Chapter Text
It's been a year since... everything. A year since everything first fell apart. A year that they've spent on the run, staying in the same place for rarely longer than a couple months before moving on again. A year that Vader has had to try and put something back together after he lost everything.
It's easiest with Luke and Leia. (And Artoo, of course.)
It's his responsibility to protect and care for the twins, and he knows he would do anything for them. (He already did before.) He can't imagine a world where he wasn't raising them. He can't imagine how he could have lasted with Sidious, all that time believing Padme and his child were dead because of him.
They're a year old now, and they're just starting to learn to talk. They're everything he could have wanted – more than he thought he would have or deserves to.
Padme is the next easiest to be around, now at least. They've worked out many of the problems they had before, even if memories of what happened between them in the other future still haunt them both at times. She wants him to turn back, though. Ahsoka does too. They keep insisting that he can, and... He doesn't believe it.
He might not find himself actively drawing on the Dark Side, totally losing himself in it, the way he used to nearly as often, but it's still... there. It always will be. (He deserves no less anyway.)
He and Ahsoka have... talked from time to time – whenever she has time to spend with them, instead of helping the newly forming rebellion – but he knows how disappointed she is in him. As if that's a surprise. How could she not be?
With Ahsoka around so much, though, Padme has gotten involved a little in the Rebellion too, as much as she can be, anyway. It tooks her months to recover, and she still isn't fully healed, but she's far better than she used to be. He doesn't know much of what they do; they don't really talk about it to him, and to be fair, he doesn't really ask, either.
But he hasn't gotten involved in any rebel activity himself until right now. He doesn't like it. He hates how Sidious is making the Empire, but in reality, he doesn't know of any other way.
"Missiles!" Obi-Wan warns, as the Imperial fighters streak after them.
"I see them," Vader retorts, abruptly spinning the ship out of the way and the two collide.
Obi-Wan looks like he's feeling steadily sicker as Vader spins the ship again, to avoid the incoming laser fire. They're far outnumbered here, but they have other advantages. "With your flying, I won't be able to hit anything," Obi-Wan complains, as he tries taking aim again.
Vader hadn't wanted the mission, but Padme insisted the two of them go. They had to go here to warn a Jedi that the Empire was on its way, except they got here a little too late. And now, they're the next targets.
It hurts so much being here with Obi-Wan, just like... how things used to be, when they aren't and never will be again. They tolerate each other because they have to, because they've lived in the same house, in closer quarters than ever before, for the past year. But it feels like there's a wall between them – a wall of fire and ice – they can never cross.
Maybe that's for the best. He can hardly forget what happened on Mustafar. It still haunts him constantly, and it probably always will. He misses how things used to be, but that doesn't mean it was ever real.
Vader doesn't grant Obi-Wan's whines with a response, instead trying and, this time, failing to move out of the way in time. More laser shots bounce off their shields, and lights flash furiously on the controls as they give out entirely.
Another blast tears through the wing, and part way into the side of the ship, and Vader struggles to keep control of it as it plummets for the ground. The ship slams hard into the surface, throwing both of them face first onto the control panels as they skid a distance before finally coming to a stop. Obi-Wan spends the entire time griping about his flying skills, and Vader pointedly ignores him.
"We have a little time before they find us," Vader observes, standing and igniting his lightsaber, stabbing it through the side of the ship. He knows the back part is burning and even if they could get out normally, he doesn't care to get anywhere close.
"Yes," Obi-Wan grumbles, "And certainly enough time to walk to the back of the ship."
"Go ahead," Vader retorts.
Obi-Wan mutters something unflattering under his breath that Vader doesn't take the time to listen to, before he ignites his own blade, moving to help. Surprisingly.
He tries to ignore the instant surge of fear that grips him at the sight of it: Obi-Wan with his lightsaber standing so close. It's fine, he reminds himself. Obi-Wan won't hurt him again. Vader hopes not, anyway. He has no guarantee.
(If he decided there was a reason, he would. Vader is certain of that. But he wouldn't hurt him for no reason, completely unprovoked... probably.)
They finish cutting a hole in the side of the ship and Vader knocks the metal aside, climbing out. Dusk is falling quickly, which is... a good thing. It will make it easier for them to hide. They fell through the atmosphere in free fall and crashed a distance away, so it will take the other ships time to track where they went. Time they can use to disappear, and then try to find another way off world.
"There's no civilization anywhere near here," Obi-Wan huffs, as he scans their surroundings, "That will be a lot of waking."
Vader glances around the trees, reaching out with the Force. It nudges him forwards, and he starts walking.
"You're just walking blindly," his former master accuses, hurrying to catch up.
"Do you have a better suggestion?" he retaliates.
Artoo whistles, asking if he should do a planetary bio-scan.
"Go ahead," Vader replies. He does, and since there's life in several directions at about the same distance, they keep moving.
