Chapter Text
"Sena, tell me one last thing"
"Am I smiling?"
"Yeah, you are. And if you´re smiling"
"Then i am too"
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So .... Why?... Why? .... Why can't he see that smile next to him anymore? Why did Leo give up? Didn't she promise to be next to him always? Everything was supposed to be going well, after graduation they moved to Italy together, he was happy of course to be able to live as a married couple with his boyfriend, even if he pretended to be irritated by the constant teasing from his unit mates.... There was nowhere else he wanted to be.
The best people are the ones who die first... Because society is in charge of breaking them in millions, sadly Leo was one of them.... He would never again hear his constant "I love you's" his constant hugs and kisses that made him feel alive after a long time, most importantly ... He would never see Leo smile again, and without the smile of his beloved, what reason did he have to live? None, of course Leo was and always will be his world, his love, his everything.
Leo died because of him... A delayed photo section, a missed call from Leo, a message from Leo.... He could never erase that moment from his head, he deserved to dream every night about the same thing, over and over again without being able to save him, silly and useless Sena Izumi.... He was the only one to blame for his death, maybe if he had answered that call, if he had read that message, if he had arrived earlier, Leo would be alive. He would have Leo in his embrace, instead of endless tears running down his face while hugging his boyfriend's favorite hoodie listening to the thousands of songs he had written just for him.... He never deserved so much love.
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My Leo-kun ♡
8:00 pm [Sena...]
8:03 pm [I'm scared, I don't know what to do, there are so many voices in my head, so many aliens telling me to go with them.... That Sena will be better off without me]
8:05 pm [I really don't want to leave Sena.... But I'm tired of hearing the same thing]
8:10 pm [Maybe they are right, they would be better off without me]
8:13 pm [Wahahahahahah Sena don't hate me please~ maybe it hurts now but I know you'll be able to move on without me, you'll find someone and.. fall in love again]
8:13 pm [When that happens remember me ok? As selfish as it sounds let me hear your voice one last time]
-You have a missed call from My Leo-kun ♡-.
8:20 pm [I understand Sena! you're busy I would have loved to tell you that I love you one last time].
8:22 pm [But it's okay! I won't delay you anymore... I loved loving you, Sena~]
8:30 pm [I'm sorry...I love you~]
♡♡ My knight in shining armor ♡♡♡♡
9:30 pm [Damn it Leo-kun tell me you're kidding]
9:30 pm [ Leo-kun please respond]
9:31 pm [ Leo-kun you idiot! Of course you're important!]
9:31 pm [ Do you think I could live without you?]
9:31 pm [ How wrong you are]
9:31 pm [ No happy future for me without you ]
-10 missed calls to My leo-kun ♡-
9:40 pm [ I'm going home please Leo-kun don't do crazy things ]
9:40 pm [ I love you, please wait ]
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Please, please, please let leo-kun be ok, whoever you are, please help me find leo kun alive.....
Praying to God all the way home to find a not-so-good-but-alive Leo never helped..... None of that stopped me from seeing such a horrible scene.
Sena Izumi breathlessly entered her house calling desperately for Leo.
In his room... He wasn't there.
In Izumi's room... He wasn't
His composition room... He was not there.
The bathroom
Only the bathroom was left
Please Leo-kun...
I beg you, don't leave me...
No one ever in life deserved to see that... not even in her worst nightmares did he think this would ever happen. Her boyfriend, his precious Leo-kun submerged in the bathtub in his sea of blood, his wrists full of fresh scars and old ones.... How long had Leo felt like this?
A piercing scream came from izumi's throat, his legs immediately fell to the floor crawling step after step until he grasped the cold hand of his now dead boyfriend.
He refused to believe this was happening, if just yesterday Leo was swearing eternal love to her, joking about how it was time to get married then why?
- Leo-kun! Leo-kun! Tell me it's a joke... Answer Leo-kun.... tell me it's a bad joke!
It's my fault, my fault, my fault, my fault, my fault.
If he had at least arrived earlier, if he had done a good job he wouldn't have delayed the photo section, he would have arrived home early and as always she would have found a glowing Leo in need of attention and affection showering his with kisses without tiring.... or if she had paid more attention to Leo's actions she could have avoided it. The "would have" no longer exists, it's not something she can change overnight, he couldn't bring his precious and beloved Leo-kun back to life.
