Chapter Text
Against popular belief, the first months of 2016 were actually one of the happiest of Jimin's entire life. A bright ray of sunshine before the clouds took over his sky, kind of period.
Despite the tiring tour, the gruesome dance routines, the long hours of practice and lack of proper rest, he was content. Full of glee. Beaming.
Because he no longer had to pretend to be someone he wasn't, and didn't feel like he was acting every single time a camera was on him.
The change of their group aesthetic last year had been relieving for everyone.
They had outgrown the gang signs, chains, heavy eyeliner, saggy shorts and wife beatears. Left behind the feigned coolness and toughness. And in his case, behaving like a 'player', 'hotshot', or whatever the hell he had been trying to portray. Lying was no longer necessary.
Thank. God.
Now he could just grab a hoodie, jeans and a cap and call it a day. He could be as goofy and cute as he wanted in interviews, without 'damaging the group's image'. He could afford to be both masculine and feminine, whenever he wanted, in whatever way he wanted, without major repercussions.
He was free to be himself, and be comfortable in his own skin, without feeling guilty about it.
Chills ran down his back only thinking about it. He was free.
This change in presentation, mixed with the eventual acceptance of his sexuality gave him a confidence boost he had been needing for quite a while.
Also, the fact that his coming out hadn't been terrible was the sweetest cherry life could have ever added on top of his ice cream of joy.
Just like Taehyung had said, his hyungs had his back. After he told them he was bisexual, none had reacted negatively - which his pessimistic mind considered a true miracle-. Sure, they asked some dumb questions just to make him uncomfortable, and poked fun at his embarrassment to ease the tension in the air, but didn't say anything too offensive or thoughtless, with the sole intention of hurting him.
They treated his coming out like they were talking about the weather, or what to buy for dinner; with triviality and ease. And that meant the world to him. Even after finding out that his boyfriend was none other than Jungkook, they kept his chill, and continued with their banter without overreacting. Life went on.
Talking about the maknae; Jimin still couldn't believe that they were together.
The last four months had been the 'honeymoon phase' of their relationship, and he couldn't have enjoyed it more.
Since the confession of their feelings, both were attached at the hip wherever they were, touching each other constantly, as if afraid of what would happen if they let go.
They greeted each other with a kiss every morning, and cuddled each other to sleep almost every night.
Two saps, as Taehyung would say.
They also continued with their shameless flirting and PDA, somehow making it even more suspicious and heavier than before.
They were past the point of caring about the consequences anyway; both had tried to deny their feelings and their attraction for each other hopelessly, feeling depressed for an entire year; they wouldn't repeat the same mistake again.
The other members tried their best to cover up their slips and TMI moments, but never explicitly told them to stop what they were doing.
Not even Namjoon, as their leader, dared to say something negative about it. He'd shoot them some deadly glares from time to time, but slowly grew used to their cheesiness and tomfoolery. He even found it cute.
And if once he had pulled Jimin away from Jungkook, he now encouraged them to stay together, no matter how much the world tried to pull them apart.
"I'm not saying it will be an easy road for the two of you. I'm not saying there won't be backlash. I'm not saying that you'll be able to be fully out, and live an honest life. I can't make any promises about that. I don't know what future holds." He told them once, late at night, as the three of them chatted inside his and Jungkook's shared bedroom. "But what I can say is that I love you guys. And I support you one hundred percent. As you leader, and as your friend. You'll always have me in your corner."
His words were poignant, and became imprinted in both of their minds forever.
They really weren't alone. They had people to back them up. Even if the world turned against them, they wouldn't have to battle it by themselves.
And - as Jimin's now famous speech from the 2016 "The Most Beautiful Moment in Life On Stage: Epilogue" said- he was profoundly thankful for this little family that they had built, and the free support that they offered. He wouldn't be where he was without them, and their kindness.
Taking all of this into consideration, it's understandable why both Jimin and Jungkook were so happy during these handful of months.
But of course, life is a rollercoaster and the self is a cart without breaks; you must go were the rails lead you. The highest high tended to foreshadow the lowest low. And as the middle of the year approached, they could feel their mood switching; a reminder that, like everything in life, even joy is temporary.