It's growing steadily darker as they walk, finally coming out into the open. He doesn't sense any approaching danger yet, so they should be safe for now.
The walk continues in silence, except for the noise of wildlife. It's... usually like this between them, unless Vader has something important to say or Obi-Wan finds something to criticize. And being like this for extended periods of time always becomes increasingly uncomfortable, but Vader keeps his focus on their surroundings in an attempt to ignore it as the hours slowly drag by.
"We should stop somewhere." Obi-Wan finally breaks the silence.
"We're still in the open," Vader points out.
"And we will be for a long time. Unless you'd prefer walking all night when the Imperials probably won't find us until morning."
Vader pauses, looking around. "We can stop here then." There's no better place nearby anyway.
Obi-Wan looks around, scowling. "There's no wood right here for a campfire."
Vader goes rigid instantly. "We don't need one." He can't stand the sight of fire, ever. (He can still feel it crawling over him, consuming him. The slightest things can so easily trigger it.) And having one around Obi-Wan would be so much worse.
He can feel Obi-Wan's eyes on him, but he pointedly avoids them. "We will be perfect meals for wildlife."
Artoo beeps loudly about how a fire will attract Imperial attention.
"Yes, and that," Vader concurs, though that's hardly the real reason.
"Fine," Obi-Wan grumbles, "I'll take the first watch."
That was... a surprising offer, but he doesn't argue. He might not trust Obi-Wan, but he's perfectly capable of this. He's often exhausted anyway, whether from taking care of the twins or nightmares, and that often wakes up the twins and he has to spend a while calming down himself before trying to get them back to bed.
Vader settles onto the ground, stretching out in the grass. For a nearly agonizing moment, all he can remember is the days they used to do this in the Clone Wars, and for a moment, he misses that so much.
He needs to stop wishing for it, though. It's never coming back. And that's for the best. It is. Even back then, Obi-Wan hurt him repeatedly. That's why he finally snapped on Mustafar and attacked him, because he couldn't take another second of it, not when Obi-Wan was already proving how little he meant to him.
A return to any of that would just... invite more pain. The distance is better.
(It never fills the aching loneliness inside of him that even being around Padme can't take away. It's easier when Ahsoka is there, but... the feeling always comes back.)
***
There's no sound except the wildlife, and the sound of Vader's even breathing where he's sleeping a short distance away. Despite himself, Obi-Wan's gaze lingers on him. He always sleeps like he's braced for action at a moment's notice. After the war started, Anakin was like that too.
But when he's sleeping, his presence is naturally stiller, and the darkness in it is... quieter. Even when he's awake, it's less than it was a year ago. Obi-Wan doesn't really know what to think of that.
He knows he... Fell, too, or at least came close. He doesn't actively hold onto the Dark Side, but he doesn't entirely know how to stop feeling it either. (To his credit, at least he wasn't involved in the murder of thousands of people.)
But somehow, in moments like this, Vader still... looks so much like a child. He is one, after all. He's barely twenty-four. Maybe not even yet, because they don't really know for certain how old Anakin is.
The anger and betrayal that burns through Obi-Wan every time he thinks about what happened is as strong as ever, even if it's not as intense as it was a year ago. (He misses Anakin. He misses when... the Jedi were alive, but when he thinks about it, the part he misses most were the missions with Anakin and what their relationship used to be like. Now there's just... strain and constant invisible tension, even if they have to work past it so Padme doesn't get upset.)
Obi-Wan lets himself drift into a semi-meditative state as he sits there, feeling the faint tendrils of the Light Side for a brief moment. It won't last long, he knows. Not when he starts thinking again.
His attempts at calm are interrupted by a sudden surge of fear in the Force, through his shielded bond with Vader. Obi-Wan's gaze jumps to him, to see him suddenly moving restlessly on the ground,
Obi-Wan watches for a few moments, but he doesn't calm down. If anything, he thinks it's getting worse.
A strangled sound escapes the boy's lips, and he rolls over.
It's... a little concerning, because he's only ever noisy in nightmares when they're really bad, like the ones he once had about Shmi. Obi-Wan is hardly a stranger to nightmares anymore, though, and he can only guess what Vader might be seeing.
Something twists uncomfortably inside of him, and he moves to stand up.
"Master," Vader whimpers, sounding for all the world like a terrified child and Obi-Wan freezes in his tracks.
Vader is still sleeping, and... What?
He wasn't expecting... that. Whatever he's seeing in his nightmare... why is he calling for Obi-Wan? The way he said the word, the tone is only something Vader uses for Obi-Wan, never Sidious, not even now.
Vader whines quietly again, continuing to move listlessly on the ground.
It snaps Obi-Wan back into motion again, and he nudges him with the Force, moving to his side. "Anakin?"
There's no response.
