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"Newton! Newt, something incredible just happened!" Hermann was moving as fast as he could through the open door of the lab. He found the man in question peering through a microscope and not at all interested in his new. "Newt!"
"'M listening."
With an annoyed huff, Hermann sat in the chair on the opposite side of Newt's lab table. "Amelia called me 'Papa' today."
Immediately Newt's head jerked up from the microscope. "She called you what?"
"Papa. I suppose she didn't use the word directly, but that was the very distinct feeling I got. When I asked her where she learned it, she told me Lancelot. Lancelot told me he learned it from Hans. Hans--"
"I've been observing that kind of chain learning for a little now. Relying less on accessing information from the hive mind, and learning more like human kids would." Newt laughed, though it was oddly high-pitched.
Hermann narrowed his eyes. "And you only thought to tell me about this now?"
"I was gathering more data."
"You never wait to gather more data to tell me about these things."
Newt ducked his head to look back through the microscope. "You know…"
Now frowning, Hermann just watched Newt. The three kaiju learning like humans, asking questions of each other, taking in ideas and concepts, was certainly something very noteworthy. But Newt's reaction said something more about this news that Hermann had brought to him.
Hans had learned the concept of Papa from Newt because there was no concept of 'father' in the wild for the kaiju. Mother was everything to them, and that was Newt, while Hermann had always just been himself. He had never been assigned a title or role, and that was fine.
Until now, when for some reason he'd become Papa.
Learned from Newt, who, Hermann knew from their drift together, still called his own father Papa in private. Newt, whose parents had been married for just about forty years now. They were devoted to one another, they loved one another, they supported their child unconditionally. Papa was like Mother, who protected and taught and loved, together
"Newton, can we speak?" Hermann asked quietly.
Again, the nervous laughter. "Look, it's nothing, OK? Hans never even asked; I was thinking of calling home and he just picked up on it." Newt still wouldn't look up.
"Why would Amelia call me Papa?"
"It doesn't matter, man. It's not your problem. She just likes you, you know that."
"I'm fully aware of that, but that's not what this is. Please, talk to me."
"No."
Hermann sat up straight, his brow furrowing. "What?"
"No. Just… drop it, dude."
"I will not. It obviously means something."
Sighing, Newt put his head down on the table next to the microscope. "I couldn't have done any of this without you. You were right there every step, even when you didn't exactly think it would work. For each failure… I mean, it's been almost thirteen years, and…" With a huge exhalation, Newt seemed to deflate. "Like I said, it's fine. Don't worry about it. "
It was obvious that was all he was going to say about it, so Hermann got up and left without saying anything more.
***
[Papa?]
The rush of warmth that brought with it was undeniable. It was both from Amelia herself and what the word meant to Newt as well, but Hermann still wasn't entirely sure what it meant in relation to himself.
[Papa. Love.]
Hermann reached up and ran his hand along the smooth emerald flesh of Amelia's nose. Papa had come across very easily right from the start since they shared Newt's memories, of a cozy home and a man that encompassed the safety of that home and the people within (a woman he loved and a boy he loved). Love was more esoteric, as each of the kaiju expressed it in their own way. For Amelia, love was a very tactile thing, always conveyed as times she was touched or saw others touching gently.
curled up with Hans and Lancelot, basking in their protection
Newt with his arms wrapped around her and his love
the single point of warmth that was Hermann's hand as he runs it across her flank, with his steady and consistent presence in her life
It was recursive, cyclical, that her love would make it manifest so strongly in him. "Yes, Amelia. I love you too."
Her eyes narrowed and she dipped her head so she was almost flat on the floor. It was a gesture that reminded Hermann very much of a pleased dog or cat.
[Watch. Fly?]
"Of course, dear girl." He could use the fresh air, the open expanse to think. She started to do her awkward little waddle away, but he stopped her with a hand on the second digit of her left wing. When she looked back at him, words unnecessary to relate her curiosity, he stepped forward and leaned against her, his chest against her neck. With her easily supporting his weight, Hermann was able to put his right arm over her neck and his left under.
[Love.]
"Yes, that's right."
***
Amelia was still small enough to get through the large hallways of the facility even with her wings (that were outgrowing her body at a rate even Newt hadn't expected), and ducked into the lab. Her feet were soft and silent, and she stood for a long moment without being noticed.
Newt turned abruptly. "I didn't even know you were there!"
The others were so proud of her for being so quiet, for being able to sneak up on them. Swishing her tail lightly (it was long and she smacked it painfully against things if she wasn't careful), Amelia dipped her head and made a noise that was reminiscent of a dove. A nearly half-ton dove, but a dove nonetheless.
"You are getting so sneaky," Newt said with delight.
Pride didn't come across easily. Both Hermann and Newt had learned early on that pride in their accomplishments earned only derision from their much older peers; their pride turned into expectation, which served well when the end of the world was looming. But Newt was open enough that he didn't need to wrap up his feelings in such a tidy little package and call it pride. It was really just every kind of affection tossed into a mental blender and thrown at her.
