Chapter Text
“It was just awful…I’ve not seen him like that before.”
Simon leans back on the sofa. The three of them are sitting in Ayub’s living room. Ayub's mother and two siblings are out so instead of cuddling up in Ayub's small room they are taking advantage of the empty apartment and have filled the living room table with all kinds of snacks and ordered their usual pizza.
It’s been two days since Simon ran into Wille having his panic attack and he’s just not been able to stop thinking about it and now he’s just told his two best friends about it.
“I’ve never felt so useless in my life. I feel like I just messed it up…I’ve never seen anyone have a panic attack before. Not like that.”
“I’m sure you did what you could,” Rosh says. “And I'm sure you just being there helped him.”
“I think he has them a lot too. But like no one is around and he’s just coping by himself.”
“Well that sucks,” Rosh says. “That’s just horrible. No one deserves that.”
Simon nods.
“It is. It made me realise there’s so much I don’t know about him. We barely even know each other at all…”
“That’s not true,” Rosh argues. “You know him.”
Simon shrugs.
“I wish I could help him. But I don’t think I can.”
“But that’s not your job,” Auyb fills in.
“Ayub is right. Besides, he’s probably getting help- He’s the crown prince after all. He if anyone has the means to get the help he needs.”
Simon bites his lip. He guesses Rosh is right, but he just knows that Wille is alone in this. That he doesn’t get any help. He can feel it. Crown Prince or not, Wille just seems to be so lonely in this world.
“Maybe,” he says.
He knows it’s a lie.
“And August?” Rosh asks.
Simon sighs.
“I don’t know. I still want to kill him but…”
“You are worth better than that,” Rosh fills in, repeating the mantra they’ve enforced whenever August name is brought up. “He’s a little scumbag and you don’t deserve to get into trouble over him.”
Simon nods a little and a tiny smile appears on his lips.
“I cant believe they are letting him walk free,” Rosh continues. “It’s unbelievable. How can they put you in that situation? They really don’t have any morals. As long as everything looks perfect from the outside…anyway. Has Wille said anything about his master plan?”
She says the last bit with a hint of sarcasm, voice laced with disdain and gone is the little bit of sympathy it held just a few minutes ago.
Simon finds himself shaking his head. He has no idea what WIlle is planning. If he’s planning something even. He’s probably not, Simon realises. He’s probably just being as passive as he always is. It’s probably just empty lies as it always is with Wille. Promises that are broken and words that mean nothing at the end of the day.
“He probably just said it to make sure you didn’t do anything about it,” Rosh continues.
He wishes she was wrong, he wishes he was wrong but it’s probably the case.
“It’s still not too late to go to the police,” Ayub says and Rosh nods.
“Felice still has the evidence right?” she asks and he nods
“But I can’t just do that to him,” he sighs. “If I did, people would for sure make the connections. It would ruin him.”
“Yeah but-” Rosh starts but Simon shakes his head.
“Can we not talk about this,” says firmly. “I just don’t want to think about it.”
Rosh looks like she wants to protest but Ayub nudges at her side and she sighs.
“Yeah okay,” she agrees. “Just don’t forget that we are here for you and you can tell us everything.”
“I know,” Simon smiles. “Thank you, guys!”
-
A few days later Simon watches Wille pick at his food during lunch. It’s become a pretty common sight nowadays and it’s really starting to make Simon worry just how often Wille seems to eat barely anything at lunch. From the way Wille looks Simon suspects he struggles at breakfast and dinner too. Lunch has quickly become his least part of the day for several reasons. He has to split from his only friends which makes him feel exposed and uncomfortable in ways he never imagined himself feeling. Its not that he doesn’t have people to talk to. He does. It’s just that people are starring around him and people are awkward. They all know of course and even if they don’t say anything it’s embarrassing to have everyone know about what happened and how WIlle ultimately threw him under the bus and betrayed him like he meant nothing. He misses the feeling of not giving a shit of what other people think about him. He misses being carefree and unbothered. Now everything is ruined And then there’s Wille and August, the two causes of his newfound situation. August he just tries to not even look at. WIlle is a different story entirely and even he wishes he could just do the same. He can’t. He just cares too much.