"Anakin!" he calls, a little louder.
Nothing.
Fine.
Obi-Wan moves forwards uncertainly, shaking his arm. (It's strange, only because they never touch each other anymore. Why would they, when... Anakin is gone. All there is, is Vader.)
Vader jolts awake, eyes widening with sudden panic, and a Force-wave slams into Obi-Wan, throwing him back. He lands more unceremoniously on the ground some thirty feet away. His annoyance flares instinctively, but he tamps down on it. He can... hardly blame him for his reaction if he was seeing that again. (The way Obi-Wan himself does.)
Obi-Wan pushes himself up, to see Vader sitting up, breathing hard, his left hand clenched and shaking.
"Anakin –" he begins, but Vader flinches, inhaling sharply.
Okay, this won't work. His presence... only seems to be making this worse. (The guilt coils in him again, drowning out any attempt at reaching the Light. The lingering anger rises too, as he starts thinking about all of that.) He moves a little closer cautiously, sitting down again and staying quiet.
After several long moments, Vader looks up at him. "Sorry," he rasps, "I didn't – I didn't mean to."
"It's fine," Obi-Wan assures, and barely stops from instinctively asking him if he's okay. This is still Vader. He needs to stop wanting to see anything else, wanting to see someone who isn't there.
The silence that falls over them is uncomfortable again, and it's becoming increasingly unbearable, until the sound of an animal growling suddenly splits the air.
***
Vader is on his feet instantly, reaching for his lightsaber as he peers into the darkness. He struggles to shake the images from his mind of that day. It some ways it feels like the last year has been an eternity with how much has changed, but in the end, it really wasn't long ago. He can't forget the feel of the medical droids cutting into him, ripping him apart and turning him into that – that thing.
And he can never forget every moment of Mustafar, no matter how much he wants it to stop. The sound of Obi-Wan's voice far too easily throws him into a near panic attack whenever he's in one of those states.
It's easier, when he has something urgent to focus on. Another low growl rings out, and a large creature – he can't think fast enough to try and identify it – leaps out of the grass, straight at them.
Vader ignites his lightsaber, slashing for it, but it goes over his head, slamming into Obi-Wan, throwing him to the ground. He tries to knock it off, but it shoves his hand aside, snapping for his head. Artoo rolls forwards, beeping furiously, but the thing's tail swats him aside.
(How would Obi-Wan have ever managed in the previous timeline, without Vader there to drag him out of trouble? He banishes the thought as quickly as it comes.)
Vader lunges forwards, stabbing the creature through the back, to where it's heart probably is. It falls to the ground with a final growl.
"There's probably more coming," Obi-Wan realizes, as he stands.
Vader can feel the danger lurking in the Force, too. "We can keep moving." He doesn't want to go back to sleep anyway. He doesn't want to... start seeing things again. Being out here with only his former master is hard enough right now, no thanks to that.
Obi-Wan grumbles his agreement, so they head off again. Vader can't shake the feeling that something is close, though. The Empire is out here looking for them, and the sooner they can find a way off the planet, the better. Which isn't going to happen until they reach civilization... or find a way to steal an Imperial ship. He's beginning to think that might be more likely.
Still, he can't shake the feeling that something might be watching them. Maybe. Or at least getting close. He needs to stay on guard. If the Empire finds them, if they can't escape...
No, he doesn't want to think about what Sidious will do. He's been looking for him for a year now, and Vader's grown used to blocking him out those times he tries reaching for him again, but he can tell each time that it makes Sidious even angrier. And he may have only been with him for a couple weeks in the other future, but he already knows far too well nothing good happens when the Sith Master is angry.
Since Obi-Wan inevitably has to find something to criticize in every situation, he decides they've been walking too long, and should stop until morning in the caves they finally stumble upon. Which lasts until a probe droid shows up. Vader destroys it before it can take off, but it already got a signal through.
And by the time they make it to the exit of the cave, ships with stormtroopers are already showing up. Maybe their ride home, but not until they can take them out... which they can't do when they're running through cave tunnels trying to escape dozens of stormtroopers. Because they both would rather the Empire not know they're the ones who were here. It's far too risky.
Blaster shots bounce off the cave walls all around them, as they fall back from the stormtroopers swarming their position. The only thing that makes it easier is that they're in a closed space, so there's not many who can shoot at them at once. But they just keep coming. And running around in this tunnel isn't going to get them out of here.
It's strange fighting the stormtroopers, when their armor is so much like clone armor. The last time he fought alongside them was... was – No, he doesn't want to think about it right now.
Vader finally throws up a hand, blasting the never-ending lines backwards, only for one of them to hurl an explosive at them. There's nowhere to duck back and take shelter, so he tries to throw it back at them.
There's only a second of warning from the Force before it explodes mid-air.
