Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian still can’t understand why he said yes.

Seconds ago his main goal was escaping, leaving behind the problems to then be strong enough to deal with it, but there’s something that makes him reluctantly accept before finally hiding in his room. His heart is beating erratically, he’s breathing harshly and before he knows he’s already yanking the mask off his face and throwing it to the side. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting like this when he’s the one who said yes, he doesn’t…

No, he’s a liar.

He knows he’s reacting like this because that’s exactly what Lan Wangji used to ask all the time in the past. After seeing him fall from grace and doing the same things he believed Wen Ruohan did, he was desperate to have him back in Gusu, probably hoping to help him set him back on the right path.

Why did he say no every single time?

The trip back to Gusu is mostly silent. The man is nice and makes sure to ask how he is doing and how he is feeling, but he too seems to be submerged in his own thoughts and that keeps him from bringing out other topics. Wei Wuxian is partially glad for this because he’s in the same situation and the closer they get to Gusu the more he needs to prepare himself.

“Senior Mo, Zewu-jun, you’re back!” Sizhui, unsurprisingly, is who receives them, the young man hurries towards them to take the reins of Little Apple. “I will take him to the back mountain again. I’m glad you made it back safely.”

“Thank you, Sizhui, is everything alright?” Lan Xichen asks, with that soft and genuine smile he seems to direct at him and only him.

“Yes, nothing happened,” he says with a nod, the same kind of smile appearing on his face. “I’m sure it was a tiring trip, I will allow you to rest.”

Wei Wuxian wants to scream, to demand to know what the reason is for having him here, but he knows it’s a lost cause. Lan Xichen takes him to a room and apologises for coming up with this so unexpectedly before thanking him for accepting and informing him they will bring food for him before leaving.

Wei Wuxian barely sleeps.

By now it feels as if everything has caught up on him and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He should be out, finding out what all of this is about, out there looking for Wen Ning and assuring Jiang Yanli’s son is safe yet is just sitting here, in the place he was kicked out after breaking most of the rules and wanting to see the person he first annoyed and then came to appreciate but ultimately hurt like he hurt the rest of his family.

“Come on, Lan Zhan, stop hiding,” he tries to joke, but soon discovers he can’t feel it. “I’m… whatever.”

The next day it is until noon that Lan Xichen appears again.

The morning consists of Wei Wuxian trying to force himself to eat, going to check on the wall of rules that indeed has fewer rules and moving around almost wishing to stumble upon Lan Zhan like it happened the very first time they found each other. 

The beginning of everything.

“I apologise, Young Master Mo,” Lan Xichen says as he guides him to take a seat in the main hall. “I.. got caught up in a couple of things.”

“It’s fine, I understand,” he lies, forcing a smile as the man moves to take his place. “The Cloud Recess has nice scenery.”

The man nods with a polite smile, reaching to serve him a cup of tea while Wei Wuxian holds back the urge of snapping and asking why he is here when he is worried about what’s going on out there.

“I would like to apologise for my reaction back at Dafan Mountain,” he finally starts, his eyes fixed on his cup. “Your words… took me by surprise.”

Wei Wuxian notes the suffocating pressure building up inside of him. “It’s alright,” he lies again, swallowing hard the lump inside his throat. “You don’t really owe me an explanation.”

He doesn’t owe him one, but Wei Wuxian still prays that he gives it to him.

“Of course, but I would like to… understand,” he says, finally looking up from his cup. “From my understanding, you were a disciple of the Lanling Jin Sect for some time.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t that long, though,” he says, trying to deliver each lie with his same convincing tone. “Things didn’t necessarily end well, but that's another story.”

Lan Xichen nods slowly, as expected from him he is careful in how he talks and what he says, even when Mo Xuanyu has the reputation of being a lunatic who did a lot of things that had him kicked out of one of the biggest sects. “I just found it odd that you mentioned Wangji and our uncle…”

The why is stuck in his throat, a part of his mind reminding him of how that would make sense and how it would ruin everything, at the same time, he’s losing his mind. He wants to know, needs to know.

“Considering that Wangji has been dead for sixteen years.”

And then, the world seems to stop moving. 

Wei Wuxian can no longer hear the noises from outside, can’t feel anything and can’t see anything that isn’t Lan Xichen because it doesn’t make sense. He is sure he heard wrong, sure that he’s making up things because Lan Zhan can’t be dead.

“I— I’m sorry,” he says, voice cracking a bit at the end, forcing him to hide it with a small cough. “I can’t believe I missed that.”

Lan Xichen doesn’t reply. The First Jade was always a bit more open with his emotions unlike his brother, but he too was capable of controlling them and would never show what many would consider weakness in front of anyone, but Wei Wuxian can see the pain, the despair that takes over him as he speaks about this and that is too much.

He wants to scream, cry and break down because he feels his world is once more falling on top of his head, but he can’t. Mo Xuanyu probably never met Lan Wangji, all the memories of moving around the cultivation world supposedly died with Wei Wuxian all those years ago. Crying doesn’t make sense but—

“I’m sorry, Zewu-jun, don’t want to bring bad memories,” he stutters, pushing himself up despite feeling close to collapsing. “I need to— I will— I apologise.”

“It is alright,” the man says, stopping him right before he can leave. “You can stay, Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Wuxian has never been the emotional type. With how life had treated him since the beginning he preferred to reserve his most vulnerable moments to himself to at least keep others from using them against him. The only times where he had broken this rule was when the emotions were too strong and right now, that's exactly the case. 

He can’t even muster the strength to panic at the thought of being discovered. A sob leaves his lips as he presses his hands to his face and feels the despair consuming him. “That can’t be.”

Lan Xichen doesn’t reply again, but he can hear him standing up and moving until he is at his side. His large hand reaches to hold his arm to tug lightly and Wei Wuxian doesn’t have the strength to resist, allowing himself to be guided to an area a bit more secluded from the main hall. Wei Wuxian all but collapses on the seat he’s offered and it isn’t long before he’s ripping the mask off his face and throwing it away in hopes of breathing.

“How— What happened?” he finally manages to ask, looking at the other man who has taken the seat next to him and is staring at the floor.

“Wangji had an infection after… after being punished by his own sect,” he says, his voice trembling. “His weakened body couldn’t fight it off.”

“Punished?” he asks in disbelief. “Why would he be punished? Lan Zhan never did anything wrong, he was— he was the most righteous and good person in this world.”

“He was,” Lan Xichen whispers, bringing one hand to his face to press it against his forehead. “He never did anything wrong, it was us who failed him but he paid for it.”

Anger clashes against his mind-numbing sadness and he can’t keep himself from glaring at the man at his side as he pushes himself off the floor. “What did he do to deserve that kind of punishment? What kind of mistake would be grave enough to—” 

He can’t finish.

To his mind comes a very clear image of Lan Wangji looking at him with eyes filled with despair, of the man defending him from whoever tries to reach him despite the colour of their robes,  and ultimately holding him so he doesn’t fall. His angered eyes while calling Jiang Cheng and that last scream filled with pain he thought he heard as he fell to the darkness waiting for him 

He is the mistake.

A new wave of dizziness hits him and he has to lean on the wall to keep himself from crumbling to the floor. Of course it was because of him. Ever since he appeared in the man’s life everything seemed to become more and more complicated, he got hurt after risking himself for Wei Wuxian’s sake, tried to be there for him when the rest of the world didn’t want him and ultimately defended him on the night where everyone wanted to kill him.

“It was my fault…” he whispers brokenly. “He’s dead because of me.”

“No, it is not.”

Despite the pain and dizziness, Wei Wuxian still looks up after hearing those words. Even when Lan Xichen is nice and kind, he has no reason to be nice to the one who played a huge role in his brother’s death, so he’s ready to debate and ask him to drop the facade because it does nothing for any of them, but he’s incapable after seeing him.

Among the pain, he can see that Lan Xichen is being eaten alive by guilt and that although a bit doubtful, he looks genuine when claiming he doesn’t blame him.

“What?” he asks, the confusion added to his already raging emotions.

“Follow me, please.”

Without waiting for an answer, the man heads for the door and despite feeling weak and at the verge of passing, Wei Wuxian ends up following him. The leader moves around the Cloud Recesses avoiding the main paths, probably not wanting to be seen, leaving behind the main area to enter the back of the mountain that reminds Wei Wuxian of that time when Lan Wangji came to retrieve him after he decided to investigate the area without asking for permission.

A new sob leaves his mouth when he sees what’s in front of him.

“Lan Zhan,” he cries, falling to his knees in front of the gravestone, his hands tracing the beautifully engraved name. “Lan Zhan, please… I’m sorry.”

He can hear at his side the way Lan Xichen little by little breaks down as well and can hear the quiet sobs that leave his mouth, but he doesn’t have the strength to even look his way. The pain is intense, mind-numbing and he can’t even think about something that isn’t what he’s experiencing.

It’s even worse than having his core removed while being awake.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to believe this is happening even when he has the grave in front of him, a childish and stupid part of his mind wants to believe that he’s having a nightmare he will wake up from to find Lan Zhan isn’t dead but alive and ready to scold him again for messing with Demonic Cultivation. He wants to see his beautiful face once more, wants to hear his voice calling him boring and hear once more how Wei Ying sounded when he called for him.

“He was punished because he tried to help me, right?” he asks, turning his reddish eyes to look at the leader who is trying to wipe his tears away.

“Yes,” the leader whispers, closing his eyes when Wei Wuxian lets out another pained cry and leans more against the grave. “After your death, several cultivators wanted to go into the palace and Wangji kept them from doing so. It was determined that he needed to  be whipped three hundred times.”

“What kind of monsters are all of you?” he asks and he doesn’t even care what consequences he has to face for saying it. “He made a mistake but he always… he always obeyed, always proved to be the best— he was your direct family!”

“I know!” the man practically yells. “I know and I have been living with regret ever since it happened… If I could go back and force myself to see how stupid I was, I would do it.”

The rest of the things he planned to say die in his throat. Who is Wei Wuxian to judge? He was the mistake that led Lan Wangji to die and even when he never asked for it, he knows the man did it out of the pureness of his heart because even when it didn’t look like it, Lan Zhan probably cared for him. 

Lan Xichen is heartbroken, he was his brother and among the anger and pain, Wei Wuxian can note a certain similarity between both. Lan Xichen lost his brother while thinking he was doing the right thing and Wei Wuxian lost Jiang Yanli while doing the right thing. There’s an obvious difference, of course, Wei Wuxian can’t even imagine who would think being whipped so many times is reasonable punishment, but in essence, it’s similar and it is clear the man regrets it and has been living with it all these years.

“I have been trying to change everything ever since it happened,” the leader continues. “I removed the nonsensical rules that used to make sense while we grew up, got involved and involved the sect in things that weren’t as important before. I have been trying to create a world that goes with Wangji’s way of seeing things so he no longer is disappointed in me.”

Everything suddenly makes so much sense. The shorter list of rules, the way their young disciples are allowed to behave like the kids they are, the acceptance of techniques they used to condemn and the overall normality the sect that used to be so rigid now showed. Wei Wuxian can see the effort the leader put into it and even when the anger is still there, he can say that yes, the man has succeeded and Lan Zhan would be happy to see it.

“I still don’t understand why he died,” he continues. “Weren’t you taking care of him? How could he succumb to infection?”

Lan Xichen’s eyes fill with hesitation before he ends up sighing and shaking his head. “Wangji went to the Burial Mounds one last time and he came back with a young kid. He was already weak, the additional strain proved to be too much, even for him.”

The mention of a kid has Wei Wuxian’s nerves going into overload. He can only think about one kid that would be at the Burial Mounds and although not wanting to admit it, he was sure that he was dead. “A-Yuan?”

The leader sighs once more before nodding. “Young Wen Yuan was sick when Wangji brought him and a fever erased most of his memories from the time he spent at the Burial Mounds. I cannot blame you for not recognising him, he was very young.”

Wei Wuxian’s mind scrambles until it finally falls on the obvious and logical name. “Lan Sizhui…” he whispers.

He was right.

“We took him as Wangji’s adoptive son and I have been raising him,” he says, a small smile appearing on his otherwise pained face at the memory of his disciple— no, his nephew. “He’s such a strong, capable and kind boy. Wangji would be so proud of him.”

