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“We are not buying that,” the Doctor declared adamantly.
Rose looked down at the trinket in her hand, puzzled by the look of genuine distress on the Doctor’s face. “What?”
“That. No, we’re not,”. The Doctor took it out of her hand and put it back on the table, rather more forcefully than necessary.
“Well, if you're not careful you're gonna end up ownin’ it because it's broken! What's got you so upset?”
“Rose.” He indicated the small gold metal item. “You know what it is.”
Rose looked down at it, and it finally dawned on her. When she'd picked it up it she thought it had looked vaguely familiar, but they'd done fair bit of shopping in asteroid bazaars all across the galaxy, in both universes. But she recognized it now, even if she couldn't think of the correct word. “It's the thing that tells the weather…..”
“Bezoolium,” the Doctor supplied. He looked almost disgusted to see it, and the the three-eyed Joix shop proprietor was starting to notice and become offended, if the reddening middle eye was any indicator.
Rose turned to the alien and smiled apologetically. “Thanks, sorry to be of trouble.” She pulled the Doctor out to the aisle between booths. “I think I just saved us getting arrested or something because you offended that three eyed bloke.”
“I don't care if he's offended, the booth’s a rip-off anyway.” The Doctor’s face was thundery, a storm warning to anyone who looked his way.
Fortunately Rose wasn't bothered by his expression. She pulled him into the food court area. After procuring two teas and some chocolate biscuits she sat the Doctor down to talk.
“Doctor, are you all right?” she asked. She sensed she needed to be gentle and forgo taking him to task for being rude.
“M’always all right,” he mumbled.
“Doctor, please. Don't tell me that. I know you're not, and I don't like it when you shut down like this. I think I get why you're upset…..”
“M’fine, Rose,” he growled.
“It reminds you of that day,” she stated. “I get that. I'd honestly forgotten all about it.”
The Doctor was silent, looking down at the table. He ran his hand through his hair distractedly and finally murmured, “You're right, it does remind me of that day, but that's not all. I went back to the flat after I dropped Donna off. I guess I thought…. I don't know what I was thinking.” Rose reached across the table and took his hand. She kept silent, knowing he needed the time to collect himself. His eyes were shining with tears when he looked up at her again, and it broke her heart.
She squeezed his hand and finally the Doctor spoke again. “I went back to the flat, and your cousin Mo and your mum’s friend Bev were there, cleaning out the place.”
Rose gasped. She and her mother had discussed whether anyone in the family had taken possession of their things. She had assumed it would be Mo, but to get confirmation of it took Rose by surprise. “Don't know why I’m so shocked,” she finally said. “Mum was always close to Mo.”
“Your family things are with her. She took the photo albums, your great-gran’s dishes….” He swallowed the tears back. “But she had a little box, full of trinkets you brought your Mum. Things you bought traveling with me. She didn't know what they were.”
“So you spoke to Mo and Bev?” Rose could easily imagine the Doctor hiding and watching from afar to avoid talking to them.
“They recognized me, so I had no choice…..Bev didn't want to speak to me, except to tell me that she never trusted me and I likely had something to do with you and your mum being gone.”
Rose’s heart broke again. “You were probably already tellin’ yourself that, yeah?” Even though it didn't help matters, Rose was quite angry with Bev. If only you knew how many times he’s saved your arse, and how he'll keep on saving it, Rose thought.
He nodded. “She wasn't wrong,” he muttered.
“Doctor, I don't blame you at all. It happened. If it hadn't been for us, Bev would have likely been killed, or cyberized. She should've thanked you.”
The Doctor didn't looked convinced. He sighed, “At any rate, Bev went back to her flat after...she expressed her opinion. I stayed to help Mo load the car.”
“Oh, Doctor, I'm sure she appreciated it,” Rose murmured. She knew how much of an effort it would have taken for the Doctor to stay in that situation.
“Jackie must have told Mo...things about us. Perhaps not the whole truth, but but enough for her to say she had a feeling we were in the middle of the whole crisis and we stopped it.”
“And we did,” Rose whispered, squeezing his hand. “They lost us, and you lost us that day, but that's small compared to all the people who lost loved ones that day. It took me a long time to get to the point when I could appreciate the good that we did.”
The Doctor nodded. “That was my life there every day. I saved the world and lost you.”
“No you didn't. I'm here right now,” Rose said firmly.
“You know what I mean,” he sighed.
