Chapter Text
Alex and Willie went outside the Museum to get some fresh air, since Alex had gotten so emotional telling his story. The day was bright and they walked along hand in hand through the museum’s gardens in silence, until Willie had a question.
“So I assume this story ends with you and Luke making up, right?” Willie asked, “You guys still had the band when you went and died from hot dog poisoning.”
Alex nodded, a small laugh escaping. “Yeah, we made up, but we didn’t get back together,” He explained, pushing his hair out of his face with his free hand. “I told him I didn’t want to. That we were better off as friends and he agreed.”
“Oh,” Willie said, raising his eyebrows. “I’m intrigued.”
—
After I left Luke’s house, I was shaking and more upset than I had ever been. The thing was, even though I had just broken up with Luke, I wasn’t upset with him. I was upset with my parents and with myself for getting so emotional.
Standing out in the darkened street, I decided I needed to talk to reggie. I made a beeline for his parents house and knocked on his window until he came outside to meet me.
“They’ve been fighting again,” Reggie admitted to me as he came outside his front door. He seemed stressed, but when he looked at me, his expression changed to that of worry and concern. “Are you okay?” He asked in his serious voice.
Reggie was never serious.
We sat down together on his front porch steps to talk.
I had stopped shaking and now I just felt numb. It was cold out and I wished I had kept Luke’s hoodie. “I broke up with Luke,” I told him.
“What? How? Why?” He asked all in quick succession, confusion coloring his features. “It’s just you guys seemed so great together.”
I pursed my lips. He wasn’t wrong. It was a lot to explain. “I fucked up,” I said.
Reggie raised his eyebrows. “Alex, what happened?”
I took a deep breath and sighed. “After I came out to my parents, which was really bad, I went to Luke’s and told him I couldn’t do this anymore. It wasn’t his fault, I was overwhelmed and freaking out, and I needed space. It was wrong,” I told him.
“Well, can’t you just apologize? I’m sure he would understand,” Reggie tried, searching for a solution.
“I can, I guess. I just don’t know if I should,” I said, sighing.
“What do you mean? Of course, you should,” Reggie insisted, visibly upset by my angst. “I mean, you can’t lose Luke. You’re so close and there’s the band. You guys have to talk.”
“I just, I don’t know what to say. I feel so embarrassed about what happened,” I admitted, shrugging.
“What do you want to say?” Reggie looked at me, waiting for my answer.
“Just that… I didn’t want things to end like that and that Luke deserves better,” I said, feeling the urge to get up and pace around. All my nervous energy was at an all time high.
“That’s a start… Tell him that,” Reggie told me. “You’ll know what to say when you see him.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I smiled a little, trying to pretend like it was all fine. I heard something break inside and Reggie’s parents started screaming. He cringed and I put a hand on his arm. “I know I was freaking out, but are you okay? Is the stuff with your parents too much?”
“It’s not okay, but… I’ll be okay. Thanks for asking, Alex.” He offered me a half smile, but it felt hollow. I didn’t know if there was anything I could do to make it better for him, except to make up with Luke.
Reggie needed the band. We all did, and we needed each other. I couldn’t let this be the thing that caused us all to fall apart.
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” I put my fist up and Reggie bumped it before giving in and opening his arms to bear hug me, like Luke wanted to do earlier. I couldn’t think of anything I needed more in that moment and we hugged. I think we both felt better for it.
Reggie slipped back inside to his room, although I would’ve brought him with me if I thought about it at the time.
I vowed that tomorrow at school, I’d talk to Luke.
I couldn’t go home, but I stayed at Bobby’s aunt’s studio for the night and let my head fill with thoughts of all the things I could say and wanted to say.
Luke was my best friend and I couldn’t lose him, so it was time to fix this.
—
When I saw Luke the next day at school, I pulled him into an empty classroom. “Can we talk?” I asked my former boyfriend. He seemed relieved, like he was hoping I’d want to talk after I calmed down. He wasn’t wrong.