The rock walls start to collapse around them without warning, and Obi-Wan isn't able to jump out of the way in time. One of the stormtroopers hits him with a stun bolt and he goes down.
He'll never be able to make it to Obi-Wan now. Vader takes off into the shadows, before they can find him. This, this was never supposed to happen. He knows what will happen now. Sidious will be alerted that they captured Obi-Wan here, and he's going to have him brought to Coruscant to lure Vader in.
And it's going to work.
He won't leave Obi-Wan with Sidious. He won't. They're going to kill him, and...
Despite everything, he can't let that happen. He can't. Obi-Wan can hate him forever, but Vader still can't... let go of him. He doesn't know how. He doesn't want to. And he can't let that happen to him.
As soon as the stormtroopers are out of sight, he goes in pursuit.
There's a Star Destroyer in orbit above the planet now, and they're taking Obi-Wan up there on a shuttle. Maybe this is a terrible mistake, a path that will lead him straight back to Sidious, but this is the only solution.
***
"Obi-Wan?" Vader calls impatiently, shaking him again.
Obi-Wan's eyes slowly open, and he looks around in confusion. "What –"
"You were captured. We need to get to the hanger before they notice you're gone."
"And you..." Obi-Wan begins, frowning. He still seems minorly disoriented. Or maybe he's confused that Vader came to find him. To be fair, he is too.
"Came to find you. Come on."
Obi-Wan stands up, following him out into the hall, and they take off running. It hurts how they can still move in sync with each other the way they always used to, with how things are now.
They haven't even reached the hanger yet, though, when the entire ship suddenly jolts, and Vader skids to a stop, breath catching in his throat. "We're too late."
"It appears we're in hyperspace," Obi-Wan agrees, grimly, "We'll have to wait for now."
Vader shakes his head. "They're taking us to Coruscant." And that means... Force, no. He's not ready for this. He never will be. But the exact thing he's been so terrified of all this time is about to happen, and...
"How do you know?" Obi-Wan argues.
"You know what Sidious wants," he snaps, "Maybe we can... stop him now."
Obi-Wan gives him a dubious look. "You are going to fight Sidious?"
He ignores how much the comment stings, only because of the situation. "Do we have a choice?" he snaps back.
"We can find a way off before then," Obi-Wan offers belatedly.
"Maybe," Vader murmurs, "But... Sidious won't stop hunting us. He wants me, and he won't stop until he finds me." That doesn't mean he's ready or wants to, though. He never will be. He just wants to run away and hide where Sidious will never find him.
Actually, maybe there is still a way they can get out.
Obi-Wan frowns contemplatively, probably trying to and failing to think of some other way they can get out of this.
"It's not too late," Vader protests. "I can destroy the hyperdrive. We can still escape."
"I am beginning to think you are right about running," Obi-Wan objects. "If we run, we will never be safe. We must destroy Sidious."
After all this time, where is this coming from? He doesn't protest though. It's not his place. He can't deny his fear, though. He doesn't want to see Sidious ever again. Last time, Anakin destroyed everything. And that was before he time-traveled, and... he knows Sidious will try to force him to become his apprentice again, and he doesn't want to do that. (If he's trapped serving someone forever, he would much prefer it to be Obi-Wan than Sidious. At least Obi-Wan wouldn't make him hurt anyone, regardless of what he does to Vader himself.)
He starts for the door, intent on finding another place to hide, stopping when a hand touches his arm. "What are you afraid of?" Obi-Wan asks.
The question throws him off, but he stops, slowly turning around. He doesn't want to have this conversation any more than he has most of theirs recently, but he can't back out. They need to talk about it at any rate. "I'm not ready to face him. You know what he will want. I couldn't resist him last time. I doubt I will now. I don't want to hurt anyone."
"Then don't."
"It's not that simple."
"Isn't it?" he asks.
Vader has no idea if Obi-Wan's trying to intentionally be dense, but it frustrates him regardless. "What if he – he'll get it, somehow? He'll kill you, you know."
"He'll try," Obi-Wan replies, "I doubt he can succeed. We're doing this together."
He wishes he liked the sound of that as much as he once would have. "Obi-Wan, if... if he is successful, do what you must. And finish it. Please." It's a moment of sheer desperation, but Vader doesn't know what else to do. He can't face Sidious knowing there might be a chance everything is lost forever.
Obi-Wan steps closer, frowning. The proximity is somehow enough to make Vader crave more while simultaneously putting him on edge. "Anakin," he says slowly. "I couldn't bring myself to kill you before. I..."
Vader closes his eyes, breathing in and out slowly in an attempt to stay calm. "If I have to serve someone forever, I would much rather it be you than him."
"You're not serving me." He sounds a mix between confused and offended.
"Qui-Gon told me I was free years ago, but I never knew what it meant. I still don't." For years, he told himself it was worth it, as a Jedi, because it didn't matter. He was helping people. Now that's gone and... he hyper-focuses on it. He has been for a long time now.
