Chapter Text
If Maggie could see the way she actually looks maybe things would go a hell of a lot smoother. If she decided to not dismiss every opinion or piece of advice purely because of who was saying them. Maybe if Maggie could understand that Negan didn't look at her the same way that she looked at him.
Maybe it would be smoother, not that anyone would ever know now.
The reapers needed to die, he had no arguments against that, but looking at Maggie take them out like that. He can imagine himself in the same situation far too easily.
He turns to look at Daryl. Negan doesn't think Daryl really cares all that much about the reapers dying, but he does know how loyal Daryl is himself. He's seen it first hand. Might even be Daryl's strongest quality.
Loyal to a fault sometimes.
So what Negan assumes he's seeing is Daryl being pissed off that Maggie would, once again, take matters into her own hands when she decided she didn't want to go along with the plan anymore.
If Maggie had brought it up earlier, if they'd had time to talk it through. Maybe the same people would be dead and maybe there would be less tension. Negan can only assume this was always going to be what Maggie was going to do, but he supposes people can't argue with you if you don't bring up your own plan.
Trust, that's something Daryl clearly values, and time and time again, Maggie makes decisions that should really, probably, not be up to one person.
Whatever. Maggie's 'I'm doing this somewhat spontaneous thing that benefits me' plan wasn't something towards him so he's going to keep his mouth shut about it and watch how things play out between everyone else.
Not that he's fond of petty drama bullshit, but Negan would be lying if he said he wasn't having just the tiniest bit of fun watching them all try and hopelessly dance around what just happened. Trying to keep opinions to themselves, to make things easier? Because Maggie's been through enough shit?
She just brutally murdered that Carver guy after shooting down like two other people because she felt like it. They absolutely deserved it and he was a massive dick but if that sends a message to any of the other people standing here, imagine what kind of message Negan’s receiving. She's more than capable. He knew that, it's always been a case of could/would.
Would she? Would she do that to him in the very near future? Probably.
"I'll be back" Maggie calls over her shoulder, barely loud enough for the others to hear, walking back the way Negan and her had come here.
Ah. The loose end.
This is the part where they face it, accept it and deal with it. Where they find out, definitely.
Not that Negan can see this going any other way than the worst way.
Maggie doesn't wait for a reply, walking off towards what Negan knows must be an old church. He takes a deep breath, the crisp air seeming to almost burn in his lungs, though that might just be from the sudden weight on his chest.
The walk is both shorter and longer than it felt. Each step quickened Maggie’s heart rate just a bit more.
She doesn't hope. She doesn't let herself be optimistic. She also doesn't listen to the most obvious and awful conclusion her brains come to. Doesn't let her mind be anything other than blank.
Because otherwise she's going to fall apart.
(Because she willingly abandoned a kid who was almost certainly going to die. Because she tried to ignore him as best as she could because she didn't know how she was going to fix any of this. Because it was Alden)
She takes a shuddering breath in. Her eyes are closed. She finds herself standing in the same place she felt frozen in, the last time she was here. She can't help but feel frozen again now, the same dread filling her.
Maggie once again tests the door. She finds it heartbreakingly easy to push. There was certainly nothing blocking it now.
She opens the door, walking in knife first.
It pays too, because this time there really is a threat, the walker charging at her. It was never going to stand a chance against her. She's learnt to survive first, then feel the emotions. She knows you can't falter in that kind of situation.
So the relieved sigh that all but falls out of her after the walker goes down is instant once she sees it isn't...
It isn't anyone she knew.
Immediately making her stomach plummet a millisecond later when she understood what that must imply.
She stands up straight. Eyes scanning everywhere, the place seems empty. She knows better.
"Alden?" She calls out, almost hesitantly. (She knows better).
One step forward. Then the other.
Don't have hope. Don't have hope. Don't have hope. Don't have hope.
"Alden" She calls again. Is the desperation really in her voice if no one's there to hear it?
Have hope. Have hope. Have hope. Have hope.
Last row now.
Maggie stands there, body as still as a statue as she watches the walker crawl closer to her. Looking up at her. She doesn't even feel real.
(He followed you. He trusted you. He believed in you)
She crouches to the ground, waiting for him.
("You know why I followed you, and not him?")
Maggie gently holds his face in her hands.
In one way, it's good he's already so close to her because if she doesn't do it now her vision's going to be far too clouded to be able to see and do what she needs to.
The sound of the knife going in is so, so loud. She can feel it, ringing in her ears. There's not a doubt in her mind that it's going to replay in her head every night for a long time.
("Because I trust you to do the right thing")
The first sob forces its way out of her, rippling through her whole body. More follow. She lays herself over Alden’s body, not too much pressure. Gentle. Always.
Not that it matters anymore because he’s dead. He's been dead. Who knows how long. Long enough to be a walker.
Long enough that he was dead when she was off murdering reapers in a somewhat hostage situation. Longer than that. Long enough that he was probably dead when the reapers first realised Maggie’s group was moving in the same building as them.
Hell, Alden probably died when Negan and her first left. Could've been an hour. Probably less. One on three isn't good odds, no problem in waiting for two of them to leave, right?
