Chapter Text
It's fascinating to watch Diluc most days, how he grabs the world by its horns and bends it right to his will. He is much braver than he comes off as sometimes, able to get into trouble although unable to get out (but Kaeya is always willing to help him out of trouble, at least after taking in the annoyed and desperate sight of his brother, regardless of what it is). Diluc is tough skinned, Diluc is loved by everyone around him - they all have high hopes for him, that he will take over the Winery when he's old enough, the Knights will take him in with open arms. He will be everything more than Crepus is, a father can only hope that his child will always do better and Kaeya doesn't blame him but a small part of him hates both of them. It's bitter, some days - bitter to see how much love Crepus has for his son, how much patience he has for the troublemaker made up of fire and ferocity.
Kaeya easily slips in the background, hides among the shadows, and keeps to himself. The Socialites sometimes whisper about him and he does his best to ignore them - it's not his job to dispel any nasty rumors they spread about the family. He doesn't care - he shouldn't care. It's him against the world, after all. He's here because of his homeland, because of his father - and he will return, and Kaeya can forget this entire place one day. Some day. (Deep down, he cares what they’re whispering about this strange, mute child that Crepus had taken in)
It's been almost a year, with the heat of the summer sun slowly slipping into fall, and Kaeya had yet to utter even a word to anyone. Hand gestures, writing. Everything else. Not a word, never a word. At this point, he fears that if he starts talking, he would not be able to stop, and if he can't stop, he might start crying .
And he can't cry, not for his father. He promised he wouldn't.
Anger burns in his chest at night, keeps him wide awake - gives him nightmares when he sleeps. The monsters that burn in his mind, large and scary like a mitachurl - it pulls him from a barely deep slumber and leaves him frozen in bed.
His father often talked about the curse of Khanre’iah, spoke in anger about the gods and Celestia, how they were at fault for the bad things that had befallen them. But never, once, spoke of the reasons to receive their wrath. The people of Mondstadt hushedly talk about it, the Sisters never quite give him answers, tell him to put his faith in Barbatos and that he will guide him just as well.
Kaeya doesn’t believe in any gods, but he pretends because it makes Diluc happy when he attends services with them.
He’s fascinated by how open Diluc is with his emotions, expressions coming easy to him and Kaeya has to take a moment to figure out his own before shoving it all down inside of him. He wonders if his friend - brother could teach him, but how do you ask someone how to feel emotions? It doesn’t make sense.
Still.
He slides out of bed, night clothes damp with sweat and heart racing in his chest because he’s had yet another nightmare and this time, he swears he sees his fathers face in the window and he can’t deal with it himself. Pulling the blanket that Adelinde had knitted for him for his birthday along with him - how childish, the person who is supposed to save Khanre’iah clinging to a blanket ? - he pads his way through the halls.
In the dark, everything looks the same and the creaky walls put his hair on edge but he quietly makes his way down to someone's bedroom. Three soft knocks on the door and he hears a quiet thud, footsteps and the door opens to reveal dim lighting of a candle and a tired Diluc peeking out.
“I thought you were papa for a second,” he whispers, a little too loudly and Kaeya puts his fingers on his lips. Diluc doesn’t quite understand the idea of doing things quietly . “Are you okay?” He isn’t supposed to be awake so what is he doing? Then again, Diluc likes to try to stay up as late as he can, just to see how far he can push himself. Kaeya thinks it's the dumbest challenge he can give himself, but he won't tattle on Diluc for it. He doesn't need to nor want to.
This is where Kaeya looks over his shoulder, for monsters unseen (or Crepus) and shakes his head.
Diluc lets him in without another word and the boys build a mini fort as best as they can, dragging any little, moveable items with him.
“I’m your big brother so I gotta protect you from monsters,” was Diluc’s insistent reasoning as Kaeya wondered if they should be doing this in the first place. Master Crepus is still awake, down in the study, after all. And in their fort that protects them from all bad things, the two boys huddle up. “Did you have another nightmare?”
Was it a nightmare? Does he want to admit it was a nightmare? Kaeya hesitates to answer, and doesn't want to linger on this thought all that much longer when they’re in such a sacred, protected place.
So he shakes his head. This fort is one that’s too holy, too safe to speak of such things.
The boys fall asleep in a small pile.