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The stranger in the mirror isn’t him.
When Jensen chose to accept his mother’s plot of genetic manipulation, he had never once thought that he would miss the mangled, deformed lump of flesh that he had been born into. But he does. Sense and reason tell him that he is insane. His old body is nothing to miss. It was barely human, a prison of malformed tissues and twisted bone.
But it was him. This gorgeous creature blinking back at him from Jared Padalecki’s overly expensive bathroom mirror isn’t Jensen. It is an illusion, no matter how real it is.
“You look perfect,” Jared tells him as he walks into the room. That’s Jared. He pays compliments to his Testonic like Jensen has any choice in the matter of loving him, like Jared doesn’t own him.
The trait is rather adorable, and Jensen has come to the conclusion that the old him would have thought so as well. Of course, his old self wouldn’t have been able to appreciate Jared’s compliments because “perfect” was the last thing he was.
But Jared doesn’t know that the beauty before him isn’t the direct result of his deepest fantasies combining with his even deeper pocketbook. In Jared’s world, Jensen is the companion he had created after he gave up on “real” people. A slew of betrayals and one six month treatment for a sexually transmitted disease given to him by his supposedly faithful partner had turned Jared off to trying old fashioned relationships.
Jensen is fully aware of the irony in his situation, but he doesn’t feel too guilty about his deception. Jared is getting what he wants. Jensen isn’t the type to stray. He knows what it is like to be left behind. No amount of new found range of motion and sexuality is going to change who he is on the inside even if his outside self feels and looks like a personal betrayal.
Jared presses a kiss to the side of Jensen’s neck. His hands land on Jensen’s hips to tug him back, Jensen’s newly round and muscular ass getting pulled snug against Jared’s hardening dick.
“You have to get ready,” Jensen chides. As a Testonic, he isn’t supposed to ever want to say, “no,” to his owner’s requests for sex except in cases where it endangers health, safety or could result in legal liability. There are very strict rules that govern over any programming that would lead a Testonic to seek out abuse or injury.
Jared’s sexual preferences don’t go anywhere close to the legal limits of acceptable sex practices with a Testonic, but denying Jared’s come on isn’t about Jensen keeping his owner from his due. If they stop for sex, Jared will be unacceptably late for his party. As Jensen is supposed to fulfill Jared’s need for a partner, he has to do more than just have sex at Jared’s every whim. When it comes to important events, Jensen’s duty is to do the opposite.
The gala Jared is supposed to attend falls under the category of very important. It also falls into the category of things that Jared wants to avoid. The man has been burned by more opportunistic bastards than Jensen wants to even think about. Jared is generous, but he hasn’t had the best of luck with people proving the good side of human nature.
Still, Jensen can’t allow Jared to be late no matter how much the other man might want to simply not go. Jared’s power system inventions revolutionized an entire industry. He is rich, filthy rich, and incredibly important. Jensen knows. He has seen the amount of calls and messages that come to Jared from names that Jensen’s seen on the nightly news.
That Jensen never knew Jared’s name before Jared bought him doesn’t worry Jensen. Jared isn’t some drug lord or nefarious schemer. For all of his fame and subsequent fortune, Jared just isn’t ‘fun’ to report on like actors or politicians or designers are. He is an inventor, a scientist, a nerd. He is an idol to science geeks and an asset to world powers, but regular people would rather hear about the latest album being released from their favorite band.
“I don’t wanna go,” Jared whines pathetically, dipping down to rest his forehead against Jensen’s, “Wanna stay home with my Jensen.”
“You have to go,” Jensen reminds him, kindly not pointing out that Jared is sounding like a toddler.
The reticence is a new development in Jared’s personality. The photographs that he has strewn around his very large and mostly unused home all point to a very socially active person. But that was before the golden ideal of fame and fortune took its toll.
There are enough pictures of ex-lovers in Jared’s collection that Jensen can concretely say that he was made to look nothing like them. The only eye color missing in the collection is green, and it makes all sorts of sense now why Jared was so insistent in having that trait in his Testonic. Jensen isn’t sure whether or not he is grateful for the opportunity that Jared’s insistence created. On the one hand, he has more of a life now than he ever had before. On the other hand, that life isn’t his own, and that has very little to do with being owned by Jared.
Jensen shakes his head to clear his thoughts away from his personal problems. Jared’s face falls a little, likely interpreting the shake as something else entirely. And really, Jensen isn’t going to pass that opportunity up. “The gala is for a good cause,” Jensen says, pulling on his owner’s heartstrings instead of his sense of duty.
“A good cause. Right,” Jared scoffs. “Charity doesn’t exist in people’s hearts, Jensen. This soirée might say that it is a benefit for abandoned and abused pets, but the animals it is benefitting are sharks in ten thousand dollar suits.”
The words are astonishingly bitter coming from a man who hasn’t spent over twenty years in a diaper with machines doing his breathing, eating and pooping for him. Then again, Jensen has never had the opportunity to have his heartbroken or been taken advantage of. Until recently, he has never had anything anybody wanted. He’s barely been somebody that anybody wanted, always straddling the line between beloved and burden when it came to his family. Judging Jared for being bitter about his situation by comparing it to Jensen’s hardships is unkind.
“You need to go,” Jensen’s voice as he speaks is unnecessarily stern and abrupt. A real Testonic wouldn’t be irritated by his owner’s privilege. It is a failing that Jensen is going to have to work on lest somebody notice.
Jared’s face doesn’t lose its frown, but resignation does enter his eyes. “Yeah, I know. This charity is worthwhile even if most of the people are going just to be seen.”
“If they’re going to waste their money, might as well waste it there, right?” Jensen offers.
“Yeah,” Jared agrees. “Besides, I get an opportunity to show you off.”
Jensen flushes and manages to make the queasy feeling in his stomach turn into a look that could be interpreted as coy as he peeks through his lashes over at Jared. His programming indicates that this is a positive sign. Jared wants his Testonic to be happy, somebody proud to be Jared’s. It isn’t even all that self-serving. Jared is proud to have Jensen with him. They don’t go out in public much, but when they do, Jensen gets treated like a treasure more than a trophy. Jared acts like Jensen is this perfect boyfriend that he has to work to keep and not a man he paid to have created so he would never have to worry about being left.
But at the end of the day, what Jared sees isn’t what everybody else sees. Try as Jensen might, he never did manage to develop a ‘fuck them’ attitude. Being the hideous lump of flesh that scared children when he was wheeled past them in the hospital never got any easier no matter how many times he heard their frightened cries. He doesn’t imagine that being Jared’s Testonic will get any easier either.
“You are too good for me,” Jared says as he ducks his head and pushes a kiss against Jensen’s lips. It is just another one of Jared’s unnecessary comments that he makes, but Jensen feels guilty nonetheless.
Because he really, really isn’t.