The 'probably' in the realisation that Alden was probably still little is only there to lessen the blow in Maggie’s mind.
(They both knew he couldn't have been completely aged up when they left)
She's hit with everything that's gone so terribly wrong in such a short amount of time.
She just lays there with a body that once belonged to Alden and cries.
She hears footsteps just as she's finishing piling dirt onto where she buried Alden.
Not staggering enough to be a walker’s. Purposeful steps. Unless she's having an encounter with some other, cocky asshole she hasn't met before, there's only one person who that could be.
She turns her head slightly to see Negan. She doesn't say anything, simply turning back to what she was doing. This was not the time to start some shit with her.
"You were always gonna do what you did, Maggie"
Her jaw clenches.
"Sooner or later-"
Her head spins around to glare at him. How can she go through all this shit, all the goddamn time and he gets to have that stupid fucking smug grin. How can he walk around like everything's fine for him.
He doesn't say anything for a moment, holding eye contact with her from where she's crouched down. The smug grin isn’t quite as smug as she was used to, and the grin is hardly a grin, but she’d prefer to have something about him that she could pour some more hatred onto right about now.
Finally he looks off to the side, licking his lips and buying his time. Maggie waits, more than likely for him to say something stupid or wrong or inconsiderate. She’d love to have something real and tangible that she could point to and say ‘This! This is what I’m talking about! He did all this!’. Even when that’s not entirely true.
He tilts his head back to look at her once more.
"it's only a matter of time before you try and do the same to me. And I'm not gonna let that happen" With that stupid slight smugness to his voice and that stupid smirk and that stupid fucking crowbar he's holding.
'Cause yeah, she hates him, and she wants him to die but if he makes her kill him today... She can't handle that. Not right now.
She knows better. Survive first, then feel the emotions.
Her hands are gravitating towards her weapon on instinct, a strange feeling overwhelming her of 'Holy shit, is this actually going to be it?'
Of course it isn't. It never is.
"So I'll be on my way" Negan finishes.
She looks at him in slight confusion. Was this really what was happening right now.
"Leaving?" She says out loud, stupidly.
He nods but doesn't elaborate any further.
She looks back down to where she's buried Alden.
"Why did you tell me?" Why did you come here? Is really what she's asking, but she 'probably' already knows the answer painfully well.
She doesn't hear anything for what feels like minutes, she'd almost be convinced Negan had already walked off if she wasn't listening so intently for footsteps or breathing. If she wasn't so completely on edge about being alone around him.
"Was a good kid" He says quietly. Maggie wants to scream and punch this prick in the face and she's not fucking doing this right now.
"Good person" She grits out.
"I know" He says just as quietly as his first statement. Almost like he genuinely believes what he's saying.
"No you don't" She says hollowly, glaring at him. "You don't know at all".
He's looking down at her like she knows she's the one lying right now and not him.
"He shouldn't've died like that" he's strolling closer, she feels sick.
She doesn't scoff out loud but it's there. She knows Negan can feel the rage she’s practically throwing at him.
"Not surprised?" She asks angrily.
Negan looks taken aback, looking at her intently.
"You are?" Of course she isn't.
She can't bring herself to say that though, she really can't deal with any of this bullshit right now, especially from him.
As always, he continues.
"Maggie, we left a two year old, alone, with trained military psychos looking for us."
"Why are you still here Negan?" Showing emotion will only make him more smug, that and Maggie isn't sure she has much emotion left to show today.
"You must have the other two" He trails off.
For the first time in a long time, Maggie genuinely doesn't know what he's talking about. She looks at him, only to find him gazing down at Alden’s burial. She follows his gaze, right to the dandelion she'd placed against the cross. Her heart sinks.
She shakes her head in disbelief. "You're joking".
Then he looks at her. "Was a good kid" he repeats. She hates the way he doesn’t even seem embarrassed by the request.
The 'was' steals the breath out of her lungs.
As much as she wants to keep the image of Negan as only a bad person, he is a caregiver.
She dives her hand into the bag she has, knowing exactly where they are. She drags one out, barely looking when she holds one of the dandelions out for Negan to grab.
He takes the delicate flower in one hand, twirling it around as he straightens up.
Maybe he goes to say something, maybe he doesn't, Maggie wouldn't know, she isn't looking at him.
In her peripheral she sees him turn around, watches him take steps forward until he's out of sight. Hears him keep walking away. After a moment she glances behind her, finding Negan walking off for good. In one hand a crowbar, in the other a dandelion. She watches as he leaves for a moment more, only when he's far away enough not to notice her and she's sure he won't be coming back does she let out a shaky exhale.
There are more tears in her eyes but they won't be falling tonight. She stands on tired legs and stares down at Alden’s grave. She presses her lips together, dragging her hands over her face one last time. She backs off, glancing towards where Negan had gone, no sign of anyone.
She starts walking too. Back to Daryl and Gabriel and Elijah. Back to Alexandria. Back to her son.
She only lets herself think of Alden, both little and big, on her walk back. She can’t waste any time other than that thinking about him. She can’t say anything other than surface level facts to the others when they ask later. She knows better.