Luke nodded, staring into my eyes, waiting for me to say something. His gaze was intense, magnetic, and I could drown in it if I let myself, but I had to pull myself together. I owed Luke an apology and an explanation for my behavior.
“I’m sorry, Luke,” I started to say. It seemed like the best place to begin. “I was upset with my parents and I was overwhelmed by the idea that my family didn’t love me for who I am, but for my name. You changed me in so many ways for the absolute better. You saw the real me and helped me see the real me too. You deserved so much more than what I did to you last night…”
“I understand, Alex,” Luke said interrupting my rambling and reaching for my hand. “It hurt…a lot when you said you wanted to break up, but I understood that you were also hurting. I meant what I said though. I love you, Alex. If and when you’re ready, I’m here for you and for us.”
I smiled and squeezed Luke’s hand. “That sounds great, Luke, but I think I need some time to find out more of who I am. I love you too, I love you so much because you’re my best friend and the only one who knew me and saw me, but I don’t think I’m in love with you. You were here when I needed you and you were exactly what I needed. I shouldn’t have ended things in the way that I did because it was cruel and stupid. I know that you only wanted to be there for me, help me and listen to me, but I couldn’t hear you over the noise in my own head. The truth though is though that I don’t think we should get back together,” I admitted, hoping I wasn’t hurting him more with my words.
Luke was really looking at me and processing my words. I’m sure he felt my hand sweating in his and the light tremor caused by my nerves. He squeezed gently to reassure me that I was okay and we were okay. I know that he was just trying to say the right thing.
He nodded and laughed, “You’re my best friend too, don’t tell Reggie. I also think you’re right and I want you to be the best you there is cause he’ll be really great and I can’t wait to meet him. I don’t need to date you to have you in my life. We’ll always have the band and conversations way less stressful than this one. I got you and I’d do anything to keep having you in my life.”
“You don’t have to do anything. I’m already here,” I said, a huge grin spreading across my face. I didn’t lose him, but I might have lost one thing. “One last kiss for old time’s sake?”
I had barely finished my sentence when Luke’s mouth was on mine. “I don’t want to miss this,” Luke whispered against my lips as he took his time with this moment. Our eyes closed, as he felt and tasted all that I was for the last time. He held onto my face with one hand, pulling me closer and I let myself get lost in it. It was easy to get lost in him. By the time he pulled away, I could barely catch my breath.
I could still feel the ghost of him on my lips.
I smiled. So did he. We were good.
Luke pulled something pink out of his bag and pushed it into my hands. The hoodie. “It’s yours, Alex. Keep it, so you can remember us and remember when you were the brave one.”
“Thanks, Luke.” I said, pulling the hoodie over my head, knowing he was right.
At the time, I thought I’d have the time to fix my family or build a new one. I thought I’d have the chance to fully embrace the new me and the months I did have were good. The band was my family and my parents didn’t actually completely disown me, but it was still rough. I think things were finally getting better for me anyway.
That was at least until the hot dog incident, but that’s a different story.
—
“You’re actually amazing, you know that right,” Willie told Alex and he got butterflies in his stomach. They were sitting on a bench outside and enjoying the day.
“Stop it. I’ll blush,” Alex said, putting his sweater paws up to hide his face.
Willie made Alex so happy and sharing his story, letting Willie see the real him felt so damn good. As Willie was about to move Alex’s hands to see him, Alex leaned in and wrapped his arms around Willie’s neck, pulling him in and kissing his forehead and his cheeks and then his lips.
“What was that for, hot dog?” Willie asked when Alex had finished. He was smiling and Alex was feeling it more than ever.
“Because I love you. I’m in love with you, and if it took me dying to have this, I would do it every single time. I love you, Willie.” Alex wanted to scream it so loud, on every stage and rooftop and empty museum.
He was in love and it was everything.
Willie melted next to him, burrowing into his side. “Me too, Alex. I love you too. I would find you in any lifetime or after-lifetime because you’re the one, my one.” He tilted his head up for another kiss and Alex obliged.
This was all he needed. It was perfect.