Chapter Text
Night’s dark silence dissipated along with the arrival of the new day, replaced gradually by the dull, relentless hiss from the deluge which accompanied it.
Lance sat by the window, watching the rain as it landed on the glass and crept its way downward, the drops joining and consuming one another, gathering mass and momentum in their descent as if to mimic the tears that traversed down his cheeks, which went ignored. They slipped from his jaw and blotted into his sark. The damp patches of fabric stuck to his chest, but he felt nothing.
The details of the tormenting thoughts that had kept him awake were hard to recall, but he knew the cause which had defined them.
Yesterday, his emotions had been swung to and fro so violently, each one now pained him, like so many fresh bruises.
There was the thrill and joy his heart had felt upon the moment he had caught Keith jumping down from the wall.
Laying himself bare to the point of near confession in the clearing while they ate.
The ripple of goose flesh that had travelled up his neck from being so near to Keith that Lance had felt the heat radiating from his body.
The fear and distress in Keith’s eyes as they had widened, as well as the pitiful wail he’d made, twice, during the rescue at the mill—a sound which Lance thought he would never forget, so long as he lived.
There was also his anger at Keith’s deceit and then the regret of his reaction which had followed.
Afterwards, Lance had been filled with loneliness and longing, which had kept him company all through the wee small hours. He had watched the flame of the candle slowly consume itself, until it had eventually guttered and snuffed itself out, leaving him to focus on the grey dawn and the rain that had begun shortly after.
‘I can’t touch you.’
What had Keith meant by that? Lance already accepted that Keith was opposed to being touched, but he hadn’t considered that he might dislike touching others as well.
The scene of their near-kiss played in his mind’s eye as if it were tangible, causing warmth to bloom across his cheeks. Keith had believed Lance to be human at the time. Back then, Lance had assumed Keith to be human, also. It was woeful and absurd that their duplicity was for the same purpose. As a result of that insight, it was now clear to Lance that he had had no right to be angry with Keith. Keith, who had shown no anger towards him, despite being subjected to the same deceit. In truth, Keith was the one who had every right to demand that they never meet again.
Lance agonised from being unable to take back his harsh words. It was too late. Keith was gone, and Lance had no means with which to find him. Keith had saved his life, and it was most likely that he had only been able to do so because he was a water spirit. As a kelpie, Keith was fearsome and strong; a dangerous foe against anyone or anything. Putting his hypocrisy aside, Lance could never begrudge the fact that Keith was something other than human, even if Lance hadn’t fallen in love with him.
Had he fallen in love with Keith? Lance supposed there was little point in continuing to deny his feelings for the man, now. Reflecting upon his time ashore, Lance surmised that his attraction had begun from the moment they had met, it was only that he had been unable to recognise such queer emotions whilst still under the doctrines of his upbringing. In his task, he had both succeeded and failed, but now he had lost everything: his newfound love, and his freedom to return to the sea as the whole of himself.
Oh! Had there ever been such a tragic tale as Leis An Òr’s life had told since the day he had been conceived?
With finality, Lance clumped downstairs to the room that held so many memories, all of which were now tainted bittersweet. As he supped his last meal, he cast his eyes to the empty chair, which summoned to his mind the dark stare which had followed him so attentively every evening.
Lance settled his bill with Tom. He hesitated to leave, hoping beyond hope that Keith might return and find him here, but alas, he parted from the innkeeper’s congeniality with his hopes dashed.
The walk back along the coast to the small cove where Lance had stowed the boat seemed to take twice as long as when he had first made the journey, buoyed by his optimism and delight. Now, his feet were like anchors, dragging his advance and efforts to leave. Every small movement which caught his eye provoked a flutter in his chest with the hopes of it being a handsome, black horse. Despite his yearnings, he knew it would never be, considering with his parting words he had ordered Keith to never be seen by him again.
Fervently, he lambasted whichever deity had thought to bestow the gift of emotions upon him, given they had become more of a curse than a blessing—just as his elders had always declared them to be. For the first time, he could appreciate the simplicity of the lives of his kin for not having such a hindrance in their lives.
When he reached his destination, Lance rested atop a lichen-speckled boulder and waited for his time to be up. The rain had begun to ease. In the distance, towards the west, lowly beams of light escaped through chinks in the clouds, projecting the last of their presence before they succumbed to the gloaming.
When the sun finally dipped beneath the horizon, Lance moved to uncover the boat. Just then, familiar barks announced the arrival of his elders. He didn’t take the trouble to row out to them, he simply placed his borrowed possessions inside the hull, tied the rope around his waist, and hauled the craft into the water, until he was deep enough to swim forth and meet those waiting for him. When he spied his selkie skin, held captive and outwith his reach, it seemed as though the sudden weight of his heart might take him under.