Jimin himself had been having a lot of fun with the other members, sure, but also working without a break. Running from shoot to shoot, show to show, interview to interview, without five minutes to catch his breath. It wasn't healthy, but it was his duty, and he had to fullfil it.
(They all were tired as a group, but knew they had to keep pushing forward. He knew he had to.)
Surprisingly, it wasn't his romantic life that led his mental health to plummet into darkness once again, but his professional life. It was exhausting.
And no matter how hard he tried to improve as an artist, he felt like he couldn't.
He didn't know how to use his voice properly. It kept cracking, and wavering, and it was too fucking airy and thin for his own taste. Everyone told him it was beautiful, but he knew those were lies, comments made only to comfort him.
Then, there was his body. Another problem. He'd been gaining weight again, and that wasn't good. Even one of his managers had pointed this out; he looked bloated. He needed to stop eating and exercising more. So he doubled his time at the gym - which meant that sleep soon stopped being a necessity, and he began to be regularly spotted lifting weights at four a.m.-.
He tried his hardest to upgrade himself, but the comments online remained passive aggressive, hurtful, and cold. He couldn't see the results he wanted, neither on his personal life or social media. He still was a mediocre performer, and he knew it. (His hyungs told him it was all in his head, but he knew better than to listen; one quick tap on Twitter and the proof of his incompetence would be fully on display)
All of this dragged him right back into the shadowy pits of depression. Most of the time, he felt sad. And alone. That was the worst part of it all; his loneliness.
Jungkook was getting better and better at being social, and making new friends. Taehyung was very busy recording his first drama, and barely was able to speak to him during the day. The others were also occupied, perfecting their craft and preparing for their new projects.
He felt useless. Abandoned. And he couldn't figure out what his purpose in the band was anymore.
Yet, he couldn't quit. Everytime his father called to check up on him, he convinced himself that if he did, he would be a complete disappointment to his family. And he couldn't let them down. He already was enough of a disgrace for them to deal with, he couldn't possibly make matters worse by giving up and-
"Jimin-ah, what are you doing here?" It was Hoseok.
Somehow, the rapper always found him at moments like these, when all he could do was stare at a wall for endless minutes, paralyzed by his own self-hatred and anxiety.
This time around, he was at the empty gym. It was 3 a.m., or something like that. He couldn't remember the last time he checked his phone or the ticking clock on the wall, so he wasn't certain. The only thing he knew is that he'd been mindlessly working on his quadriceps at the leg extension machine. He didn't do any repetitions though, or took any breaks. He was probably doing more damage to himself than good, but right then and there, he couldn't care. At least the painful burn made him feel something - which was better than the constant emptiness on the pit of his chest-.
"I'm working out." He replied, a few minutes too late.
Again, he had zoned out.
"It's almost 5 a.m." Hoseok approached him slowly, as if afraid that something would go wrong, and stopped his legs from moving. "You need to go to bed."
"I can't."
"Jimin. I saw you enter this place at 9 p.m." He said, concerned. "You've been in here for almost eight hours. You have to stop."
"I'm fine, hyung."
"We both know that's not true."
The singer finally unglued his eyes from the wall. Hoseok did look genuinely worried, but Jimin couldn't bring himself to care. His hyung didn't understand why he had to keep doing this. He would never understand his reasoning.
"You should go to sleep. We have a long day ahead of us."
The softness in his voice bothered Hoseok.
"I already slept!... It's you who should be resting!"
"I can't afford to rest."
"What?"
"I'm the visual for the next comeback. You heard Namjoon-hyung. It's me and Jin. I need to look the part. So I can't rest." Jimin tried to move his legs again. The other man didn't let him.
"You're crazy; I'm taking you to your bed."
"Hyung..."
"Stop, Jimin-ah. This is an order. You're going to bed, whether you like it or not."
Now, there were quite a few things in Jimin's life actually capable of scaring him.
Mice. Butterflies. Heights. Creepy clowns. Jumpscares. Jungkook after he lost at a game.
But capable of terrifying him?
Angry, frustrated, deeply concerned Hoseok.