His love had killed him, Izumi only knew this way of showing love, hurting, if they hadn't met back then would Leo be alive? Of course, Sena had killed him, it was so much his love that he couldn't handle it, drowning Leo in a sea of suffering until he couldn't breathe anymore.
Sena Izumi didn't sleep a wink that night.
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The first few days were the most difficult.
Without Leo next to him there was no one to tell him that he was worthy of eating, without someone to remind him how beautiful he was he could only lock himself in the bathroom after ingesting a thousandth of food, or in his worst cases even without having anything in his stomach, it was his way to relieve his pain ... Without Tsukinaga Leo by her side her life had no meaning.
As if it couldn't get any worse, I had to face the fact that I had to break this news to the rest of the knights. Arashi's scream, Ritsu's sobs and Tsukasa's hysteria were not easy to handle.
"Where were you that night, sena-senpai? You were supposed to be taking care of Leo-san. If you weren't capable of doing your job you wouldn't have taken over in the first place! Leo-san is dead because you didn't know how to take care of him!"
"Calm down, succhan, Secchan is doing his best."
"Ritsu-chan is right Tsukasa-chan, this is hard for everyone but Izumi-chan is the one who is affected the most! You should be more understanding!"
"... You're right guys, Sena-senpai I sorr-"
"Fuck you and the rest."
Bip bip
He tried, he swore, he tried again and again to avoid it, however it was so useless, so useless, that if the knights wanted to reproach him and remind him how miserable he was for having murdered Leo, he would accept it for the rest of his life....
That night he could not sleep either, drowning in his own tears.
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How long had it been? A week, a week since Izumi wakes up alone crying in a cold and cold world, a world that was once warm and radiant, a week since the national and international media bombarded everyone with the news of the death of the successful composer Tsukinaga Leo, everywhere he went famous newscasters were chasing him hoping he could give more information..... How could they be so insensitive, Izumi is not and will never be ready to talk about such a heartbreaking event, he still could not believe that the person he loved most in the world was not with him, even though the side of his bed still smelled of him, he could still feel her arms hugging him from behind his back whispering how beautiful he was.
For others nothing had changed but for Sena her world had taken a 180° turn, everything had lost its brightness and color even though they were still the same, Leo's favorite series was still the same but it wasn't the same, Izumi missed those movie nights where she ate a little more than usual but it was ok because it was with Leo, Izumi mostly overlooked the plot of the movies to look at the expressions of her boyfriend's cute expressions, often those nights ended in kisses, kisses after kisses on each other's skin, the soft hands of her beloved caressing her body, nights full of loving murmurs and cute words turned into nights where she couldn't sleep hoping that the next day would never come, to her bad luck the day came later than he wished.
A week where he ignored each one of the thousand messages that his friends and acquaintances sent him, the same as always "How are you?" "Be strong Sena-senpai" "Things happen for a reason" but the worst of all "I'm sorry, I understand your loss" No! hell no! Nobody could understand the pain he felt, nobody understood the emptiness that Leo left him, because nobody loved Leo more than himself, if he had known that this would happen, would he have expressed his love more deeply? He regrets all the times he could have said "I love you" but he didn't because of his pride, his same pride had killed Leo...
All those memories with Leo, the beautiful landscapes they once saw, the promises they once made? that promise to get married, all that was disappearing.
In spite of everything there was a chat that he could never ignore, Sakuma Ritsu, his good friend from high school, always knew what point to touch to return the little sanity he had left.
He always knew the right moment to appear and disappear too, like that day when he was determined to put an end to his suffering in the same way Leo had put an end to his. Ritsu was there for him, comforting him by call despite the insults and hysteria the silver-haired man never gave up reminding him how valuable his life was.
- "Do it for Tsukippi, Secchan...I'm sure he would like you to get on with your life."
- "Think of the sunrises as Tsukippi painting thousands of orange colors just for you Secchan~ it's his new way of expressing that he loves you, all those words he put and those he didn't in his songs he will put them in the sky this time...."
From those words with pain in his soul he hopes that the sun will rise soon and bring with it a new dawn... that he will not be able to share with Leo anymore but will fulfill all those empty promises in the name of his failed love.