Chapter Text
- - -
Maya stopped visiting the rooftop as her ankle was given time to heal. No one received an answer as to how she injured it, and when anyone took a guess that it may have been during a private practice, she simply allowed them to believe that.
Her return to the dorm, with the back of her uniform dirty, her hair a tangled mess and her only having one shoe on - the other tied to her bag as she chose to limp all the way back without it - was met with mixed results. She allowed herself to be fussed over, as someone brushed her hair and another took her vest to be cleaned. Gentle hands helped massage her ailing foot and rest a bag of ice on her swelling ankle - and if Maya wasn’t already feeling so empty, she would’ve been incredibly touched by their care.
She retired to her room without dinner that night, no one daring to say anything.
The day after went by normally, as if nothing had happened, save for the state of her injured leg. She was excused from physical activities for a few days after being made to see the school nurse, though she was back on her feet after only three days of being benched.
And Claudine - she could feel Claudine cautiously watching her every moment.
Two weeks later, once she was perfectly well agile on her feet again, the rooftop was waiting for her.
This time, she wasn’t afraid to look down.
- - -
Crushing weight on her chest one night caused her to gaze longingly at the roof. Funny how, a location that initially came to her as such a perilous location was the one to grant her peace; peace that she has yet to find.
Perhaps he had known this, when the all too familiar ringtone sounded from her phone; showing a black screen and the silhouette of a giraffe spinning hypnotizingly in place.
Maya found herself back at that stage, but instead of herself appearing underneath the beam of multiple spotlights, the source for such mechanisms above her were either turned the wrong way or damaged, casting light everywhere but upon her own form. Some bulbs even littered the floor around her, creating a mess of harmful shards of glass. She mildly wondered if the sole of her boots were thick enough to not injure her if she was to step on them
Her stage was familiar, but also not. It was damaged. Crystalline pillars were in ruins all around her, crumbled to pieces reminiscent of the result of the hour-long combat she once had with Saijou Claudine. She remembered the painfully agonising fight, how Claudine was the only opponent that ever made her break a sweat, the one that kept making her retrace her steps and frequently having to go over her strategies. She knew how, at the time, she’d figured out that Claudine was the only one who could keep up with her. Her stage had gone down to ruins then, with the pillars toppling one by one as the fight went on. The staircase cracked and smashed under the impact of Claudine’s sword as it brought force and overwhelming strength onto it.
Yet, despite all the show Claudine put on, filled with the utmost ferocity that it left the brunette mesmerised; Maya won.
Was this a continuation?
She had told Claudine once, at the end of their Revue of Souls - how it was to not be their final rivalry. It will keep going, they will continue to have disputes to settle, conversations to be had, sword and rapier to clash against each other’s. Day by day.
“Who said this was a one-round game?” She’d said, feeling the warmth of Claudine’s fingers against her palm as they laid next to each other, staring out to the endless beyond.
Claudine accepted it, accepted that it would keep going.
After all; the Revue of Rivals doesn’t end, for all of eternity. It doesn’t stop at Claudine’s victory, nor Maya’s. Victory is temporary, their dance of duels is eternal.
Perhaps that was what led her to this; looking over the remains of their first revue. A reminder of when it all began.
That was how Claudine found her - staring out to the old battle scene, remembering how it all went down, looking lost within herself. The half-French contemplated bringing her out of her self-inflicted stupor, thought about pulling her out of it, freeing her from her mind’s prison.
“Besoin de quelque chose?”
And of course, during her moment of hesitation, Maya did it for her. Always the first in everything. Claudine was already looking at her when she turned, and the brunette quirked an eyebrow up in question. How dare she use Claudine’s maternal language to get her attention.
Truly a vexing woman.
She stuck her sword into the rubble, letting it stand on its own and waiting for the time it would be pulled out, reminding Maya of the tale of the excalibur.
“Oui.” Claudine answered, feeling her composure waver ever so slightly under Maya’s imploring gaze. “I believe this fight is ours. But first, we need to talk. About you.”
“Me?” The blonde hated how Maya’s face failed to betray any emotion. “What is there to talk about?”
“I think we've avoided this topic long enough.” The shorter girl breathed, somewhat nervously. It must’ve shown, because then the top student turned her entire body fully to Claudine, giving her her utmost attention.