It’s been almost a week since he ran into Wille having a panic attack and they have not really talked since. They have greeted each other in the corridor but that’s about it and Wille has seemed to go back to his usual routine of isolating himself, seemingly disappearing between classes. Sometimes after school if he hangs out in the library he’ll see Wille go on walks on the castle grounds but he never sees him in the library or at workies.
Simon frowns as he watches the other boy play with the food on his plate, his own food suddenly abandoned on his plate. He feels sick and uneasy and the thought of finishing feels impossible.
Their last encounter has not made him worry about Wille any less and the anger he’s felt at Wille over everything is slowly ebbing away. Little by little, day by day he can feel the anger disappear and the concern grow. It doesn’t matter how many times the people around him tell him it’s not his job to worry about WIlle, well mostly Rosh and Ayub tell him that. And Sara. Felice and Maddie are more neutral in their stance and he knows just how worried Felice is about her friend.
He always knew Wille was struggling, but not like this. He always knew their break up hurt Wille just as much as it hurt him. But not like this. It makes him feel guilty, almost. For leaving Wille to fend for himself, for putting so much blame on Wille when Wille is so clearly hurting. Wille looks so sad, most of the time, so lonely and Simon has not understood just how much pressure Wille is under until now. Until he found Wille struggling to breathe the other day and Wille cried and held on to Simon’s shirt for dear life and pleaded with Simon to not leave him alone. To stay for just a little longer.
He may have been angry, he may still hurt but he hates seeing Wille like this.
-
“Have you seen Sara?”
He looks up from his seat and the book he’s reading. It’s Felice that has walked into the otherwise empty classroom.
“No, why?” he asks.
“Usually we meet up for breakfast but she wasn’t there and her roommate had not seen her either. I thought maybe she had gotten here early.”
“No, I've not seen her,” Simon says. “I got her about ten minutes ago. My mum drove me because of the snow so I was really early and the classroom door was open.”
Felice nods.
“Mind if I sit down?” she asks and he shakes his head.
She sits down next to him.
“Have you noticed anything with her lately?” she asks. “With Sara I mean?”
“What do you mean?” Simon asks.
“She's just more quiet. And she doesn’t feel like herself. Hasn’t been in a long time. It’s weird because I thought she would be so happy moving here since that’s something she really wanted to do but she doesn’t seem that happy a lot of the time. And she sometimes shows up late if we are meeting at the stables. It’s just not like her.”
“I don’t know,” Simon says. “She’s been different ever since she started Hillerska. I sometimes don’t recognise her anymore.”
“Oh,” Felice says and grimaces slightly. “I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s not your fault. You are one of her first true friends actually. She’s just struggling to fit in. And she wants to fit in so badly and she doesn’t want to be different.”
“But being different is not a bad thing,” Felice says.
“To her it’s always been,” Simon sighs. “It’s made her life hell before and now that she’s found a place where she’s actually accepted she’s fighting tooth and nails to change herself to fit the norm.”
“That’s so sad…” Felice. “I do like her for who she is. We all do.”
“Yeah I just don’t think she realises that sometimes,” Simon sighs. “She’s acting out at home to. Or she did before she left. Now she’s barely been home and it makes my mum really upset. She really misses her. But Sara barely has time to come home. She’s always busy with something, Rousseau or you or whatever.”
“Do you want me to talk to her?” Felice asks.
“No, I’ll do it myself,” Simon says. “But thanks.”
“Of course,” Felice says.
She’s quiet for a few seconds.
“Have you thought about coming back to the choir?” she asks.
Simon shakes his head.
“But don’t you miss singing? You’re so talented it's such a waste not to show it.”