And it was true, in another universe he was alone, but this Doctor sitting with her didn't need to feel the same grief. Rose got up and walked around to his side of the table. She knelt down, taking both his hands in hers. “I love you, and I'm here with you. I always will be. Okay? I think there's more to the story. What happened with the Bezoolium?”
The Doctor pulled her up and into his lap, and she snuggled into him, not caring if they were in a public food court on an asteroid bazaar.
He sighed. “Mo had a box of things she couldn't identify. The Bezoolium was among them. It hurt to look at it, knowing we were just there, and remembering your smile when you gave it to Jackie. Seeing your flat without the pair of you in it. It was empty, Rose.” He buried his face in her neck, and she could feel his tears, could feel his breath hitching. Although it was muffled she heard him say shakily, “I threw it all away, all those souvenirs, and I didn't just chuck ‘em in a bin. I threw them out of the open TARDIS door, in the vicinity of that supernova I caused. They're obliterated.”
Rose held him more tightly, rubbing his back soothingly even as she shed her own tears. She finally whispered, “The souvenirs are obliterated. Not the memories. You have the same memories as the do of all those places we visit and things we did. When I came here all I had were picture on my mobile and the TARDIS key.”
He lifted his head to look at her. “Well, shame on me for actin’ like this. I had all those things and chose not to keep them. You had no choice.”
“It hurt like hell, but I'm not gonna compete for ‘which one of us had it worse.’ I just want you to know, I understand.”
He nodded, then he kissed her. “Rose Tyler, the most understanding woman in the multiverse.”
“I wouldn't go that far, Doctor,” she chuckled. They sat together quietly for a moment, just enjoying being close. Then she said, “I'm glad Mo has our things and they'll stay in the family.”
“You and Jackie will always be remembered. Mo offered me some pictures and I took a couple but since I didn't think I'd ever see you again I didn't take any more. I don't even have those pictures, anymore. He has them.” He wiped his eyes. “M’so sorry I'm so….emotional today. D’ya think this is the Donna in me coming out?”
Rose snickered. “Dont’t go blamin’ Donna when you’re a hot mess. I can just about imagine what she’d say to you.”
“Hot mess, huh? I prefer ‘slightly emotional.’” He gave her a small smile.
“We're going with ‘hot mess.’” She rested her forehead against his.
“Fair enough.” He sat back and looked around, realizing they were indeed still in public.
“Doctor, I want you to promise me something…”
“I...will if I can.”
“You told me about all the galavanting you did through time and space with Donna and Martha. Meeting Shakespeare and Agatha Christie...witches and wasps and all that. You told me about Jack and the Face of Boe, but not what happened to get you two back together. I just want you to feel like you can share it all, yeah? Even the tough things. I want to hear. I don't want you tellin’ me you're ‘always all right’ when you're not. Okay?”
“Rose, some things I am very glad you were not there to see.”
“I've told you about some of my worst dimension cannon jumps.”
He couldn't argue with her there. “I don't want to do it here. And it still might take me a bit of time….but we’ll talk.”
Rose kissed him. “Good. We’ve had a busy three years growin’ the TARDIS, and being distracted by Torchwood. I think it’s time we talked, yeah?” He nodded, then he kissed her forehead. “Meanwhile….do we want to stay here longer? We don't have to shop but I think I saw a place with banana splits.”
Her words had the intended effect. The Doctor grinned, genuinely happy about her revelation. “Well….” he drawled, “Lead the way.”
“Allons-y,” she smiled, hopping up from his lap. She wiggled her fingers at him, like he was often known to do.
“Rose,” he asked, suddenly serious again. “Did you want to buy the Bezoolium?”
Rose gaped for a second, then answered, “Not now! And I really didn't want it to begin with. I was just going to ask if it was what I thought it was.”
“Oh. Maybe I could've let you ask, and we could've avoided all this,” the Doctor supposed.
Rose sighed, then said emphatically, “I'm glad you didn't. We needed to have this conversation. And we need to keep having it. We’ve been through quite a bit in the past three years. We're better when we lean on each other, remember?”
“Better with two,” he agreed. He leaned against her with a cheeky smile. “Where is this rumored banana split place?”
“Follow me,” Rose commanded with a grin. His mercurial moods had shifted again, but that was fine, because she was hopeful he’d be more open going forward. She led him in the direction of the ice cream shop, away from the bezoolium stall.