“What is it?”
She may be an actress, but Claudine wasn’t the best at putting words into her emotions. Despite her superiority in improvisation, there were times when she wasn’t prepared for an unscripted scene, not sure what to make of her feelings as they bubbled up on the spot, her mind telling her what to say while her heart fought and spoke differently. It was a war within her, and Claudine always knew her actions often failed to match her speech.
Perhaps she should just let her emotions take over.
“Do you trust me, Maya? Seriously?” How eloquent.
The collar felt a little warm against her neck. There was no instant answer. There probably should have been, but Claudine was well prepared for the stony gaze the brunette presented her with. Though Maya seemed to consider it for a moment, and it was good enough.
“I do… I have an ocean of trust for you.” She placed her own weapon down, as if in an act of peace. Odette the Mavericks lay in resignation next to where Étincelle de Fierté stood tall and proud.
Claudine scoffed good-naturedly, instantly seeing through the meaning of those words. “The ocean covers 70% of the earth’s surface.”
Maya couldn’t help cracking a grin at that. “Yes.”
“There are things you can’t trust me with.” It was an easy conclusion.
A little sadly, Maya repeated. “Yes.”
The half-French felt her heart break a little. It felt unfair, but also not. "Maya if you can't… If you can't trust me then… I don't know what I'd do."
This time, Maya’s response was instantaneous. "I do trust you."
Not completely. Not a hundred percent. Not a perfect trust. There was a time when Maya would tell her a lot of things, a time when Claudine didn’t have to push too hard to get the answers out. Perhaps she could be regarded as a little forceful, though she certainly needed to be when Maya was pulling herself away so much - it was kinder to not stand by and let her decay. There are times when Maya certainly needed the push, to force herself into admitting what was truly good for her - to stop the parasite eating her alive from proceeding and succeeding in its task.
"But you don't, you can't - you're still keeping everything to yourself. You're still doing all this suffering on your own. It's not going to crush me if you just rely on me a little."
Perhaps letting her emotions control herself was a bad idea.
"It would crush you, Claudine." Maya emphasised, the whisper leaving a fog in Claudine's mind. "If I were to tell you everything."
The blonde immediately flashed back to her rather harsh reaction upon finding out about Maya’s little test run with the now destroyed blade. She remembered how Futaba had returned it to her the morning of their second argument, letting her know of how Maya wished for it to be gone, and how she’d sat Claudine down then - reminding her that this was something they needed to work past together. Not entirely under Maya’s impulsiveness, nor completely under Claudine’s demands. But together.
"I-I'll admit I don’t always react my best. I'm still learning Maya, I'm working on it."
The brunette sighed lightly, reaching out to hold Claudine by the arms. "You don't have to work on anything. You are doing just fine."
On a normal day, Claudine would scoff at that. Of course Maya would put her first, even after she’d gone and have a go at her in the harshest way possible when the girl was already going through a low point in her life.
"Maya, please. I don't want us to drift apart because I keep feeling like you can’t trust me. What happened to everything we've been through, why do you have to take everything on your shoulders? Shouldn't I take some of the weight, am I not capable enough? I admit I am not wise, nor will I always know what to do… I’m impulsive, and an idiot - but I can't ever know the right thing to do if you don't give me the chance.”
“You’re not an idiot, ma Claudine .”
She missed that.
Softness enveloped her, and Claudine felt herself pulled into a gentle embrace. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to comfort Maya, not be the one comforted. The blonde swallowed thickly, and as she felt tears prick at her eyes, the feeling even harder to resist now that she was being held in a way she dearly longed for, Claudine forced herself back. Maya was shoved back, rather harshly, and she instantly voiced her apology.
“I’m so sorry.” Her voice was hoarse. Emotions are ridiculous.
“That’s alright.” The brunette muttered, not hiding the hurt in her expression. “I’m sorry for making you angry.”
"I'm not-" Claudine spoke thickly, and then, as she had failed to wipe her tears away before pulling back, Maya realised that she was crying. "I'm sorry for getting angry. I'm not angry at you. Not really."
