Chapter Text
Alejandro was all he’d ever known for a long, long time. He was his first everything. First friend, first crush. His first kiss and lover. Rudy saved himself for nearly 15 years, desperate. Alejandro was all he wanted, and nothing else. And if that was selfish of him, so be it.
Even before they started dating, just the two of them, they had spent nights together. Sleepovers and camps and nights when they’d sneak out of their houses just to see the other. Sleeping next to Alejandro was normal. It was a comfort. It was nostalgic.
Rudy had his head on Alejandro’s chest as he rubbed patterns onto Rudy’s back. Rudy felt his movements get slower by the minute, and knew he was bound to fall asleep any minute. It was sweet. Even as Alejandro was falling asleep all he wanted was to make Rudy comfortable. He was always like that, even before they started dating.
He must have known that Rudy was feeling antsy for some unknown reason. It’s not like he didn’t want to sleep, he really did. But sometimes Rudy just couldn’t get his brain to turn off, and nothing would help. Not a drink, or smoking, or a quickie in the bathroom. Not even going on a run to tire himself out. That doesn’t mean he didn’t go through all the motions every time he couldn’t sleep. It was almost like a ritual.
Once Alejandro’s movements stopped, Rudy carefully slipped out of his grasp and went to the kitchen for a beer. Or maybe some whiskey, if it was any left from the time Price brought a bottle. Anything that could get him tipsy but ultimately not sleepy. Because that’s just how it worked on nights like these.
He whispers, “Ay, gracias a dios.” When he finds a bottle of whiskey in a cabinet, thankful for Price’s old man taste. Rudy was never really a whiskey guy, as he usually opted for a good mezcal. He had to admit, though, the shit Price would bring wasn’t bad.
He sighs after downing about a shot of the stuff. He can definitely tell that it’s expensive, but that’s about it. He’s careful to not drink an alarming amount. He doesn’t want to get fucked up or anything, just enough to make his body consider sleeping.
Next step is a smoke, and Rudy really doesn’t feel like getting cross faded just to go to bed, so he settles for cigarettes instead. Unlike the whiskey he tolerates, Rudy wasn’t all that into cigars.
He smokes out the window instead of actually going outside. It’s not like it really matters, anyways. Him and his boys have all smoked enough in the house that it doesn’t really matter anymore. There’s Price’s cigars, Ghost sneaking a smoke before lunch, and Gaz sneaking one after. Rudy always loved a good cigarette after sex, as cliche as it was, and Soap always had one after he showered. If he’s being honest, Rudy’s kind of into the smell of cigarettes that flood the house. They remind him of home, both his old and new one.
Quickie in the bathroom. Is it really worth it? He knows it won’t work, and he knows that it only makes him frustrated because all he can think about are his boys in their bed, sleeping as he’s jerking off desperately just to go to sleep.
Rudy never had trouble falling sleep on nights he’s intimate with his boys, whether it’s with all of them or some or just one. He wishes he could just be fucked to sleep tonight, and at this point he’s starting to think that’s the only way.
He thinks of Alejandro and his shoulders, how he clings to them and scratches and bites when they’re together. And he thinks of Ghost, dear god Ghost and his big fucking hands and his low fucking voice, and how he sometimes keeps that goddamn mask on when they’re doing it just to rile him up. There’s Soap, and his fucking stamina that no one can keep up with ever, but Rudy lives to please his boys, so he will always try. He loves how gentle Gaz can be, but he melts at the memories of sweet, young Gaz going absolutely fucking feral, taking whatever he needed like Rudy didn’t matter. And of course there’s Price, and just the thought of him at all is enough to send Rudy over the edge as slaps his hand over his mouth and sighs.
And maybe God is taking pity on him, or at least that’s what Rudy thinks when he realizes he’s starting to feel tired. If he gets into bed right now will he jinx it? Probably. He smokes another cigarette and stares out the kitchen window for a while more before he decides it’s time to try and sleep again.
He tries his best to get back into bed without waking Alejandro, but of course his commander wakes up just as Rudy settles himself on his chest. He feels Alejandro’s arm settle on his waist and squeeze. It makes Rudy rock closer to him, so he flings a leg over Alejandro and squeezes back. Alejandro kisses his forehead and rubs his thumb back and forth, making Rudy’s shirt ride up ever so slightly, just enough to have Alejandro rubbing his exposed side.
“Ya duerme, mi alma. Quedate con migo y duerme.” Alejandro whispers. It’s stern, it’s a command that Rudy has no ability to say no to. It’s also a plea. He knows how much his boys hate when he leaves at night just to come back after who knows how long. He knows they want him to stay with them all night, wrapped up in their arms.
Rudy figures that what they don’t know can’t hurt them, but he knows they know.
“Si, coronel.” He whispers back, and he tries not to laugh because he knows Alejandro won’t think it’s funny. Rudy rarely ever played the superiority game with Price or Ghost. It was always Alejandro. If someone ever asked him, he would say he’s impressed with how long he’s kept up with it. Teasing Alejandro for being his commanding officer was like breathing to him. He had been doing it for so long, even before the two of them started dating.
He doesn’t expect Alejandro to gently grab his hair and pull his head up to look at him. Rudy has no choice but to look him in the eyes and admire him. He looks at Alejandro like he hung the moon, he always did. If Alejandro would let him, he would get on his knees and worship him like a dying man. Thank him for his life and his love and his happiness.
“Oye, no jodes.“ He scolds, but Rudy can see him trying not to smile. He’s never felt more at home before. He just wants to crawl into Alejandro’s chest and live in there forever, but the next best thing is sleeping on his chest, so he’ll settle for that. Rudy brings a hand up to Alejandro’s face, caressing his cheek and Alejandro melts into it. All the horrors Rodolfo has faced since becoming a vaquero are suddenly washed away, because this moment makes it all worth it.
Rudy makes the mistake of whispering “mi alma” to him, because then Alejandro’s pulling him up to face him and pressing kisses all over his face. Not that it’s a bad thing, but how is Rudy supposed to contain himself when he’s being smothered by love like this? He worries for the day him and Alejandro are separated by god knows what, because he won’t know what to do with the part of him that is dedicated to Alejandro, which is most of him.
It’s like he was made for him. Made to take all of his love and return it tenfold. When he’s talked to all of his boys, he remembers the pairings and the sentiment of who fell first and who fell harder. He understood it when it came to his other boys, and he fell harder for every single one, but it didn’t apply to him and Alejandro. The moment Rudy laid eyes on him twenty years ago he was fully Alejandro’s.
He without a doubt fell first, but he’s also convinced he fell harder. He doesn’t doubt Alejandro’s love for him, not at all. There was just something fundamentally different about his relationship with the Colonel. He was Alejandro’s before Alejandro even knew what to do with it. If Alejandro told him what to do, when to do it, and when to stop, he would be on his hands and knees waiting for his next order.
Alejandro presses a final kiss to Rudy’s lips, and they both melt into it. It’s a quick kiss, with no expectation of it escalating at all. Alejandro pulls back and raises as eyebrow at Rudy.
“Estabas tomando?” He whispers, and Rudy nods.
“No pude dormir.”
The last thing he remembers is Alejandro wrapping his arms around him so Rudy’s head is hidden his neck before he’s falling asleep. Whatever he whispers as his eyes close is between him, Alejandro, and God.
Alejandro smiled and said “siempre.”