Obi-Wan reaches for him again, touching his arm with a strange sort of gentleness. "Are you afraid of him?" he asks.
He looks away, pointedly avoiding his master's gaze. Yes, he is. He's terrified. "I can't let it go," he blurts out. "I can't." With a start, he remembers his master doesn't know what happened right after Mustafar. He never saw. He wasn't there.
"Of what, Anakin? What happened?"
"My name is Vader," he mutters, more to dodge the question.
"Please excuse that I refrain from calling you the name your master gave you."
"If he's not my master, then you are," Vader replies flippantly, waving a hand, "And someone else was before. It's how it's always been."
"You're avoiding my question now," Obi-Wan objects.
There really is no way around this, is there? "I was still conscious when he found me," Vader answers at last, slowly. He's wanted to talk about it for a long time, but not to the person who caused it. It never mattered, anyway. It never happened. Not anymore.
"It must've been hours. He... took me back to Coruscant and..." He doesn't want to talk about it. That makes it real, and he can already see and feel it vividly in his mind. "He kept me conscious the whole time." He wants to shrug it off, and really, he tries, but it doesn't stop how his eyes burn with tears. "He told me Padme was... gone right afterwards. I lashed out. I tried to kill him for lying and... I couldn't do it."
Obi-Wan is quiet for a painfully long moment, and he looks away. He doesn't pull back or let go, though. "I'm sorry. Truly. For everything."
Vader shakes his head, still not daring to look up. "It's not your fault, Obi-Wan. You tried to stop me. I chose to do what Sidious wanted me to."
"I should have seen it. I should have helped you."
He can't say why that makes him feel even more worn out than he already did. "Just leave it, Master. There was nothing you could have done. He would have worked around that and likely anything I tried as well."
"What I don't understand is how you could have thought selling so many lives for one was worth it."
"For three," Vader corrects. "And – and I didn't. I had no idea what he would ask of me until I already pledged myself to him. What could I do? Go back on my word? I know what I should have done but at the time I didn't... think." He was too scared, like he always is. He's always scared. Now he's most afraid of being alone, only because he is. He always has been, and it's so exhausting. He doesn't want to do it anymore.
"I knew the Jedi were... traitors, but I didn't realize he would send me in there. Not then. Not so soon. I should have. I knew he would ask me to do something dark, but not... I couldn't live with knowing I failed to save her. I thought it would only be myself. After what I'd already done, I knew it wasn't worth it. I let him kill Windu first. I knew it was a betrayal, but after what the Jedi already did to me, I didn't see a reason... not to. And don't say you freed me. All that did was take another form."
"You should have told me."
"How?" he asks. "And how would it matter? Would it matter, in the midst of a galactic war, that I can't understand what it means to be free? And I thought you already knew. You were always asking for more. It wasn't enough. I had to do more. To give you more. Always." He feels his master's flare of... something. He's not sure what, but he doesn't like it. "It was fine," Anakin continues. "It was, until now. I can't help anyone anymore. I don't know how. I don't think I ever have."
He expects Obi-Wan to say something, to argue against it or something, but instead all he does is soundlessly move across the room, safely out of sight of the doorway (just in case) and sit down. He motions to the area next to him and Vader approaches him slowly, almost warily. They don't... do this anymore. It's become completely foreign. He sits down next to Obi-Wan, still looking at the floor.
"Anakin," he begins finally. "I know that you – you were struggling. I knew you were in pain, but I never knew why or what to do."
He doesn't know what to say, so he opts to remain silent. Obi-Wan turns slightly sideways to face him. Vader remains staring stubbornly at the floor. He doesn't deserve anything else, anyway.
"You know this may be the last time we ever talk."
He barely stops himself from looking up. "Don't say that, Master. Please don't say that. You're all I've always had."
"I wondered," Obi-Wan continues, "If Anakin was still in there. That's all I see now."
"I can't be who you want me to be."
"You already are."
He looks up then, frowning. That doesn't make sense. "What?"
"I can't forget what you did, and I... do not think I think I can forgive you, either, but I can see you weren't trying to hurt anyone. I know you didn't want to, and that you regret it. Now, I don't know what more I can ask for."
"I don't deserve you," he finds himself saying. "Padme keeps telling me to come back. I don't think I can do it, can I? I don't know how."
"From what I have seen, you deny all possible expectations," Obi-Wan replies dryly. "I find it hard to believe you are incapable of doing it again."
For the first time in a year, he feels a flare of hope. "Then show me what to do." He wants to hold on forever, and never let go again, but he knows better. Both his dark and light sides do. It will hurt worse, so much worse, if Obi-Wan left him again. It would destroy him entirely. It hurt so much last time; he doesn't think he could survive it again.
"This, we will have to learn together."
