s nothing in between.” Kara explains, even though she thinks Alex might not get it. Alex doesn’t say anything, just slips her hand in Kara’s and entwines their fingers. It reminds Kara of when they were children.
“This is the first time I can’t tell them something.” Kara whispers. Alex seems to think about it for a while. Alex has always been good at hearing the things Kara doesn’t say, and she hopes this time is no different. Kara hopes that Alex understands the fear she’s feeling.
“You can tell them about her. Tell them the things about her that made you like her. They’ll understand, I’m sure.” Alex looks at Kara with a soft smile on her face. “And Kara?” She waits for Kara to meet her eyes before she continues, “Krypton will always be your home. It’s okay to have a little earth in you as well, though. You’re still you, and you’re still a Kryptonian.” Kara feels tears well up again at the words. She shuffles closer to her sister, curls herself into her side. Alex wraps her arm around Kara’s shoulder and kisses the side of her head. Neither of them say anything for a while, the only sounds breaking through the silence of the night being Kara’s occasional sniffle.
When Kara feels better after a while she looks up at the stars again. She tells them about the way her chest seems to expand whenever Lena smiles at her. She tells them about the warmth of her skin and the softness of her hair. Alex sits with her, squeezing her hand every few minutes . After a while Kara hears footsteps on the fire escape. When she turns towards it, she sees a tentative Maggie standing a few feet away. Kara waves her over before turning back to the stars and continuing to talk. Maggie sits down on Kara’s other side, shoulders bumping together. Kara finds herself thinking that Alex was right. She’s sitting on the roof of her building, whispering Kryptonian to the stars with her earth sisters by her side.
*
Turns out that being around Lena is different, now that Kara knows how she feels about her. Now she recognizes the little flutter when she hugs her, recognizes the butterflies when Lena smiles. Turns out that it’s also different being around Lena now that Lena knows Kara is supergirl.
“Where did you get this?” Lena asks, referring to the sushi in front of her. Kara likes not having to lie or pretend that she’s forgotten. She just shrugs and says,
“San Diego.” Like it’s nothing.
“You are amazing.” Lena breathes out. She says it so softly that Kara isn’t even sure if she would’ve picked it up with human hearing. The words still make her blush, though.
“Th—Thank you. You’re pretty amazing yourself.” Kara keeps her eyes trained on the sushi in front of her. She thinks that if she looks at Lena right now, she might just kiss her. Kara doesn’t want that. Well, okay, actually let’s rephrase that. Kara hasn’t stopped thinking about her lips on Lena’s since sister night and she can physically feel herself craving to kiss Lena, but she doesn’t want it to happen like this. She wants to kiss Lena only when Lena wants to kiss her as well.
*
Maggie and Alex tell her that she needs to make a move. Maggie keeps saying things like Kara my gaydar is never wrong and there is no way that girl is straight. Alex keeps saying things like why wouldn’t she like you? and Kara just—Kara doesn’t really know what to do with it. Their words are encouraging, and they make her hopeful. But Kara doesn’t know if she wants to be hopeful. She doesn’t know if she can stand it if Lena rejects her. She can knock a guy out cold with a single punch, fly to another continent within an hour and doesn’t even feel it when a bullet grazes past her body, but if Lena Luthor rejected her that might just be the end of Supergirl.
More importantly though, she tells the stars late at night after Maggie and Alex stayed over for dinner and kept bringing up Lena, she doesn’t want to hurt Lena. She knows that she’s Lena’s only friend here, knows that so many people judge Lena for who they think she is. So if Kara would suddenly come out and admit that she actually wanted to be something else than Lena’s friend (not more, nothing in the world could be more to Kara than Lena’s friendship) Lena might feel hurt. And Kara thinks that maybe Lena’s rejection would be the end of Supergirl, but seeing Lena hurt and knowing that she was the cause of it would be a thousand times worse.
So Kara doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t make a move, despite Alex and Maggie’s weekly pep talks and reassurances that it would be alright. She tries to focus on being a good friend, tries not to think any inappropriate thoughts when Lena bends over in that sinfully tight skirt she sometimes wears to the office. At night, she tells the stars about her. It’s enough, Kara thinks.
*
Kara, of course, is wrong. For a long time, it was enough. And then tonight Rao has apparently decided to punish her or something, because the way Lena is acting and looking is just downright unfair.