And right now, he was staring straight at his worst fear.
Without a choice, he removed himself from the machine and stood up, focused on walking away from the situation as quickly as possible.
Well, at least he tried to.
His legs cramped so hard he couldn't move. He couldn't even hold in his whimpering - something he usually was quite good at-, or fight against the pain that decided to make itself evident on his face.
"Jimin-ah?"
"I'm good."
Hoseok pretended not to hear that reply. Instead, he sighed, grabbed one of the singer's arms and draped it across his shoulders. That way, he could carry him back to their shared room without having the boy fall face down into the ground.
"Let's go."
---
Jimin slept for four hours. A luxury, if you asked him. They all had to head out before lunch, to shoot something for a TV show he for sure wouldn't watch.
At the moment, they were having a ten minutes break. While the others had congregated near the snack table, overwhelmed by their hunger, Jimin had not so sneakily walked in the opposite direction, to answer a call from his dad. He didn't notice it from where he stood, but a few of his fellow members were staring at him from the distance, with worried eyes.
"He looks tired, doesn't he?" Taehyung said, after chewing a piece of his waffle.
"He's been exercising at night. I found him on the gym this morning, at the crack of dawn. He said he needed to improve his visual for our comeback..." Hoseok shook his head. "But I don't think he's been very healthy about it."
"He'll end up injuring himself." Jungkook replied, drinking his water.
"He needs a break. Even if it's just for a day."
"I think we all do." Namjoon chimed in next, walking away from the recording crew. "We've been working non-stop. And that's good; we're getting a lot of stuff done, but... We also need to rest. Not my words, but our Boss's. I just finished a call with him, and he gave us the weekend."
"Thank God." Taehyung's relief was instantaneous.
"Monday will be crushing though, so don't go wild, okay? We won't have many breaks between shoots. I checked." The leader informed, crossing his arms. "Go visit your families, eat something with friends if you want, but remember that these two days are mainly for recharging our batteries."
"Oh, I will be recharging them alright. If you don't hear from me at all, I'll be either at my studio or in my bed." Yoongi replied, as some random staff members started calling his name in the distance.
"No, no studio. Bang-ssi forbid us from doing anything work related."
"Huh. As if we ever really listen to him." The older rapper chuckled and started walking away.
Jin arrived to fill the void.
"I heard we will have a break?"
"Yes. This weekend."
"Good. I feel like my legs are about to give out. I need to rest." He admitted with a tired groan. "What about Jimin-ah? Does he know?"
They all stared at the singer in the distance once again. His eyes were teary and his back was curved, as if a terrible weight crushed him from above. He still hadn't finished talking with his dad.
"No... Not yet." Namjoon sighed. "But I think he needs this more than everyone."
"He's feeling bad again?"
"He's stressed. We all are." Hoseok spoke next, ungluing his eyes from the boy to look at the group. "Jungkook-ah."
"Yes, hyung?"
"Do you have Mr. Park's phone number?"
"Yeah."
"Great. I'll pay the bus tickets myself if I have to, but please do Jimin a favor, and take him back to Busan with you on Saturday. I know you'll probably want to go home, so... Convince him to do the same. I don't want him to spend the weekend in bed, all sad and lonely."
"Of course." The maknae nodded. "I'll arrange everything. Even the tickets, so don't worry about them hyung. I've been thinking about doing this for weeks now. I just needed the time for it."
And it was true; both himself and his boyfriend were very homesick. They wanted to visit Busan as soon as possible, and now they finally could.
Jungkook knew that the trip would be fairly short and that the timing would be tight, but he also was determined to make it work. Jimin desperately needed to see his family, hug them, feel them; if he could help him do that, he'd die a happy man.
Also, as the maknae said, he'd been saving some money for almost a full month at this point, waiting for the perfect chance to spend it on his boyfriend. This was it.
And as the other members talked, he planned everything in his head.
They would arrive at their hometown Friday night, spend the whole Saturday with their parents, the morning together at the beach on Sunday, and leave after lunch, returning to Seoul after the sunset.
Again, it would be a quick visit, but they would both take what they could get. They hadn't seen their family face to face in almost a full year.
