Chapter Text
“What’s up with you?” Doug asked, signing off on another chart, shooting Kerry a sideways glance.
Kerry looked up, her fingers of her right hand pressed to her lips, as if physically remembering the kiss. “Hunh?”
“You haven’t yelled at me or second guessed my work once today.” He said, shaking his head. “Planning global domination?”
Pulling her hand away from her mouth Kerry shrugged. “Do you want me to second guess your work?” She asked, reaching for his chart.
The pediatric fellow shook his head. “No. It’s just...weird.” He muttered watching as Kerry went back to her own charts, her finger on her lower lip. He looked over at Jeanie who gave him a soft smile.
“There’s a 3 year old with stomach pain in curtain 1.” She said softly, watching as he took the chart and headed into the room. Once he was gone she stared at her friend who seemed to be in her own world. “Did you kiss her?” She whispered, causing Kerry to jump, her crutch clattering to the floor. With an apologetic smile, Jeanie reached down and picked up her crutch but stared at her. “There is no other reason why you would be…”
Kerry’s eyebrows arched and she looked at her friend. “Would be what?”
“Like this. You keep rubbing your lip. You’re zoned out. So...did you?”
A flush rose from her shirt and covered her chest, neck, and face. Kerry tried to keep her eyes down on the chart she was working on, all while internally cursing her genes. She waited a few moments before looking up at Jeanie and gave her a small imperceptible nod.
Jeanie’s eyes went huge and she dragged Kerry into an empty sutre room. “You kissed her? She kissed you? How was it?” She wasn’t normally a gossip, but even she couldn’t resist.
Glancing around, Kerry exhaled softly. “She kissed me.” She whispered. “Then I kissed her. Then she kissed me again. Then I kissed her again.” Kerry ran her hand over her face and she looked up at her friend with a blushing smile.
“AND?” Jeanie looked around and tried to keep her voice down. “How was it?”
She couldn’t keep the smile from forming on her face and Kerry grinned. “It was like no other kiss I’ve ever had. I don’t know how to describe it but...like...time stopped. My heart stopped beating.” Slowly she lowered herself onto the stool and sighed.
Jeanie smiled and leaned over, giving her friend a hug. “I’m so proud of you, Kerry.” She said honestly. She hugged her tightly and tried to portray everything she couldn’t tell her with words with her hug.
Kerry gave Jeanie a small smile as she pulled away. “I’m not sure what the next step is, but...I’m happy Jeanie. Really happy.”
The younger woman gave her a wide honest smile and nodded. “Kerry, I am so glad.” She said quietly. “You deserve happiness. And so does Susan.” She hugged her friend again.
Susan smiled as Carol scooped up Suzie and gave her a raspberry on her chubby cheek. The little girl squealed and mimicked Carol before wiggling until she was put down. Carol smiled and sat down next to Susan.
“You look amazing.”
“I’m feeling better each day.” Susan said with a small shrug. “Things are not as foggy.” She rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand. “And I am moving better. Riina said that maybe in a month or two I can maybe come back. Short shifts, but back at work.”
Suzie ran into her room and dragged a small playchest full of toys and dumped them on the floor and the two women watched her play.
“I am very lucky. WE are very lucky to have friends. Like you and Doug and Mark...” Susan said quietly.
“And Kerry.” Carol added quickly, watching as Susan’s face flushed a deep red. “And Kerry, right?”
Running her hand over her face, Susan gave a small nod. “Yeah, of course. Kerry.”
“What happened? Did you talk to her?”
Susan nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” She admitted, her face turning impossibly red.
Carol’s dark eyes were fixated on Susan and a smile crossed her face.
“We kissed.” Susan admitted softly. “Well I kissed her. Then she kissed me. Then I kissed her. Then she kissed me.” A tiny smile tugged on the edges of her lips.
“And??” Carol couldn’t help but urge her friend on. She had shared more than enough about her own sex life with Doug, she was now wanting the details from her friend.
“I’m really bad at relationships, Carol. Like...with anyone. Male or female. But...it was so good. It was incredible. Like...the world stopped. I’ve never felt like that when I’ve kissed anyone.” She admitted.
Carol nodded. “I feel like that when I kiss Doug - but back up. Other women?”
“Bisexual, Carol. I’ve had other relationships.” Susan sighed. “But none of them...I’ve never felt like... this. ” She admitted. “She makes me feel...happy.”
Carol knew that feeling, the same feeling she had when she was with Tag. That she was in the relationship because she felt she had to be, but things were different with Doug. Doug made her feel wanted, cared for, loved. “I get that. I feel like that with Doug. Even when everyone says we shouldn’t be together.”
The fairer woman watched her best friend and she reached over and squeezed her hand. “You and Doug are perfect together. Just stubborn.” She laughed. “I just hope...I don’t screw this up.”
“You won’t.” Carol said quietly.
“I’m an overachiever in that sense.” Susan said wryly. “One of my many talents, fu - screwing up relationships.” She looked down at Suzie who gave her a toothy smile. The little girl walked over and pulled herself up onto the couch between the two of them.