A fresh wave of emotions overwhelms Wei Wuxian as he rests his forehead on the cold stone, tears falling from his eyes as he is torn between being happy to know sweet A-Yuan is alive and devastated about Lan Zhan’s death. 

“He’s so kind, sweet and smart, didn’t hesitate in defending me back when we first met,” he whispers, closing his eyes as he wraps his arms around himself. “Lan Zhan fell in love with the kid, of course he was going to save him.”

Lan Xichen allows him to cry, suffer and feel everything he needs to feel and it isn’t long before he ends up kneeling on one side of the gravestone. He’s crying as well and every now and then says something he can’t understand. Wei Wuxian can feel his pain and he is sure the leader is capable of feeling his own.

“I do not blame you because you, just like Wangji, were a victim,” the leader says after a moment, his words making him snap his head up to look at him. “I could have done something after he returned from Yiling, could have done something when he was being whipped but didn’t. The only ones to blame are me and our sect.”

“It’s me who caused all of it, it was my fault as well.”

“You were the only one who stood up for innocent people,” he whispers. “And Wangji was the only one who understood you… I will forever regret not supporting him and having to live without him is my punishment, but you are back and I won’t turn my back on you again.”

Amidst the pain, Wei Wuxian can feel those words feel like someone has extended his hand to pull him out of a very dark pit. To have someone. How many times had he wished for someone to say he wasn’t alone, that he wasn’t wrong and wasn’t hallucinating for wanting to protect people who were completely innocent?

It’s ironic he rejected the only one who did it in the past.

“I rejected your brother’s help all the time,” he says, his eyes returning to the gravestone. “He asked me to come back to Gusu with him so many times and I always said no. I was sure he wanted to punish me, to set me back on the rightful path…it felt like an insult to the stupid man I was at that time.”

“He never wanted to punish you, he cared about you and was worried about the damage that practice could do to you,” Lan Xichen explains and Wei Wuxian doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “He wasn’t sure how to show it but… you were very important to him.”

Wei Wuxian can immediately get what hides behind that declaration and he can’t deal with the tragedy of it. “Someone so pure, come on, Lan Zhan, you deserved so much better.”

How could he be so dumb?

Sure, he knew the man didn’t fully hate him as much as he initially thought, but from there to even think he could be…in love with him. How couldn’t he notice? Was he that oblivious?

“I never wanted anyone to get hurt,” he whispers, rubbing his eyes harshly with his hand. “Turns out that’s what I did more. Jin Ling, his parents, Jiang Cheng and now Lan Zhan… I don’t even know why I am back.”

 It is obvious Lan Xichen can’t explain it either, but Wei Wuxian appreciates the effort he puts in trying to make him feel a bit better. “Many things that don’t have a clear explanation happen… But you’re here and I believe there’s a purpose.”

“So I’m supposed to live this second life without him,” he whispers, once more touching the cold stone. “Live knowing he loved me and that I… loved him too but couldn’t even realise it on time.”

“Young Master Wei…”

“I just… need some time,” he whispers, pushing himself off the ground, feeling his legs trembling.

“Of course, feel free to stay here as long as you need,” he offers, standing up as well. “Or… I could reserve a room for you at an inn. I can understand if you don’t wish to be here.”

Staying feels painful, with so many memories waiting to ambush him in every corner and now the constant reminder that he isn’t here anymore, one would need to be a masochist to stay, but at the same time… “Would it be okay if I… I visited his jingshi?”

The man hesitates for a moment, but understanding is quick to fill his eyes as he nods. “Follow me, please.”

There aren’t that many memories of that room, but he feels that’s the only place he can feel everything Lan Wangji was, the only place private enough to hold his essence and the only place that would help him connect with the man.

It isn’t shocking to find the place is well-taken care of as if someone still lived there and came and went at different times. There is no dust, no mountains of fallen leaves or anything that says it has been uninhabited for sixteen years. When Lan Xichen opens the door to let him in, Wei Wuxian does his best to not burst out in tears again because it really feels as if he had moved back in time and Lan Zhan will be there.

His Wangji is on the small table in the middle of the room and right next to it rests Bichen, the heavy sword looks clean as well and it breaks Wei Wuxian’s heart to think Lan Xichen has been taking care of everything so it stays the same. He can even smell the sandalwood and it really is like having Lan Zhan there at his side.

“I kept everything as he left it,” the man’s brother whispers. “Someone dared to imply it wasn’t healthy but I don’t really care. It feels right and I don’t have anything else that helps me feel him.”

Wei Wuxian is sure he would do the same.

Kneeling next to the table he imagines the man used every night to read and practice, he imagines Lan Zhan will take his place or call him out for being there. Looking towards the place where the bed is, he can imagine the man will emerge from there looking as flawless, ethereal and beautiful as he had been.

But there is no one.

“I can only imagine how it has been for you,” he says. “No, I actually don’t think I can imagine it.”

“I’m not sure how am I here,” he replies, a dry chuckle leaving his lips. “Well, A-Yuan became my biggest reason, but even with him there were times I felt I couldn’t do it.”

And who can blame him? Wei Wuxian’s world started to collapse when he killed Jin Zixuan and the Wen remnants surrendered themselves and it fell on top of his head when he lost Jiang Yanli. At that time he could have clung to Lan Zhan’s efforts to save him to stay alive, but not even that was enough.

“I’m glad you did it,” he continues, caressing the heavy sword that still is cold to the touch. “A kid shouldn’t lose everyone he loves that many times.”

“I hope he can remember Wangji on his own one day,” he says, voice trembling lightly. “He loves him and calls him father with the most affectionate tone, but I have seen the pain in his eyes when he is incapable of remembering something that happened when he was younger. He’s completely innocent, it isn’t fair he is suffering.”

“When is life fair?” he asks, shaking his head. “I’m not even surprised.”

Lan Xichen can’t debate that statement, of course.

In the end, Wei Wuxian decides to stay at an inn in Caiyi. His body feels heavy and his head feels as if it is about to explode when he leaves the jingshi and it only worsens when he’s finally in the room, causing him to burst into tears for the millionth time.

Even with everything, he can’t believe that Lan Zhan is really gone. 

He wants to believe it is a lie, believe that the man decided to leave his sect and that’s why they decided to paint him as dead, but it doesn’t make sense and he knows it. Lan Xichen is genuinely heartbroken, the changes he made are tangible, Bichen and Wangji are there and he even took him to his gravestone. 

Lan Zhan is really dead and that is the only truth.

It doesn’t make it easy, of course. He throws the covers and pillow off the bed, kicks a table, screams and pulls at his hair so hard he isn’t sure how he doesn’t rip it off his scalp. Anger, sadness and despair mix violently inside of him as he goes from cursing at anyone who hurt Lan Zhan to begging to have him back. 

He doesn’t want to continue, he doesn’t want to be alone in a world where the only person who believed in him since the beginning is gone. He misses Lan Zhan, the man who took over his mind ever since he found his son and the rest of the juniors in the same place he woke up in… 

But he has to do it, right?

After coming to terms with the fact that he was back, he decided to do the best with this new life, to have a purpose, like Lan Xichen said and solving this is possibly his purpose. He’s also protecting Jin Ling and A-Yuan.

Lan Zhan would probably be happy, right?

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

The sword leads him to an isolated town that rumour says it is completely abandoned due to the large number of fierce corpses that roam around. Wei Wuxian deems it as the right place to look for abnormal energies and heads there, finding, to his surprise, Lan Sizhui, Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi, another junior who identifies as Ouyang Zizhen and the rest of the juniors.

“Young Master Mo,” Lan Sizhui calls for him while Lan Jingyi and Jin Ling are arguing about something. “I didn’t know you were coming here.”

It is hard to speak to the kid knowing he is the same one who chewed on his old flute and loved calling him Xian-gege , a part of him wants to say something, ask if there’s something that tells him he remembers a bit of that man who dressed in black, but then he remembers what Lan Xichen told him about his sickness and how he can’t remember him and deduces that’s probably better. “I didn’t know you were coming. What are you doing here?”

“Felt like we were lured here,” Lan Jingyi replies instead. “Creepy things happened and we ended up here, who knows why he’s here, though.”

“I was also lured here!” Jin Ling hisses, looking close to punching the other. “I don’t need help, I can deal with things on my own.”

“Alright, kids, stop fighting,” he says with a sigh. “You shouldn’t be here, there are corpses and what am I going to do with you if they decide to attack?”

“We can fight!” Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi argue. “We are not kids.”

“You are for me,” he snorts. “Now let’s go, we need to take you out.”

“As if you didn’t have your own weapon,” He hears Jin Ling muttering. “Even you could probably do something.”

Wei Wuxian is about to retort with something smart when he notices that Lan Sizhui is staring at the flute he has hanging from his waist, the white one Lan Xichen gave to him and even when he doesn’t know what is going on, he feels a shiver running down his spine.

There isn’t a lot of time to dwell on it, however, a wave of corpses forces him to push everyone inside an apparently abandoned place where he ends up needing to cook for them after discovering some have been poisoned. Lan Sizhui helps him and Wei Wuxian resists the urge to call him as he used to do it all those years ago, though he confirms that Lan Zhan would indeed be proud of him.

When things escalate, because of course they do, Wei Wuxian finds himself calling for Wen Ning and, to his surprise, he once more appears right on time to fight a fierce corpse he recognises as Song Lan. As if that wasn’t enough, Xue Yang demands to have his help to restore a shattered soul and when Wei Wuxian refuses, he states that he will simply make him help.

There’s so much he can do with the weak Golden Core Mo Xuanyu managed to forge, not even mentioning he doesn’t have a sword, but still, Wei Wuxian refuses to surrender without putting up a fight. The lack of practice is noticeable, but he somehow manages to keep himself mostly safe until Wen Ning manages to win against Song Lan and returns to help him.

Song Lan finishes the job with Xue Yang once the whole truth is out and a mysterious figure arrives in time to take the tally from him and Wei Wuxian can’t keep himself from comparing himself to the fallen cultivator. Song Lan lost Xiao Xingchen after making a mistake and while Wei Wuxian never died thinking something was going to happen to Lan Zhan, he too lost him before having the chance of being honest.

Seeing him part with two swords completely alone is like looking at himself.

“Senior Mo… can I talk to you?”

Back at an inn and after writing Lan Xichen yet a new letter with all the information, Wei Wuxian jumps when he hears Lan Sizhui’s voice but manages to compose himself. “Sure, what’s bothering you?”

“It’s not bothering me…” he starts, his eyes falling to the ground as he fumbles with his robes. “I was just wondering about your flute.”

Wei Wuxian’s heart falls as he looks down at it to take it in his hands. Swallowing hard, he tries to come up with the best thing to say. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Zewu-jun was very generous when giving it to me.”

“Oh, he gave it to you?” he asks, looking up at him, somehow looking even more nervous than Wei Wuxian himself. “Yeah, it’s beautiful and I— no, it’s fine, I’m sorry.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, why do you keep apologising?” he hurries to say. “What’s in your mind?”

It’s the first time he sees the young man hesitating and although not knowing him well, he can see what appears to be shyness appearing in his face. “I… well, uncle— Zewu-jun has a flute he designed for my father and it has his tassel, the one he had on his jade token.”

Wei Wuxian’s hands tremble slightly as he lifts the flute to look at the tassel. It explains why he had the feeling he had seen it before, it explains why Lan Xichen looked like that when he gave it to him and most importantly:

Explains why it was his’.

“I’m sure your father had a great taste,” he tries to say, the lump in his throat squeezing it. “But if it is important to you, I can give it back.”

“No, it’s alright,” he says and to his surprise, smiles. “I’m sure uncle has his reasons and I trust his judgement.”

Lan Xichen’s influence on him is undeniable, but Wei Wuxian can also see things he could clearly see in Lan Wangji and that is heartwarming because it reminds him of that time Lan Wangji bought all the toys the little kid wanted after Wei Wuxian teased him. He would have been a wonderful father and would be proud to see the cultivator he has become.

“I’m sorry, Young Master Wei… I didn’t know Hanguang-jun died.”

Wei Wuxian can hear Wen Ning’s sad tone and is sure he would be close to crying if he was capable of doing it. It had been that night when everyone had already retired that he summoned Wen Ning again to remove the nails he was sure the man also had after he discovered them back with Song Lan. 