Maya wanted to hold her again. Perhaps, she herself was also angry at how much Claudine had been exceedingly concerned for her. It makes her slightly angry, mostly towards herself, that she dared deserve such compassion from her extremely kind-hearted friend. "Then who are you angry at?"
Claudine didn’t miss a beat, despite how much her face flushed a deep crimson, matching well with her rose-tinted eyes. "Just the thought of losing you, Tendo Maya. The thought of you hurting yourself and feeling bad without saying anything… the thought of you going through it all alone…"
"I'm not alone. I have you."
Claudine laughed, somewhat bitterly. "And yet you did everything but speak to me."
Amethyst eyes averted her gaze. "I was afraid."
"Me too, Maya." That nasally voice whispered, one hand wrapping around the hilt and pulling her sword back into her grasp. "Me too."
Maya stared at her, before kicking her own rapier into the air, catching it neatly in a practised hold.
“I’m losing you.” Claudine said, her stance a tell-tale sign of her preparing to advance forward. Her grip tightened against the hilt of her sword. “Because of that, I will fight for you.”
- - -
They refused to lose.
Neither of them wanted to win either.
For Maya, losing would be letting go of that flawless mask she liked to put on so much, to rip it off and let herself - all of herself - be exposed. To potentially lose so much she worked hard to gain and maintain.
For Claudine, losing would mean giving in. Letting Maya do as she wished, to continue on with all that she refused to confide in anyone with. To abandon her.
For Maya, winning would be resuming her stance. Standing alone, proving everyone right with how much strength she truly holds to never need to rely on anyone. That it didn’t matter if she crumbled in the end. It was selfish.
For Claudine, winning would be proving that she was right all along. That, while her methods weren’t perfect, perhaps intrusive and even insulting - that she was in some ways still right. It was selfish.
They were both selfish.
The stage shifted slightly now and again. Often in either girl’s favour, depending on who was getting the upper hand. Or, depending on who was able to give a better show.
Then, the biggest change happened. The floor beneath them broke apart, creating a large gap akin to a ravine as it moved in opposite directions. The sound of water pouring into the gap formed caused Maya to perk up, looking around in alarm at the unexpected revelation. Claudine stood from the other side, appearing rather alert as well at the change. Then she recognized it, as murky water splashed all around her, forming to no doubt create a stage that would give them the opportunity to put on a much greater show.
The River Seine.
The stage was in Claudine's favour.
Disjointed platforms hung from above and across the river, providing a pathway from one side to another. Both girls levelled each other with a determined look before both broke their furious gazes and ran to the side, blades on hand, to where the makeshift bridge began. Maya jumped onto the first one, stabilising herself as it shook under her weight. Though she didn't wait for the platform to freeze before she made her way onto the next one, leaping elegantly into the air. Claudine, on the other hand, simply skipped ahead as soon as her toes as much as touched the solid surface, barely giving it a chance to access her weight before she jumped ahead to the next step.
When they met in the middle, weapons clashed in a deafening swipe, both girls found themselves pushing each other forward in such force that their arms shook.
"Always the worthy opponent." Maya strained, teeth clenching as she managed a smirk.
The blonde flashed her a death glare, though she couldn't help producing a smile at how this moment reminded her of all their precious duels. "I will always take the challenge."
Claudine practically roared and moved aside as she allowed her sword to give way, causing the brunette to stumble forward in surprise. Maya caught herself instantly, turning around to meet her rapier with Claudine's sword once again. They slashed and jabbed at each other expertly, either girl always deflecting the blows with practised ease and immense prowess that they barely had to think as they moved.
Though, privately, Claudine found herself realising that it was so much easier than their past battles. Fighting Maya always caused her knees to buckle and her elbows to shake, and outsmarting her partner was near impossible every time. Admittedly Maya was always the better opponent, more skilled in her actions and with the brainpower that never understood the meaning of rest. Despite all that, Claudine wasn't feeling challenged enough, not this time. This time… so many times Maya had left her left side unprotected, and the only reason she hadn't taken the chance to get the upper hand was because Claudine was afraid of what would happen to them if she won. More was at stake, and it wasn't just her own pride she had to defend.
Ultimately, a decision had to be made.