"How do I know I can trust you?" Vader – or Anakin, whichever he is – asks. "How can I know you won't leave me again?"
"Truthfully, I cannot imagine a life without you, Anakin."
Something tightens in his chest, until he can barely breathe. "Nor I, without you."
"When I heard you calling my name last night, I couldn't ignore it. I know you... haven't let go of it, and I haven't, either."
He finds himself thinking back, way back to before everything fell apart. He can't be that person anymore, he knows, but that won't stop him from trying. There's no one in his family who hasn't asked him to, after all. "It didn't happen, anyway," he says, finally, with the faintest hint of a smile. He wishes he could accept that himself.
"And you spend almost every night in my room. I don't know how I haven't caught you doing it, yet."
Anakin feels himself flushing. "I just miss you. I'm tired of feeling like this." And he doesn't believe he deserves to feel better, either.
Obi-Wan reaches for him again, his hand resting lightly on Anakin's shoulder. "If it were possible, I may do the same. I miss who you used to be, Anakin."
He swallows hard. "Me too," he mutters. "I can't do it, though. I don't deserve to." He wants it to go back to how it used to be, but that won't happen. He needs to accept that, but he doesn't know how. The past is the past. He needs to leave it there. He needs to stop chasing the past and those lives he took. "I'll never forgive myself for it, you know. I can't. Even if it was how it was meant to be. Even if it was as the Force willed it."
"Maybe you can't be who you used to be, but as long as you hold onto the Dark Side you still risk losing yourself again."
"I wish I could tell you I forgive you," Anakin says finally, weighing his words carefully. It's the truth, though he can't even say why, after everything his master put him through. "Sometimes, I think I have. Then I remember and... I want to hurt you again." He feels ashamed to say it aloud, or to think of it at all, but why not? It's not as if anything he does could make Obi-Wan hate him more than he already does.
"I can understand that," Obi-Wan says, after a pause. He doesn't sound happy, but it does sound like he... expected it. "I was upset and I... acted on it. I regret what I did all the time, but I can't change it anymore than you can change what you did."
He could hardly ask for more. Neither of them can change what they did. They can only move forwards, if that's even possible. "I don't deserve even that," he mutters, looking away.
"We... must start somewhere," Obi-Wan replies.
Anakin nods, staring down at the floor. He can feel it faintly vibrating, a quiet reminder of where they're going. Whatever else he wants to say, he needs to do now. "If something happens to me..."
"Anakin –"
"You know the chances of that," he interrupts, "Just... take care of my children." In truth, he doesn't trust Obi-Wan near them at all, even now, but he can't ask for anything more. There's no one else he can ask to protect them except Ahsoka.
"I will," Obi-Wan promises.
"Sidious will use everything he can against us," Anakin murmurs. He knows how the Sith manipulates, and... Sidious knows everything about him, his every weakness, everything. And he's going to turn it all against him again if he has the chance.
"Then it's a good thing we... discussed this."
Anakin can only nod. There's still so much unresolved between them, things he doesn't know if they ever can fix, and somehow, he can't let Sidious use that against them.
Obi-Wan moves closer unexpectedly, wrapping an arm around him. It isn't like last time, where both of them were so tentative about touching each other. It's far more... protective. Anakin doesn't hesitate, twisting around and wrapping his arms tightly around Obi-Wan, for what he can only hope won't be the last time. He's mildly surprised by how he can feel safe here, but he does. Somehow.
***
It's probably been the most eventful day Obi-Wan has had in a very long time, and he finds himself feeling strangely more at peace since... maybe that conversation before he left for Utapau? It was so long ago, it almost feels like another lifetime now.
But Anakin is here, and even if they aren't and never can be who they used to be, he's still here. Ready to fight side-by-side again like they always used to, and that counts for something.
It could well be the last time they talk to each other, and maybe it was that which finally prompted him to address all those things it was easier to never think about. But now that they've actually talked, a part of him is wondering why he didn't try doing so a long time ago.
There's no time for such regrets though. It's time to face Sidious, who Anakin seems frankly terrified of, even if he's trying to hide it.
They can't hide on the Star Destroyer forever when it's on so high alert, and there's hardly a point anyway. They'll be brought to Sidious soon enough.
Obi-Wan is only glad that when the moment comes – far too soon – he and Anakin are taken in together.
The throne room is inside the Jedi Temple, and for a moment all he can remember is what he saw in those security recordings, especially with how strongly the place feels of the Dark Side now. He tries to force those memories back as a surge of fury and betrayal rises instantly. He and Anakin just talked about this. It's not going to be easy for either of them, but they can't let Sidious use it against them.
Sidious who... in the end, is responsible for all of this. He turned Anakin, and at the end of the day, he gave the boy little other choice. The Jedi's destruction is on Sidious, not Anakin. He may have helped, but in truth, it would have happened regardless. When Obi-Wan thinks past what he saw, he finds it a million times easier to be furious with Sidious. He's the one who took Anakin from him, too. The one who...
