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Leckie would always wonder what would have happened had he only had the courage to be honest. If he had spoken out when he had the chance and revealed the truth, everything would have been so different. He had wasted so much time, believing that what he felt was nothing but confusion created by the war. He hadn't realised until Hoosier was already gone that he could have given the other man so much more, had he just used the words he was always praised for having.
It hadn't been until he had lost Hoosier, watched him carried away on a stretcher, barely even conscious, that he realised that they could have had so much more. The panic and worry and fear that had appeared the moment Hoosier had been hit lingered in him during the rest of his time on Peleliu, and these emotions would soon turn into regret as he nursed his wounds in hospital.
He had still been in hospital when the war ended, the announcement creating cheers in the ward as he watched, stunned. At that point, despite his wounded leg that he still struggled to walk on, he had still been waiting for orders telling him he had to return to war, to fight one last time for a country that had never really done anything for him. It had been hard for him to realise that suddenly the war was over, and there was no fighting left to be done, and that had left him confused and lost.
It was late September by the time he was discharged, his wounds fully healed and the space he had held in the hospital needed for someone else more worthy of care than he had ever been. A part of him was still shocked that he had survived the war with nothing but scars, the numerous times he had been sent to hospital all blurred into one after the years he had been away, and he still thought it strange that he had been allowed to return home in one piece.
Home… The word had been strange to even think of as he realised that was where he was supposed to head after his discharge. Leckie knew he was expected to return to New Jersey, to settle down and return to the lull of a normal life, but as he had found himself at the train station with the money for a ticket in his pocket, New Jersey hadn't been where he had wanted to go.
His mind had instead turned to Hoosier, to the man he still hadn't seen since Peleliu. He knew he was alive, the hospital staff had been able to tell him that much, but there was no saying what Leckie would find if he went to find him. Yet that had been what he wanted to do. He had wanted to find Hoosier, if so only to make sure the other man was okay, and to potentially be able to express some of the things that had been spinning through his mind since he last time he had seen him.
Because Leckie was changed. He was no longer the man who had been dreaming of a future with Vera, the girl he had lived across the street from his entire life. He had once been in love with the idea of her, of having her as his, but the war – Hoosier – had changed all that. The man he was now was someone who wanted nothing but Hoosier, and he knew that if he didn't at least tell Hoosier how he felt, he would regret that for the rest of his life.
The money for a ticket home had instead been spent on one to Indiana, an impulse decision he would regret numerous times as the train made its way from state to state. Despite how he tried to tell himself Hoosier would happy to see him, there was still a sliver of doubt in his mind that Hoosier wouldn't like what he had to say. The part of him that had thought itself sure of Hoosier's feelings would grow smaller the closer the train got to his destination, and by the time he set foot on the station it was almost gone.
But he was there, breathing in the hot, dry air in nervous gulps as he allowed himself the time to gather himself back together before he set off. The address he had found somewhere on the way was safely in his breast pocket, and the writing on the worn piece of paper was all but etched into his mind. He had lost track of the time he had spent staring at that piece of paper giving him his last directions, and at that point it didn't even matter. He was almost there, and there was now no turning back. It was too late to go anywhere but forward.
It was early evening by the time he reached the right street, his growling stomach having forced him to stop for food at a small café before he continued onwards. The nerves were back at that point, causing his heart beat much quicker than he would have liked as he climbed the few steps up to the door of the house that was supposed to be Hoosier's. Despite that the sun hadn't yet set, there were lights on inside, and as he approached the door, he could hear the faint sounds of a radio.
His hand was already raised to knock when a voice called out, the breathless way his name was spoken almost causing his heart to skip a beat. He had thought he would have another few seconds to decide what to say or do, but Hoosier's appearance out of thin air had cut his time short.
Turning, eyes finding the other man right away where he stood in the dusty street staring at him in disbelief, Leckie suddenly found himself lost for words. He could only stare, taking in every inch of the man he hadn't seen in so long and trying to grasp why he looked so different. His hair was still the same, short and blond and tangled from the light breeze, but it was his clothes that was different. He wasn't in the Marine greens Leckie was so used to seeing him in, and that was what took him off guard. He had – for some idiotic reason – been expecting Hoosier to look exactly the same as he had seen him look during the war, and this civilian look caught him off guard. Because while the stony expression on the other man's face was the same as it always was, the clothes made him look… softer. Less of a hardened soldier and almost more like the boy Leckie guessed he had once been.
“What are you doin' here, Leckie?” There was no edge to Hoosier's voice like Leckie would have expected, the long train ride having had him imagining all sorts of things for their first meeting. For some reason he had been expecting Hoosier to be angry, for the other man to have moved on and to not want anything to do with his old friends, but it was clear to him now that that was not the case.
“I...” Taking the few steps he needed down from the door, Leckie cleared his throat, eyes still glued to Hoosier's face, suddenly wanting to etch the look on the man's face into his mind. Because Hoosier was looking so much softer in that moment, and it was something Leckie had never seen before. “I wanted to see you. No one told me what happened to you, and I… wanted to see that you were okay.” It wasn't the full truth, but in that moment he knew it didn't matter. He would get the time to speak again, would be able to pour his heart out with nothing stopping him, and so he was content with what he had been able to express.
