Chapter Text
1
‘Of course I always knew I was special, you know, but not quite like this,’ Tony sighed into his whiskey. ‘Thor buddy. I’m at my wits end.’
The blond warrior beside him took his time in replying, shifting uncomfortably for several minutes and avoiding Tony’s eyes, although fuck, who could blame him with a little brother like that?
‘Did he- touch you untowardly?’
‘Thor, you freaky little brother ripped out my face plate and tried to kiss me. Out of nowhere. In the midst of battle. What do you think?’ Tony shuddered at the memories. ‘And this is not even the first time he’s created an epic diversion just to lure us out.’
‘He did lead the rest of us on a merry chase with his illusory selves,’ Thor grunted. ‘If not for the Black Widow who finally saw through his trickery we would have been engaged in fruitless chase for hours.’
‘Whatever dastardly plot he’s thinking to achieve, I want this psychological warfare to be over. It was funny at first, but I can’t function as Ironman if I keep seeing invisible gods at every corner about to jump out, rip off my clothes and stick his tongue down my throat.’
Beside him, Thor made a slightly strangled sound, and Tony rubbed his back in commiseration. No doubt it was a brain bleaching experience to image ones baby brother engaging in.
Thank god he didn’t have siblings.
*
‘Hey Thor! Thor!’ Tony slapped the god of thunder on the back, ‘So glad you could make it!’
‘Man of Iron,’ Thor seemed very moved by the techno music blaring in the background. Or maybe high on alien moonshine; after seven whiskeys Tony was not in the best frame of mind to differentiate such subtleties.
‘You know what you need? What you need is several bottles of single malts, and something in a miniskirt and six-inch stilettoes – there. Right there, see her?'
‘Man of Ir- Tony-‘
‘That’s your Christmas present right there. Go write your name all over it, buddy, cos I’m telling ya, with legs that long you won’t run out of scrolling space all night-’
‘I would speak with you on a matter of direst urgency,’
‘Is this about Loki? Because if this is about Loki I’m in no mood-‘
‘No! Yes. But perhaps not. Mine brother… his involvement is only as far as to make one aware of-’ Thor shook his head, looking very serious. ‘I should like to speak with you in private, Tony Stark. It would be but a moment of your time, and then on mine honour I shall darken y-‘
‘Whoa, let’s not tote out the fancy words, I’m not drunk enough. We can go upstairs to the den.’
‘Then let us do so with all haste.’
Tony blinked at him. ‘Boy are you in some serious mug tonight. Right come on then.’
In the elevator Tony hummed the refrain of Thunderbird to himself whilst Thor divided his time staring with great concentration at the emergency button and then at a spot over Tony’s head. By the time they reached Tony’s personal office, dimly lit by hidden recess lights and illuminated by the thousands of street and building lights below them, Thor was practically vibrating.
‘Sit. Drink?’
‘No thank you, Anthony,’ the blond Asgadian shuffled, eyes darting around, and if Tony didn’t know better he’d say Thor's expression was hovering somwehere between trappedand hysterical.
‘Didchu just call me Anthony??’ he mouthed. ‘Why the- nevermind that. What’s with the long face and the long names?’
‘Nothing of import,’ Thor flushed as he watched Tony open the fridge and extract two beers. ‘Simply, I needs make something known to you.’
‘Uh, ok but we are not talking about your psycho brother kissing me this morning because I threw this awesome party just so I could forget about the whole th-‘
‘Loki is but a child,' Thor suddenly burst out. ‘He is no more than a boy playing at being a lover. He would not make you happy.’
Tony dropped his arms in shock, the beer he’s been holding out forgotten. Maybe his mouth might have hung open a bit too, he’s not sure. He watched with narrowed eyes as Thor flush an even deeper red and ran his hands through his hair several times.
‘You seem conflicted, big guy. Wanna talk about it?’
‘I- yes. I want- things have weighed most heavily upon my mind for some time now.’
‘About how Loki kissing me made you felt? Sure, who wouldn’t be disturbed when its family? Par for course.’
Thor blanched. ‘How did you- thats is what I need to talk to you about, Anthony.’
‘I understand perfectly, Thor, but its not so bad. Like you've said, Loki is.. much younger by several-er, hundred years. Look, you just need to knock back a couple of wet ones and tomorrow morning, evr-.’
Tony didn’t get to finish, because the god of thunder had suddenly picked him up by the waist and pressed him against the wall.
‘I cannot hide this anymore,’ Thor said thickly, emotional in a way Tony had never seen him, even when they first introduced cable and sat him through the entirety of Rome where he’d bawled his eyes off.
‘What the fuck-‘
‘I needs confess upon you, Tony, of the feelings I have nursed in deepest silence in mine own breast since the day you did come to me with your re-telling of Loki’s deed.’