“I still love to sing,” he sighs. “I just feel like everyone is already staring wherever I go. It doesn’t matter. And it feels like I have everyone’s eyes on me all the time and after the video I don’t want that. I miss singing but I just can’t…sorry.”
“It’s okay. I just miss you there, that’s all. We all miss you. And if you ever change your mind the door is always open.”
“Thanks,” he says and as he does so a couple of students enter the classroom, taking a seat together in the far back.
It doesn't take long before the classroom starts to fill up and for the teacher to arrive. Simon watches Wille arrive along with Henry and Walter and only a minute later Maddie arrives with Fredrika and Stella but Sara is still nowhere in sight. It isn’t until the very last minute that she arrives, when the teacher is about to begin the lesson.
Simon looks up in surprise as she enters the classroom but she barely acknowledges him and just takes a seat next to Madison. Simon frowns as he turns around and follows her with his eyes before he focuses on the teacher again. Something is definitely going on with her.
-
It takes another week before he gets a chance to speak to Sara alone but in the meantime he notices her grow more and more absent. Even when it’s just the four of them, him, Felice, Sara and Maddie she’s oddly quiet and closed off. He’s noticed her being that away with Stella and Fredrika sometimes but not when it’s just the four of them but now she barely talks to them and sometimes it feels like she’s not even there at all. He’s had enough whens he stops answering in the group chat with their mother despite LInda asking her questions and he wastes no time in confronting her about it as he arrives to school and finds her walking towards the school building from the dormitory along with Felice and the other girls.
“Hey can we talk?” he asks as soon as he approaches her. “Alone,” he adds as she looks around.
“Why?” she asks.
“Because I need to talk to you.”
“We’re getting late,” she tries and looks around awkwardly. “Why can’t it wait?”
“Because it’s important,” Simon sighs.
Felice gives him a small nod.
“Why don’t we walk a head and give them some space?” she suggests. “See you soon”
“What did you want to talk about?” Sara asks as the rest of the group have walked away and the two of them are left alone.
The snow has melted again but the air is freezing cold, causing their breaths to fog.
“Why are you ignoring mum?” he asks.
“I’m not ignoring her,” Sara lies. “I’ve just been busy.”
“Too busy to answer a text? To busy to come home for one evening to spend time with her? That’s bullshit Sara.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” she says. “I’ve been busy.”
“Stop lying. WHy are you lying?”
“I’m not,” she says but he shakes his head violently.
“You don’t get to do this,” he says. “First you get all pissed at me and accuse me of betraying you for seeing dad but now you lie all the time and you act super weird. It’s not even about you changing anymore. It’s you being weird ever since you moved her and term started. Even Felice has noticed. So don’t lie to me. What’s going on?”
She looks down.
“Did something happen?” he asks, voice softer. “You can tell me.”
“Nothing happened,” she says quietly.
“Then talk to me,” he pleads. “Please, Sara.”
“You’ll be mad,” she says, looking down.
“What?” he says.
“If I tell you, you’ll be mad.”
“Tell me anyway…” Simon demands though his heart is already picking up speed.
“I did something stupid.” she says. “And you’ll be really mad and you’ll probably hate me for it. And I’m really sorry.”
“Just tell me,” he says.
“I knew it was August before Wille told you,” she says. “And before Felice knew.”
“WHAT?” he says loudly.
“I saw him in the library at Lucia. And then when the Secret Service took that computer I realised…I’m so sorry.”
It feels like he can’t breathe. His heart has never beat this hard before and he can feel the tears pool in his eyes.
If Wille’s betrayal was like having his heart squeezed tight and pierced with sharp needles this feels like it’s been ripped out all together. Like it didn’t exist anymore.
“I’m sorry…”
“Tell me you’re joking?” he says.
She shakes her head and the tears are falling down her face.
“I¨m really sorry,” she repeats. “I was going to tell you and tell everyone but then he…he asked what I wanted in return. And you and mum didn’t stop teasing me for changing and it was like you didn’t like me anymore. And then I found out about you and dad and I was hurting. And I wanted to move here…”
“What? So you blackmailed him?” Simon asks.