“I'm good. Could 'ave told you that over the phone.” Hoosier's words, however, took him off guard, eyebrows raising in surprise as he dropped his duffle bag in the dirt to free up his hands. For a moment, he expected Hoosier to get angry, to suddenly turn on him and tell him to leave, but the smile rising on Hoosier's lips eased his mind. “But I'm glad you came, Leckie. I wanted to see you too.”
Those words made Leckie's breath hitch in his throat, a smile rising onto his lips as he stepped a little closer, lessening the distance a bit more, his hands suddenly yearning to reach out to touch Hoosier. Because it had been so long, and he had missed it. Missed sleeping next to Hoosier in shallow foxholes at night. Missed sitting next to him during meals and sharing cigarettes as they listened to their friends talk. He had missed Hoosier, and it was all too obvious in that moment.
But he restrained himself, hands staying by his sides as he gave himself a moment to collect himself, words now so close to spilling from his lips. They were on his tongue, threatening to spill, but he knew it was the wrong place for it. There was no saying who that would be able to overhear, and it was words that were only for Hoosier's ears.
“Can we go somewhere?” Hesitating, suddenly unsure of Hoosier's reaction, he swallowed hard. “I have something I need to tell you, but it's something no one should overhear.” There was an almost desperate tone in his voice as he spoke, and he knew it took Hoosier off guard. He didn't speak like that normally, Leckie knew that, but in that moment his normal confidence faltered.
There was a flicker of surprise in Hoosier's eyes at his words, but he nodded anyway, before gesturing towards the house.
“I'd say in there, but everyone's 'ome. But I know a place.” An almost smug grin appeared on his lips at that, before Hoosier gestured further up behind the house. “Just an ol' barn, but no one's there at this time of night.” Leckie nodded at that, bending to retrieve his duffle bag from the ground as Hoosier spoke again. “Just leave that on the porch. No one'll touch it.”
They were soon heading off through the darkening evening, Leckie following close behind Hoosier as he led the way through a small field and up to the mentioned barn. It didn't look like much, with one of the doors hanging off its hinges and paint flaking off the walls, but it was secluded, and that was what Leckie knew they needed.
Seating themselves on a pair of old crates – both of which creaked under their weight – Leckie soon found himself with Hoosier's undivided attention, eyes fixed on his face as Hoosier waited patiently for him to speak.
Clearing his throat, hand running through his hair, Leckie gave himself a moment, eyes falling to the packed earth under their feet as he started to speak. He wanted nothing but to meet Hoosier's gaze, but in the moment he didn't dare to. He didn't want to know what Hoosier thought until he had finished.
“This will all be coming much too late, I know that. I should have spoken up months ago, because, in truth, I have known for months how I feel, but I was too much of a coward to speak. So I understand if it's too late. I understand if what I say is nothing you want, because I don't expect you to feel the way I do. Not anymore. Not after all this time.” Dragging a deep breath into his lungs, Leckie dared a glance upwards, his courage growing as he saw the softening look in Hoosier's eyes. “The truth is, Bill, that I love you. It took me too long to realise it, and Chuckler had to smack me for doubting it numerous times before I finally knew he was right. I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone else, and I don't want to spend my life with anyone else.” The words were falling from his tongue at breakneck speed now, all rushing to come out at the same time, and it was a wonder anything was even coherent. “Even if you don't love me anymore – because apparently you did, and I never realised – I won't want anyone else. You're the only one I want, and I'd rather spend my life alone than with someone else than you. Because I love you, and I wish I would have been able to tell you that sooner.”
He was barely able to finished before a hand reached out and gripped his tie, a rough tug pulling him forward so that Hoosier could crash his lips against his. It was different from any other kiss Leckie had ever experienced before, but it was a good different. A good different that left him intoxicated, craving more as Hoosier pulled away to breathe, and that was why he leaned in again, his hand coming up to cup the nape of the other man's neck. Fingers brushing at the ends of blond hair and smooth skin, every touch making Leckie crave more.
But they pulled away again, chests heaving as they struggled for breath, faces only inches apart as Hoosier spoke, voice breathless.
“You don't know how long I've wanted to fuckin' do that.” His fingers loosened their hold on Leckie's tie, instead slipping up to his hair, fingers brushing through the curls. “What the fuck took you so long?”
Laughter spilled from Leckie's lips at that as he leaned in again, pressing a heavy kiss against the other man's lips.
“I don't even know. But I'm glad I finally did it.” His other hand brushed over Hoosier's thigh, lips curling into a grin as Hoosier's other hand copied the motion on his own thigh.
“Me too.” Hoosier sealed his words with another kiss, this time uninterrupted by more words, both of them wanting nothing but to be close. And in that moment Leckie knew exactly what he had been missing;
Home...