To have him back like the sentient being he knew is a bit comforting. 

“I didn’t either,” he mutters back. “His brother told me mere days ago and I… it hasn’t been easy.”

“I’m sorry… wish I could have done something.”

“You were locked up over there,” He shakes his head. “Don’t blame yourself for it.”

It infuriates him to know Wen Ning was held captive by Jin Guanshan after the greedy man stated he killed the two siblings along with the rest of their family. Sickens him to know they lied just to keep their status as the most powerful and wealthy sect after the Wen fell and worries him that they kept this secret for so long without anyone noticing it.

“What are you going to do now?” the other asks carefully. “Do you know who is behind this?”

“I’m getting an idea,” he sighs, crossing his arms. “But I don’t know how Lan Xichen will take it. Last I knew, he and Jin Guangyao were very close and I don’t think he will be fine with me accusing him of something.”

“I don’t think he won’t do anything if you prove it to him…” he suggests and yes, it makes sense, but there’s one problem.

“I don’t really have proof,” he says. “I’m putting things together as I go and right now this theory is the one that makes more sense but has nothing to back it off…”

With so many things happening he hasn’t really investigated how things are between Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao. They were and probably still are, sworn brothers, but he can’t tell if things are the same as when the other wasn’t a sect leader or if they changed. If he brings Nie Mingjue’s death into the mix, it gets trickier.

But it needs to be done.

”I will help as much as I can, Young Master Wei.”

“You help me by staying and not leaving, Wen Ning.”

Lan Xichen arrives the next day and Wei Wuxian gets to see once more how he checks on his nephew with well-hidden despair in his eyes to then sighs in relief when he makes sure he’s fine. He, of course, checks on the rest of the juniors and promises to investigate the dead cats and noises that seemed to lead them into Yi City to find the culprit, but ultimately tells them to go back home to make sure they are doing well.

Jin Ling, before leaving, begrudgingly says something along the lines of 'at least you knew what to do with the poison’ that Wei Wuxian decides to take as a thank you and that is more than what he needs.

“I need to be honest with you, Zewu-jun,” he starts when they are finally alone. “But first I would like to ask something… delicate.”

There’s obvious worry on the man’s face, but still nods and apparently tries to ready himself to answer whatever he wants to ask.

“How did Chifeng-zun die?”

“A qi deviation,” he replies once the shock allows him to speak. “It worsened little by little until he suffered a fatal deviation. A-Yuan was around ten when it happened…why?”

“As I mentioned, Xue Yang managed to rebuild half of the seal I created and used it to control the puppets. The resentful energy I followed to Yi City is clearly tainted by this and I can’t think of anyone with that level of hatred than… him.”

Lan Xichen’s face pales. “Mingjue’s?”

“It’s a theory, would need to confirm it by getting near his corpse but—”

“I don’t think that would be possible.”

“I understand your emotions Zewu-jun, but—”

“No, Mingjue’s head went missing and we haven’t been capable of finding it,” he says, rubbing his forehead. “If this has to do with his resentful energy and has been tainted by the tally, then I can only imagine how strong it is.”

“I’m afraid that’s the case,” he says, well, if he had theories, now he’s very close to having facts. “And I suspect… Jin Guangyao could be involved.”

“A-Yao…” The way he whispers the name isn’t a good indication. “Why do you think it has to do with him?”

The fact that he doesn’t outright deny it is a shock.

“I don’t have enough proof, but I can’t think of more people with that level of power and influence he has,” he admits, sighing softly. “Have you noticed something?”

“To be honest we aren’t as close as we used to be in the past,” he says, closing his eyes as he seems to remember things. “After Wangji’s death I became wary of a lot of people and Jin Guangshan was probably the one I trusted less. Given A-Yao’s desire to be accepted by him, I put a medium-sized distance between both… when he became a leader after his father’s death, the distance was already there and we were both too busy to work on reducing it.”

“That’s a bit of a shock,” Wei Wuxian admits. “But I can understand it.”

“Jin Guangshan claimed that ending the Wen, you and keeping your tally was the best choice and all of that led to Wangji’s death. I felt lost and couldn’t trust anyone… only Mingjue seemed to understand it,” he continues, the pain in his face appearing at the mention of both his deceased brother and friend. “When he died it just became worse.”

“What about your uncle?” he dares to ask, if he tells him he’s dead as well he will probably scream.

“None of us knew how to deal with what happened, out of everything, we never imagined we would be responsible for Wangji's death… he went into seclusion and hasn’t been out since then,” he sighs. “He has met A-Yuan and has been out for a couple of things, but not entirely. I'm afraid he's not the person you remember."

It sounds impossible. The man was in charge of the sect before Lan Xichen could take the position and handle everything, it feels impossible to have him stepping back… but that's what guilt and pain do to someone.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "Can't imagine how it has been for him as well."

"I'm glad that you can at least find comfort in the fact that you saw Wangji as who he really was, not the idealised idea we had of him."

"I wish that could save me from having so many regrets."

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Going to the conference is as awful as he imagined it would be.

The looks he receives from the vast majority of Jin disciples are filled with disgust and anger, with Qin Su, Jin Guangyao’s wife, pretty much running away from him after greeting Lan Xichen. It is more than evident the whole sect knows about whatever Mo Xuanyu did and would love to beat him to death and are only holding themselves back because he is with Lan Xichen at his side.

What hurts most, of course, is facing Jiang Cheng.

His eyes clearly tell that he knows he is Wei Wuxian, that he doesn’t fall for the act he keeps putting up to pretend he is the same lunatic they kicked out of the sect. There’s anger, resentment and the smallest spark of pain that for moments makes him look as if he will finally bring out Zidian to whip him right in front of everyone, but after greeting Lan Xichen curtly, he walks away.

Wei Wuxian knows Jiang Cheng wasn’t really close to Lan Zhan, the two of them were allies during the Sunshot Campaign and later on, merely acquaintances, but even with that, he can’t help but wonder what crossed Jiang Cheng’s mind when he was told the Second Jade was dead and if that has to do with the fact that he is not actively trying to kill him.

Lan Zhan tried to save him before dying and had been angry when Jiang Cheng came closer to finish him, but he knows the man would never be happy about his death just because of that. If he was incapable of stabbing Wei Wuxian in the face, then he wouldn’t be happy with knowing a young cultivator died.

“Er-ge, I’m glad to see you arrived safely,” Jin Guangyao greets them with the same niceness the man is so well-known for but is incapable of concealing the wary look that takes over him when he looks at him. “Young Master, welcome.”

“I hope you’re doing well, A-Yao,” Lan Xichen intervenes to drag the attention back to him. “It’s never easy to organise this.”

They are quick to continue with their conversation and that allows Wei Wuxian to stand back and look around to take in as much information as he can get. Lan Xichen and Jin Guanyao are still on friendly terms despite the Lan leader claiming they aren’t as close as before and that’s good. Wei Wuxian is starting to feel a bit better about it when he finds someone staring at them with an even more open look of disdain. 

“Is everything alright, Young Master Mo?” Lan Xichen asks when he takes his place and he moves closer to him.

“I don’t think that person likes us,” he says, subtly glancing in the man’s direction. “Well, many don’t like me here, but for him, it seems to include you.”

After a quick glance, Lan Xichen ends up letting out a sigh. “That is Su Minshan, former Gusu Lan disciple, Sect Leader of the Moling Su sect now. He left the sect after… around the time Wangji was taken to Qishan for indoctrination, he played a huge role in what happened back home.”

That reminds him that he is also one of the disciples that went with them to the fight with the Waterborne Abyss, the one who lost his sword and then needed the intervention of Wei Wuxian to be saved. That also reminds him of Lan Zhan and how it had been one of the first times he touched him.

A touch he will never feel again.

“The nerve he has to be mad at you, then,” he says, crossing his arms as he looks back to the front. “How could he establish a sect?”

“He took many of our teachings to use them as his and people followed him,” he replies tiredly. “I don’t mean to judge, but A-Yao also supported him a lot. In return, he is devoted to him.”

That rings something inside Wei Wuxian that makes him squint. The identity of the man who took half of the tally from a dying Xue Yang could be Jin Guangyao, but given the man’s weak core, performing such a consuming technique could leave him tired and that doesn’t seem to be the case. Maybe this Su Minshan could be the one helping him.

Their plan isn’t easy and the percentage of failure is way bigger than the winning one, but Wei Wuxian knows it’s the only chance he has to reach the end of this. Taking advantage of the fact that Lan Xichen is still on amicable terms with Jin Guangyao, he will distract him while Wei Wuxian uses his paperman technique to slip inside the private chambers of the leader to find something, anything basically, that helps them solve this issue. 

With the formalities done, Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian are given adjacent rooms and they decide to wait for a moment before the man comes to Wei Wuxian’s one to finish arranging the last details. He is obviously worried about his safety, so gives him fifteen, twenty at most, minutes before coming back to pull him out.

It is scary to be all by himself, but Wei Wuxian knows that’s how it will be.

Following Lan Xichen’s instructions, Wei Wuxian locates Jin Guangyao’s room and there finds the leader having a heated discussion with his wife, who sounds very distressed and disgusted until there’s a knock on the door and a voice informs him that Lan Xichen is looking for him. Wei Wuxian sees the man taking his now dazed-looking wife to another room using a mirror and even when it is risky, he moves behind them. Qin Su is placed on a chair and the man tells her something before hurryingly leaving. 

It becomes obvious this is his treasure room, with scrolls, daggers and many other collectables the Jin had snatched for themselves through the years and it makes Wei Wuxian hopeful of finding something.

Despite noting Qin Su is mostly incapable of moving, he carefully moves around examining the different things, checking the scrolls and books that some contain poetry and short stories while others, to his surprise, have a clear depiction of what he worked at in the Burial Mounds. Rituals and talismans he modified and created during those times are here, in possession of the sect that ruined everything back then. It makes him sick.

He remembers Lan Xichen telling him Lan Wangji was punished because he kept people from entering the palace he worked at, so to think they ended up doing it anyway makes him feel as if Lan Zhan’s death was for nothing.

Further in, he finds an unlabelled book that contains an unnamed melody. It doesn’t look like the kind he remembers seeing back in Gusu, it looks more like something someone scribbled as they composed it to not forget it later on. It could be unimportant, but Wei Wuxian decides to learn it to then ask Lan Xichen about it.

Suibian is also there.

He doesn’t know how they got it and his mind is still reeling after finding the rest of the things, but to see his sword, the one he could no longer wield after losing his core, sitting there as a trophy the Jin kept after ruining his life makes the anger and resentment flare inside of him. 

Just how despicable they could be?

“Young Master Wei, are you alright?”

Wei Wuxian wasn’t aware of his own expression once back in his own body, so to hear it isn’t the composed one he hoped to have as he returned is a bit of a shock. Still, he does his best to put his thoughts in order to properly explain.

“So many things,” he whispers, closing his eyes while holding his head. “My sword is there, Qin Su is there, an unnamed melody is there and… Nie Mingjue’s head is also there.”

Even without looking at him, he can exactly tell how it is for the leader. He has experienced the sensation of having everything collapsing on top of him in both lives, but it’s still hard to see it happening to someone else.

Lan Xichen collapses to the floor, his arms barely keeping him from falling all the way down. His eyes are staring at the floor while his breathing little by little quickens, a small but noticeable tremor running down his body. “How… how could I miss it?”

“You said it yourself, Zewu-jun, you weren’t as close as you used to be and… the Jin have always been like that,” he offers even when he knows it isn’t comforting at all. “It just hasn’t changed.”

“No, it shouldn’t be like this.”

From one moment to the other the man is standing up and hurrying for the door so Wei Wuxian is quick to follow, forgetting the mask on the table. The least he wants is to have the leader get hurt for making some reckless decision, so even if he is who normally makes said decisions, he walks hurriedly.

To Wei Wuxian’s surprise, Jin Guangyao is already outside of his room with some disciples, Su Minshan, Jin Ling and a few other sect leaders from minor sects. His eyes are immediately drawn towards Lan Xichen who is already close and even dares to plaster that amicable smile even when Lan Xichen’s expression can’t mean anything good.