“I was just angry!” she says.
“So you did this as a punishment?” he asks loudly, “To get back at me?”
“No, of course not…”
“Then how could you do this? After everything he did? He destroyed my life, And Willes. I how could you do this?”
“I don’t know,” she says “I’m so sorry… I wanted to tell you but then you got so sad and upset when Wille told you and I didn’t want to hurt you more and I also didn’t want you to be mad at me…”
“Well it’s a little late for that;” Simon says angrily. “WIlle is one thing but you are my sister. My sister.”
“I know. I was going to tell you.”
“But you didn’t” Simon shouts, “You didn’t tell me. Instead you used the most painful moment of my life to get what you wanted. I can’t believe you would do that to me.”
“There’s something else you should know,” she says and looks down into the ground. “I’ve kissed him a few times. We might have a thing…”
He shakes head.
“No…” he manages.”Tell me you're joking…”
She doesn't say anything but she doesn’t have to. He knows it’s the truth.
“I… why? I can’t believe it. After everything he did to me. He destroyed my whole life. He’s the reason why I feel like I had to quit choir. It’s hes fault I was on every magazine in swden and still get weird looks every day. WHat he did was a fucking crime Sara. And your’re protecting him. You’re dating him? He’s Felices ex. He treated her like shit. Who even are you anymore?”
“I’m not dating him,” she says. “We’ve just made out a few times. Tha’s all…”
“It’s like I don’t know you anymore…” Simon says.
“Please!”
“....You've changed. But I never thought you would change into a horrible person, Sara. I never thought you would change into someone that betrays their family for status…”
“Simon…”
“...someone that pisses on their brother when they are at their lowest. I needed you Sara. I needed my sister but you did the worst thing possible…”
“Please, Simon…”
“...you’ve destroyed everything….and I…
“Stop!”
“...I¨’m not sure I can forgive you right now.”
And with that he turns around and leaves her shouting after him. His chest is caving in as he reaches the bus stop. The tears are falling down his face. He’s ice cold.
-
He goes home and lies in his bed until his mother gets home. She comes to check on him and he lies and tells her he has a migraine. The tears are long gone and he feels numb. She doesn’t question his swollen face, just strokes his cheek and kisses his forehead.
“I love you,” she whispers.
He can’t bring himself to tell her.
He stays home from school the next day too and his mother leaves him be. She doesn’t protest when he refuses to leave.
“I’ll call your school,” she sighs. “Get some rest.”
They pretend that his head is still hurting and she won’t pry. He stays in bed as he leaves for work and doesn’t leave unless he has to go to the bathroom. He ignores the texts from his friends and eventually turns his phone off when Sara won’t stop calling.
After all things that could have happened he never imagined this. He never imagined Sara betraying him like this. It hurts. Every breath hurts. She has always mattered the most to him. He has always done everything in the world to protect her. He left his old life for her and now she’s done this. Like he doesn’t matter at all to her.
He lets out another sob and suddenly he’s crying again, curling up on his bed into a tight ball. This is worse than the video, this is worse than Wille’s denial. It’s much worse than Wille telling him about August. He trusted Sara. With all he had. And now he feels stupid. Stupid and little, and dumb for trusting his sister to have his back. Stupid for not realising sooner how different she’s been acting lately. Stupid for not connecting the dots until it was too late.
-
He forces himself back to school on the third day. Mostly because he can’t bring himself to tell his mum what is wrong. If he does he’ll have to tell her about August.
Felice greets him with a hug when he arrives at school. She holds him tightly and doesn’t let go for a long time.
“Sara told me,” she sighs. “How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “I can’t believe she would do that…”
“Me neither,” Felice sighs. “I tried to understand but I really can’t.”
Simon sighs.
“Have you talked to her alot?” he asks. “She’s called me like 60 times. ANd texted even more.”