When Kara arrives, arms full of take-out boxes, Lena opens the door wearing shorts and a t-shirt, hair up in a bun and looking like the very meaning of the word relaxed. Kara, on the other hand, can just feel herself getting less relaxed every second she spends staring at Lena’s legs.
“Hi.” Lena greets, a smile on her face that almost looks amused. Kara tries to get rid of the dry feeling in her mouth so that she can answer, but her body doesn’t actually seem to be cooperating. She nearly trips over her own feet walking into the apartment.
“Hey.” She eventually croaks out when they’re standing in Lena’s hallway. Lena just smiles in return, offering to take some of the take-out from Kara’s hands. That poses a whole other problem, because Lena’s hand brushes hers and considering Kara’s mind is still kind of reeling from seeing Lena like this she flinches back immediately. Lena looks surprised and a little hurt, but doesn’t mention it.
From that moment on the night only gets worse. Lena, for some reason, suggests they watch Orange is the New Black. And while Kara loves any show that revolves around women, seeing all these girls kissing on TV while Lena is sitting less than three feet away from her is proving to be quite the challenge. And then there’s the fact that Lena keeps scooting closer to her, until she’s basically cuddled into Kara’s side as Kara tries very hard not to move in any way. After about half an episode of sitting like this, Lena sighs deeply and moves away a little bit. Kara can’t help but release a relieved breath that she didn’t even know she’d been holding. It’s the wrong thing to do. Of course it’s the wrong thing to do, and Kara realizes this when she sees the tight curve to Lena’s jaw and the glimmering of something in the corners of her eyes. Lena’s eyes are still fixed on the TV, but Kara knows something is off.
“Lena?” Kara tries, her voice soft and quiet. Lena doesn’t look away from the TV and doesn’t answer. Kara’s the one scooting closer now, reaching out to place her hand on Lena’s cheek. Lena doesn’t pull back, doesn’t resist when Kara tilts her face so that they can look into each other’s eyes.
“What is it?” Kara asks, brushing away a stray tear with her thumb. Lena’s lip trembles and honestly, Kara just wants to do something. She’s never seen Lena like this before, vulnerable and crying and looking like she’s feeling positively miserable. She doesn’t like it.
“I just—“ Lena looks down at her hands, takes a deep breath and looks up again. Something in her eyes is different, now. Resolute, Kara thinks is probably the right word. Before she can ask about it, though, before she can say anything really, Lena surges forward and presses her lips to Kara’s.
It’s warm. The first thing that Kara notices about Lena’s lips on hers is that it’s warm. Not just Lena’s lips, but the feeling in her chest that she gets when her brain is slowly starting to comprehend what’s happening. Before she can kiss back Lena is already pulling away, refusing to meet her eyes and looking even more miserable than before.
“I’m sorry about that, Kara. I shouldn’t have—“ Naturally, Kara kisses her again. It feels even better this time, now that she’s actually fully aware of what’s happening. Her hands are still on Lena’s cheeks and Kara uses it to pull them closer together. One of her hands slips into Lena’s hair and the sound Lena lets out, somewhere between a sigh and a moan, makes something flutter in Kara’s chest. When they eventually pull away, Kara keeps her eyes closed. She’s afraid that if she opens them Lena won’t be there. She’s had dreams like this before, she always wakes up feeling disappointed.
“Kara?” Lena’s voice sounds real, though. Real enough that Kara opens her eyes. Lena is looking at her, a look in her eyes that is nothing but pure, unadulterated hope. “You kissed me.” She says, although the words come out so breathy that it’s more like one long sigh than an actual sentence. Kara understands her, though, and she nods with a small smile on her face.
“You kissed me first.” She said, reaching out to touch Lena’s face again. She never got to do it this much before. Friends don’t just casually touch each other’s faces, but god, does Kara love feeling Lena’s skin under her hands.
“I did.” Lena admits, leaning into Kara’s touch a little. “Can we do it again?” There’s a shy tone to her voice that Kara hasn’t heard before. In lieu of answering, Kara leans forward and presses her lips to Lena’s.