Putting the blame on Sidious where it truly belongs is far easier. He won't let him take his padawan from him a second time.
"At last you have returned, Lord Vader," Sidious hisses.
Anakin's face is a carefully controlled mask, but Obi-Wan can feel his fear.
"Thatis not his name," Obi-Wan cuts in before Anakin can respond, voice hard.
"Ahh, Master Kenobi," the Sith purrs, "It's pleasing to meet you again after all this time." He looks past him, back to Anakin, "Did we not speak of this, Lord Vader? You know he is a traitor to the Republic, and now the Empire."
Obi-Wan never wants to hear that name again.
"I know you betrayed the Republic by starting the war," Anakin replies flatly.
"The galaxy led itself to its own destruction," Sidious replies, "I united it to restore peace as you claimed to want, yet instead, you returned to these traitors."
To think Obi-Wan left Anakin alone with someone like this for years. That tone he uses is so... It's no wonder it screws with Anakin's head so much, especially since Obi-Wan knows how much he respected Palpatine. "Anakin is not your apprentice," Obi-Wan snaps. "He will not return to you."
"Is that so?" Sidious asks, "He is mine, Kenobi. He always has been. He always will be."
His anger flares, burning fiercely. He feels the Dark Side calling to him, but he tries to hold it back – if only so that it doesn't cloud his judgment again. "He is not yours. He is a Jedi – "
"Is he?" Sidious asks lightly, "Who led the march to destroy them?"
"You ordered it," Obi-Wan retorts, "Everything that happened there is on you." That isn't entirely true, but he'll go with that for now, if only so the Sith can't manipulate either of them.
The Sith's eyes are on Anakin again. "Your destiny lies with me."
"His destiny is to destroy the Sith," Obi-Wan snaps.
Anakin barely conceals a flinch.
Right. He should probably have worded that differently. "But the choice is his," he adds, "And he will never go back to you."
"We shall see," Sidious replies, "I can sense your strong feelings toward him, Lord Vader. He betrayed you, abandoned you again. And you know he will do it again over and over, as he has in the past."
Maybe the words wouldn't anger Obi-Wan so much if – if there wasn't truth to them.
"You are no better," Anakin replies quietly.
"I never lied to you."
"You claimed I could trust you. You were a Sith. You were only using me, like everyone else." All the anger, bitterness, and betrayal he feels is so glaringly obvious that it hurts.
"An unfortunate but necessary deception. I always supported you, and yet now you show how loyal you truly are." Sidious may not be showing it, but Obi-Wan can see how furious he is. He can't imagine Anakin being alone with him as Sidious like this.
"You were never loyal to him," Obi-Wan retaliates. "You only used him."
"And you didn't? Do you not remember when you made him think you were dead? When you beat him so badly he could hardly walk? Or is that not significant enough for you to remember? When have you given him a reason to trust you?"
"You know nothing of this," he replies, steely, but it doesn't stop the guilt that flares inside him. For years, he's told himself it was necessary, but was it?
"Don't I?" Sidious asks, "Who did he go to when you left him in tears? When you betrayed him over and over again? In truth there was little I had to do to turn him. You did it all for me."
He hates to admit that when the Sith is putting it like this, to a point, he can see what he means. He knew he hurt Anakin, but he never... really thought about how much. "I may have made mistakes," he retorts, only for Anakin's sake in the hopes the words aren't throwing him too much off balance, "But I was raising him as a Jedi. You want him for nothing but your own gain."
"And you only wanted him because he was 'the Chosen One'." Sidious scoffs, "But what you fail to see is that I created him. I made him. The only destiny and place he has is at my side."
Sidious made Anakin? Is that true? Or is it just another lie? Does it really matter either way? "I think that's a choice for him to make."
"When have you 'let him make his own choices'?" the Sith retorts, voice dripping with sarcasm, "If he made a choice you don't like, one that is contrary to your Order, you will turn on him immediately."
Mustafar flashes in front of his eyes and he stubbornly forces it away. "You are worse. You've hunted him for a year for the same reason."
"I gave him a chance with his family, while the Jedi took it away."
"We never needed your help to save Senator Amidala," Obi-Wan snaps, "He already has a family."
"With you? I sense far more pain and anger from him than before he left. What did you do to him this time?"
"Nothing," Anakin replies, sounding like he's trying and failing to keep his breathing even, "That you would not do worse."
"When have I ever hurt you, my boy?" he asks, but there's a dangerous edge there now.
"Enough," Obi-Wan snaps. He never wants to hear how Sidious addresses Anakin again, "All you have done is hurt him. You groomed him." Ahsoka had said that almost a year ago, when she found them. He'd thought about it from time to time, but he never truly understood what she meant until this very moment.