“I’ve talked to her,” Felice says. “But I’m just disappointed right now and I told her. But for what it’s worth she’s really upset with herself. And I can tell she regrets it.”
Simon nods.
“Maddie has talked to her about a bit. She agreed to not see August anymore.”
“I don’t know what’s worse,” Simon says- “Her not telling me or her having a thing with him all this time.”
“I know…” Felice says. “I’m not even into him. He’s a douchebag but it still makes me upset that she would do it…still what she did to me is of course nothing compared to what she did to you…”
“You’re allowed to be upset,” Simon shrugs.
“Yeah but still…”
“I just sucks, first Wilhelm and now Sara,” he says. “I really trusted both of them…”
“I know…” Felice says. “Sometimes the people we care about the most also have the ability to hurt us the most…”
Simon nods.
“She said I’m letting people walk all over me and piss at me all the time. And it turns out she pissed at me the most.”
“I’m sure she would take it all back if she could,” Felice says.
“But she can’t,” Simon fills in.
“Yeah..she can’t.”
“I’m just not sure if I can forgive her…” Simon says.
“Well you don’t have to. Not right now,” Felice says. “You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be angry. She’ll just have to accept it. I think she understands that. She’ll give you time.”
“But what if I can’t?” he asks.
Because what if he can never get over this? What if it never stops hurting? What if he can’t let go?
“Don’t think about that right now,” Felice says.
-
The following week is horrible. Him and Sara avoid each other and while he and Felice spend more time together he feels lonelier than ever. Their friend group has suddenly been divided and even if Sara spends a lot of time alone Maddie seems to try to make sure she’s not alone in all this. But it means that it’s no longer the four of them hanging out and to be honest he can feel how conflicted Felice is over this. Because while he’s still angry and upset over Sara’s betrayal Felice seems more ready and willing to forgive and Simon knows she wants her friend back and he knows she’s talking to Sara when he’s not around.
He doesn’t blame her. He doesn’t want Sara to go around without friends either for that matter. It’s in situations like this he wishes he was back at Marieberg with Rosh and Ayub. Things were so much less complicated back then. When they hung out in the hallways, took the bus together to and from school and spontaneously decided to hang out after school. He misses having them so close by, and not a group chat away. He misses being able to be carefree with them and without Sara being a part of his life at Hillerska he truly realises how much he hates it here. Even when she’s been different and weird she’s still been there she’s still been there. He still had his big sister. Until now.
As he waits for the bust home he takes a walk round the school grounds. He’s stopped going to workies lately, opting to just take the bus straight home instead. It’s just easier that way.
For some reason he finds himself at the beach. The rowing team is out in their boats and it doesn’t long before his eyes spots Wille sitting in one of the single boats. August is standing on the dock and a little further out there is another boat. Malin and Joakim are standing together by the shore, talking to each other while they keep an eye on the Crown Prince.
Malin nods in Simon's direction to greet him as he walks a little closer, eyes still on Wille who is manoeuvring his own boat. It looks absolutely freezing and just a couple of weeks ago their was a thin layer of ice covering the lake. But now apparently August has them in boats. Simon has never been happier; he's not in the team anymore. Even here on dry land the wind is icy and merciless, the water can’t be more than a few degrees over zero.
And then it happens. Wille looks up and notices him standing by the shore. He looks surprised and taken aback and for a second or so the boat wobbles and he almost loses his paddle.
“Focus, Wille,” August shouts. “Don’t lose your balance.”
And that’s what it takes for Wille to lose that one last bit of concentration and balance and as he does the boat tips violently to the left and he falls off and into the ice cold water.
Simon’s heart stops the instant Wille falls and disappears beneath the surface of the freezing water. He wants to jump into the water to save Wille and by the looks of it Joakim and Malin are ready to do the same, Joakim already having his warm jacked off and tossed to the side. Thankfully, though, Wille breaks surface almost immediately and what feels like an eternity for Simon is probably not more than a few seconds. Wille lets out a gasping breath into the cold air as he treads water, motions stiff and awkward. The rest of the team is watching him struggling to swim in the freezing water and heavy clothes. Neither of them seem to know what to do, or they are just too shocked to do anything, Simon wants to shout at them for just sitting there but Malin beats him to it.