They kiss for a long time and when they stop, eventually, Lena looks exactly what you’d expect someone to look like after making out with someone for the better part of two hours. Kara thinks she’s never looked more beautiful. Except maybe during the next few seconds, when she looks into Kara’s eyes and tells her,
“Stay.” Kara’s eyes widen, her eyes shooting towards the bedroom and Lena quickly rushes to explain. “Wait, no I don’t mean it like that. I just—I want you to stay. For sleeping. I don’t want you to leave.” Her voice is soft, reverent, beautiful. There is no possible way Kara could say no to Lena when she’s asking like that. So she doesn’t.
*
Kara has trouble falling asleep. She’s laying in Lena’s ridiculously comfortable bed, with Lena cuddled up to her side, but she just can’t sleep. She gets up, careful not to disturb Lena’s sleeping form and slips out onto the balcony.
She’s gorgeous, she tells the stars. She knows she’s probably imagining it, but it almost seems like they twinkle in confirmation. Then again, Kara thinks to herself, if there’s anything the stars could agree on with her, it’s that Lena Luthor is gorgeous.
She tells them about kissing Lena, but she also tells them other, darker things. She tells them that she feels sad, when she realizes that she can never take Lena to see the place she grew up in. Lena can’t ever meet her parents, or try her favourite food. A small voice in her head tells Kara that she’s not even sure Lena would want those things with her in the first place, but she shuts it down almost as quickly as it pops up. Right in the middle of a story about how much she thinks Lena would’ve liked to see Krypton, she hears the balcony door open. She turns around to find a sleepy-looking Lena.
“Hey. Did I wake you?” Kara whispers, feeling a little embarrassed at being caught talking to the stars in a language that Lena didn’t understand. The girl shook her head as she moved closer, grabbing Kara’s hand as soon as she got close enough.
“I thought you left for a second.” Lena lets out a small chuckle, but Kara can see how much it bothers her.
“Oh no Lena, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I wouldn’t just leave without telling you.” Kara reassures Lena, looking into her eyes as she says it to show her just how much she means it. Lena nods, but doesn’t say anything else on the subject.
“What are you doing?” She asks instead, and Kara can feel her cheeks heating up. Luckily it’s too dark outside for Lena to see her face anyway, Kara figures.
“Sometimes at night I talk to the stars.” Kara explains, looking up at the night sky. “In Kryptonian.” Her voice takes on that melancholy edge it always does when she mentions Krypton.
“Do you miss it?” Lena asks after a while. Kara thinks about the question. No one has asked her that in so long that she wouldn’t even know how to begin to answer it.
“Yeah.” She starts, because she knows this. At the very core of her being, Kara knows that she misses Krypton. “It’s not just that, though. When my cousin, superman, left Krypton he was a baby. He has no memories of the place, but I do. I remember the way the water looked when the sun was going down and the way flowers smelled when they were blooming. I’m also the only person alive today that does, though.” Kara doesn’t talk about this a lot, with anyone, but she feels like maybe Lena understands. She feels like maybe Lena will want to understand.
“Atlas.” Lena says, and when Kara gives her a strange look, she continues, “Atlas is someone from the Greek mythology. He was forced to hold the sky. That’s what you’re doing. You’re carrying Krypton on your shoulders.” Kara is kind of taken aback by it, really, how well the words fit with the things she’s been feeling for longer than she can remember.
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s what it feels like.” Kara’s voice sounds raspy with emotion, but she doesn’t care. “If I forget, then Krypton is gone. Then no one will remember what it was like.” Lena looks at her, a sad smile on her face. She doesn’t say anything at first, just holds Kara’s hands in hers and squeezes just to make sure Kara is still with her sometimes.
“I know it might not be the same, since they won’t actually be my memories, but I would love to hear every single story you have of Krypton.” Lena eventually speaks, hesitantly, “That way you can remember, and I can help you remember when you start to forget.” Kara looks away from the stars, into Lena’s eyes. She feels tears prickling at the back of her eyes, feels her heart expand in her chest and this fluttering feeling in her stomach.
“Yes.” Kara breathes out. It’s not much of an answer, probably, but Kara doesn’t know what else to say. She knows that Lena can’t carry her burden. She knows that Lena won’t feel the heavy weight of Krypton pressing down on her lungs like Kara does. But Lena is willing to help. Lena is willing to make the weight a little easier to carry. So instead of saying something, Kara does the only thing she possibly can and leans in to kiss her. When they pull away Kara looks into Lena’s eyes and she realizes that, even though she loves the stars, the galaxies that she finds in Lena’s eyes are more beautiful than all of them combined.