Watching his boyfriend end the call with his father, Jungkook strutted towards him, and gently grabbed him by the arm.
"You okay?"
Jimin sniffled.
"Yeah. A lot better." That wasn't a full lie. "Can we go back to the dorms now?"
"Not yet. Only forty minutes more and the shoot is over." Jungkook whispered, before hugging him. "Do you want a cuddle once we're home?"
"I kinda need it, to be honest."
The younger singer chuckled. Jimin fisted the material of his shirt and buried his face in his shoulder. Fuck what people around them would think. His boyfriend was cozy.
"We're having a break this weekend. Namjoon-hyung just announced it."
"Really?"
Jungkook nodded, and whispered a tiny yes into Jimin's ear.
"I'm thinking of going back home for a day... And I was going to ask if you wanted to come too."
The dancer's interest suddenly spiked.
"Home?" His face twisted with relief, nostalgia, and something akin to happiness. "We're going to Busan?"
"If you want to..."
"Yes!" He smiled. It was the first genuine one that appeared on his face that day. "That's... That would be..."
"I was thinking that we could spend the whole Saturday with our families, Sunday morning together, and then we could leave after lunch... Sounds good?"
"Fine by me!" Jimin agreed, despite the quick flash of hurt that passed through his eyes.
The realization that him and Jungkook wouldn't have a lot of time to be together suddenly hit him.
The fact that their loved ones didn't know they were a couple struck him next.
He'd have to lie in front of his parents, when asked if he 'had a girlfriend yet', and this realization kicked him when he already was on the ground.
Fucking hell.
He'd been so full of joy a second ago. Now he was, again, feeling like trash.
But he didn't let the maknae notice that.
"I'm so happy I could kiss you right now."
Jungkook checked the corner they were in, completely alone.
"Then do it."
Jimin also had to pretend that that didn't sting. That hiding didn't make him feel like a dirty little secret; a nuisance.
He pecked his boyfriend anyway.
---
"Son, you know you can talk to us, right?" His father asked him, as they stared at the city outline from the balcony of their home.
After him and Jungkook separated at the station, his family swallowed him with tight hugs and overwhelmed him with their love. Which was fine by him; he needed that flood of affection to wash himself clean of all his doubts and loneliness.
They went home, had lunch - he actually ate a big meal this time; progress was made-, and now here he was, leaning against the railing, wondering why he'd sometimes wake up feeling like they all hated him, for no discernible reason. It was obvious the contrary was true. He'd been more pampered and cherished in the last two hours than he'd been in the entire year. (And that didn't speak badly of his beloved members at all; they just showed him a different kind of affection, most times. One that included a lot of thoughtless jokes and witty remarks, but still... He wasn't bitter. Really, he wasn't.).
"Yeah, I know I can."
His father remained silent for a few minutes.
"We've been worried about you."
"Why?"
"We know you better than anyone else, son. We know you." The older man said, as a cold breeze hit their bodies and Jimin used it as an excuse to cross his arms and look away. "We watch every interview and show you do. And we know, just by the tiredness in your face, the lack of energy in your voice, that something is troubling you. But every time we call you, you say that you are fine. That things are good... When we know, for a fact, that they aren't." His tone remained soft and gentle throughout his speech, as if he already knew he was dealing with a very delicate situation. "I think I understand, though, why you're lying. You don't want to worry us. You don't want to disappoint us. Am I wrong?"
"No." Jimin sniffled, but refused to cry.
"Well, then I want to make something clear to you, once and for all; you'd never disappoint us. You never have. You're a hard working, passionate, generous young man and as long as that doesn't change, we'll always be proud of you." Mr. Park laid his hand on his son's back, and frowned with profound worry after realizing how boney and thin he had become. "Now please tell me... What's really going on, Jiminie?"
After the first tear slipped down the singer's cheek, there was no way to stop the others from falling. He automatically hid his face behind his hands, trying to avoid the shame of having his own father witness another of his breakdowns, and tried to move away from his touch. But, to his surprise, two strong arms kept him locked in his place.
"I'm s-sorry."
"What on earth are you even apologizing for?"
