Chapter Text
I didn’t sleep last night. Too busy thinking about another solution. I could just ask Venti and Rosaria to bring him along, oh i don’t know, Maybe i’ll stop by the knights headquarters to ask Jean? I don’t know mayb-
“Master Diluc!” A patron yells “Order another round!”
I nod my head and fill up another five glasses for the five folk at the side of the bar
I’m sure Jean won’t mind, right? I hope not, she’s my only hope.
During my break, I set and cleaned everything up for Charles to take over for the next three hours, while I made another despite trip to the Knights Of Favonius Headquarters, only this time, I calmly -well I tried but the knocks sounded a bit rushed- knocked on the door to Jean’s office.
“Come in!” Jean yelled from the inside, I stepped into view and her eyes widened pleasantly “Oh, Diluc! How did things go between you and Kaeya?”
I stayed silent, trying to find the right words to say.
“He didn’t show up…” Jean’s eyes widened once again, but instead of a pleasant shock, it was more disappointing shock
“Really?” Jean says “He stopped going to his favorite tavern just because he didn’t want to see you?”
My heart aches at that sentence and let out a frustrated grunt “Don’t say that!” I yelled quietly
Jean nods and apologizes “Sorry, what are you going to do now?”
I don’t know… what do I do? Should I just let it slide- no! No, don’t do that! This is why I shouldn't be in charge of making my own decisions in these situations.
I shrug to answer her question.
“Jean, please, I desperately need help. He won’t even come to the tavern anymore and I don’t know what to do”
“Talk. to. Him.” is all Jean says, her voice grows more serious after each pause. “Seriously Diluc, how about you have Venti and Rosaria bring him to the tavern tomorrow for their ‘occasional monday’ night out.”
I shove my head into my palms “I know but what if I screw up again? What if I make things even worse?”
Jean tilts her head “You won’t, Just be honest with yourself!” she folds her arms over the other “you got this”
I smile, Jean’s reassuring comments made me feel a bit better about myself. I nod
“Thank you, again, I’m sorry for bothering you with this matter” Some part of me feels bad about it
“Don’t worry, If I could help you then everything’s alright” then another part of me wishes I was as patient as Jean, like how she is with me, Kaeya, Barbara, Klee, with anyone. Eh, I don’t know what i’m thinking anymore
I stayed to chat with Jean a bit longer, and before I knew it, it was already time for my night shift. I say my goodbyes to Jean and leave the building. Last night, Rosaria and Venti informed me that all three of them were having their ‘occasional mondays’ tonight. So I do have a chance! I just hope i’m not too late, Kaeya’s one of those idiots to tend to stay loyal to a bastard, bastard in question is me.
In the tavern, around the same time as yesterday, Venti kicks down the door. Both he and Rosaria had a strong grip somewhere on Kaeya, tugging him inside. Soft giggling from the three of them as they find their seats
“I told you guys! I’m n-”
“Oh hush, you miss out on one day, you can’t miss out on another. Unless it’s medical purposes of course”
“Master Diluc! Same drinks as always please!” Venti says, I nod back at them
“Thanks to your heads up last night, I’ve already got them prepared” I set the drinks down in front of them, Kaeya’s attention was fully on Venti, making it a little bit too obvious that he doesn’t want to be anywhere near me and he’s only doing it to not worry his friends.
“Ah, wow. our thanks, Master Diluc” Rosaria wraps her fingers around the glass wine bottle, gently takes a sip from it.
“Mhm! Thanks Diluc! Your wine is the best!” Venti compliments. he nudges Kaeya’s shoulder as it seems he’s drifting off again
“Oh, uhm, thanks” I pick up vague annoyance in Kaeya’s sentence, I don’t blame him.
Throughout the entire night, Kaeya avoids eye contact with me (as expected) but this just makes it harder for me to proceed with a genuine apology! I can’t start having my overthinking panic right now, not in front of them.
“Ah- Another round Diluc~!” Venti slurred, he waved his almost completely empty glass in the air for my attention, I could tell he was already half drunk, same was for Rosaria, yet Kaeya’s glass is only half dranken.
I pour their usual drinks into their glasses, when I got to Kaeya, I give him a quick but deep stare “Stay after your friends leave, I need to talk to you.” and leave it at that. My sudden words may have sent him in a bit of a shock, it did for me too, I didn’t expect myself to flat out say that when I’ve been tripping over my own feet about it this whole time. Kaeya stays silent and offers me only a slight nod.
-
-
“Whew! Ah~ Much thanks Master Diluc~ that sure was -hic- a drink to remember!” Rosaria said, her words were sloppy but understandable enough.
“C’mon Kaela! We had -hic- just enough for -hic- tonight!” Venti’s drunken words spat out a deformed version of Kaeya’s name.
