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Alec feels emotionally exhausted. It’s been a long night. Hell, it’s been a long few weeks with this new war against Valentine and all the Clary drama at every corner, not to mention his almost marriage. He could collapse on the spot just thinking about everything on the Shadow World's plate and longs for the peace sleep usually brings. Although, lately, his dreams haven't been much of a safe haven, images of his hands covered in layers of blood he can’t clean off plaguing his mind every other night.
So here he is, walking the streets of Brooklyn with a purpose, really only half aware of what he’s doing at this hour of the night.
When he arrives at the place that has become a more welcoming sanctuary for Alec, he stays outside for a few minutes, unsure of why he feels so nervous. Or, more accurately, afraid of why he feels so nervous. He eventually does go in, making his way to the penthouse suite at the very top of the Brooklyn apartment building, and knocks on the door.
“Who is it now...” Alec hears Magnus say from behind the door. He fights the urge to turn and run, still not completely used to facing his feelings, and instead stands his ground until he is face to face with his warlock boyfriend. The moment he catches sight of him, Magnus visibly relaxes.
“Alexander, you're here,” he murmurs with a small smile.
Alec nods, shifting a little on his feet. “I know it’s late, I-I just didn’t want to stay at the Institute right now and -”
Magnus smiles and leans forward, taking one of Alec’s hands in his own, which is when Alec realises that his own hands are shaking. “Come in,” Magnus says, and pulls him forward, into his loft, closing the door behind them.
Alec looks around in amazement at how clean the whole place is. A few hours ago there had been a whole Spanish-themed party, a search for a spellbook and a cat, and then a big warlock fight, and now it looks pristine. With, of course, a few changes in decor.
“Did you, uh, do your thing?” Alec asks, waving his arms around in an attempt to mime Magnus’ eccentric way of doing magic.
“I did. This place was a mess. And I felt like redecorating again anyway,” he responds with a laugh. He walks them further into the apartment and pulls them over to the couch, giving Alec a respectful amount of space between them. Too much space. Alec reaches over and wraps an arm around Magnus’ shoulder, bringing him closer so that his head is resting against his chest and he can see the beautiful, relaxed smile take over his features. Much better, he thinks to himself.
“So how did the rune ceremony go?” Magnus asks, settling closer and bringing a hand to rest over Alec’s stomach. Alec sighs tiredly.
“It went fine. Max took it well. Barely flinched,” he says with a hint of pride. Then he remembers something and looks down at Magnus with an apologetic look. “Sorry about how Maryse and Max acted earlier by the way. She's going through some stuff but I don’t know what got into him. He’s a good kid he just...spends a lot of time around a lot of people with the same kind of mindset.”
Magnus smiles tightly and waves a hand dismissively. “It could have gone worse. I’m used to it going worse.”
The way he says this, so casually, like he has been rejected because of his differences before, causes Alec to hold him tighter. “They’ll come around,” he says like it’s a promise. A promise of a future where Magnus and Alec together won’t be some sort of far-fetching idea, but a solid force to reckon with.
Magnus tilts his head up with a purely content smile and Alec can’t help but lean down and press their lips together.
It doesn’t take long for Magnus to pull back with a sudden sigh. There’s apprehension written on his face before he starts speaking. “Alexander, can we talk about what happened earlier...with Clary?”
The sudden uneasiness from before returns in full force and Alec's brain screams at him to avoid the subject. “It can wait, Magnus. It’s been a long night and I don’t want you to have to -”
Magnus sits up quickly, turning towards Alec with a daring look. “Alexander, I thought we went over this. If you’re not happy, I’m not happy. Now come on,” he says, leaning over to take one of Alec's hands in both of his own. “Talk to me.”
Alec casts his eyes away hastily. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Magnus. I felt guilty for taking someone’s mother away from them. My feelings were heightened so that I thought the best solution was to end my own life -”
“But the initial feelings were there,” Magnus interjects. Alec looks over at him sadly, not even trying to argue, so he just shrugs instead. Magnus frowns, raising one of his hands to cup Alec's cheek. Alec can't help but lean into the touch. “You are not to blame, Alexander. A demon killed Jocelyn, not you, just as Izzy didn’t try to kill you and Clary, the demon did. You can’t blame yourself for this or it will destroy you from the inside out, and then that demon wins at the expense of an angel.”
Magnus holds Alec's gaze with confidence and reassurance. Something about hearing Magnus say it to him, so logically and with so much care, makes a little of the weight lift off of Alec’s chest. He fights to make an argument, to tell Magnus that it’s not that easy. But it sort of is, the more he thinks about it. It will take more than just a few words to completely lift the lingering guilt, but tonight, right in this moment; it’s enough.
He sighs, shovelling a hand through his unkempt hair in exasperation, then looks over at Magnus. He’s staring at him, his dark brown eyes searching for any sort of unease or misery, a small frown showing his clear concern. Alec feels speechless just looking at him. One thought passes through his mind, though.
“I-” Alec starts and he wants to say it. He really does. But he knows it isn’t the time yet. So he settles for showing Magnus how thankful he is for all he does for anyone who asks for his help.
“Thank you,” he continues, leaning over to kiss Magnus’ cheek. “No one else ever says it so thank you. For everything you do for anyone you are able to help,” he continues with a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Jace, Clary, Clary’s annoying friend.” A kiss to his forehead. “Me.” Finally, he presses their lips together, and Magnus melts into it instantly. They stay that way for a long time, getting to a point where Magnus has slid onto Alec’s lap and Alec is slowly trailing kisses down Magnus’ jaw to his neck. He stops when he feels the vibrations of Magnus’ quiet laugh against his lips.
“If this is the reward I get every time I help people…”
Alec grins, leaning up to press another kiss to Magnus’ lips. “Shut up.”
Magnus laughs a little before smiling softly and giving Alec a questioning look. “Are you okay?”
Alec smiles back and nods. “Yes. Thank you...For everything” He pauses to look around briefly. “And, y’know, Jace is staying at the Institute for tonight because of Max’s ceremony…”
Magnus grins, shifting off of Alec’s lap and moving beside him, his hold on the front of Alec’s shirt never loosening as he pulls them down into a lying position. “Interesting…”