“Er-ge, is everything alright?” he asks, but before he can continue, a frown appears on his face as his eyes fall on Wei Wuxian. “So the rumours were true.”

“The ones who talked about me or the ones who talked about you?” Wei Wuxian asks, knowing it’s too late to back away. “Can’t help but think we are quite popular.”

“Such shameless and despicable behaviour, as expected from the Yiling Patriarch,” Su Minshan accuses, glaring at him. “Can’t help but question why someone like Sect Leader Lan would be with you.”

“I wish to speak to you, Sect Leader Jin,” Lan Xichen, completely unbothered by the other, continues. “There are some things I can’t overlook.”

There’s nothing beyond the initial surprise on Jin Guangyao’s face. In his typical way of acting, he remains calm, calculating everything he does. “I’m afraid I can’t overlook his presence, however.”

The disciples, who were between shocked and worried about Wei Wuxian’s appearance, move after hearing their leader, unsheathing their swords and pointing at them without even doubting. Wei Wuxian knows he and Lan Xichen are at a clear disadvantage and still don’t know what the leader had in mind when he left the room to look for his sworn brother, but if he has to fight, then he will do it.

For him, for Lan Zhan and for the innocent ones.

“If you want to handle it this way, then it’s alright,” Lan Xichen says, once more looking unaffected by what’s going on. “Explain to me why is Wen Ning alive, please.”

The mention of who everyone knew as the Ghost General has the disciples taking a hesitant step back while Su She, Sect Leader Ouyang and Yao, look at Jin Guangyao who is still standing still, mimicking the calmness of his sworn brother. “The Ghost General?”

“How can you believe what he claims to see?” Sect Leader Ouyang says, pointing at Wei Wuxian. “He will obviously use anything to damage the respectable cultivators.”

“It’s not something he told me,” Lan Xichen says, his eyes looking at the older leader. “It is something my own nephew and disciples saw. I believe your own son can tell you about it as well.”

“The Yiling Patriarch surely brought him back,” Su She says once the other leader is incapable of saying anything else.

“I can’t bring back something that doesn’t leave a corpse,” he says this time. “Your father said they were burnt, I don’t think that really was the case.”

“What are you trying to imply?” Su She demands. “Lianfang-zun is a respectable leader!”

“Sect Leader Jin, why is Wen Ning still alive?” Lan Xichen asks again, ignoring the rest of the comments. “Without implications or speculations, I just wish to know the truth.” 

“If it was in my knowledge that he still lived, I would have done something,” Jin Guangyao finally says. “We put a lot of effort in keeping things under control, but as you may know, there are things that manage to escape.”

“Like Xue Yang reforging the other half of the tally?” Wei Wuxian asks. “Part that mysteriously vanished, by the way before he died.”

“Then it is possible many more things could be hiding as well,” Lan Xichen sentences. “Like hiding Mingjue’s head.”

There’s a collective gasp coming from the other leaders, Jin Ling freezes, Su She glares and the disciples seem close to attacking at the implication of having them insult their leader. Jin Guangyao looks mostly composed, but there’s a clear sign that says he wasn’t really expecting that.

“That is a grave accusation,” he replies, straightening his back a bit more. “I assume the information was given by the Yiling Patriarch?”

“Not long ago my disciples found a sword that possessed an unnatural amount of resentful energy, it led us to different places where said resentful energy was consuming everything,” Lan Xichen starts. “I can only think of one person who would have that amount of resentful energy after death. We both know Mingjue can’t be put to rest as long as his body is still disturbed.”

“That is a ridiculous and grave accusation,” Sect Leader Yao says. “Why don’t you go and check? This could have an easy solution.”

“It’s a grave violation to access the treasure chambers of a sect leader,” Jin Guangyao says, his niceness little by little going away despite talking with his sworn brother. 

“It’s also a grave act to raise a sword against a sect leader who is an ally, but I think we’re beyond that,” the Lan leader says. “I never mentioned anything about your treasure chamber.”

Understanding he made a mistake falls heavily on Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian can clearly see it despite his efforts to hide it. His eyes dart to the side to eye his disciples and then back to them in a clear display of anxiousness. “Lower your weapons, Er-ge is right, we are reasonable people.”

Despite hesitating, they eventually do, taking yet another step back. 

“With this information, I believe it is safe to say there are several things we need to tend to,” Lan Xichen states. “Sect Leader Jin, how are we going to proceed?”

“I ask for a couple of days, my wife is feeling unwell and my main priority is tending to her,” Jin Guangyao says once he’s back in control. “I still believe what I’m being accused of is unreasonable, but the quicker things are solved, the better we can return to our important issues.”

“I will come back in two days,” Lan Xichen states, glancing back at Wei Wuxian before starting to move.

As Wei Wuxian follows, he can hear the rest of the leaders muttering something disdainful towards him while Jin Guangyao eyes him with barely contained distrust and anger. He can only imagine how it is for the man to let him go now that he is sure he is Wei Wuxian, the former Yiling Patriarch, one of the biggest enemies the Lanling Jin Sect had.

What hurts him, however, is seeing Jin Ling’s expression of pure heartbreak.

The trip back to Gusu once more happens in complete silence.

At first, Wei Wuxian wants to thank the leader for standing up for him and for not doubting what he saw back there, he wants to discuss the plan he has in mind for when they come back, but all the ideas are left behind when he notices just how badly the leader is doing.

Despite showing complete control of his emotions and the situation, now that Carp Tower is being left behind, Lan Xichen little by little shows just how badly this is affecting him. The cracks in the protective shield he used for himself are cracking and the more they move the more those cracks get larger, extending until they finally break.

By the time they reach the Cloud Recesses, Lan Xichen looks close to passing out. He is incapable of keeping his hands from shaking and is barely capable of regulating his breath enough to not gasp for air. 

“Uncle!” Lan Sizhui, to no one’s surprise, hurries to reach them, his hands reaching for his arm. “Uncle, are you alright?”

“I need a moment, A-Yuan,” the leader replies, still having the strength to give his hand a small squeeze. “Please take him to a room so he can rest.”

Lan Sizhui looks worried, but even with that nods and just makes sure his uncle is doing fine as he walks away before turning to look at him. His smile is a bit tight, still genuine, but with the obvious worry of seeing the other causes. Wei Wuxian wants to say he doesn’t have to so he can follow the leader but knows he won’t really do it so just hurries to follow him and convinces him of leaving by saying he’s fine.

Even when he’s not.

As he lies in bed, he can’t get rid of the image of Nie Mingjue’s head sitting on one of the tables as if it was just another collectable, can’t forget about the talismans and books filled with his investigations that were taken out of the place he lived in during his last days and can’t forget about his sword, the one he was so proud of having and how it ended in the hands of the people who ruined his life. 

Maybe what hurts him more is thinking about how they ended up here.

Wei Wuxian feels he can see Lan Zhan guarding the entrance to the palace, keeping those auto-proclaimed righteous cultivators from going in because he was that good and then being punished because of it. Lan Wangji could understand Wei Wuxian better than he could understand himself and even when he saw Wei Wuxian letting himself fall to his death, he couldn’t stand having them disrespecting what was his last home.

He loved him after all.

And now the Jin are behind the problems once more. They kept Wen Ning chained and locked up somewhere in Carp Tower, drilled nails into his skull in hopes of controlling him and kept it hidden from everyone and who knows what else.

He tries to find comfort in the thought that he is not alone and that even when it hurts Lan Xichen to know his sworn brother is behind this mess, he is willing to help and reach the end of it, and it works, but only to a certain extent. As he curls up on the bed, he can’t shut the voices that remind him that Lan Wangji, his Lan Zhan, won’t be back once he reaches the end.

There will be no one that calls him Wei Ying with that unique tone because uncovering Jin Guangyao’s lies won’t bring Lan Wangji back to life. Just like it happened with the Sunshot Campaign, things won’t end with their victory, as soon as it goes down the rest will come.

It’s like a nightmare inside a nightmare.

The news of the Yiling Patriarch being back reach the Cloud Recesses the next day.

Wei Wuxian’s head is throbbing that morning as he walks towards the main hall in hopes of finding the leader, but even with that, he stops when he hears a conversation between two disciples who are ahead of him.

“So it is confirmed, Wei Wuxian is back,” one says. “He is who Zewu-jun brought.”

“He surely has his reasons,” the other answers with a shrug. “I’m more worried about what’s going on with the Jin sect.”

“It’s a mess, who knows what will happen.”

He doesn’t hear the rest of the conversation because he can’t really focus. They don’t sound worried or scandalised about his presence, they don’t even seem to care and it’s just a new layer of confusion. He is the Yiling Patriarch, he is Wei Wuxian, the evilest being that needed to be annihilated, so why are they so calm about it?

He knows many things are different for the Lan Sect, knows Lan Xichen actively changed things so Lan Zhan’s memory wasn’t disrespected but to see how far it reached makes him feel dizzy. His head throbs more violently as he once more forces himself to continue walking, almost reaching the main hall when both Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingy appear.

“The kids are here,” he says, clearing his throat in hopes of masking his troubling emotions.

“We’re not kids!” Lan Jingyi argues once more. “What’s with you?”

“Are you alright… Senior Wei?” 

It’s just a second of hesitation, but Wei Wuxian clings to that because it’s easier to handle the world hating him than having people not caring about his reappearance. “You don’t have to be around me if you don’t want to, you know? I know my reputation precedes me.”

“Stop with your weird ideas,” Lan Jingyi says with a snort. “What does that have to do with what we’re asking?”

“I apologise, didn’t mean to be rude,” Lan Sizhui hurries to say, stopping his friend by raising his hand. “It’s just… When we first met, we didn’t expect you would indeed be Wei Wuxian.”

“Shouldn’t you be afraid?”

“Why would we?” Lan Jingyi questions again. “Unless you became a bloodthirsty monster, there’s no reason to fear you.”

It is weird to hear them using the description the cultivation world used whenever they felt like listing his crimes in his previous life. “What were you taught about me?”

It’s obvious they weren’t expecting that question, but Wei Wuxian is beyond that. He needs to know, needs to have another piece that fills the huge puzzle this new world is for him.

“Well, that you were a rebel, basically,” Lan Jingyi replies first. “One keen on breaking rules.”

“You were also the only one who stood up for the Wen remnants who were mostly elders and non-cultivators,” Lan Sizhui says, his expression a bit more serious. “You weren’t wrong in many things and Father believed it was the right thing as well…”

The mention of Lan Wangji has the same effect it has on Lan Xichen. There’s sadness in the kid’s eyes, grief and that sense of being lost because he can’t remember him on his own. 

“We also use some of the things you developed,” he continues after recovering a bit. “The compass, the spirit-attraction flags and other things we use on our night hunts. We were taught differently and that has allowed us to understand.”

“So that means the others hate me,” he says, feeling that weird sense of familiarity. “Can’t say it surprises me.”

“It depends on the sect,” Lan Sizhui nods with a sigh. “The Lanling Jin are openly against the Wen and, well, you, the Yunmeng Jiang are mostly distant, they aren’t actively promoting things against you, but they aren’t defending you either.”

Well, it explains why Jiang Cheng didn’t kill him and why Jin Ling looked so heartbroken at finding his real identity.

“The rest of the minor sects just follow the big one they prefer,” Lan Jingyi shrugs. “Who cares what others think, though? It’s not that we ask for permission.”

“Yeah… guess you’re right,” he whispers. “I just…I was not nor am a hero, I was just being true to myself.”

“We get that, it isn’t confusing for us,” the other disciple says with a nod, still eyeing him as if he is indeed a lunatic. “Sizhui, we need to finish the report.”

The young Lan Yuan nods and is about to turn around before he looks back at him. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Lan Jingyi looks confused by the sudden change, but after a couple of seconds shrugs and nods, turning around to start walking. At this point, he’s not surprised that he doesn’t look worried about leaving his friend behind.

“Senior Wei I… would like to ask you something,” he starts, that look of embarrassment returning to him. “If that’s alright with you, of course.”

“Nothing has changed,” he says despite the anxiousness that starts to steadily climb up. “You can ask anything you want.”

Lan Sizhui once more nods, this time gripping his sleeves for several seconds before he ends up sighing and rubbing his arms. “You knew my father…right?”