Dread begin to prickle the fine hairs on the back of his neck. ‘Thor, please let me go right now and tell me you’ve had a lot to drink.’
‘I cannot stay silent!' Thor said in a burst of passion that shocked Tony to the roots of his hair, ‘To have held myself in check for so long, only to have mine own artful brother lay claim to my heart’s desire-‘
Tony begun to earnestly struggle. ‘No way dude. No.No.NO.‘
‘For verily. I have been most ardently enamoured by your charm for some time now.’
He rained his fists down on the giant blond bear, knowing that it wouldn’t work. ‘Thor. Thor! Don’t you dare try to-‘
And then Thor kissed him.
*
Tony woke up the next day, hung over and making new oaths about never mixing his alcohols again and subsequently panicking when he found himself naked. He hadn’t remembered getting into bed with the F1 model though. Maybe it had been the coral dressed Victoria Secrets one, but then he remembered specifically keeping that one aside for his good buddy Thor, and-
Abruptly he shot up from the bed, eyes flickering around the empty room in very real fear. He didn’t- surely he hadn’t- please god, please make last night a night of gross debauchery with the lanky legged models and not a horizontal tango with his blond Asguardian team mate.
‘Uhm. Thor? You there buddy?’
Mercifully, the room remained empty, and Tony shuddered and shook his head. A shower. What he needed was a shower, and coffee, some eardrum-breaking AC/DC, and then a really big piece of steel-tipped something to either work on or reduce to rubble. Yeah. He could work with that.
It was going to be a good day if it killed him.
*
It was a good day for two whole hours.
At least, until Loki sudden appeared in his living room.
‘Anthony,’ he murmured, and Tony can already feel ever hair on his body rising as the god’s eyes travelled up and down his bare torso with what could only be described as very intense appreciation. ‘I see you’re sporting a rather attractive state of dishabille today.’
Tony took a step back before he could stop himself. ‘JARVIS-‘
‘-is taking a nap,’ Loki’s breath coasted over his face like a caress; so very close did the god draw that Tony found himself mostly looking at a very complicated swirl on the leather breastplate of Loki’s armour. ‘He does seem to work so very hard for you, I thought it would be nice to give your servant a holiday.’
‘How very kind,’ Tony croaked, whilst his brains scrambled to figure out a way to the bar where the emergency bracelets for his suit were located. Diversion, yes. ‘Would you like a drink?’
Amused eyes looked down at him, lazy and green as a leopard's. That is to say, a stir crazy, 200 pound killing animal with missile claws. ‘I’m sure I’d enjoy anything you cared to make me.’
‘Um. Good. Great,’ Tony managed, and slid over him slo-ww-ly; because Loki isn’t moving, only staring and staring hungrily, and Tony only needed to make it to the bar in one piece (without running), then he’d be home free and ab able to kick the god out of his apartment the good old fashioned, Ironman way.
He opened one drawer, and then another. And then he flat out panics.
Somewhere beyond his line of sight a flash of silver is flourished at him, as a voice enquired in the mildest tones; ‘Were you looking for these?’
Tony looked up, not quite able to hide the dread from his face when he sees Loki holding his suit’s bracelets in one hand, eyebrows arched.
‘Ahem. Well, they are technically mine.’
‘My feelings are hurt.’ The god of mischief purred, blinking at him like a cat. ‘You never intended to keep your promise after all; how terribly inhospitable of you.’
‘That’s not true, Jingles; I’d have made you a terrific cocktail, right after I’d snapped those babies on.’ Like a nice Molotov.
The mocking look on Loki’s face seemed to indicate he heard the rest of Tony’s unspoken sentence.
‘Very well then, you may have them.’
‘Sorry?’ Tony blinked, certain he’d misheard even as he calculated how many bottles he could throw at the god’s face before making a dash for it through the fire escape. Maybe the guys downstairs would hear him screaming and check up on him. ‘Come again?’
‘How about a show of trust? Come here and I will put them on for you,’ Loki cajoled, although by the way he holds them and the look of wicked lust on his face, he might as well be saying I’ve give the bracelets back to you if you put them on and take everything else off.
‘Thanks ever so much, but if you could just- throw them over I’d feel that much safer, and… totally trust you so much more.’
Loki’s eyebrow only inched higher as he twirled one bangle around his finger. ‘Come here, Anthony.’
Tony went, unable to help bristling. Not so much at the god’s command, but the way he got a whole lot shorter and Loki a lot taller once they stood in front of each other; and oh, how Tony hated being out of the suit with its extra five inches.
‘Do you know why I’m here?’
‘No, but when they find my body, I’d be really grateful if you’d tell them I prefer cremation to a coffin, you know, since JARVIS is disabled-‘
Loki’s hands are surprisingly quick and delicate against his wrist, and Tony barely registers the brush of fingertips against his palm, a sneaky caress that leaves his sides tingling, before the god of mischief steped smoothly away.