“Don’t just sit there,” she yells. “Help get him out.”
By that time Wille has started swimming towards the shore and Simon watches anxiously as he makes his way to land, both bodyguards watching his every move, ready to jump into save him at any second.
Then Wille stumbles onto the beach, body shivering violently and lips already tinted blue. His hair is plastered to his face and his clothes stick to his slim body, Malin and Joakim both go to meet him, both of them stepping into the water with their boots and Malin’s arm quickly wraps around his shoulders.
“There we go, you are okay,” she says soothingly. “Let’s get you inside and warmed up.”
Joakim picks up his coat and drapes it over Wille’s shoulders. It looks ridiculously large on Wille’s thin frame. Wille doesn’t say anything but lets Malin guide his arms into the jacket and before zipping it up. With a small sigh Joakim takes off his hat and puts it on Wille’s haid, covering his drenched hair.
“Let’s get him back inside,” he says to Malin. “Do you think you can walk?” he continues and turns to Wille who nods.
“Yes!” he says.
“Good, we need to get the Crown Prince back to his room so he can warm up.”
As the two of them walk on either side of Wille, Malin still with her arm around WIlle’s shoulder and Joakim ready to intervene if needed, Malin turns around again, a furious look on her face.
When Simon follows her gaze it lands on August who still stands by the dock, looking dumbly and shameful at them. The boys in the other boat seem to have gotten Wille’s boat turned around again and are too working to get back to shore.
“Practice is over,” August says shakily.
Simon looks back at where the bodyguards are walking Wille back to the dorms. He turns around again and gives August a deadly stare before he starts walking towards the castle again.
He wants to go after Wille to make sure he’s okay but the closer he gets to the dorms the more uncertain he feels and instead of walking into them to find Wille's room he turns around and walks into the school building instead, where he heads for the library, his bus suddenly forgotten-
As he walks in he spots Sara sitting at one of the tables, reading a book. She looks up as he walks in and there’s a pang in his chest as their eyes meet. Sara looks miserable as he walks past her, forcing his eyes to the floor and he ends up taking a seat as far away from her as possible.It hurts so much to see her. It hurts so much to not talk to her. It hurts so much to ignore her. They’ve never gone this long without speaking, they’ve never fought like this. But never in a million years has she done something like this to him before. And he’s not sure he’ll ever forgive her.
A couple of hours later, he feels ready to leave. Sara is no longer sitting at the table and the library is starting to clear out. He should probably head home before he gets too late and his mother starts wondering where he is. As soon as he walks out of the library he spots Wille walking towards through the corridor, dressed in joggers and his dark blue hoodie. He looks alot better than when SImon last saw him and his hair is dried and he’s no longer shivering violently. He looks tired though with dark circles under his eyes.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi!” Wille says, fiddling a little with the hem of his shirt.
“How are you?” Simon asks. “Are you okay?”
Wille smiles a little.
“I’m fine,” he says.
Simon nods.
“That’s good,” he says. “I thought I was the bad one at rowing,” he adds with a small smile.
Wille smiles and hides his face in his hands. Simon notices how the sleeves of the hoodie covers most his hands.
“That’s so embarrassing,” he says.
Simon smiles.
“I swear to god I thought Malin was going to kill August with her stare earlier. When you fell, she probably would have if she wasn’t busy taking care of you.”
Wille smiles again, a tiny smile playing on his lips but it is enough to make Simon’s stomach flutter.
“She was pretty angry,” Wille says. “I don’t think I’ve seen her lose it like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Simon said. “For distracting you…”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Wille says gently. “Probably wasn’t August's fault either. I was just distracted I guess. Not in it.”
