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A white band, thick with clustered stars, rippled through the perpetual night over Darillium like a ribbon. River and the Doctor lay, heads touching and hands clasped, in the genetically modified grass they’d planted in the TARDIS’s back garden. He was retelling one of her favourite stories: the one about her mother and Vincent van Gogh.
His gruff voice was soft and wistful, but she could hear a little smile in it from time to time. She’d always been the one to share his every secret, but being able to share this— the happy memories and the loss— was everything. It was so good to feel safe and at home with him. It was, somewhat surprisingly, still so good to be standing still.
She realised he’d concluded with the Sunflowers and lapsed into silence. It wouldn’t still bear Amy’s name, of course, since the timeline was rewritten. She rubbed her thumb comfortingly over his and studied the stars.
“Do you ever miss him?” The Doctor’s voice was so quiet she almost didn’t hear.
River turned her head toward his, but he was still looking skyward, not meeting her eyes. “Miss who?”
There was a long pause before he answered. “Me. The one you married.”
River rolled over at that, propped on her elbows, and studied his face, which was still obstinately neutral and staring straight up. It would be easy to tell him not to be ridiculous, but it was a complicated question, an important question; one she was sure he was terrified to ask. New Rule One.
“You’re right here, darling,” she said softly, placing her hand on his chest. He reached his own hand up to cover hers, but still didn’t look at her. “You’re the one I married, and for once in my life, I never have to miss you.”
“I’ve changed a lot,” he said.
“Have you?”
He snorted humourlessly. “Don’t you think?”
She traced her hand down the side of his face, his eyes still aimed at the stars. “You’re a grownup. I like that. And I don’t mean the face, although I like that too. It’s so good, what we have now. Don’t you think?” she echoed.
The Doctor finally looked over at her, shifting his hand to grip hers firmly. “Of course I do.”
River smiled down at him and brushed her fingers through his thick silver hair.
“You accepted me so easily," he sighed. "You’ve changed before, but you didn’t grow up with everyone changing, with that being a normal part of life. It must be hard for you." He swallowed and took a slow breath. "It’s all a bit of a blur, but this time was hard for me. Forgot who I was. Not sure I ever remembered it all.”
River considered him carefully. “Sometimes... there are little things. Little idiosyncrasies that I miss. But then one day, I see them again in you. Doctor, you haven't lost anything, because you’re the same man.”
“I don’t think I was,” he said in a slightly choked voice, blue eyes unusually bright. “Until you found me, I’m not really sure what the hell I was doing. I was a right bastard. Cross all the time. Too reckless."
“Oh, my love,” River whispered, pulling him onto his side and into her arms. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there with you.”
“It was me who wasn’t there,” the Doctor said into her hair. “I was still running from this. Because as you know, I’m a fucking idiot.”
She smiled. “My brilliant, beautiful idiot. And you say you’ve changed.”
She finally felt him huff in reluctant amusement where his face was tucked into her shoulder.
"I never felt right in this skin until you. Hated to be touched. Hated most things, really. I didn't really think I had it in me to be happy."
"And now?"
He pulled back then to look at her. "You have to ask?"
It was tempting to brush it off, but they weren't doing that now. "It's nice to hear."
The Doctor understood. He cupped her cheek in his hand and gazed intently at her. “River, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my considerably long life, and I'm so happy being with you, half the time I'm afraid it's not real. Cause I don't usually get this lucky. How did you ever end up loving a stupid old arsehole like me?”
“Got lucky, I guess,” she said, wet eyes belying her teasing words.
He leaned in and kissed her and she forgot everything else in the universe for a while.
“So you don’t miss the bow tie?" he mumbled eventually, his head resting on her shoulder.
“Well, it did have its uses. None of which involved being round your collar.”
“Ah,” the Doctor said. “Well, I'm sure I’ve still got plenty of them. No reason we couldn’t, uh, bring it back into rotation. Bit easier on the wrists.”
River beamed. “Now sweetie, how could you possibly think I’m disappointed in this you?”
He chuckled. “As always, dear, it was entirely thanks to your terrible influence.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment."
“As you should.”
The night breeze stirred the grass as they lay in quiet contentment. In the distance, River heard the towers begin their song.