When Maya lunged at her again, with Claudine standing far too close to the edge of the small platform, she parried and ducked down, hitting the back of the brunette's knee with an elbow. Taken by surprise, Maya staggered forward, though there was nothing more to stand on as she went forward. Her feet met thin air, there was the sound of a dull snap of thread, and finally, her entire body gave into the force of gravity.
Saijou Claudine watched as Tendo Maya disappeared into the murky depths below, a golden star clattering to the smooth surface of the platform as her hand fisted around the red, fluffy jacket that wasn't hers.
- - -
Drowning was cold.
It wasn’t cold enough that you’d feel it like a mere little tingle on the skin, or too cold that you could feel your bones freeze. It was just the moderate kind of cold, one that was cold enough that you can feel no warmth. At least, that was how it was like for Maya.
But warmth came in the form of pain, one that sunk deep into her lungs as all the air was squeezed out of her body. That sudden rise in temperature was quick to abandon her however, when more cold flew in like a glass being poured in with icy cold water.
She was supposed to swim up, before all the air left her. So she wouldn’t keep sinking, sinking, sinking, until there wasn’t anything of her to find. Why did it feel like she was dropping into an eternal, bottomless pit?
It would be too easy, if she simply… didn't fight her way back up to the surface.
She wondered if the Giraffe had a plan for what to do if he ever was to lose a student in one of his little games. Perhaps he’d do what he did with Kagura Hikari - simply convince everyone that she’d withdrawn from the school, however unlikely it was for her to do such a thing. Her parents would surely speak up regarding such an occurrence.
Though she had to wonder what he would do with Claudine. Her partner witnessed everything. Her partner saw her fall, right before she cut the thread, before earning her win.
Claudine won.
She should swim up just to congratulate her.
But even if Maya wanted to, she wasn't sure she could tell which way was up. How ironic- she always seemed to never be able to find the way up. Perhaps it was meant to be that way. She would keep falling, keep finding herself going down, after being at the top for so long.
But if she hits rock bottom, she doesn't have anywhere else to go anymore, does she? How does that infamous quote go, once you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up?
It was almost comforting.
What if Maya didn't want to go up anymore?
And suddenly it was all cold once again, so cold - that she could barely feel warmth when it enveloped her in a tight grip, moving her in the opposite direction - up - returning her to a place where wind whipped against her drenched bangs, blowing desperately as if in an attempt to warm her with its chill.
Everything was dark, and Maya wasn’t even sure if she lost unconsciousness because it all happened so quickly her brain could not register a thing. She felt warmth touch her skin where her revue garments failed to cover; warmth on the inside of her wrist where her pulse thumped steadily, slightly slowly, against a sudden pressure, and warmth on her neck when the pressure moved from her wrist to another pulse point, warmth when something touched her cheeks, her jawline,- and warm air - someone’s breath, brushing her cheeks as it neared close, feeling for her own breath, then more pressure - this time weighed heavily onto her chest.
It happened one or two more times - Maya wasn’t able to keep track, everything was a blur - until her eyes shot open and she felt herself heaving desperately, before riding all the contents of her stomach onto the stone concrete. Gentle hands held her, helped align her so she was laying on her side, and when she could no longer feel the unpleasant feeling of water sloshing around inside of her did Maya drop her head. Whoever it was - Claudine, she was certain, but Maya wanted to live in denial for however long the seconds she had left permitted her - helped lay her back on her back, once she was sure the brunette didn’t have anything left to retch.
She lay for a while, eyes closed despite the dimly-lit basement barely having a source of light since their revue began, so there was nothing to disrupt her vision if she were to look above. The pounding in her head was painful enough that it felt impossible for it to get even worse, anyways.
Maya ended up having to open her eyes, however, when a gentle tap of fingers - fingers, that’s what the pressure from earlier was - was patted softly against the bridge of her nose. She could barely catch the sight of a worried scarlet gaze when a flash of blonde hair interrupted her assessment.
"Oh my god." Claudine breathed, and Maya felt gentle hands grip her shoulders, as if afraid she'd disappear once again. Then, warmth, again - as the girl leaned in and tucked her face in the space between Maya’s shoulder and neck. Claudine was wet too, she realised.
"You were supposed to swim up, imbécile!"