“Aha, you two go head home, I’m staying here for a bit” Kaeya said. Oh great, he doesn’t hate me enough to ditch me when I ask to talk privately! That’s good!
“oh ho-ho! Okey~ bye bye Kae Kae, good night Deeeeeluc!” Venti said, giving us a small wave
“Good night -hic- you two~” Rosaria looked over her shoulder with an amused look on her face, like she had just seen the Archons herself.
Kaeya smiles and waved them off, he then turns to me, dropping his charming demeanor and repaints it with a serious, annoyed, expression. He’s still sat in his seat with his head resting in his hands
“What do you-”
I quickly cut him off before I back out, remembering what Jean had told me hours prior. Start it off with a quick apology, then express that I didn’t mean it! Easy right? Why must apologies be so hard!? “I’m sorry!” I blurt out, Kaeya’s taken back by my sudden outburst
“Kaeya, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry about all the stuff I said to you the other night, I genuinely am! I didn’t mean any of it, it was just the heat of the moment and my immediate reaction is to just be mean. I did want to hang out with you and I still do but I was stupid and panicked because I thought, after all i’ve done to you, you’d never want to use up even an hour spending one on one time together, I thought you stopped seeing me as a brother years ago and just used that label to taunt me. I’ve always wanted to hang out with you, I was just too scared to bring it up, and when you did- I… I didn’t know what to say incase I said something stupid, which i did anyways. I don’t know what I was on when I said you should’ve… ah, given up on trying to talk to me, it actually made me happy when you’d try to start a conversation with me outside of work and stuff.”
I’m not in control of every word flowing out of my mouth right now, but I suppose I can say that positively?
“I would… uhm, love to hang out with you and be brothers again actually… If you don’t want to then I completely understand! I just want to let you know that I… I seriously didn’t mean anything about it, I meant to apologize sooner but I didn’t know how to approach it so I guess that’s that…?” I lost it at the end there
I watched Kaeya’s face shift throughout this entire wreck I've become. He keeps a slightly frown on his face, shit
“Diluc” My name in that ‘trying to remain calm’ voice pulls my attention to stare at Kaeya’s eye. “I… can’t seem to understand why you seek my acceptance for this fake ‘apology’ ”
What?
“I know you’ve been visiting Jean in her office, did she force you to do this?” oh haha… Worst part is Kaeya looks like he’s genuinely asking
I shake my head “n-no Kaeya, I’m serious, this is from me, I’m apologizing”
His face widens, I can’t tell but is it shock? Or disbelief?
“Oh…” Is all I get in return “then… I fail understand why you think I’d accept it”
…
“And I’m also failing to not get mad”
Oh…
“Diluc, You were right, we were never brothers, and I should stop trying to be one”
…I’m making this worse aren’t I…?
“Every small or big fight we’ve had, I would always feel a bit of remorse after. However, this time, I didn’t feel sad I felt more angry at you”
…
“I’ve had enough of blaming myself for our relationship now” He pushes himself off his seat “I hate it Diluc”
I see him hesitate before speaking what he has to say next “I hate you, Diluc, my dearest no longer brother”
… oh… I’m crying? I- uhm, I haven’t done that in a while, it burns… a lot. My eyes and cheeks feel tingly and kind of numb, it hurts to touch. But there’s also a painful feeling in my chest, I guess you could say it stings? It’s a familiar feeling, it has to be, I don’t think I've felt this way since father passed. It does hurt hearing those words, a strange aching in my chest, slowly growing bigger and bigger the more I think into it. I wonder how Kaeya felt whenever I gave him the same treatment he’s giving me now?
“Okay…” My voice cracks as it breaks the long period of silence, I look back up at Kaeya, he looks like he’s trying not to break character. Either way, I’m a hundred percent deserving of this, I suffer the consequences. “I- I uhm… I understand,” I give him a smile, oh how have the tables turned, I’m sure only two or three days the roles were swapped, however, I believe Kaeya doesn’t feel as bad as I did “if you don’t want to see me anymore then- then that’s okay, I won’t bother you anymore” My breath hitches within each pause, I bring my wrist to my mouth and bite as hard as I can in attempt to muffle it, I failed that too.
Kaeya looks at me with an apologetic look on his face, he opens his mouth to say something, but closes it and leaves.
I fall to the floor behind the counter, I’m so stupid, If i haven’t made it clear enough. I hold my hand above me, gripping the counter top while still keeping a hand over my mouth. Stop crying, stop crying, I can’t stop crying. I really fucked up, I really- I have all myself to blame.
Kaeya, I'm so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Even if I don't deserve you forgiveness I just want you to know how sorry I am…
A Lesson My Dear No Longer Brother Taught Me: Forgiveness may not seem like much, until you need to be forgiven. Bite your tongue, don’t let it slip and screw up a relationship for good.