That single question was enough for him to give up on his fight against his mind. Sobs racked through his body and left him shaking like a leaf. His father, on the other hand, remained still and stiff, like a rock.
"I missed y-you so much." Jimin admitted, for reasons he couldn't explain out loud.
"I missed you too. We all have."
"I've been t-trying to be strong... For you, I have. I don't want to let you down, not after everything... But lately... It's been..."
"Breathe... Just breathe. I'm listening."
Jimin followed his advice. Focused on his lungs; on the way his chest expanded with each inhale. It slowly helped him calm down.
"I've been getting a lot of hate comments, online... And normally it's fine, I'm used to it..." He finally was able to slip out of his father's embrace and stand on his own. "But now there have been a few security breeches and... Death threats."
"What?!"
"Yeah... And it's been tough, dealing with that alone."
"What do you mean, alone? I'm sure the other boys-"
"They don't know. I haven't told them anything."
"Why not?"
"Because comeback is almost upon us and I don't want to add any more stress on them. This is something I have to deal with on my own. I won't tell them anything."
"Well that's a stupid decision, if I ever saw one."
"Dad..."
"No, I'm not changing my mind. That is a stupid decision. What if something happens to you? If someone tries to harm you and there's no security near? How will they know how to protect you? Worse; what if someone tries to harm them to get to you?"
"I have thought about all of that..."
"Then tell them the truth."
"I c-can't."
"Yes, yes you can. And you will. Because sometimes, we have to lean on other people when things get rough. Besides, what if someone was threatening one of the others? What if someone was threatening Jungkook-ah, for example? Wouldn't you want him to tell you the truth? So you could be there for him?"
"Of course I would."
"Then why do you insist on dealing with it all on your own?"
Okay, his father did have a point, Jimin would give him that. But he wasn't sure yet that sharing his problems with the others was something he felt comfortable doing.
"I'll think about it." He decided to end the conversation there, but, to his surprise, the other man wanted to keep going.
"Alright... You do that." He sighed, then crossed his arms. "But since we're on the topic of you being to proud to ask for help, please tell me, why aren't you eating?"
Jimin knew he sometimes was pretty blunt, but for some reason, he'd forgotten just how worse at it his own father was. The didn't hit the nail with a hammer. He smashed it with a fucking mallet.
"I am eating."
"You can lie to your hyungs all you want, but you can't lie to me." He insisted, as the breeze picked up again and messed with their hair. "I won't force you to talk, but... If you want to, I'm here."
"You won't understand."
"I know I won't. As you can see, I love food." The older man joked, extending his belly and tapping it.
Jimin smiled and shook his head, but his amusement was brief.
"I don't..." He sighed. "I don't know how to make my thoughts make sense. That's why I'm saying you won't understand."
"Son, I've heard you ramble about pirouettes, promenades, and I-don't-know-whats for years. I really admire your passion for dance but you know I don't understand anything you ever said." Jimin chuckled, next to him. "I don't care if it doesn't make sense to me. I still want to know what's happening to you."
The singer looked down for a moment, as if he was accepting his father's words, and analyzing his own feelings. His eyes were shadowy, unfocused, and proof of his inner turmoil.
"It's not food."
"What?"
"My problem. It isn't with food."
"Then?"
Jimin turned his head to the side, to face the older Park.
"It's with control. I feel like I have zero agency of every aspect of my life right now. I'm going through so many things at once, working so much in such a short period of time, and things keep happening, and happening, and happening... And I have no choice but to go along with it. If people love me, that's fine. It they hate me, it's also fine. It I get death threats, it's... It's fine. I can't control any of these things. But I can control myself, and my image. I can't change what people think of me, but I can change what they say of me. They are complaining that I'm fat? Well, then I can lose weight. That I lost my abs? I'll go to the gym more often. Are they saying that I'm childish and that I talk a lot? Then I'll keep quiet next interview... Those are all things I can choose to do."
"But it won't make you happy in the end." His father stated with concern. "Pleasing others while making yourself miserable isn't worth it. Getting their approval while sacrificing everything that makes you, you, isn't worth it."