“Yes, I did,” he replies, feeling that horrid lump forming inside his throat. “Lan Zhan and I went through a lot of things together.”

“Uncle said you were close,” he says, a sad smile appearing on his face. “I just... I’m sorry you lost him as well.”

“Thank you,” he whispers, trying his best to not break down in front of the kid as he did in front of Lan Xichen. “I have the feeling he would be proud of you.”

Tears fill Lan Sizhui’s eyes but among that sadness, he can see he is proud, happy to receive those words from someone that knew his father. Wei Wuxian realises the young man reminds him of his younger self whenever Jiang Fengmian told him his parents were strong and capable while knowing Wei Wuxian couldn’t really remember much about them.

Just like what happened with Lan Zhan, he seems to have a connection with his son.

Before leaving, the young man tells him his uncle isn’t doing that well and is still in the hanshi but doesn’t doubt he will be meeting him before the day ends. Lan Sizhui reminds him he can have breakfast, spends his time at the library or wherever he wants to be, giving him the freedom to do whatever he wants to do in the place he was kicked out from all those years ago.

Once alone, Wei Wuxian is obviously worried about the leader and considers going to check on him, but soon understands that he can’t really do anything. As much as they have bonded over the pain and the current situation, the leader probably needs to be alone to deal with his own things, and it’s not that the former Yiling Patriarch knows how to comfort him or people in general. 

The Cloud Recesses haven’t really changed much. 

The buildings he knows were burnt during Wen Xu’s attack had been rebuilt to look like the ones that existed before, the Cold Springs still has the clearest water and the library possesses the biggest collection Wei Wuxian has seen and he’s glad they managed to recover most of the books.

Without even wanting, he realises he can see Lan Zhan in every corner.

Memories of him annoying the life out of the others appear as he walks around, when he enters the library he can see the tall man sitting in that perfect way while a young version of himself whines and pouts because he needs to copy the rules. He can see both of them standing in the waters of the Cold Springs, seconds before they are both dragged to that cold cave where Lan Yi and the bunnies lived for a long time. Can see both sparing while Wei Wuxian does his best to keep the bottles with Emperor’s Smile safe and can even see both receiving their punishment for drinking but that one quickly turns bitter. He wasn’t there when Lan Zhan was punished, but he can imagine how he looked while getting hit three hundred times, can imagine how his back turned into a bloody mess with broken skin and tainted clothes. 

He wants him back, wants him to be here, desperately wishes he could bring him back and the impulse becomes so strong he imagines how the man would look now that he is an adult. He imagines they would be of similar heights but with Lan Zhan being a bit taller, tries to recreate those beautiful golden eyes, long hair and even more defined muscles. His level of cultivation would keep him looking almost like before, but he still tries to imagine those small details that would make him look more mature and more like the adult he should be. It hurts, of course, anger and pain are quick to fill him once more but he still continues doing it because he misses him and—

“So the rumours were true.”

The voice catches him by surprise, making him stumble with a rock and almost fall face to the floor. His heart is beating widely inside his chest as he turns to face the owner, his heart falling when his eyes fall on him.

He already heard from Lan Xichen that Lan Qiren wasn’t the same he remembered, but to see it is a whole new thing. The man looks older than he is, with sunken eyes, bony hands and an unnatural paleness that gives him the appearance of a ghost currently haunting the Cloud Recesses. That strict and uptight appearance is pretty much gone, sadness and badly-handled grief had seized him and hasn’t let go in all these years.

“Grandmaster Lan,” he whispers, trying and failing to not just stare like an idiot. “I— you heard about me.”

“It’s the only thing everyone is talking about,” he replies, even his voice sounds as if he’s exhausted. “You are back.”

“Yes,” he replies, frowning as he tries to come up with something. “Someone brought me back.”

“I assume you already know what happened,” he continues, not really looking at him. “With Wangji and everyone else.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he says even when there’s this voice at the back of his head telling him the man is responsible for it as well. “Zewu-jun explained everything to me.”

The man doesn’t look surprised or betrayed by the information, it is as if he is incapable of feeling something that it’s not his pain and grief. “Have you returned to deal with everything?”

“With the current mess, yes,” he replies, looking away. “I think Lan Zhan would have liked that… A stable and peaceful world is what he would have liked for Sizhui.”

The mention of his nephew’s adoptive son somehow makes him look even more miserable. “He’s a capable cultivator and remarkable person. Worthy of being Wangji’s son.”

Wei Wuxian can only nod. He was never Lan Qiren’s favourite and the fact that he was kicked out of the Cloud Recesses said a lot. The man hated him then and probably hates him more now. Even if Lan Xichen says he is a victim as well, he is sure someone thinks Wei Wuxian is the one to blame and Lan Qiren is surely that person—

“I’m sorry you came back to a world where he is not here,” the man says, abruptly stopping his train of thought. “I never wanted this, but that’s what happened and nothing will change it.”

“Lan Zhan wouldn’t want you to think like that,” he says immediately despite thinking he didn’t have the right to do so. “He wasn’t like that.”

“I didn’t stop,” Lan Qiren replies as if he’s unaffected by what he said. “I knew it was too much, I heard Xichen and didn’t stop. I appreciate the effort, but we know our reality.”

Even with his anger, even with the pain and despair of wanting Lan Wangji to be here, Wei Wuxian can be sure that this would torment Lan Wangji immensely. He loved his family and even if his sect was the one who hurt him, he knows he still trusted them to his very last moments. “Don’t do that.”

Lan Qiren is apparently beyond that because he doesn’t look affected by what he says nor takes a moment to consider it. “Wangji would like you to be happy. I’ll leave you to continue with what you were doing.”

Wei Wuxian immediately feels that he needs to do something, to say something before the man leaves, something tells him he won’t have the chance of talking to him anytime soon but is stopped by the appearance of a tall figure.

“Uncle,” Lan Xichen calls, stopping the man before he can walk any further. “I was hoping we could talk later… I— There are some things I would like to talk about.”

There’s pain in his voice, that spark of vulnerability that says he truly needs it, but to Wei Wuxian’s horror, Lan Qiren looks ready to say no, to apologise and excuse himself so he can return to the room he has been in for heavens know how long and that is what makes him speak.

“Lan Zhan wouldn’t be happy knowing you are in seclusion,” he says, mind spinning as it comes with the next words. “Was it your fault? Partially, yes, just like a part falls on me even when I have been told that I’m innocent, but he still trusted you enough to bring A-Yuan, he knew you would keep him safe… Don’t disrespect his memory.”

And that does something.

There’s pain and something akin to regret appearing on his face and Wei Wuxian knows he probably went too far, but he is convinced that is the case. Lan Zhan was hurt because his father was in seclusion for a long time and seeing his uncle in the same condition would hurt him as much. 

“Wangji was disappointed with what we did,” he replies. “We failed him and that is the only reality.”

“Wangji apologised for causing problems and for leaving me right before he died in my arms,” Lan Xichen interrupts him. “It is true that we failed him, but to say he was disappointed is a lie… he was better, so much better than that.”

Lan Qiren looks at him with an expression that says it’s actually the first time he is hearing what Lan Zhan said before dying. “That’s not…”

“Lan Zhan is gone, but I don’t think he would want to see his family leaving as well,” Wei Wuxian says.

“Wangji is resting now,” he says, shaking his head as he takes a shaky step back. “To even think he’s being held back by what’s going on is cruel.”

“You and I know how stubborn he was, uncle,” Lan Xichen whispers, emotions tight in his chest. “I want to think he is no longer suffering, but to abandon us… he wasn’t like that.”

“Xichen—”

“Let’s talk, please,” the leader cuts him off before he can continue. “I was unfair towards you, so please, let’s talk, do what we should have done years ago.”

“I will think about it.”

Wei Wuxian has the feeling that this is the biggest change the leader has seen in his uncle in a long, long time.

“I apologise it took me so long to meet you, Young Master Wei,” Lan Xichen whispers as he sits down slowly. “I’m afraid I wasn’t in the best state of mind.”

“It’s understandable,” he says with a tired sigh. “I wasn’t either and I guess it’s the most normal thing, things weren’t doing great, but now they are… horrible.”

“They are and I’m sorry you’re being dragged to the centre of it once more,” he says, keeping his hand pressed against his forehead. “I just… I missed this and now I have to solve it.”

“I’m used to being in the centre of all the problems, it’s how it normally goes for me,” he chuckles even if there is not a single gram of humour inside his body. “I have no intentions of backing up. What the Jin did to Wen Ning and, well, everyone, is not something I can forgive and just let go.”

“Knowing A-Yao— Jin Guangyao, he knows he made a mistake back at Carp Tower and there’s a small chance he doesn’t react as he would normally do,” Lan Xichen continues. “Even when we grew apart over the years, I know he needs to have complete control over a situation to keep his composed and controlled nature.”

“Do you think he will try to lure us into a trap?”

“I don’t know, but I believe he has no intention of being in Carp Tower for our reunion,” he says tiredly.

“Qin Su looked fine when we were there,” Wei Wuxian points out, even when he remembers the woman was actively avoiding him. “Well, from what I could see.”

“She looked perfectly fine but I don’t know if he would lie about it… he seems to really appreciate her.”

Wei Wuxian got that impression as well, unlike Jin Guangshan who had no respect for his wife given his multiple affairs, Jin Guangyao seemed to value her and looked genuinely affectionate. Then again he could be lying. “Do you know why she avoided me? Well, Mo Xuanyu?”

Lan Xichen looks, for the lack of better words, embarrassed by that question and from there he can tell it isn’t a minor incident. “I don’t know the details, but I heard Mo Xuanyu tended to stalk her, it was said he wanted something with her despite being married.”

“For the love of…” 

“I’m afraid I can’t assure that was the case now, however,” Lan Xichen adds with a small sigh. “I never talked to the young man nor saw him.”

Wei Wuxian finds himself sighting at that. He hasn’t really heard much about Mo Xuanyu in all the time he has been here and wishes he could find a reliable source that doesn’t go with what the rest says. The man who offered his body was desperate, broken beyond repair and it doesn’t really match the lunatic everyone says he was. 

“What are we going to do, then?” he asks, knowing there isn’t much he can do. “If he’s not in Lanling, what is going to happen?”

“I… I’m not sure,” the leader admits, once more looking ashamed of what he’s saying. “I’m sure he won’t be there, but at the same time, I don’t know where he is going or what he will do now that he feels cornered.”

The leader looks so conflicted it hurts Wei Wuxian to not have something that helps him, but if the leader, who is his sworn brother, doesn’t know what Jin Guangyao could do, then he has no hope at all. “We can’t rush things, it would be dangerous, even when we discovered things we’re at a clear disadvantage.”

It’s clear Lan Xichen understands, but still looks as lost as Wei Wuxian is feeling and the time drags until the idea pops inside his head. “I heard he built watchtowers, what if he hides in one of them?”

Lan Xichen frowns before abruptly looking up at him. “I don’t think so, it has no strategic point, but there’s a temple at Yunping, he put a lot of effort into building it after the brothel that existed there was burnt.”

That immediately lights up a memory inside Wei Wuxian’s head.

“I know where we need to go.”

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Reaching the Guanyin Temple proves to be the right choice.

Before even getting too close Wei Wuxian can sense there’s something inside that doesn’t really fall under what’s normal for such a temple and when he and Lan Xichen go inside he can confirm it. That, by now familiar sensation that takes over him at sensing Nie Mingjue’s resentful energy has him, is hiding inside, mixing with the rest of the things floating around.

“Your guess was right, Zewu-jun,” he mutters, glancing around the place to look at the normal people walking and the monks subtly glancing at them. “It’s still surprising that he took him here.”

“We can’t do something with so many people around,” Lan Xichen says after taking a moment to come to terms with the information. “We will have to wait.”

And they do wait until the temple closes and most of the villagers are safe in their houses, but it doesn’t really make things any easier. Jin Ling is suddenly there, being guided towards the temple by that menace called a dog who probably felt the resentful energy as well and decided to guide her master there.

Wei Wuxian’s mind goes into a frenzy as he sees the son of his martial sister running headfirst into danger and despite having a voice in the back of his head telling him to be careful, he ends up rushing to intervene, managing to avoid the dog and push Jin Ling out of an arrow’s way. That alone puts them at a clear disadvantage, but he tries to find comfort in the fact that the dog proved to be useful and ran away to hopefully look for help.