The brunette tried to laugh, though it came out as a choked gasp. Claudine leaned up, looking ready to fuss over her. She figured she may as well say something to ease her partner’s mind.
“Ma Claudine,” She said as sweetly as she could, despite how her throat felt like sandpaper. “Here I am in your arms again.”
The girl in question stared at her in disbelief. “Out of all the things to say…” She smacked Maya’s shoulder lightly. “You almost died!”
Maya dared to smile. The nerve. “I couldn’t ever die with you near. You’ll always save me, ma charmante princesse.”
Claudine scoffed. For a moment, the brunette expected her to refuse ever rescuing Maya ever again. Instead, what she said made Maya’s aching heart blossom. “Of course. I’ll always be here to catch you - I’m the only one that can keep up with you, after all.” She tucked a wet strand of dark hair behind Maya’s ear. “
As she said this, her eyes swam with tears - and the brunette was sure it wasn’t because of the river.
Maya tried her best to sit up, pushing Claudine’s arm gently aside when the blonde tried to keep her down. Needing somewhere to place her hand, the half-French settled with resting it on the small of Maya’s back, effectively balancing her in her hold.
Maya slung her arm limply over Claudine’s damp shoulder, muscles weakened from her lack of oxygen. It was starting to sink in how soaked through both of them were. How did the Giraffe even get plumbing in there?
The blonde didn’t react, her face seeming to shift through several emotions, as if she couldn’t decide what she was feeling.
“What is it? Dis moi ce qui ne va pas.”
Magenta eyes stared at her, and to the brunette’s horror, the tears finally spilled over once again. She’d seen Claudine cry before - both of them had seen each other cry before - Maya had found it endearing once, when Claudine had broken down because of Maya - though it wasn’t the slightest bit pleasant when it wasn’t due to the best circumstances.
“I can’t believe I almost lost you when all I wanted was to do the exact opposite.” The blonde’s voice trembled as she spoke.
Leaning her forehead against Claudine’s shoulder, Maya sighed her contentment. “You were never going to lose me.”
Claudine shook her head in disbelief. “You didn’t even try to save yourself. I saw how you just allowed yourself to sink.”
She didn’t have an excuse for that.
Her shoulder felt light, only her revue outfit weighing her down. Maya didn’t need to feel around to know that her red jacket was gone.
“You won.” Maya rasped, ignoring the burning sensation in her oesophagus. “What is your prize?”
Without warning, Claudine slammed her face into Maya’s thoroughly soaked hair, ignoring how she now had both their wild strands clinging to her damp skin. She cried noisily, and Maya’s arms circled around her body, leading both of them to simply hold each other. She felt the pounding of her head intensify, and her vision was starting to fade by the time Claudine was speaking again.
“Let me in.” The blond sobbed, voice slightly muffled by Maya’s hair. A trembling arm went up, and Claudine felt weak pets against her crown. “I don’t care how much it hurts, how much it’ll hurt me - just…” She raised her head enough for Maya to see her rose-tinted irises, flooded with sorrow and grim determination. “Just let me in.”
For someone that just lost, as was her previous loss to Claudine; it didn’t feel like a defeat.
- - -
“Maya-chan? We’re supposed to go to the studio.” Aijo Karen chirped, stopping where she was standing clutching a box of their next show’s props. She’d noticed the brunette’s steps taking an abrupt stop once she’d gone a few feet ahead, prompting her to turn around questioningly.
Maya was staring off to a familiar door, her gaze only the slightest bit longing.
“Maya-chan?”
She snapped herself out of her daze, turning to Karen for the purpose of offering an apologetic smile. “My apologies, I just recalled something. Would you mind going ahead?”
Confused, the red-head tilted her head inquiringly. “Would you like some company?”
“No, it is quite alright. I’ll catch up to you soon.”
The younger girl appeared uncertain. “Are you sure?”
Maya flashed her a genuine smile. “Yes, do go ahead. You don’t want to be late.”
At the tease, Karen’s spirit seemed to have lifted. She laughed and tightened her grip on the box once it threatened to slip. With an all too cheerful, “See you later!” she bounded off to their destination, and with the speed she chose, Maya hoped she wouldn’t bump into anyone else or trip on her own two feet anytime soon.