"Under the eyes of his very watchful master," Sidious crows.
He's this close from attacking him, but doing that without a lightsaber and in binders is the stupidest thing he could do. Why didn't he notice? He never was fond of Anakin's relationship with Palpatine, but he had no idea this was happening to him. He didn't... "You –" Obi-Wan starts, but never has the chance to finish the sentence.
Sidious' lightsaber abruptly hisses to life, impaling him. The Sith doesn't have the chance to make more than a muffled gasp as he collapses to the floor.
Obi-Wan's head snaps to Anakin, where he's holding his hand in a very suspicious gesture. While normallythat is hardly a Jedi way of killing someone, this is Sidious, and Obi-Wan can't quite find it in himself to care.
Anakin stumbles as the wave of massive darkness in the Force abruptly starts to evaporate.
Sidious is dead.
Just... like that. It doesn't seem real.
"Are you... alright?" Obi-Wan asks, eyeing Anakin.
He nods. "We need to get out before the guards find us."
Right, because legally, they just murdered the Emperor, so yes, they are in trouble. They need to run before anyone finds them.
***
Obi-Wan is unsurprised, though worried, at how closed off Anakin is acting again. Other than absolutely necessary, he hasn't said a word from the moment they escaped the planet and made the jump to hyperspace.
He can't get Sidious' words out of his mind, though, and he's pretty sure the same is true for Anakin. He needs to say something to him, but – "Anakin..."
"Not now, please," he requests, standing and slipping out of the cockpit, leaving him alone.
Well.
That wasn't how he was hoping this would go.
Despite the heavy shielding, he can feel Anakin's raging emotions. He feels so much darker now than right before the meeting, and it's frustrating. He thought they were getting past that. But... he supposes it helped to see how Sidious was able to manipulate Anakin so much in the first place.
Anakin's emotions echo with a mixture of bitterness, anger, loneliness, and despair, and Obi-Wan doesn't want to keep sitting here, saying nothing.
He waits just a little longer before going to find Anakin in one of the cabins on the ship. He's sitting on the bed, head resting on his hands, and he looks... pretty close to crying again. He eyes Obi-Wan uncertainly, but doesn't speak.
Obi-Wan crosses the room, moving to take a seat next to him. "How are you?" he asks, hesitantly.
Anakin looks away, avoiding his eyes. "What happens now?" he asks, "You – the Sith are gone. I have nothing else to give you."
What... Didn't they already talk about this? "You don't need to give me anything." He reaches over, laying a hand on his arm. "You're Anakin, and I can't ask for anything more." They can't change the past, no matter how much either of them want to. But he's tired of how it feels like he's alone even when they're living in the same house, and he knows the feelings are mutual.
He only nods, slowly reaching over to touch Obi-Wan's hand. He takes Anakin's hand in his own.
"I know everything Sidious said... wasn't a lie," Obi-Wan begins, and Anakin tenses imperceptibly.
"It – it doesn't matter. It doesn't change what I did."
"This isn't about what you did. I still hurt you before, and I... do regret it." There's so much more he could say, but frankly he isn't sure how, and he doesn't think either of them are up to discussing it right now.
Anakin nods slightly, sparing him what seems like a very forced half-smile. (Very forced seeing that for some reason he looks closer to tears than he did before.) He doesn't really know what to say so he stays quiet, running his thumb over the back of Anakin's hand.
"You should rest," Obi-Wan comments, finally breaking the silence, Anakin looks completely worn out not unlike how Obi-Wan himself feels. "And I can stay here if you want."
"Okay," Anakin whispers. He seemingly reluctantly pulls away, laying down on the bed and Obi-Wan moves to lay down next to him. It's not really meant for two people, so they're snuggled close together, but he doesn't mind. If anything, he's missed this.
He thinks Anakin could say the same, or at least he doesn't seem to mind. (To be fair, if he did he probably wouldn't say anyways.) In truth, Obi-Wan doesn't think he'll ever truly understand how Anakin could do what he did – and maybe someday they can both let go of what happened but that won't be for a long time – but they need to start somewhere.
Anakin falls asleep surprisingly quickly, and despite his own exhaustion, Obi-Wan finds himself watching the boy. Somehow, moments like this, he still manages to look so young. He is, after all. He was hardly more than a child when everything happened, and even now, he still is little more than that.
A child Obi-Wan failed.
He shifts his position, reaching over to wrap his arm around him, in a silent reminder that Anakin is still here. And Sidious is dead, so he can't take him from him again. Anakin seems to relax even further at the contact, even if he is sleeping, subconsciously snuggling closer.
They'll still be living in hiding for now, until the Rebellion can actually regain control of Coruscant, and properly re-establish the Republic, but it will be easier now. And at least they'll be together.