“I need to give you credit for coming here,” Jin Guangyao says as he looks at Lan Xichen’s sword. “Was I too obvious, Er-ge?”

The hold Lan Xichen has on his sword tightens. “Why are you doing this?”

Jin Guangyao lets out a faint sigh as if he’s the one being bothered by all of this. “I believe we’re beyond explanations. I do not wish to have a confrontation with you three.”

“So we should just let it go?” Wei Wuxian demands, still keeping a protective arm in front of Jin Ling who has seen better days. “Allow you to do whatever you want?”

“Ironic you bring that up given who you really are,” he replies, apparently unaffected by what he said. “Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch, is responsible for the death of many cultivators. Didn’t know you are such a shameless person.”

“He has nothing to do with the current situation,” Lan Xichen says before he can answer back. “Do not try to change the subject.”

“And what is the subject?” Jin Guangyao asks, cold eyes fixing on his sworn brother. “Me being guilty of everything?”

“You kept Wen Ning locked up, you disrespected Mingjue’s body, his memory and you are keeping him from resting,” Lan Xichen says, voice filled with anger and… pain. "You claim you didn’t know about Wen Ning’s existence, but how couldn’t you? You are the leader of the Lanling Jin Sect, you knew what your father did and wanted to do prior to his death."

“You think I knew everything he did or planned?” Jin Guanyuao asks, raising a brow. “You are giving him too much credit.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Jin Guangyao doesn't reply right away, however, his calculating eyes are looking between the three of them before moving to the monks and a few cultivators that are around to aid him. Wei Wuxian knows that despite the numbers, the man doesn’t have the advantage. Lan Xichen alone is one of the strongest cultivators and it would take more than this to bring him down and Wei Wuxian’s addition is a clear threat, more so if Jin Guangyao considers they are already aware of the tally they forged and the rest of the situation.

“I see we no longer are willing to solve this in a reasonable way,” he says after a moment of silence, eyes moving to the door before returning to them. “Are you sure you can assure A-Ling’s safety?”

Those words work like a trigger for everyone to move. Lan Xichen is suddenly fighting against the small group of cultivators and Wei Wuxian, along with Jin Ling, are defending themselves from the monks. The former Yiling Patriarch, however, fails to notice the new presence before it is too late.

Both Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen freeze when Su Minshan manages to get a hold of Jin Ling and presses the edge of his sword against his neck. The state the junior was left in making him incapable of properly fighting back.

“He is your own nephew,” Lan Xichen hisses, glaring at his sworn brother. “He’s just an innocent kid!”

“I have no intentions of hurting him, but I’m afraid you two aren’t being reasonable,” Jin Guanyao replies with relative ease. “I need you two to behave.”

It is humiliating and Wei Wuxian reels with pure anger as he looks at the pain and fear in the junior’s eyes while the one holding him seems to enjoy what he is doing. “You are vile.”

“Big words for someone who caused Lan Wangji’s death.”

Wei Wuxian can hear Lan Xichen’s cry of anger and a series of words filled with the same anger, but he is incapable of understanding them because he knows Jin Guangyao is right. No matter what Lan Xichen or anyone says, he knows Lan Zhan is dead because he appeared in his life.

If he never messed with him, if he had never indirectly forced him to choose between him and his own family he wouldn’t be dead, he would be alive, helping the world like he always wanted to. No one will ever be capable of taking away the piece of fault that directly falls on him.

Wei Wuxian feels numb as he sees Lan Xichen putting his Shouye back on its sheath so Jin Guangyao can seal his spiritual energy and take Liebing away. When a monk yanks the flute out of his hands, he barely manages to hold back a whimper because it feels as if someone has pulled his nail out, as if they have taken the only thing that still connected him to Lan Zhan.

“Let’s go inside, it’s going to rain.”

Despite his numbness, Wei Wuxian is grateful when Su She finally lets go of Jin Ling after sealing his spiritual energy and shoves him to the floor while ordering him to not cause any more problems. The poor junior is still too hurt to snap at him as he would normally do and it breaks Wei Wuxian’s heart, but he’s at least out of danger.

Inside, they can see Jin Guangyao appearing to be doing something behind the large statue placed in the middle of the temple, with the monks doing most of the work. Lan Xichen moves to check on the junior and only stands up again when he is sure he is not hurt, Wei Wuxian is thankful for this because he is sure Jin Ling still wants nothing to do with him.

“I apologise, Lianfang-zun, the dog escaped,” one of the monks says, sending a nasty glare in Jin Ling’s direction. “It proved to be too fast.”

“As expected from a spiritual dog, I’m afraid,” Jin Guangyao dismisses it, still focusing on whatever they are working on behind the statue. “It won’t be a problem, I don’t plan to stay here.”

“So you really are escaping,” Lan Xichen, who by now looks beyond wanting to be the controlled person he normally is, says. “The least you can do is let Minjue rest.”

“I never wanted things to end like this, Er-ge, I didn’t—”

“Stop pretending to be innocent, you worked with your father, you wanted him to recognise you and you continued no matter what,” Lan Xichen cuts him off. “And… don’t call me that.”

Jin Guangyao looks, for a moment, genuinely hurt by what the man just said and it makes sense, as far as he knew, Lan Xichen was always respectful towards him, so to hear him throwing him in the same bag his father fell was surely painful.

“If you think that man was capable of recognising someone like me, then I’m disappointed,” he says, voice now colder and distant. “He never did, I was always going to be the son of a prostitute, no matter what I did.”

“So you took it out on everyone?” Wei Wuxian manages to ask despite the numbing sensation all over his body. “Killed Chifeng-zun, hurt your own nephew and decided to fool the cultivation world just like your father.”

“I merely understood that it is me who had to work for my future,” he says. “Life continues moving around us no matter what happens, right, Sect Leader Lan?”

“You and I have nothing in common,” Lan Xichen sentences. “Nothing at all.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. “After Hanguang-jun died you changed many things.”

“Don’t bring Wangji into this.”

“I’m merely pointing out the similarities,” he shrugs. “When Da-ge died, I realised he was never going to take me seriously, no matter what I did, so I had to make a choice.”

Jin Guangshan wasn’t a good person and his death doesn’t really sadden him or anything, but he can’t get behind Jin Guangyao’s reasoning because the man not only limited himself to getting his revenge, he had to kill people who had nothing to do with it and that will never be alright.

Lan Xichen is clearly distressed by what he’s hearing but still tries to keep himself together as he continues questioning Jin Guangyao in hopes of putting things together and finding the real human behind that amicable facade. In the end, the only thing they get is that Jin Guangyao did everything to prove to the world he was more than what they said he was and that realising Jin Guangshan was never going to give him credit for anything is what pushed him to do even harsher things.

Su She defends him from any kind of implication either of them makes, set on idolising his Lianfang-zun because, in his eyes, he’s the only cultivator who isn’t vain and who deserves good things because he worked hard for them. Wei Wuxian can at least point out a thousand things he’s wrong about, but it stops mattering when his eyes fall on a portion of skin that is showing after the man had his robes burnt by a trap placed in what looked like a coffin that came from behind the statue and he jumped in to protect Jin Guangyao from getting even more injured.

“You… You have backlash marks,” he says, pointing at him and making the rest of the people there look at him. “The curse Jin Zixun had!”

The man tries to cover his chest with no success, eyes glaring at Wei Wuxian who feels close to having his mind collapsing. “Do not speak nonsense!”

It doesn’t matter if he tries to deny it because Wei Wuxian knows it’s exactly how it looks and the way his mind spirals down reminds him a lot of how he felt back at Nightless City. He already knew he didn’t curse Jin Zixun, but if that curse never appeared Jin Zixun wouldn’t have attacked him back at the Qiongqi path, Jin Zixuan would be alive and Jiang Yanli would be as well. 

He can’t even react when Jiang Cheng appears after breaking the door.

His former martial brother is angry beyond words when he takes in Jin Ling’s clearly distressed form and the overall situation and wastes no time in attacking the monks, Su She and Jin Guangyao, but if the man has something to defend himself, those are his words he injects with most poisonous venom and once it becomes evident he is at a clear disadvantage, he retorts to them.

“Sect Leader Jiang, isn’t it hypocritical to judge me for not giving an answer when you can’t answer your own doubts?”

Jiang Cheng grits his teeth, Zidian sparkling furiously in his hands. “Shut up.”

“Torn between missing him and wanting to kill him if he comes back,” he says, Wei Wuxian knows it is about him. “You have allowed him to roam freely all this time.”

“I don’t give a damn about what you have to say,” Jiang Cheng says, but it’s clear the words are indeed affecting him. “This isn’t about him or me, this is about the shit you’re doing.”

“Are you worried about A-Ling’s safety as well? I said it, I don’t want to hurt him,” he replies with the same calmness. “I understand your concerns, of course, I know how it is to be worried for a family member.”

The way he uses his words to hurt in the same way one would use a sword makes Wei Wuxian’s skin crawl and hate the man even more. A part of him wants to do something, speak up against the bunch of nonsense he’s saying, but he’s well aware that he can’t. For starters, Jiang Cheng has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with him, so having him speak up will probably be taken as a huge offence and most importantly, he can’t even find the right words. His world is still spinning after discovering the real culprit preferred to remain silent while he was blamed and even denies it despite having clear proof in his own body. 

“You’re just a coward with delusions of grandeur,” Jiang Cheng spits. “The son of a whore.”

That proves to be the worst thing to say because Wei Wuxian can see the anger and fury that fills the man’s eyes for a moment before he forces it back down and seems to ready himself to attack back.

It is as effective and cruel as they expected it.

Jin Guangyao doesn’t hesitate in bringing up the death of Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan as a way to remind him they died because he was incapable of helping them, talks about Jiang Yanli’s death while he was also there and brings out the fact that he blatantly abandoned who he saw as his brother because he proved to be a huge inconvenience and ultimately says he couldn’t even kill Wei Wuxian back at Nightless City and couldn’t do it now in the present.

Jiang Cheng valiantly tries to ignore his words, but Wei Wuxian knows the emotional side of life is not his strongest area and thus, ends up crumbling down in his own despair and hatred and that is the opening Jin Guanyao needs to stab him in the chest. Wei Wuxian sees his two lives flashing in front of his eyes.

“Jiang Cheng!” he cries, hurrying towards him without thinking twice and holding his arm to keep him from falling.

To his surprise, his former martial brother doesn’t push him away, doesn’t even snap at him. His physical and mental pain is greater than any other emotion he could be experiencing.

“Jiujiu!” Jin Ling is also at his side for a moment and even Lan Xichen, both looking worriedly at the leader.

“Stop this,” Lan Xichen hisses, looking up at the other who stays in his same place. “What do you want? Haven’t you done enough?”

“I believe you are who complicated it this much,” he replies, looking down at Jiang Cheng who is now focusing on not bleeding out. “And I suggest you don’t complicate it further.”

This time, Jiang Cheng has the strength to glare at him and after a second, he’s also yanking his arms free of Jin Ling’s and Wei Wuxian’s hold. “Fuck you!”

Jin Guangyao doesn’t seem to mind, however, now more interested in the situation with the coffin than them now that they are no longer a threat. It’s clear the trap wasn’t something he was expecting, he doubts he would order those monks to work to bring the coffin out only to have them die, but he can’t think of what else he could be looking for. 

“Minshan, please treat your wounds,” he says eventually and when the man limps his way towards him. “Thank you for your help.”

“Backlash marks won’t go away,” Wei Wuxian hisses, making Jiang Cheng lift his face and look at him and then at Su She with confused eyes. “You can lie all you want, but you know it’s there and it’s just a pathetic effort.”

“You are all the same, vain, conceited and arrogant,” he spits. “You will get your punishment, of course, just like Lan Wangji.”

“Do not even speak his name,” he says immediately. “Lan Zhan should be alive and you two should be dead, you will never be half of what he was.”

It angers Su She more than it angers Jin Guangyao and that probably is the only reason why the man doesn’t jump to strangle the life out of him. “How dare you?!”

“What you believe makes no difference,” Jin Guangyao says. “Hanguang-jun’s death was the consequence of mistakes done by others, you’re merely projecting the regret and guilt you didn’t face when it happened.”

