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2013-10-03
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unlock the moon from the tide

Summary:

Why is Eska clutching at Bolin so desperately, anyways?

A post-episode-4 pre-episode-5 story. Spoilers for Korra book two through episode 4.

Notes:

This story depicts psychological and physical abuse by a parent and refers to a (canon) coerced and abusive romantic relationship.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Desna says "go". They don't need words, much, between them - Eska knows he means "I'll hold him as long as I can". Knows he means "I'll be okay". Knows he means "good luck".

As Eska runs the six steps to the edge of the water, she realizes it's already the farthest she's been from her brother in ten years.

***

In her earliest memory, they're in the ice pit, and her father has just taken their parkas. She's clinging to Desna like she's trying to burrow into him, trying to hide her skin from the bite of the air.

"Good," her father says. "If you cannot stay together through discipline, you will do so through necessity."

Teeth chattering, lips blue, she had promised Desna she would never run off by herself again.

***

Bolin had been nothing, nobody. Until the sudden shock of the idea: he could be a way out.

***

Desna claims he can remember earlier, when they were still tied ankle to ankle every day. They don't talk about it, though, because Eska's sure she can't recall back that far, and their father never likes to hear them talk about ways they're different.

***

His eyes are wide and green and admiring. People in the North look at her with envy, with pity, with suspicion. But Bolin knows nothing about them! She could be anyone, to him.

He asks if she wants a boyfriend or a slave. A doorway, she doesn't say.

***

When they're nine, only one is allowed to speak. They alternate days, then weeks. Ignore Desna's silent needs today and he might "forget" to express hers tomorrow.

When they're ten, they train mirroring, right to left and left to right. When they're eleven, they train shadowed, one in front and one behind. When they're twelve, they want to see if they're really, truly, equally matched, and bend against each other for the first and only time. After Unalaq catches them they spend days in the ice pit, days and days shivering and huddling while their father paces around the edge of the pit, lecturing about Ozai and Iroh, Zuko and Azula.

"Opposition consumes," he says. "If there are two, one must have supremacy."

Eska's lips are almost too numb to speak. "What about Sokka and Katara?" she asks.

"United!" her father shouts. "United in service of the Avatar. You together are my one heir."

"We weren't really fighting," Eska argues.

"You are one!" Unalaq says again. "You will not step onto the path of division."

When they're thirteen they spend hours just breathing together, until they are perfectly in unison.

***

She's flailing, with Bolin, like he's unexpected ice and she can't find her feet; she's thrashing like she's sinking fast. What do girls do with boyfriends? Go places, exchange gifts, perform small services for each other? He smiles easily, but not to her. His eyes are wide with alarm. It isn't working.

Late at night, she whispers to Desna, begging for advice.

"Is it really so bad?" he asks. "We could be Tui and La, perfect balance." He puts his palm against hers and they push and pull back and forth.

"I don't want to be Yue," Eska answers.

Desna interlaces their fingers. "We could run away together. Who needs Bolin."

Eska squeezes his hand. "You should be chief. And I don't want to leave the North. Father respects tradition. If I leave his house, to join my husband's house, he would have to accept that. Bolin is... perfect."

Bolin doesn't push or pull; Bolin, for all that he's an earthbender, seems to have no stone in him. He will never assert his husbandly authority. If she can just hold on to him!

Desna leans his head against hers, and she knows he'll help if he can.

***

Korra comes to Republic City, and Unalaq listens avidly to every scrap of gossip and rumor. He trains Eska and Desna twice as hard, pushing them towards advanced forms he had previously told them were still beyond them. Through things he lets slip, Eska realizes that he had hoped to train the Avatar, that the whole business of training them had started when he had been denied.

The new forms are hard. Eska slips, losing her control, and the chunk of ice she's supposed to deflect hits her, fracturing her forearm.

Her father shakes his head as he heals her.

And then, matter-of-factly, he breaks Desna's arm in the same place, and heals it too.

"Your synchrony is your strength," he says. "We can't have you out of harmony."

Eska has bound her breasts for two years, takes herbs to suppress her moon blood because Desna cannot bleed. But something in the twin ache of their knitting bones appalls her, and for the first time she wonders what future they can have.

***

Bolin is trying to leave her. But she cannot let that happen.

***

The news reaches the North that Amon was actually Tarrlok's brother, and Unalaq takes it like a sign from his beloved spirits. He's always been obsessed with the division between the Northern and Southern Water Tribes, but now he vows action. Brother against brother has nearly brought disaster to the Avatar. The South must be reunited with the North. The Avatar must be shown Unalaq's wisdom.

For the first time that Eska can remember, days pass when her father doesn't train them, when he barely speaks to them. He is caught up in plans, in meetings with the Navy, in spiritual researches.

Eska dares to paint her eyelids. He doesn't notice.

***

Bolin accepts her necklace, and Eska sees freedom, dancing before her like a moon on the waters.

Bolin flees, and the glitter drowns under a dark wave.

Her father will have heard of the intended marriage. Her father will be coming. The ice pit is inside her now, merciless empty cold, nothing else, forever.

"Go," says Desna. He gestures to the water's edge.

***

She will not be denied.

Notes:

Canon hasn't given Eska much depth beyond "bitch be cray-cray". I find that profoundly unsatisfying.