“Leis An Òr, the seven days' grace you were granted to find a mate has ended. It is our understanding that you come before us having failed in your quest. Do you have anything you wish to say for yourself?”
Despite everything, the insularity with which his elders still regarded him spurred him to rebut their judgement with ardent defiance.
“I know you are incapable of understanding the motives which beget my actions,” he began, “and so the logic behind the choices which I have made will be lost on you, as will the enormity of the sacrifice I am making. However, I shall not waste my breath trying to explain myself. I shall take my punishment accordingly, but I wish to let you know that I did not fail in my quest to find love.” Saying such a thing aloud drove him to grow a little bolder. “In fact, I found a love that would more than recompense all that I have lost with my sacrifice. A coupling that would be rejected by you on so many accounts, that there would be no question of your approbation, as it is neither with a maiden, nor a human.”
“Not a maiden or human…?”
Lance lifted his head with virtue. “Forsooth! He is both a man and a kelpie.”
Even with the absence of emotions, the selkies’ prejudice towards such an arrangement was evidenced by the way each of them gradually broke eye contact and began to disperse.
“Farewell, Leis An Òr.”
Having delivered their final words, one-by-one, they disappeared, dipping below the surface without a sound. Then Lance was all alone, bereft amongst the buffeting tide.
If he hadn’t been so caught up in his thoughts, perhaps he might have been aware of the figure on the beach much sooner. Dismissing it as a figment of his imagination, he ignored it for a moment longer, turning away so as to stop himself from indulging in whatever cruel fantasy his mind was playing on him. He might have ignored it for longer had he not heard his name—his human name—being called across the divide.
He knew it should be impossible, but after turning towards the sound and wiping the salty spray from his eyes more than once, he saw there was indeed someone standing on the shore. Lance drifted a little closer until he could assess his sight more precisely, still unwilling to put trust in his own senses.
Keith’s hair (which, as Lance had previously noted, had ordinarily appeared damp, regardless of the weather, and now made sense when he considered his kelpie heritance) hung in solid locks, his loose spirals cinched together by the rain and stray wisps stuck to his cheeks. He appeared short of breath as if he had just run some great distance at speed, yet he still mustered enough to call out to him again, loud and clear: “Lance!”
Was it possible for his imagination to paint a vision with such vivacity and perfection?
“Keith? What... why are you... here?” Lance replied, his voice laced with confusion and disbelief. He remained fixed in his position, too afraid that if he moved closer to the vision it would vanish.
“One night alone with my thoughts was more than I needed to see the truth.”
“Truth?” Lance questioned, “The truth about what, m-may I ask?”
“The truth that... that there was a very good reason why we were so drawn to each other from the first moment we met.”
Lance was quick—arguably, too quick—to dismiss such a claim. “By now you must have realised I am selkie-born,” he said with a twisted smile. “I cannot help but to charm those who hear me sing, it is only in my nature.” That very fact had pierced Lance’s heart like a thorn each time he had considered the matter. He desperately wanted to believe his voice had nothing to do with what had passed between them, or whatever Keith had meant by them being drawn to one another. Another sharp jab ached in his chest as an additional thought came to mind. Keith was a fuath. Had Lance only been charmed by his voice? “Something which would appear to be in your nature, also,” he emphasised without needing to explain his meaning to Keith.
Keith immediately replied, unperturbed. “That is as may be, but during all those days you spent in my company, did I sing to you? Or you to me?”
It was a detail that Lance had, indeed, overlooked. The charm of his song would never have affected anyone for such a long time after.
“And are you singing now?” Keith persisted. “For I hear only the sound of the wind and the waves and the gulls, yet I am pulled towards you now with no lesser intensity. Tell me, how does your heart answer to me?”
Lance was too frightened to respond, for he had no words with which to oppose Keith’s reasoning.
“No, wait. Hold your reply. I didn’t come to ask questions. I came only to beg for your forgiveness before you would leave for good, knowing that, if I missed my opportunity, I would be damning myself to spend the rest of my days regretting my cowardice when the only thing standing in my path was fear.”
“Fear?”
“Fear that the belief which I’ve been under, that you possibly reciprocated the feelings I have for you, was simply a fanciful delusion. Fear that, due to this flight of fancy, I had merely imagined that when you touched me—twice, no less!—you suffered nought in consequence.
“I came seeking your forgiveness that I withheld my true nature from you. I came hoping to seek your understanding too, that, had I revealed my truths, it would have been futile. Know that I lied not to deceive you, but because I deemed there to be no achievement in exposing my nature or my feelings.
