Chapter Text
This is stupid there’s no way in hell Bruce is not going to find out and kill them all for this. Yet he found himself a little excited about it it was a sick fascination and curiosity. At first it was a dumb conversation topic on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Bruce was at work and and he was there with his brothers.
Dick was hanging off the couch groaning about boredom, Jason was cleaning guns and knives ignoring Dick’s moaning, and Damian was doodling on the floor leaning on Titus. They all more or less sat in silence. It’s rare they were together in the same room just relaxing and not getting ready for the next threat that makes it’s way to Gotham or trying to strangling each other.
Dick started telling them stories about what’s happening in Bludhaven lately. Damian and Jason would hum in agreement as Dick went on about criminal activity in Bludhaven. Tracking down and taking down drug dealers, stopping muggings, and making sure criminals go to jail in his police day job and as Nightwing.
“I don’t know what’s with the weird criminals in Gotham even though Bludhaven is pretty bad the worst they’ve got is probably just Blockbuster”
“must be joker venom, and fear toxin in the water that makes Gotham such a breeding ground for crazy” mumbles Damian
“Nah it’s Arkham you’re better off dead than going there to “cure” whatever insanity you might have” Jason disassembles his gun wiping down the nooks and crannies of it “You don’t go to Arkham to get better you get there to get worse”
“Arkham’s security has improved and the staff is now better trained to deal with their patients there hasn’t been a breakout for about year so far “
“The place is still cursed hell. The normal people who just work there go insane picking around in some loon’s head to figure em out”
“Harley Quinn”
“Picking joker’s brain is bound to make anyone go as crazy as him”
“I think he made some inmates and one doctor kill themselves”
“It makes you kind of wonder what goes on in the criminal mind”
“We always deal with what goes on in the criminal mind that’s kind of part of what we do”
“No I mean like what’s it like to be a bad guy”
Jason rolls his eyes “How bad you talking Wingding?”
“I don’t know”
“You wanna be bad?”
“I’ve been bad”
“Sure and the Joker ain’t crazy”
“I’ve done bad stuff”
Jason points at Damian who’s still absorbed in his sketch and half paying attention “I’m pretty sure Shortstack’s got you beat no matter what “Bad stuff” you think you’ve done” Damian shifts a little in his spot but he doesn’t look up to argue.
“Well yeah because he’s a little shit” Damian flips off Tim
“Hey no fighting” Dick chided “Anyway I was a criminal for a bit name was Renegade”
“Who?”
“Renegade”
“Never heard of a criminal of the name of Renegade”
“Well yeah I haven’t been Renegade for years”
"Okay sure" Jason rolled his eyes.
“If we were all criminals which one us would the biggest challenge to Batman?” Tim questioned the room stopped as if processing the idea.
“Ground rules rule one”
“Bruce is going to kill us”
“Bruce won’t kill us beat us up yes, but not kill us”
“-nobody dies...”
“Rule two evil identities are completely secret even more lock and key than our vigilante identity we don’t tell each other our identity”
“Rule three if your villain plan involves something stolen or stealing things then it needs to be returned when you’re found out”
“Rule four no ratting the rest of us out to bats if he get a hold of you”
“This is a horrible idea”
“I think it’ll be an interesting experience”
Jason laughs “alright then! you lose when Bruce takes you down AND figures out who you are”
“Are we having a week of attacking batman?”
“Pretty much but everyone’s got two maybe three months prep time” they’ll need every second of it.
“Losers have to do all the chores including Alfred’s workload and Winner gets...to humiliate the losers whatever way they want. Bonus points if you get Bruce to call in the Justice League”
“Are we allowed to have henchmen?”
“Dick is probably going to end up the henchmen”
“You guys are supposed to be criminals other than the four rules of the game we’ve established criminal don’t give a shit about rules”
“I think Todd has an unfair advantage since he’s already a criminal”
“Excuse me but who’s grandpa and mother are terrorists that Batman regularly goes up against?” Damian scowled. That shut Damian up “Anyway I’m an ex criminal reformed and learned the errors of my ways”
“Jason you’ve fought Batman before”
“And lost” Jason glared at Damian he glared back in a two second stare down
“Dick has known Bruce since he was eight and has a bunch of friends to help him, Tim’s got access to Bruce’s fanciest toys, and Damian has grandpa’s assassins and combat training from birth, what do I’ve got? Compared to you guys. In fact I’ve probably got the most to lose in this. Bruce finds me and I go back to Arkham with therapists hounding me for months about my daddy issues or some shit”
“Does that mean you’re backing out of this?”
“Hell no!”
“Then it’s settled let the games begin!” and so they prepare for the week of challenging the Batman.