“I’m still sorry,” Simon says. “You scared me…”
“Sorry,” Wille says. “I’m okay though. Took the warmest shower in a century and Malin got me some soup.”
Both of them are silent for a little while, Simon taking in just how thin Wille looks, the hoodie looking a lot larger than last time he saw Wille wear it.
“You know I wasn’t talking about just now,” he says. “When I asked if you were okay.”
Wille looks down and Simon watches him bite his lip.
“Are you?” Simon asks.
Wille shrugs and Simon hates the way Wille is so closed off when he used to be an open book with Simon.
“I’m okay,” Wille says without looking Simon in the eyes.
“Are you though?” Simon presses. “Because I’ve seen you lately and you don’t seem fine…I’m…I’m really worried about you.”
“You don’t have to be,” Wille says.
Simon sighs.
“Do you at least have someone you can talk to?” he asks dumbly because he already knows the answer.
When Wille doesn’t answer he sighs again.
“Wille,” he says. “You can’t keep isolating yourself. It’s not healthy. You need friends…”
“I don’t have any friends,” Wille says. “You know that.” he adds defensively.
“And whose fault is that?” Simon bites back, regretting it almost instantly when it causes Wille to visibly curl in on himself.
“Sorry,” he says. “But you do have friends. Felice is your friend and she’s so worried about you. And I’m sure the boys in class are your friends too. But you won’t let anyone in. Felice said you came with her to the stables a couple of times. Why don’t you anymore?”
Wille doesn’t say anything.
“Is it because of Sara? Is she giving you trouble?”
Wille shakes his head.
“It’s not because of her,” he says.
“Okay,” Simon says. “I don’t want her to be mean to you.”
“Why?” Wille asks.
“Are you seriously asking me that?” Simon says tiredly. “Do you really think I want you to suffer?”
“It’s no more than I deserve…” Wille says quietly and SImon can’t help but roll his eyes.
“Seriously Wille,” he says.
Wille hugs himself, his lip trembling slightly.
“How are you?” asks then.
Simon looks up.
“What?” he asks.
“You asked me how I am. Now I’m asking you how you are. How have you been with everything?”
Simon takes a breath before he walks over tho the wall and sinks down to the floor, drawing his knees to his chest. Wille hesitates for a second before he follows and sits down next to him, keeping his long legs stretched out in front of him.
“Are you okay?” he repeats.
“Sara knew,” Simon confesses, voice a little unsteady. “About what August did.”
“Oh…” Wille says. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well she didn’t tell anyone,” Simon says. “Until recently. She kept it from us even if she knew all along. She even saw him uploading that stuff the night of lucia. And then she figured it out but she didn’t say anything about it. She didn’t even tell me. She used to so that she could come here and board. I can’t believe she would do that to me. She knew how much it hurt me but she said nothing. Just for her own personal gain. We promised each other that we would have no secrets, that it would be us against the world and she just did that…”
“I had no idea she knew,” Wille says. “I’m sorry.”
“I just can’t believe it. She’s my sister. Like if you wouldn’t have told me who knows if I would ever have found out? I would just have walked around like any idiot while two of the people I cared about the most knew but didn’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry,” Wille says. “About not telling you sooner. I should have.”
Neither of them say anything.
“I guess if Felice wouldn’t have told me we would have been in the same boat,” WIlle adds. “My mum wasn’t going to say anything to me either. Not that it matters. BUt I really didn’t know about Sara. I’m really sorry, Simon.”
“It’s not your fault. She made her choices knowing how much it would hurt me. She knew it was wrong but she still did it. And what’s worse is that she’s even kissed him and stuff several times and I don’t even know. Maybe they even have a thing? LIke how could she?. Like even now, after everything.”
“Wow,” Wille sighs. “That… I didn’t expect that…”
“August and my sister…” Simon laughs bitterly. “WHo would have thought….”