“As a kelpie, I bear a curse; if someone happens to touch me, either through chance or purpose, that touch is doomed to remain stuck and the only way to sever the hold is upon their death beneath the water. So, I have lived my life knowing that I could never afford to give my heart to anyone. Do you understand me, Lance? I wanted to protect you by keeping my distance from you, but you made me greedy and weak for your company. The thought that you were merely a traveller passing through allowed me an excuse to indulge in your companionship, even though it caused me much pain with each passing day, as I grew to realise that I could spend a lifetime in your presence and still want for more.
“Then, yesterday, I came so close to... to... I almost... and then, when you grabbed a hold of my tail in the millpond, I thought you... no, I thought I had sealed your fate. There I was, distraught, and thinking I would never be able to forgive myself, but then you awoke and freed your hand as if it had never been there at all! I thought I must surely have been mistaken, but then you laid your hand on me for a second time—rather sharply, I might add—and once again it left me, as if it were nothing. It was bewildering until I understood you were like me, and I reached the conclusion that we must be immune to our magic. And then it felt as though my dreams had come true until I remembered your anger, and your wish to never see me again.
“Forgive me for defying your request, but after a sleepless night of consideration, I resolved that I would be able to withstand your wrath if it meant I could deliver my confession in person before we evanesce from each other’s lives. So, even if you refuse me, I’m sorry for my wrongdoings, I’m sorry for not doing any of this sooner, and I’m sorry for falling so helplessly in love with you.”
Despite the wind and the waves and the gulls, Keith’s words carried across the space between them with the same density as the thunderous clap Keith’s tail had made when it had struck the water yesterday, and Lance heard nothing but silence in their wake. He’d caught each sound clearly, but there was no clarity in their meaning. They repeated in his head until they finally sank in, but it all seemed too good to be true. The silence was replaced by the pounding of his heart that sent blood rushing past his ears. Lance needed to make sure he understood, without a doubt, before he could decide on his reaction.
“N-now that you are done with your confession and your apology, what are your intentions?”
“I intend to serve your bidding, whatever it may be: if you still wish to never see me again, then I shall turn about and be gone; if by some miracle, you should accept me and return my feelings, then I would stay by your side for as long as you would suffer my company.”
“Such honesty deserves plain words in return; I regret to inform you that I am, once more, not what you think I am. I told you of my elder’s wishes, to fulfil my legacy, but I withheld from telling you that I was given just seven days in which to satisfy their demands. Today, I met them with only disappointment, that I had failed to find a mate that would carry my child, but I made a confession of my own. I admitted that I had succeeded in finding love, albeit that it changed nothing of my plight. And so now I no longer possess my selkie skin. It was something that used to make me who I am, that made me whole, but that part of me is something I no longer need; it was replaced by something else. I gave it up and surrendered my life to the land... and my heart to you. How do you regard me now, knowing that I will never be the creature I once was? That I renounced my power and can no longer live below the water?”
Without hesitation, and with sure and steady hands, Keith removed everything which he wore. With finality, he clutched at the leather straps that hung about his neck. “Then, for you, I will do the same. Without my bridle upon me, I am unable to return to my spirit form, and whoever takes possession of my bridle will be the master of me. So, I trust and bequeath it to you, Lance.” Keith lifted the bridle and let it drop at his feet, all the while never taking his eyes from Lance. “I, too, will commit my life to the land, and my heart to you,” Keith vowed. Then, with the same unwavering certainty, he walked into the rolling brine towards Lance until they were face-to-face, a mere arm’s length from each other.
At such close quarters, they no longer needed to raise their voices above the noise around them. The firmamental glow from the day’s fading light shone in Keith’s eyes, speckled with the first of the evening’s earliest stars. As Lance looked in wonder at the unfathomable beauty of the man before him, the swell of the sea eased, and the breeze stilled. The surface calmed until it reflected like a mirror.
A flicker of worry passed through Lance’s thoughts. “Are you certain? I had no say in my fate. I had no choice—,”
“Didn’t you? From my understanding of what you explained to me, you always had a choice.”
Lance smiled. “Perhaps I did, at least, up until the instant I laid my eyes upon you. After that, I don’t think I did.”
With a slightly tremoring hand, Keith reached out and tentatively skimmed his fingers over Lance’s shoulder, then he lifted them away. A breath equal in both relief and excitement left Keith’s lips. He looked up to meet Lance’s gaze as he lit up in awe.
Lance couldn’t miss the way Keith instinctively flinched when he slipped his hand gently around his waist, and although Lance made to withdraw it, he was quickly reassured that he had done no harm when he felt Keith’s touch return to his arm and his fingers carefully tightened on Lance’s shoulder. Slowly, they drew each other near, until they could no longer keep their eyes open, and their lips softly met for what was to be the first of a hundred thousand kisses.