Once the girl was well out of her sight, Maya placed her own box down and stepped to the door, turning the knob and entering, taking in the dusty smell that had become one of familiar, isolating comfort for the past few weeks. No one ever enters the storage room, and it was rather strange that it had a window in the first place - though Maya had long figured it was for the sake of the outer building aesthetic more than anything else. The window led directly to the roof, one that Maya hadn’t visited for a few days now since her last revue.
The revue she had with Claudine - the Revue of Return, named after it was concluded. It was the first a revue was ever named once it was completed, though it was not without reason. Time was uncertain at that moment, as was their relationship and Maya’s own state of mind. The true purpose of the revue was uncovered until the end; as a guidance for her to return to the world she belonged to, the one where she was wholly loved, and for her to once again have full trust in Claudine.
It felt so long ago when she first opened up to her best friend regarding her troubles. She’d done less of it since then, when she felt that she had been too overbearing, too much - and it hadn’t served her well in the long run. Perhaps she was still too prideful to admit that she needed the support - yet another thing for her to come back from, but one thing at a time. Maya was only starting to heal.
Through the window, it was cloudy, reminding Maya of the day she’d nearly fallen off the roof in her haste to reach the edge. She wondered if it would rain by the time she was at her usual seat, and she would have attempted, had it not been for the time limit she was on. They needed to assist Class B in preparations, and she couldn’t leave them waiting.
And as Maya looked out to the roof, the longing sensation passed. Replaced with a strange feeling of contentment, Maya allowed herself to revel in it, until-
“Karen told me you’d be here.”
Successfully hiding her surprise, the brunette greeted the newcomer with a smile.
Claudine had her hair tied up in a ponytail as she stood with her arms crossed, her signature frown etched upon her face. “You were supposed to deliver those things 5 minutes ago.”
Maya didn’t need to see where Claudine was pointing to understand what she meant.
“I just stopped to take a little detour.”
“Into the storage room no one ever goes to?”
She considered laughing it off with a joke no one would get, but Maya promised Claudine no more pulling away, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to bring the matter up. She feared there won’t ever be a better time, anyways - now that coincidence had decided to present her with the opportunity.
“Remember when I used to disappear for a long time?”
Sensing that this was important, Claudine dropped her arms to her sides and stepped in, offering a hand for Maya to hold if she needed it. Maya seemed to acknowledge the offer without even seeing the pre-offered comfort, subconsciously slipping her hand into Claudine’s with nary a glance.
“I get worried sometimes.” Claudine admitted, her face heating up at the admission.
Clearly expecting a tease at the show of empathetic honesty, the blonde was surprised to see Maya simply nod her head as she replied, “You have every right to worry.”
Claudine squeezed her hand. “Is it bad?”
Maya pursed her lips. “Perhaps. Depending on how you see it.”
She unlocked the window and pushed it open, though made no attempt to climb out. She’d gotten so used to climbing out she needn’t ever hold onto the frame anymore, simply stepping out as normally as walking out the door. Instead of climbing past however, she simply took a seat on the windowsill, patting the space next to her for Claudine to join her. Perplexed, she did as requested, both girls with their backs to the rooftop.
“I used to go here a lot.” Maya explained. “Not here-” She gestured to the cluttered space around them, “But out there, to the roof.”
The half-French’s jaw fell open as immediate understanding dawned on her. “Maya, that’s unsafe!”
The top student felt the tips of her mouth curl up into a smile in spite of herself. “I know.”
“I suppose you have a good reason for doing that?”
Maya shrugged, leaning against Claudine. “Not particularly. The truth is, I don’t usually go out there with good intentions in my mind.”
She could practically hear the gears turning in Claudine’s mind. “You mean…”
Sparing her friend’s peace of mind as she went over the implication, Maya draped an arm across her shoulders and pulled her closer, beginning the well-deserved explanation. “I think about ending everything, whenever life gets too much.” Maya exhaled heavily, feeling one of Claudine’s arms snake around her back in an attempt at a side-hug. She petted her friend’s hand once it appeared in the corner of her vision. “I never did it, of course. Sitting out there - it always made me think. ‘What then? What will happen? What will I gain from this? What of the people that care so deeply for me?’ and I would not dare to do it. It was rather pathetic, at certain times. The irony is palpable, how the idea of it seemed to solve my problems for a short while and still managed to bring with it comfort.”