‘I would not hurt you, the man I have chosen to rule beside me,’ Loki scoffed.
‘Rule?’ Tony splutters. ‘Now just wait one cotton picking minute-’
Loki ignored him. ‘I have brought you a courting gift,’ the god announced as he turned away, the pride of ten suns in his voice. ‘Behold your nemesis, Doctor Doom, whom I have subdued through many days of scheming and battle fought in your honour.’
‘I-‘ Tony opens his mouth. And then he closes it again. This goes on for several moments, before he finally says; ‘You brought me- you kidnaped Doctor Doom.’
‘Indeed. Your little organisation has been hot on his heels for some time, have they not?’
Tony’s thought process however, haven’t had the chance to advance that far. ‘You and your bag of cats brain, plus kissing me, equals Doctor Doom, here, on my balcony.’
‘Quite so.’
‘You are fucking unbelievable.’
Loki snapped his fingers, and suddenly a cloaked figure, previously invisible, fell crashing into the space between them, forcing Tony to jump away with an undignified little yelp.
‘Jesus fucking crap shit hole.’
‘Perchance you desire a different villain?’ Loki frowned. ‘Is this one not to your taste?’
Tony blinked at his clearly unconcious gift in dismay. ‘Ah. Fuck, I need coffee before I can answer that- is he, is he still alive?’
‘Unfortunately,’ Loki wrinkled his nose delicately. ‘I would have preferred to kill him, had I been less uncertain of your intentions with such captives. Killing him would have resulted in a rather substandard-looking corpse however, and then he would no longer make a very good revenant.’
‘I guess alive is good,’ Tony managed to mummer weakly. ‘Dead would have been- kinda squishy.’
‘Indeed.’
‘You did good there.’ Tony told him, wondering if he was supposed to.. reach out and pet the god on his leather gauntlet or something. There seemed to be some sort of expectation in the air; perhaps a compliment would not go amiss? Or some sort of tip? What the hell do you give a goddam god of mischief for his troubles?
‘I'm so glad you approve,’ Loki murmured again in that soft and maddeningly gentle voice he’s taken to addressing the human with lately, which Tony has found much, much scarier than anything a super villain had dreamt up in the history of ever.
‘So I really should get back to my housemates before they- you know, come looking for me-‘
‘It is common where I come from, to receive a token of esteem if one’s gift has been favourable received.’
Tony took a step back. ‘Like how?’ he asked suspiciously. Bracelets, he had the bracelets now, so there was no need to panic, because if things got out of hand he could always kick Loki’s ass.
‘Perhaps a kiss, of your own violation,’ Loki said slyly. ‘As recompense for all I endured for your sake.’ And then the god of mischief proceeded to subject Tony to the most agonizing sixty seconds of heated staring in his goddam life, and Tony thinks he must have hit his head a lot harder than he realised at the last skirmish, because he finds himself actually considering Loki’s request.
And Loki was… sort of attractive, when he was being all sly and demure like this. Tony had never really been good at resisting a smart mouth, and Loki looked like the sort of guy whose mouth was-multidisciplinary.
‘Well?’
Tony pursed his lips. On one hand, psychopath baby brothers, ewww.
On the other hand, Doctor Doom.
‘So I kiss you and you’ll- leave.’
‘I promise,’ said the god of lies as he lowered his opened mouth to Tony’s own, and Tony tried to roll his eyes, he really did, but the thought of locking lips again; twice in two days with the Liesmith has somewhat frozen him in shock, which surely must be why he didn’t protest that much when their mouths met again, soft and strangely familiar.
It’s a little muted and not at all like the first kiss (first assault, really) - as if Loki is taking great care this time to be underwhelming rather than overwhelming.
But the way his clever tongue flickered through Tony’s mouth like a serpent tasting everything and ending with a long, heavy rub as he dragged his tongue out against Tony’s own; extracting an involuntary sound from the mortal – that was just – nghhhhh, and Tony is struck dumb by the sensation. Alien flesh or not, Loki knew how to kiss, and as the god pulled away his throat made a noise that started off as a purr and ended suspiciously like a growl, which in another life might have been a serious turn-on but on Loki is just goddam terrifying.
‘Such a magnificent token has made my efforts worthwhile indeed,’ the god of mischief announced, before loosening his hold upon Tony with no small regret. ‘Until we meet again, my Anthony.’
The intimate weight of Loki’s finger tracing his lips seemed to have shut down Tony’s ability to talk and therefore his ability to react outwardly to anything at all, so he simply nodded bemusedly and blinked alot as Loki vanished -just as the rest of the Avengers finally broke down the door and came rushing into the hall.
*