Work Text:
Selflessness
Gabriel is asleep when Jesse wakes.
The hum of the TV is little more than white noise, periodically interrupted by the all too familiar beep of a heart monitor. Jesse opens his eyes slowly and peers at the stark white ceiling through his lashes until his eyes get used to the brightness. He takes inventory: crisp sheets, the smell of disinfectant, IV, vital monitors, Gabriel.
Hospital, he registers. Another quick glance at the holoscreen tells him his location. He can see Ziegler, A. in backwards text from this angle. Zurich, Switzerland. That means it’s bad.
He knows it’s bad. He’d seen that on the monitors too. He’d known it’d be bad from the moment he’d seen the grenade.
He takes a peek at his arm and sucks in his breath. He bites his lip hard and fights back tears, exhales slowly, and sets his gaze elsewhere.
Gabriel continues sleeping. The right side of his face and neck are covered with gauze. He doesn’t look like he’s showered.
…
The second time Jesse wakes, Gabriel is awake too. He’s showered recently, if his damp hair is anything to go by. There are dark circles under his eyes, and his shoulders sag with exhaustion.
He stares at Jesse for a moment, quiet, then says, “You could’ve fucking died.”
“But I didn’t,” Jesse rasps, flashing a phony smile. Gabriel just looks at him, then takes a cup of water from a cart of food and moves to sit on the edge of the bed.
“You almost did,” he says, holding the cup to Jesse’s mouth. “Came real damn close.”
Jesse sips once, then takes a generous gulp. Gabriel pulls the cup back until he slows down again. After a moment, Jesse leans back against the pillows. “You get burned up real bad?” he asks softly.
Gabriel raises his brows as he sets the cup back on the cart. “That’s what you’re worried about?” he asks.
“You’re all taped up,” Jesse says mournfully.
Gabriel swears. “And look at you.”
“What, this? This ain’t nothin’, sugar,” Jesse says, huffs a weak laugh that gives away the obvious. “Look...I can still shoot, huh?”
Gabriel’s lip curls up over his teeth. His body quivers, and suddenly he’s on his feet again, enraged. “Who gives a damn about you being able to shoot?” he snaps. “Goddamn, I’ve told you, you don’t have to keep proving your worth to me!”
Jesse looks taken aback at first, then angry. “That’s what you think this-”
“You could’ve died!” Gabriel interrupts. There’s something weaker in his tone now, something fearful, something too terribly fond. His posture is rigid, hands tightened into fists. When he speaks again, it’s soft. “You sacrificing your life for me...I don’t want it. Don’t fucking do that.”
Jesse opens his mouth and shuts it again immediately after. There’s a long, awful pause, in which he realizes that Gabriel’s sprung tears, then, “M’sorry I scared you, darlin’.”
“I almost lost you,” Gabriel whispers.
“An’ I coulda lost you,” Jesse says. He reaches out, squeezes Gabriel’s hand with the fingers he’s got left. “Couldn’t bear the thought of it, honey...don’t be cross with me.” His voice softens, his eyes glistening. He blinks hard, swallows thickly, then murmurs, “It’s...it’s only ‘cause...”
“I know,” Gabriel rasps, miserable.
Jesse swallows again, and the tears come too fast to stop this time. He immediately thinks to brush them away, but Gabriel’s got a hold of his surviving arm. “Hey,” he says, watery, “Wouldja mind...c’mere for a sec, wouldja?”
Gabriel all but sinks into the bed, still mindful of Jesse’s wounds and less so of his own. Jesse cries into his sweatshirt. Gabriel shushes and soothes, and utters an admittance into Jesse’s hair.
Satisfaction
“Gold looks good on you,” Jesse says appreciatively.
Gabriel hums, sticking his arm out for a look. “It’s nice,” he agrees.
Jesse sighs wistfully, leaning against Gabriel’s arm. He pushes against the floor with his foot, rocking the porch swing into motion. “Wish mine looked just as nice,” he says. He glances at his right hand, wistful, wishing the ring could be on the proper hand without getting scuffed.
“It looks fine,” Gabriel chides. He takes Jesse’s hand, smiling as their rings clink together, and pulls the cowboy’s knuckles up for a kiss. Jesse smiles back, though he goes quiet right after and brushes his thumb over Gabriel’s idly.
Gabriel tilts his head. “What are you thinking about, mi cielito?” he asked.
“I was just thinkin’,” Jesse admits, “’Bout how we ain’t gonna have no ceremony. Ain’t even gonna be official on paper and such, seein’ as you’re s’posed to be dead and I’m s’posed to be in jail.”
Gabriel sputters a laugh and kisses the top of Jesse’s head. “No sacrifice on my part,” he chuckles. “I never thought I’d get married in the first place.”
Jesse looks up at him, surprised. “Not even when we were young?”
“Well,” Gabriel says, “I thought about it. I just didn’t know if we’d both live long enough to settle down.”
Jesse considers that, then nods and lays against Gabriel’s shoulder again. “Well,” he says, “Here we are anyways.”
“Here we are,” Gabriel repeats.
Jesse starts whistling, a short little tune that’s over by the time Gabriel thinks to join in. Jesse pauses, then says, “We could dress up real nice.”
Gabriel smiles. “We could.”
“And move all the furniture outta the way.”
“Mmhmm.”
“We could just dance in the livin’ room,” Jesse goes on. “Say vows and the like. We could make our own cake.”
“You’ll eat all the batter,” Gabriel teases, then sighs, content, and rests his cheek against Jesse’s head. “Sounds perfect.”
It’s quiet for a bit again, comfortable silence falling easily. Jesse whistles his tune again. Gabriel hums along this time. Jesse’s metal hand rests on his thigh, gently tracing circles.
Gabriel asks hesitantly, “Are you upset about that?”
“What, not bein’ Mr. Reyes on paper?” Jesse asks with a soft laugh. “Naw, honey, just wonderin’ if you were.”
“Oh.” Gabriel sounds relieved. “Good. I don’t care.”
“Me neither. I reckon I don’t need a priest to tell me who I get t’call my husband.”
Gabriel hums, pleased, and kisses Jesse’s forehead. “Mi esposo,” he says, thrilled.
Jesse laughs and pokes Gabriel’s belly. “C’mon, sugar, don’t make me start blushin’, now.”
Gabriel swats at him with his free hand and squeezes his fingers with the other. Right after, he tucks Jesse’s hair behind his ear and leans in for a kiss. “I love you,” he murmured.
“Aw, sweet thing,” Jesse breathes against his mouth, nearly preening, metal hand sliding across Gabriel’s shoulders just to tug him closer. “I love you too, angel.”
The kiss that ensues isn’t any kind of hungry; they’ve got the rest of their lives for that. It’s that sort of moment that lingers in one’s memory simply because there has been and will be a million more like it. It’s the kind of touch that’s easy and simple, the type that implies they fit together like puzzle pieces.
It had taken a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get here again. It’s worth it, in their minds. But then, most consummate loves are.