"But it is. Because I'm not changing all of these things to make people like me more. I'm doing it so that BTS isn't affected. So that my place in the group isn't affected."
"Wait..." His father shook his head in disbelief. "So you're thinking that because of other people's opinions, the boys will suddenly want you out if the group? Is that it?"
"It's not really what they want, it's what the company wants. And if these streams of hate keep flowing towards me, towards us, they will kick me out."
"And you think they'd all agree with letting you go? You think they wouldn't defend you? Stand up for you?"
Jimin stepped back and looked away again. The question hit a wound he wasn't ready to recognize yet.
"I've been told I would be removed from the group a lot of times, dad. So many that I couldn't even count them. The only person who stood up for me back then was Taehyung. Everyone else..." He shrugged.
"You didn't know each other back then. Now you do. And I'm sure they wouldn't do that... They'd fight for you."
"I don't think so." Jimin shook his head. "I love my hyungs and my cute little dongsaeng, but... Sometimes; most of the time; I doubt that they would risk their own careers for me. They'd have to be fools."
"Well, these 'fools' have been texting me since yesterday to make sure that you are okay, and that you have a nice weekend here."
"What?" The singer's interested spiked.
"They care about you, Jimin-ah. They really do. And they know that without you, there wouldn't be a BTS."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better."
"I'm saying that because Jungkook-ah literally wrote that same sentence to me this morning. He asked me to talk with you. Well, all of the boys did, but his message was the one that surprised me the most. He never wrote me anything before."
"H-He talked to you? But he hates to use his phone..."
"Then now you understand just how worried they are." His father crossed his arms. "You have to let us in, son. You have to say something to us, to them, so we can help you. Because again, you need help... And look, I'm not the most knowledgeable person in the world, but I agree with what you mother said to me the other day; maybe you should go to a shrink. Psychologist. Whatever. And put your thoughts out there for a doctor to hear. It might help you."
"No... I'm not that weak."
"Who said anything about weakness?" His old man frowned. "Opening up is the hardest thing you could ever do. Being vulnerable requires courage beyond compare... And sincerity requires strength. Backbone." He then stepped forward and added, in a lower voice: "Do you know what actually shows weakness?"
"What?"
"Pretending you have none."
That sentence felt like a punch to the stomach. And for sure, made Jimin meditate about his current situation.
"You're right." He wiped away his tears. "At least I hope you are."
"With time and age, you will realize that I am." Mr. Park uncrossed his arms and smiled softly at his precious son. "Now let's go inside. I'm sure your mother will scold me for stealing you away from her for too long."
"You go in, dad... I'll follow you in a sec. I need to put my head in order first."
The older man nodded, and without complaints, returned to their home. Jimin leaned all of his weight on the railing in front of him, and felt the salty sea breeze hit his face, as he observed the familiar neighborhood he'd grow up in.
At what point did young Jimin, full of charisma, joy and good humor, turn into him? Someone tired of life, bitter with existence, and disappointed with himself? When did he stop smiling when he looked in the mirror, and started to wish that the thin glass would crack?
He sighed. Why was he being so awful to himself again? What was he gaining from it? Hiding in hotel rooms with the windows closed, curtains shut, soju in hand? Counting calories and saving horrible tweets about himself daily? Hiding fucking death threats from his own friends?
He swallowed his frustration and looked down at the street, where a group of children were playing. A boy fell down, and scrapped his knee. One of his friends, upon seeing the accident, crouched down beside him to check in him, and helped him stand up. Another one ran away to call his mom. A few others tried to calm him down; it was only a scratch. Another group of kids, that didn't seem to be close to the first squad, poked fun at the injured boy. His friends defended him and shielded him from harm. In the end, a lady approached the kids and took the wounded one inside her house.
Jimin knew that moment he'd just witnessed was important. It was the universe, teaching him a lesson.
There will be always people who will kick you when you're already down. Who will laugh about your misery, and ridicule you because of your faults and mistakes.
But there will also be people who will show you kindness and compassion, will help you without really having to, and will defend you from the hatred of the world.
You just have to choose in which group you will put your faith on, and in which group you will believe.