Her friend listened to her in silence. Ever since they’d gotten to the point of their relationship where Maya was comfortable enough to confide in Claudine, she noticed that Claudine did that a lot. She listened - she listened, and she thought through every word, considering every phrase. As long as Maya was being direct and honest with her feelings. She knew then that Claudine understood how laying herself out so much was difficult - which was why she always listened.
Sometimes, she reacted, showed emotions - revealing the sensitive side of her.
Maya, sensing that tenseness in Claudine’s form against her at her confession, grasped for words to comfort her with. “But it was merely a temptation, a trial of the heart. I can’t begin to explain to you how difficult… All this is for me. But-” She sighed contemplatively. “I-”
She struggled with her words for a moment until the handhold they still maintained dragged her back to the present, the blonde tugging at her fingers lightly.
“Maya, you don’t have to explain yourself.” Claudine interrupted her gently, though Maya was far too engrossed in her conflicting thoughts to notice how the shorter girl’s voice shook.
“But I- listen,” She pressed when it looked like Claudine was about to interrupt her again, “I don’t know how to say this; it is like, I just want to stop… feeling this way. But I don’t want my life to end, I have so much to live for, I believe, and you’re here-” She swallowed. It felt like a lump was stuck in her throat. “I don’t wish for anything to end. I just want to stop feeling this way.”
She shifted, surprising Claudine as she leaned into the girl’s shoulder, similar to the way she had when she lost their last revue - after Claudine saved her.
"Whenever I was feeling hopeless, every single time, on the roof - you were with me one way or another. I always came back to you when you called. Sometimes the thought of you waiting for me to return, and it never coming to pass, ached my heart so much that I simply knew I could never do that to you."
She felt something wet land on her ear. It wasn’t a surprise for Maya to be opened to the sight of Claudine - crying, once again, as she lifted her head. Maya seemed to always be the cause of Claudine’s tears. If they started a tally, surely Maya would have the highest score.
"Maybe we should get you someone to talk to." Claudine said, once she’d composed herself enough to speak - though she did so rather hesitantly, as if expecting for Maya to respond with an instant rejection.
“Like a shrink?” She wasn’t certain why, but there was a hint of amusement in her voice.
Claudine looked thoughtful, seeming encouraged by the fact that her suggestion wasn’t instantly pushed aside. “Psychiatrist.” She responded, placing a thumb on her chin, appearing deep in thought. “They aren’t cheap though, but with my allowance-”
“Claudine, please.” Maya pulled herself back from hiding her face in the crook of her friend’s neck and returned to her original position of simply leaning against each other, though her head still rested on Claudine’s shoulder. “I can pay for my own expenses. But speaking to my parents may be another matter all in itself.”
“If you prefer to keep it to yourself, I’m sure we can find something.” Claudine insisted, unlinking and linking their hands together, emphasising on how Maya wasn’t to do anything alone. “We can talk to a counsellor, perhaps, and ask for guidance. Nana might have something to say, and it may not seem like it, but Kaoruko does have quite a few resources up her sleeve.”
Doubtfully, Maya nodded. But she trusted Claudine, and if Claudine was her way up, it was the direction she would go.
“I apologise.” The despondent brunette spoke, feeling the top of Claudine’s head shift slightly where her cheek was resting upon. “For letting everything fester to this point in time.”
“Don’t. It’s the now that matters, and you’re opening up, talking to me-” She sucked in a breath, voice shaky, this time filled with pure emotional relief. “I couldn’t be more grateful that we’re moving forward.”
Maya nodded, suddenly worn out of anything more to say. A few moments had passed when she felt Claudine rise, sitting up next to her and touching her cheek to get her attention.
"You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress."
Maya wiped the last of the tears from the blonde's eyes, smirking at the girl's sorrow in spite of her own predicament.
“How eloquent of you." She teased.
"Shut up." Claudine growled, mystified by the brunette daring to deflect the phrase she pulled out of her own heart. "You're fine, the way you are. Is what I meant."
"Merci beaucoup. Tu es parfait aussi."
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