There was no doubt, to anyone at the base, that Newt was too close to the kaiju, that he embraced the role of mother too tightly, and that he'd get his heart broken when something happened to them.
F that noise.
He dropped the empty slide tray on the table and went to give Amelia a hug, just for being so adorably awesome.
Amelia accepted the embrace, enfolding him with her wing, and then: [Papa. Where?]
"You mean Hermann?"
[Papa.]
Newt took a step back, sliding out of the little cocoon she'd made with her body and leathery wing membrane. "Hermann. His name is Hermann. Not Papa." Yes, that was certainly Papa, but it wasn't Hermann.
Tilting her head, her yellow eyes wide and curious, she repeated, [Papa].
"No, he's not your Papa. He's Hermann. Just Hermann."
It was interesting to see a stubborn kaiju, how human that response looked even in something so inhuman. [Papa.]
But Newt was nearing his end with the conversation; this was a situation he'd never had to deal with. Whenever he'd told them, any of them, anything before, they accepted it, learned it. To have Amelia refuse what he was saying… "He isn't your Papa!" Newt snapped, too strongly, and he was immediately sorry. "He's not your Papa, and he never will be."
Amelia looked like she'd just been kicked. Her tail took out a, thankfully, clear lab table as she turned and rushed out of the lab.
***
"Newton! What did you say to Amelia?"
Newt looked up and frowned at him. "I didn't say anything she didn't need to hear."
"Do you know how distressed she was? Completely stricken! You hurt her, Newton!"
It was an unexpected, unprecedented burst of rage that had his voice echoing off the metal walls of the lab. "She wouldn't stop calling you Papa! I told you weren't and never would be her Papa and she had to stop! So why don't you get over your white-knighting and let me deal with it?"
It was Hermann's turn to be angry, but he was incoherent with it, sputtering out half words until he finally managed, "How dare you?"
"Save it, Hermann. Just because you don't understand the situation and insist on sticking your nose in-"
"Sticking my nose in? I wasn't given much of a choice the way Amelia nearly broke my desk when she collapsed, crying! Have you heard any of them cry before?" When Newt didn't say anything, Hermann marched over, feeling like he could punch the tip of his cane right through the steel floor, and grabbed Newt's arm. "Have you?"
The other man turned, and he looked absolutely furious, such a foreign look on his face. "No! But maybe she needed to learn that life sucks sometimes and you just have to nut up and deal with it!"
"Newton-"
"No, you have no idea. Fine, you're not going to drop it so fine.
"I didn't tell her not to call you that because you don't love her!" Newt shouted, his face red and splotchy, but as soon as the words were out, he deflated, collapsed to the stool. "I told her that because you don't love me." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I said that was fine, told myself I'd deal with it, and I will, but I need some space. And I just can't handle being reminded of it every single day."
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Nothing to say. I'll get over it eventually. Move on to someone else or something. Are we done here? Because I have shit to do. That I don't need you for."
***
Hermann stood in the open door to the lab, small bag in his hand, and tried to think of what to say. Newt was working on something, showing his back, and hadn't noticed his presence yet. Straightening, shoulders back, Hermann said, "I suppose you have what you wanted." There was a tight knot in his chest connected to the constriction in his throat and the heated pounding in his sinuses. "I'm leaving, and everyone closest to you is heartbroken so we all feel as miserable as you."
He waited for a reply.
"You may need to explain further to Amelia. I don't believe she fully grasped the situation or why I was leaving." Hermann was about to turn and leave, but he had one last thing to say: "She never stopped calling me Papa."
There was still no reply, so he left, feeling sick the entire walk out.
***
Newt stood out on the platform and watched Amelia high in the air. She circled relentlessly. As far as he knew, she'd been out flying for almost two hours.
Looking for Hermann.
Maybe that's what he was doing there too.
Oh, sure, it was only temporary. Hermann's room was still all in perfect order the way he liked, his lab space still in the middle of whatever he'd been working on before this happened, his locker still locked (and full of his things when Newt had jimmied it open). Hermann wasn't gone, he was just… not there.
Somehow that made it even worse.
*** [two weeks later]***
The boat came to a stop at the dock, and personnel tied it off before stretching out the gangplank.
"Boat, Hermann? How archaic of you, just like your wardrobe." Newt tried to be light-hearted in the moment, though it didn't appear to be working very well. In truth, he didn't much feel it either. As much as he'd tried, he hadn't been able to properly explain the situation to Amelia, or to repair the damage he'd done with hastily spoken words either.
"Where's Amelia?" was the first thing from Hermann's mouth once he was on solid ground.
Newt shrugged. "Probably be coming around here any moment now that you're back. She missed you. They all did." Hermann was standing opposite him, just a few feet away. "I did too."
"You are offensively stupid at times."
"Hey! I-"
But Hermann had crossed the space between them and kissed him.