“Love you Mama.” She chirped happily, pressing her face against Susan’s side.
Susan looked down at Suzie and then at Carol and smiled. “Love you too, my Suzie girl.”
“You know what, Susan? Despite everything - you’re pretty damn lucky.” Carol said with a smirk.
Susan smiled and kissed her daughter on the head. “Yes. I think I am.”
Kerry toed off her shoes at the entrance and hung up her light jacket. It blew her mind that Susan’s accident had now been three months ago and Chicago was starting to drag itself from the depth of winter. She placed her bag on the bench before walking into the main room. The table was set with two plates while Susan puttered around the kitchen slowly.
“Where’s Suzie?”
Susan glanced over her shoulder and gave Kerry a bright smile. “It’s 8pm. She’s asleep in bed already.” She went to the fridge and pulled out a salad. “I made supper. It’s not much but...it’s gooder - BETTER than take out.”
“It smells great.” Kerry said honestly. “Do you mind if I shower first? I smell like hospital and vomit.”
“Go shower.” Susan said, wrinkling her nose. Watching Kerry walk away, she started to make the rest of the meal, a light pasta with tomatoes, basil, and balsamic vinegar. She focused on cutting up the tomatoes, missing Kerry’s soft footsteps and click of her crutch.
“Do you need help?”
The knife she held slid and cut cleaning through her middle finger and Susan yelped. She held her hand up, making sure her blood didn’t drip on the food. “Fuck.” She mumbled, dropping the knife into the sink. Kerry was there instantly, examining the wound. It was deep, but not so deep that it required stitches.
“You okay?” Kerry asked as she applied pressure. Susan’s face had blanched and she looked queasy.
“Yeah. Just...you spooked me and it slipped.” Susan muttered. There was no way she was able to go back to work if she still startled like that. Sighing, she pulled her hand from Kerry’s and shook her head. “I tried to make supper.”
Kerry gave her a tight smile and wrapped her finger. “It looks great. Nothing is wrecked.” She dug under the sink for the first aid kit and bandaged her finger up tightly. “Good as new.” She pressed a soft kiss to Susan’s finger.
Susan nodded slowly and watched as Kerry kissed her finger. “Thanks.” She whispered, turning and looking at pasta in the water. Kerry understood and drained it before putting it on the table. Susan carefully finished cutting the basil before mixing it with the remaining ingredients. “It’s not much…”
“It’s great.” Kerry interrupted. “Perfect.”
Susan sat down at the table and plated herself some salad and pasta and twisted it slowly, her green eyes on Kerry. “Thanks.” She mumbled before eating slowly. She had such high hopes of betting better and being able to go back to work, but it also brought on the anxiety of leaving Kerry’s home. She picked at the food on her plate, the reality sinking deep into her chest. An errant tear rolled down her cheek that she brushed away angrily. As if she was pulled magnetically to her, Kerry was at her side.
“What’s wrong?”
She cursed the aphasia and the feelings that were washing over her. “I want to be clear - CLEARED - for work.” She closed her eyes as Kerry wrapped her arms around her.
“You will be.”
With a huff, Susan shook her head. “I know. Patience. But if...if I go to work. I leave. Here.”
Kerry’s eyebrows knitted together and she pulled away. “Why? Why would you leave?”
“I am here...to get better.” Susan whispered. “I will be better.”
Suddenly Kerry’s arms were around her, holding her tight. “No. You can stay here as long as you like.” Kerry said quietly. “I like having you and Suzie here. I want you to be here. With me.” Her arms held tight onto Susan until she felt the younger woman’s body stop shaking. “As long as you need, or as long as you like. You are welcome here.”
Susan gave Kerry a small smile and nodded. “Thank you. And sorry for - “ She motioned to her face.
Kerry just smiled and moved back to the seat across from Susan. She took a bite of the meal and chewed slowly. “I told Jeanie.” She admitted once she had swallowed her food. “But she promised not to say anything.”
Susan shrugged. “I told Carol. She promised too but…” She gave Kerry a small smile.
The meal had been forgotten and Susan found herself curled up in Kerry’s arms again on the couch. She stared silently at the tv, watching the pictures flicker across but not having the attention span nor the ability at the moment to follow what was going on. Feeling Kerry’s lips on her ear, Susan turned her head slightly and their lips met again.
“I know I won’t get tired of this. Kissing you.” Kerry whispered, her fingers brushing Susan’s hair off her face.
“Will you get tired of me?” Susan’s voice was small, thin and reedy, as if she had been on the verge of tears.
“Never.” Kerry’s lips were trailing a path of fire on her skin. “I will never get tired of you.”
Susan had heard it all before. She had lived through it, but each time they got tired of her and left. Each time she was left alone. Nodding, Susan turned her head back, feeling Kerry’s hand on her stomach and one in her hair, but she couldn’t help but feel like right now all Kerry was doing was paying lip service.
Time would tell.