“Yeah…” Wille says. “Just know…I’m not saying this to defend her or anything. What she did to you was unfair and shitty, but August is super manipulative. I’ve known him my whole life. He’s really good at manipulating you and use you. And if he thinks he can take advantage of you he will.”
“I know… and I know he probably did it with her too, to some extent.” Simon says. “But it doesn’t change what she did. She literally used what happened to me so she could come and live here.”
“I know,” Wille says. “I don’t mean to defend her. August is just…”
“A scumbag…” Simon fills in and Wille nods.
“I can’t believe Sara is even with him. If she still is. Who knows anymore. She’s just meen so weird lately. Hillerska really changed her. It’s like I don't know her anymore. She’s trying so hard to fit in and be a rich girl but she’s just become rude and arrogant. That’s not my sister anymore. She was never like that before.”
“Hillerska is a weird place,” Wille says. “I don’t know why Erik liked it so much, To me it just feels like a prison. A place where everyone is forced to be someone they are not in order to fit in.”
Simon nods.
“Have you talked to her?” Wille asks. “About it?”
“No, I’m honestly avoiding her as much as I can. She’s not been home in weeks either. I don’t think things can ever go back to how they were.”
“I’m sorry,” Wille mumbles.
“It’s not your fault what she did,” Simon says. “And it’s not really your fault what August did either…it really isn’t”
Wille nods but Simon can tell the other boy doesn’t quite believe him.
“It’s not,” he says.
“He would never have done it you if it was with someone else,” Wille says. “If it wasn’t me.”
“You underestimate how much of douchebag he is to everyone who’s not good enough in his opinion,” Simon jokes but deep down he knows what Wille means and that the other boy is probably right.
That doesn’t mean that he blames Wille for it though.
“You know what I mean,” WIlle says. “I exposed him…humiliated him. So he did the same to me…and you. So yeah, it kinda is my fault.”
“Yeah, well I don’t blame you for what he did,” Simon says. “I really don’t. And neither should you.”
“I still meant what I said. I will fix this,” Wille says. “I just don’t know how.”
“I had kinda started thinking you were just saying it to make sure I didn’t do anything about it,” Simon says and tries to make it seem like it’s a joke.
“What no?” Wille says. “I promise it wasn't just something I said,” Wille rambles. “ I promise. I will. I just don’t know how yet. But I will. I know you don’t trust me but I won’t let him get away. Even if my mum is protecting him and will continue to do so. I might not be able to take legal action but I’l do something, I promise…”
“Hey…” Simon says. “I believe you.”
Wille stops talking and nods.
“So what are you thinking?” Simon says.
“I don’t know…” Wille says. “I guess I could just tell everyone what he did. Expose him. To the students at least. Or take everything that matters from him. I don’t have anything grand figured out, sorry…”
“Maybe it doesn’t have to be grand though…” Simon says. “You said it yourself, your mum is going to protect him… but like all the students already knows it was the two of us. You know they do. But if they found out who did it…it doesn’t mean the teacher would have to know. And even if that’s not possible there are other things. Like all he cares about is his status without that he’s literally nothing. Like rowing. I watched him today and I saw how much he enjoyed yelling at you.”
“So what do you suggest”? Wille smiles. “I take over as captain and throw him out? Put him in a single boat? Make him fall into the water?”
“Well he does deserve that,” SImon says. “No but we could figure something out-”
Wille shakes his head.
“You can’t be involved,” he says. “I can’t let you!”
“Wille,” he goes to protest but Wille continues to shake his head firmly.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble because of this. He’s not worth it.”
“But you can?” Simon. “Seriously Wille. That’s so messed up. He ruined my life just as much…and-”
“Which is why I can't let him ruin your life more. Or let you ruin yours over him.”
“But you can? Yours can?”
“I’m the Crown Prince.,” Wille says.
Then a few seconds pass before he speaks again, this time looking straight into Simon’s eyes.
“My life has already been ruined. It can't be ruined anymore than it already has,” he whispers.