His fellow members had seen him fall, many times. And they never refused to help him stand up. Even when they didn't understood his pain, they tried their best to alleviate it. Sure, they sometimes fucked things up. But they were young, dumb, and prone to being ignorant. Said ignorance didn't equal to malice. He knew that, because he was just as flawed as them.
So he had to trust them. His father was right, denying his weaknesses was the most cowardly route he could take. Sharing his thoughts and feelings, crying out for help, that would be the path that would require all of his strength to follow through.
But who should he speak to first? He didn't want to worry his boyfriend even more, and make him feel somehow responsible for his happiness.
Namjoon was already busy enough as it was; he couldn't reach out to their overworked leader now. It wouldn't be fair of him.
Yoongi and Jin were dealing with their own mental health issues, they didn't need more shit added to their already full plate.
Taehyung was his best friend, and he trusted him with his soul, but was also way too blunt and ingenuous at times.
Hoseok though... He'd received the same amount of hate that Jimin had, since the beginning of their career. He was gentle, and warm, but also sincere and upfront. Jimin realized that he needed to talk with someone who would know how to call him out on his bullshit, without being overtly mean. Hobi was precisely the type of person he was looking for.
Besides, they were roomates and he'd seen him at his worst; drunk, hungry, depressed, lonely, horny, tired and utterly miserable.
And he'd offered him his help before. Willingly, without feeling compelled to. He was the first one that should know what was really going on inside his mind.
Without thinking about the consequences of what he was doing, Jimin decided to rip the band-aid he'd slapped into his bleeding wound at once, and call the rapper immediately.
Thank God, he picked up.
"Hyung... I know it's our day off, but do you have a minute?..."
---
Speaking to Hoseok freed him from his heavy shackles and removed the undescribable weight that was pushing him down from the top of his shoulders. The lies that had twisted his throat in knots were now removed, and he could breathe again. It hurt, and he was shaking throughout the process, but it all ended up okay.
His hyung would help him. He wasn't on his own anymore. Actually, he never was. He just couldn't see that before.
The call ended and he let out a shaky sigh.
Everything would be fine.
---
He spent the rest of his saturday with his family, and - as promised- Jungkook dropped by early in the morning the following Sunday, to say hi to everyone and take Jimin out to the beach.
After leaving his parents house though, the older singer demanded they passed by the Jeon household, so he could greet everyone as well. His visit was short, but sweet. Jungkook's mother hugged him and thanked him for taking care of her son, his father shook his hand and told him he was grateful as well, and his boyfriend's brother exchanged a few jokes about Jungkook's awkwardness and shyness. It was fun.
Then, they finally headed out to the coast line. There were a lot of people around, but only a handful recognized them. They bought ice cream and sat down to watch the seagulls fly by. The sway of the waves was the background music to their light conversations.
They took a few pictures. Sent a few to their group chat. Locked their phones and let them explode with messages.
They took a walk through the wet, dark sand, feeling the chilling cold water crash against their feet from time to time.
All was peaceful, all was perfect.
It was a well deserved break.
"I think I'll start going to therapy." Jimin confessed, as they stared at the deep blue line of the horizon.
Jungkook's head turned around harshly.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
He couldn't say anything more. He didn't have to, either. Jungkook opened and closed his mouth in the meanwhile, but also couldn't find the words to express the relief that he was feeling.
So he relied on touch instead.
His hand found Jimin's as his eyes met the endless ocean. First, their pinkies caressed each other. Then, all of his fingers slid across his tiny palm, softly, slowly. Suddenly, they intertwined themselves with shorter, thicker ones. And their grip became tighter, more bold.
Jimin gasped, and he smiled. They still didn't look at each other. But they knew, by the gesture only, that their trust on one another was mutual. That they were each other's safe space. That their friendship and love was something they could always rely on, when looking for energy and strength.
That moment on the beach was cathartic.
Going back to Seoul, Jimin still felt like the had a whole mountain to climb until he reached true happiness. But at least now he knew he wasn't alone on his way up. There were plenty of people ready to catch him before he fell to the distant earth below, and to help him reach the top faster.
He was loved. He was worthy of love. He was enough.