“Stop talking about him,” Lan Xichen says, voice trembling with both pain and anger. “He has nothing to do with this and I won’t tolerate anyone disrespecting his name.”

Su She looks ready to say something stupid again, but Jin Guangyao stops him by raising his injured hand in front of him. “I understand it is a difficult topic, Sect Leader, but carrying the guilt alone isn’t a healthy practice, not when you just wanted the best for him.”

It is more than obvious that he is trying to play with a topic that is extremely delicate for Lan Xichen, trying to twist it so the man changes his mind about Wei Wuxian’s involvement in his brother’s death and Wei Wuxian worries he will succeed. The emotional toll this is taking on the leader is becoming more noticeable, with him feeling guilty about not noticing this and then the mention of his brother at any given chance is little by little pushing him to the edge.

The former Yiling Patriarch wishes he could do something to avoid it, to shut the two of them like he wanted to do when they attacked Jiang Cheng, but it is now clear that anything he says is twisted and used against him to push further against what happened to Lan Wangji. What’s worse is the fact that he is still ignoring what Su She did.

“Everything that happened solved your life, right?” he asks, voice a bit breathless. “I was all just, so convenient for you.”

Jiang Cheng’s and Jin Ling’s eyes are fixed on him, but he can’t even feel like stopping for their sake. “You used my confrontation with Jin Zixun to continue with your plans and…”

The scenes from the past come to an abrupt stop when one little detail takes over the rest of things but that is enough to have his heart missing several beats and a huge pressure falling right on top of him.

“The second flute,” he whispers, seeing Su She and Jin Guangyao narrow their eyes at him. “It existed and it was you…”

Lan Xichen, Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng look lost in what the fuck he is saying and he can’t blame them. No one was there at the Qiongqi Path when that happened and things were pure chaos back at Nightless City, but Wei Wuxian remembers that flute and feels like an idiot for not remembering sooner.

“What are you—”

“You weren’t happy with just conveniently using the hatred they all had for me, you had to make sure I played the role you needed to make your twisted plan work!”

That is enough to make the others understand what he means and even Jin Guangyao and Su She seems to understand they can’t just shrug it off. Jin Guangyao in particular lets out a tired sigh as he looks to the side.

“It was never in my plan to have Jin Zixuan dying at that moment… but it was indeed, convenient.”

That’s all Wei Wuxian needs to feel that last piece of glass holding everything together snapping under the sheer force of the situation. He already knew protecting the Wen remnants for as long as he could was the right thing, already knew he never cursed Jin Zixun nor moved around purposely hurting people just because he felt like it, but what happened at the Qiongqi Path and then at Nightless City had this veil of uncertainty that made him feel guilty.

He hated Jin Zixuan because he was sure the man planned with his cousin the attack and was trying to play dumb, he hated Jin Zixun for breaking the gift he worked so hard on for Jin ling and for everything he was saying, his levels of anger were irrationally high and it made sense this loss of control would end up with Wen Ning using the anger to kill both, at that time the second flute was just his mind trying to justify his mistake. What happened at Nightless City was similar, he was so desperate to stop the puppets so his shijie was safe that he ended up convincing himself that he really lost his mind and the little control he had over them and that’s why she ended up injured and died shortly after.

To realise that was never the case makes him feel like he will lose his mind.

What did he do to deserve the anger, disdain and collective hatred of the whole cultivation world? At what moment did they all decide a young adult had to become their escape from the consequences of their actions? He was a normal cultivator at that time, with daring and challenging ideas, but not someone who was inherently bad and it didn’t matter to them, they destroyed everything they could and that led to the death of innocent people and eventually his own.

Among his mind-consuming pain and anger, he can hear Lan Xichen’s distressed voice demanding an answer and Wei Wuxian can understand him. If all of that didn’t happen then Lan Zhan would be alive as well, he wouldn’t have needed to defend the memory of someone who was already dead, wouldn’t have been punished, and the two Jades would still be two, Lan Qiren wouldn’t be in seclusion wasting away, A-Yuan would have a father and overall, he would be alive.

Jin Guangyao, however, doesn’t really give an answer. The patience he seemed to have until that moment seems to be slipping out of his fingers now that so many things have been exposed and he no longer needs to hide behind that amicable facade of someone who only does something when he needs to or only when that’s the only option he has.

Wei Wuxian hates him, hates him with the same intensity he hated Wen Chao, Wen Zhuliu and Wang Lingjao.

“I hope that you by now understand you are the ones complicating things further, so please refrain from doing it.”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to just let him go, refuses to let him go on with life when he indirectly ended the lives of many innocent ones… but at the same time, what can he do? He managed to get this far, to uncover the man’s plan before he could get away, but what to do now? Jin Guangyao has the upper hand, even with the help of Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng the man still has them at his mercy and doing something wrong can end with Jin Ling injured or worse.

“You will pay for this.”

They don’t seem to take him seriously, with Su She sending him a fierce glare he ignores for the sake of keeping his eyes on Jin Guangyao, but in the end, the world finally shows that it doesn’t hate him as much as he believed, though, the way it shows it is questionable.

Lan Sizhui being thrown inside isn’t what they were expecting and Lan Xichen panics as he hurries towards him, checking him for injuries while he uses his body to shield him from further damage. Wen Ning appearing wielding Baxia is the second surprise.

“He’s tainted by that energy,” the junior says while the sentient puppet seems to analyse each one of them with those white eyes. “We were near Yunmeng but I saw him and had to follow him.”

“That was too risky, A-Yuan,” Lan Xichen whispers, helping him up. “Mingjue’s energy is completely irrational, out of control and you could have—”

“I’m alright, uncle, I’m sorry.”

Wei Wuxian can see the wide array of negative emotions inside the leader's eyes as the fear of losing his nephew is added to the existing ones and can see in Lan Sizhui’s eyes the worry and regret making his uncle suffer with this even if he didn’t actively try to do it. 

That’s what Wei Wuxian needs to know what to do.

Jin Guangyao is already frightened by the appearance of Nie Mingjue’s resentful energy, so hearing Wei Wuxian’s eerie whistling seems to aggravate it. Su She tries to stop him upon noticing this, but Lan Xichen intervenes in time to block the attack with the aid of his newly freed spiritual energy. 

The former Yiling Patriarch can sense the fear consuming the Jin leader and uses it to try his best to direct Baxia’s anger towards him, but soon realises it isn’t an easy task. Nie Mingjue’s resentful energy controlling Wen Ning is behaving erratically due to the amount of anger and hatred and doesn’t seem to be capable of differentiating Jin Guangyao from Jin Ling due to their similar clothes and the bond that unites them due to their blood. The only good thing is that Jiang Cheng is protecting Jin Ling, but even that is quick to dissolve because Jiang Cheng doesn’t have the strength to protect his nephew without dying and Wei Wuxian refuses to let him die right in front of him.

“Wei Wuxian, take it!”

Jiang Cheng’s sudden yell has him looking away from Jin Guangyao to find the man throwing his flute, his Chenqing, in his direction. Having it back in his hands sends a shiver down his spine but wastes no time in using it to direct Wen Ning, who by now is struggling to block Baxia with his other hand so it doesn’t hurt the other two, towards a still frightened Jin Guangyao.

Su She forgets about Lan Xichen when he sees the man he admires in imminent danger and doesn’t even hesitate in trying his best to protect him, but he isn’t a specially strong cultivator and the years Wei Wuxian has been gone haven’t really made him stronger, so what happens with the second hit is predictable.

Wei Wuxian realises he can’t even feel bad about him when he falls a couple of steps away from him, dead.

Lan Xichen takes the moment where Jin Guangyao appears to mourn the death of the other and Wen Ning tries to once more keep himself from going back to Jin Ling, to get his nephew and Jin Ling out of the temple so they stay safe. He tries to convince Jiang Cheng of leaving as well, but he’s angry and looks set on reaching the end of this.

Without the fear of having the two juniors getting hurt, Wei Wuxian feels his anger and hatred spike as he once more pushes Wen Ning to go for Jin Guangyao who has taken his zither out and is trying to stop his imminent death, but he doesn’t care, he wants the man to pay, to end his life for everything he has done and avenge everyone who died because of him, but then—

Then he realises what he is about to do to Wen Ning for the second time.

What happened at the Qiongqi Path left the man feeling guilty, left him feeling like the monster the cultivation world said he was and even when Wei Wuxian now knows it wasn’t him who ordered to kill Jin Zixun and Jin Zixuan, Wen Ning was still used to kill someone and he… doesn’t deserve it.

“We need to seal the resentful energy,” he says, surprising Lan Xichen who has been standing there with a conflicted expression. “Separate it from Wen Ning.”

With the explanation, he ends up understanding and it isn’t long before he joins him to play one of his melodies composed to appease evil beings and fierce corpses. Wen Ning reacts as negatively as they expected, with his consciousness clashing against the hatred that wants to control him to enact his revenge until it becomes unbearable and Wen Ning is thrown to the other side of the room.

Once free, Wei Wuxian guides the possessed sword to the coffin and once more struggles to seal it there, not wanting the energy of that poor man to be used to hurt innocent people once more. He’s dizzy and exhausted by the time he stops playing and even needs to lean on the wall for a couple of seconds before moving back to where the others are.

“Do not resist,” Lan Xichen says to Jin Guangyao who hasn’t moved at having Jiang Cheng’s sword pointed at him. “It is over, please.”

It is more like a plea that speaks volumes of how he is currently doing and it just adds to the fury Wei Wuxian feels for the Jin leader, for a second regretting getting rid of the spirit before he ended his miserable life. 

“You simply don’t understand,” Jin Guangyao doesn’t offer any other explanation, he’s beyond that now that the advantage he had over them has evaporated. He now looks desperate and angry, with his face showing everything he hid inside of him all these years so the world continues believing his words and doesn't get to see the monster that hid behind. “Never will.”

In the blink of an eye he’s launching himself for Wei Wuxian and the man guesses it makes sense. Because of him all of this was uncovered, because of him the only people who were loyal towards him are dead and because of him, he is losing everything he worked so hard for. Even when he never asked to come back, he is here.

Lan Xichen intervening right before he can reach him by stabbing him is something he wasn’t expecting.

“You…” Jin Guangyao whispers hoarsely, eyes staring at the man who looks to be experiencing the same amount of pain. “You did it.”

“I promised myself I wasn’t going to fail someone else,” Lan Xichen whispers, voice trembling. “I never wanted this to happen.”

Despite his words, Wei Wuxian can hear the pain in his voice and can see the painful emotions mixing violently in his eyes. Even with everything that is happening, it is clear Lan Xichen still saw in Jin Guangyao something good, maybe even considered him a friend, so to do this, to be the one inflicting a deathly wound hurts.

Wei Wuxian knows how that feels.

“I always saw you as someone different,” the now-dying leader whispers. “It is a shame, a real shame.”

“You are who ruined it,” Wei Wuxian says when he sees Lan Xichen’s hand tremble. “You had a genuine friend who cared for you. You could have done so many things differently but decided to throw it away, was it worth it?”

Even in his last moments, Jin Guangyao manages to show how much he hates him and how little he regrets following the path he chose. He reminds him of Su She and maybe that’s what made them work so well. Wei Wuxian has many things he would like to say, many words filled with venom that had been fermenting for a while now, but realises there’s no use. 

As soon as Jin Guangyao lets out his last breath, the final mark on his arm is gone.

Despite his death, things show no signs of slowing down. 

When they leave the temple they find out that cultivators from Yunmeng and other sects are arriving. Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhena are among them and waste no time in going to check on Lan Sizhui who is in the middle of helping Wen Ning, who is still dealing with the aftermath of what happened and the unhealthy amount of energy it took from him, and worrying about his uncle.

Wei Wuxian notes, however, that he looks happy to have him next to Lan Xichen.

Jin Ling is standing in front of Jiang Cheng, crying like the child he still is while Jiang Cheng is staring at him with an expression that hurts to look at. It obviously hurts him to see his nephew suffering and it hurts him, even more, to be incapable of doing something, but in the end, he reaches for his arm to tug him out of that place, throwing one last glance at Wei Wuxian.

It feels as if he’s staring at his very soul.

“How could I miss all of this?” Lan Xichen asks, though, he can’t be sure he is asking him since he’s staring numbly at the floor while leaning on a pillar. “I was supposed to make things better but I… Look at all he did.”

“This isn’t your fault, Zewu-jun… he was never an honest person,” he sighs, taking a step forward so the other hear him well. “His interests changed.”

“I thought he was a good person. He was smart, capable and kind all the time he was with Mingjue and even during the Sunshot Campaign… he helped us so much,” he continues, as if he isn’t really listening to him. “How could I be so blind?”

“You’re blaming yourself for things that you couldn’t even control,” he argues once more. “How were you supposed to get rid of their nonsensical practices if you aren’t the Lanling Jin leader?”

“Because I promised Wangji I was going to do the right thing,” he says, his eyes snapping up to look at him. “I told him not to worry because I was going to make the cultivation world a better place without so many injustices. It is clear I did nothing.”

“You did nothing?” Wei Wuxian asks with a frown that seems to surprise the other. “So you will throw everything away?”

“I didn’t—”

“You raised A-Yuan to be the type of boy Lan Zhan would have loved to see, you kept him from suffering even more,” he starts, not even caring he interrupted him. “You changed things inside your sect, you changed the freaking Gusu Lan Sect so kids could be kids, forced the elders and everyone to live up to the claims of righteousness, you made sure Lan Zhan’s name wasn’t disrespected and…”

He doesn’t know how to add the next part, a lump forms inside his throat as he looks back at Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi who are helping Wen Ning while the rest of the cultivators throw alarmed looks at him and even look ready to take their swords out despite his obvious weakness. 

“You taught them we weren’t the demons everyone said we were.”

Lan Xichen looks towards them and amidst the pain, Wei Wuxian can see the smallest smile curving his lips up. “I couldn’t let the lies live on.”

“If you think that is nothing , then I don’t know what to tell you,” Wei Wuxian says with a sigh. “Not everything needs to be written in the history books so it is worth it.”

 “I can understand that but at the same time… I just don’t know what to do,” the leader admits, voice cracking at the end of the sentence. “This shouldn’t have happened.”

“You’re right, it shouldn’t, but there are times when it doesn’t matter what, stuff still happens, we should know by now,” he continues. “They ruined a lot of people’s lives, we can’t let them ruin yet another one.”

He can tell the man understands the severity of his words and can understand he’s talking about both of them, but for now, the pain is bigger, so Wei Wuxian shields him from whoever looks their way so he can let out his pain and frustration because even in this situation, people are there ready to judge. 

Wei Wuxian has never been good with comforting people, but Lan Zhan taught him, now he realises, that just having someone there can do wonders.

“We still have many things to do… right?”

“Yes, we do.”

He, of course, isn’t surprised by how fast he is to reply.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Jin Guangyao’s death still throws the Cultivation World into complete disarray. 

All the secrets that had been hidden were revealed to the public and while most felt deceived and betrayed by the facts they were now facing, others went a step beyond with lies and made up stories that painted the deceased man as a monster that deserved to suffer for eternity. It didn’t matter, of course, Jin Guangyao was destined to suffer after being locked in the same coffin Nie Mingjue and Baxia were locked in after considering his corpse could have the same level of resentment his former sworn brother had. 

Wei Wuxian can’t really feel bad for him, not even when Jin Guangyao vaguely reminds him of himself with all the lies and stories that never happened but were created to paint him as a demon.

Shortly after Jin Guangyao was sealed, the attention shifted to who had been his wife.

People wanted to know Qin Su’s involvement in everything her husband did, with some claiming she was aware and even an active participant in everything while others argued she was just a victim. The problem, however, was that the poor health Jin Guangyao mentioned she had before he decided to escape appeared to be true because the woman remained silent, with a vacant expression that didn’t change no matter what.

Her taking her own life shortly after didn’t surprise anyone, but it still hurt the ones who were already genuinely hurt.

Jin Ling was understandably heartbroken by what happened at the Guanyin temple with the death of his uncle and then the death of his aunt who, like him, was surely just a victim, but as if the world didn’t have enough, it became evident that he was not going to be allowed to experience it or even find a way to deal with it as he needed to take the position his uncle left. Wei Wuxian wanted to help, assure he would be safe, but he wasn’t brave enough to actually approach him. Things between them were far from being resolved and he had no way of knowing if the junior no longer blamed him for what happened to his parents or if nothing changed. To his luck, Jiang Cheng arrived at Carp Tower with Zidian shortly after and left clear that his nephew was the only one who could take the leader position.

Wei Wuxian decides to give them space.

Things back in Gusu weren’t any easier anyway. Lan Xichen, despite knowing he had done right back at the temple, was hurt by what happened to his two sworn brothers and how everything ended. Killing someone he saw as a friend at one point wasn’t easy and he still struggled to come to terms with it. Wei Wuxian tried to convince him that Nie Mingjue’s death wasn’t his fault and that Jin Guangyao’s ultimate demise was brought by his own decisions, but as long as he felt guilty there was little he could do.

He needed time.

“Your brother and I came to an agreement,” he starts, caressing the cold stone with the tip of his fingers. “Jin Guangyao messed everything up and there are various things that need to be solved, so we will take care of it. As much as we can anyway…” 

Talking to Lan Zhan was never hard when they were younger, not really. It was true he got ignored most of the time and true that he wasn’t the most talkative person, but Wei Wuxian never felt the scary aura others said he possessed and that kept everyone away from him. Now it is different, so much different, and he wishes he could go back to those teen years.

“My time to travel around finally came,” he adds with a faint chuckle. “Some still hate me but I’m not the main target anymore and even have allies. Nie Huaisang looks a bit different now that Jin Guangyao is gone and I can’t help but wonder if that has to do something with what happened… Whatever, I should take advantage of my freedom. Can I be honest and admit it will be lonely?”

The lump inside his throat seems to get bigger as he swallows and clears his throat in hopes of pushing the emotions back down.

“I wish you could go with me or, just, wish you were here,” he whispers, pressing his thumb against the name. “Wish we could talk and be honest about what we felt. We messed around with each other so much, what’s with you being all cryptic?”

He tries to imagine his beautiful eyes and annoyed expression, trying to imagine he is sitting in front of the man instead of his tomb because it makes it somehow easier to deal with it. 

“This reminds me a lot of both, you know?” he mutters as he looks down at the flutes he placed in front of them. “Black and white. It’s stupid, but I like how it feels to carry them with me.”

Even when he is sure he would never want to disturb Lan Zhan’s rest, he likes to feel that he still somehow has a connection with Lan Zhan by having with him what was the tassel in his jade token and that was always with him. 

“Whatever, I’ll get the hang of it,” he says, forcing himself to smile like he used to do and reaching to get both instruments “Just know that I really appreciated and… loved you, Lan Zhan. I didn’t understand it sooner and was a complete idiot for missing everything you did for me and an even bigger idiot for pushing you away from me when I really wanted you to be close but, I did and I just—”

“Oh, Young Master Wei, I’m sorry, I was just— I’ll leave and come back later.”

Despite almost having a heart attack with the appearance, Wei Wuxian hurries to stop Lan Sizhui from leaving by grabbing his wrist. “Hey, you don’t have to go, we’re done so… yeah, you stay.”

Lan Sizhui doesn’t look like the composed and calm junior he normally is and while Wei Wuxian knows it partially has to do with the state his uncle is in, he can immediately tell there’s something else because he isn’t looking directly at him and even back at Yunping he did.

When the kid fails to reply, he decides to give him space because as much as he was capable of helping the young A-Yuan whenever he burst out in tears, he is well aware that things are very different and the least he wants is to make him feel even more uncomfortable. It hurts, of course it does, but it’s better this way, he deserves a more peaceful life.

“Senior Wei I… wanted to talk to you,” Lan Sizhui says before he can move any further. “I was going to talk about it first with Father but I, well, maybe finding you here is his way of telling me what to do.”

It hurts to know this is the only way he has to communicate with who saved him and hurts him even more that no real replies come, but, at the same time, it warms his heart to know the young boy feels that strong connection to Lan Zhan. 

“I’m all ears,” he says, turning around despite feeling the need to let his emotions run free. “You can still talk to me, that won’t be changing at all.”

He nods, still worried, still looking as if he is not sure how to deal with what he’s experiencing and despite being worried, Wei Wuxian doesn’t dare to open his mouth until the other is ready. When he does it, however, he freezes.

“I have been talking to Senior Wen and I remembered who I am,” Lan Sizhui whispers, balling up his hands into tight fists. “I remember the Burial Mounds, the family I had there and… I remember you and him.”

His eyes fill with tears as soon as he finishes talking, elegant and straight posture faltering as he looks up at him. 

“Do you—”

“Xian-gege,” he continues brokenly. “How could I forget him?”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t even think twice.

With no hesitation he’s quick to pull the kid into his arms and wrap his arms around his body, immediately feeling his sobs shaking his shoulders as his hands fist the front of his robes. “Don’t blame yourself, A-Yuan, don’t you dare to feel guilty about it.”

The boy’s answer is to cry harder and Wei Wuxian is incapable of holding back his emotions any longer. His own tears roll down his face and it makes the other hold onto him even tighter. Lan Yuan is now tall and has the complexion of a cultivator, but for a moment he feels as if he’s that toddler again, that little kid with cute eyes and chubby cheeks that stole the hearts of so many people.

“He saved me,” he says between sobs. “Granny Wen told me to stay hidden and I stayed there until he arrived, how could I forget?”

“Because you were sick, you were only four,” he replies, holding his shoulders and pushing him a bit back so he can look at him. “You never did anything wrong, you didn’t deserve to go through all that shit.”

“But he’s dead and I— I lost him just like I lost everyone else!” he says, little by little falling to his knees, forcing Wei Wuxian to move with him. “So many people suffered because of that and if it wasn’t for me….”

“You are talking about Lan Zhan, the selfless idiot who didn’t care about himself if that meant saving someone he cared for,” he says, frowning as he forces the young one to keep his eyes on him. “He went there looking for me, looking for someone who jumped off a cliff right in front of him… Finding you was probably the only thing that gave him enough strength to come back to his own family, so don’t disrespect that.”

Lan Wangji dying shortly after returning to the Cloud Recesses leads him to believe that he left his home with the infection already burning away his life. Wei Wuxian is probably thinking too highly of himself, but he has the feeling the man would have died after not finding him if it wasn’t for Sizhui.

“But I…”

“No, I won’t accept anything,” he cuts him before he can continue. “He brought you here so you were safe and I don’t doubt he hated knowing he was leaving you alone, but he still made sure you were in the best place he could offer.”

Lan Sizhui looks at the gravestone before once more dissolving in faint sobs but Wei Wuxian can at least find comfort in the fact that he is no longer debating his reasoning or denying it. He knows it will take him time to understand that it really isn’t his fault, but he’s hopeful.

“He gave me a family,” he whispers as he reaches to press his hand against the cold stone. “I have uncle, Jingyi, the other juniors and… now I have you.”

“You know how he was,” he jokes despite the lump in his throat. “That whole I’m cold nonsense could never hide how great and caring he was.”

“I can’t believe I was initially scared of him,” he comments with a chuckle mixed with a sniffle. “He’s the best father I could have asked for.”

“He was the perfect man, no doubt,” he says, smiling a bit more as the clear image of the other comes to his mind. “I mean it when I say he would be proud of you, A-Yuan. You’re the cultivator we both knew you were going to become one day.”

“I have always wanted to honour his memory, even when Uncle reminded me that being happy was the only thing he wanted me to be,” Lan Sizhui adds, resting his head on Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “I will always do my best to make him proud… to make everyone proud.”

“You dumb child, we’re already proud,” he says, ignoring the pang that stabs his chest at the mention of a we that won’t happen. “I won’t let you go around blaming yourself. You are tall and all, but I will still plant you like a radish, just like before.”

He’s proud he manages to get a genuine laugh out of the young one and proud that he is capable of giving that sense of security despite being gone from his life for so long and despite not telling him the truth. 

It will be alright, he tells himself. 

He and Lan Xichen will work to make the world Lan Zhan would have loved to be in, he will be for Lan Sizhui so he never has to suffer the loss of a loved one ever again and there for Jin Ling even if the junior doesn’t reality want him near.

He’s sure he and Lan Zhan will see each other again one day.