Chapter Text
(I don't own any characters etc etc)
Iruka came home, eager to be in the warmth of his apartment after running errands all afternoon. He opened the door, surprised to find Kakashi lounging on his sofa, greeting him as he took his sandals off.
“Hello as well,” Iruka replied, frowning slightly. “Did I forget we had plans?”
“No,” Kakashi said, shaking his head as he turned a page in his book. “Naruto and I stayed here for a while and I made dinner for him so he’d eat something healthy and low-sodium for a change.”
Iruka laughed at that as he took his bags in to unpack. Naruto had come over after lunchtime to drop off a book he had borrowed from Iruka, dragging the jonin with him after training. Iruka had been glad to see them both and they sat drinking tea and talking for a bit until Iruka left to cover part of a gate guard shift. He had left them in the apartment since the blond had a key, especially since they had begun to review a scroll with Naruto and Iruka didn’t want that disrupted due to his schedule.
Still, Iruka hadn’t expected company, and had stopped in the market for a few things after his shift, but was more than surprised to find his fake-boyfriend on his sofa, laying so comfortably there, and a delicious dinner simmering on the stove.
He sighed at the sight, swallowing down sadness that it wasn’t real. None of it was, but how nice it could be…
Iruka took a deep breath and exhaled softly, reminding himself that this was what he had agreed to. Perhaps, he thought to himself, at least being open to the idea of dating was worth all the headache (heartache?) that would arise from this? Something like that, he mused…
“Did you eat yet?” Iruka asked.
“I did, with him, but there’s plenty for you. I made him come with me to buy the ingredients, and packed some for him to have tomorrow,” Kakashi called out, making Iruka smile at the man’s generosity.
“Handsome, nice, kind, thoughtful, cares for Naruto,” Iruka murmured to himself, making a checklist for his future real boyfriend, trying to squash down thoughts of how Kakashi ticked all those boxes.
He went to wash up for dinner, pausing when he opened his bedroom and found Pakkun asleep on his bed, snoring lightly.
Iruka’s mouth fell open before he lightly laughed, leaving soon so as to not disturb the ninken. His heart grew even more from everything, and didn’t stop when he made himself a bowl of food, Kakashi having cooked a hearty curry.
Iruka sat on his living room floor, back against the sofa near Kakashi’s feet as they talked about their days, the tree they had decorated together brightly twinkling away in the room, bathing them in festive light.
______
Neither wanted to discuss that it was nearing the end of the month, with the main holidays looming, for that also meant that they were nearing the end of their fake relationship. The fake relationship that felt more real than some of their actual relationships, the one that they didn’t want to end. But neither knew how, or if, to broach that with the other.
Instead, they sent longing glances at the other when they weren’t looking, and if they happened to go on public dates for the next few days, well, that was just happenstance. Or so they told themselves. It certainly wasn’t because Iruka wanted to do some holiday activities with Kakashi. Or because Kakashi knew that in a crowd he could say he had no choice but to hold Iruka’s hand so they didn’t get separated.
So, they danced around, until Kakashi came to the missions office a few days after dinner at the teacher’s place.
“Hello, Kakashi,” Iruka greeted him as he was leaving the office to take a break, smiling warmly as he wondered if the other man would be free for coffee or tea while Iruka was off work briefly. “How are you?”
“Not good,” the jonin sighed, and Iruka felt worried.
“What? What’s going on?”
“I have a mission,” Kakashi told him, and Iruka’s worry turned to fear, dread even. “I leave tomorrow, for a week, perhaps more.”
“Soon? But…but it’s almost Christmas,” Iruka said in a soft voice, now fighting the sudden urge to cry. Why did it feel like the air had been knocked out of his lungs?
“Yeah, I know,” Kakashi said, clearing his throat as he tried to fight off any croakiness that threatened to appear. He had dreaded the walk here once he got his order, had wanted to tell his superior officer that he wanted to, had to, be in Konoha for the next week. He couldn’t leave Iruka alone on the holidays, what kind of boyfriend did that?
Fake boyfriend, Kakashi tried to remind himself, half heartedly…
Kakashi glanced around before speaking, but no one was nearby.
“I guess this is good, huh?” he asked, but Iruka frowned.
“You might miss the holidays though…”
“Yeah, but…when I get back we can say that you got angry or sad or whatever that I was gone during it, and we realized this won’t work.”
“What?” Iruka asked.
Kakashi sighed wearily. “To tell people it’s over, like we said.” Not that he wanted to, he realized…
“But you might be by yourself again for the holidays, and we were trying to avoid it,” Iruka reminded him, pouting. “That’s not fair to you,” he added, and damn if that didn’t really pull at Kakashi’s heart. “But, I guess you’re right,” Iruka murmured.
Kakashi nodded. “We’ll figure it all out when I get back. People will believe whatever we need them to, and no harm that way, right? No hard feelings, I guess.”
Silence hung in the air between them for a moment, neither saying anything more, before Iruka sniffled and nodded.
“I guess so. Naruto will believe it, at least, and then he’ll be okay.”
Kakashi gave a small smile underneath his mask, feeling affection for the man who cared so much for his sensei’s son. “I guess so.”
They stood in silence again for a moment.
“I’ll get going, I have to pack and prepare,” Kakashi softly said.
“Uh, sure, yeah,” Iruka stiffly replied. “Come back safe.”
Kakashi nodded, pausing before he pulled the other man in for a quick hug before leaving, knowing he wanted to commit that to memory no matter what happened.
Iruka watched him leave, then went into the first open room he found, closing and locking the door behind him as he began to cry.
_______
Iruka’s friends knew something was amiss almost instantly and word spread that Kakashi had been called to a semi-lengthy mission all of a sudden. Sure, it was a week or so, and not months, but still! For it to be so early into their relationship, and around the holidays? Everyone was frustrated for them, and set out to cheer Iruka up.
Naruto invited him out for ramen the next night, insisting on Iruka eating two bowls as Naruto had three, with the blond paying for it all. He didn’t tell the teacher that Kakashi had left a note in his apartment (stupid jonin, breaking in!) explaining he was called away and leaving a generous amount of money for Naruto to treat Iruka with, as many times as possible.
Even with keeping a steady stream of chatter Naruto could tell Iruka was already sad, and before they parted ways, the blond made Iruka schedule another dinner with him. Naruto sighed as he walked home, thinking about it all.
“Iruka-sensei must really like dating Kakashi-sensei, since he’s so bummed!” Naruto sighed again. “And Kakashi-sensei is really nice to him, making sure I’d keep him company and giving me money for ramen! He’s a pretty cool boyfriend for Iruka-sensei, that’s for sure!” Naruto paused and looked at the moon. “You’d better come back safe, and soon, Kakashi-sensei!” he scowled at it, shaking his fist before heading home.
Anko made Iruka run boring errands with her when he had an evening off the next day, as Gai had told her of Kakashi’s mission and she wanted Iruka to be occupied and distracted, but not smothered in holiday events.
Gai, in his part, had run to the missions office immediately after Kakashi had disclosed the mission to him and signed up for as many in-village missions as he could, setting off to complete them right away. This resulted in him having multiple missions reports to turn in, and if he happened to get in Iruka’s line at the missions office each shift (one or more times a shift), well, it was a convenient way to check in on his rival’s beloved without being obvious.
Or so he thought, though Iruka pieced it all together after the third straight D-rank pet finding mission, but he appreciated the gesture and pretended to not see the connection.
Kurenai and Asuma dropped off some meals for him at his apartment, claiming that they had cooked far too much for themselves and were delivering bento boxes to a range of friends. Iruka wasn’t sure he believed it, but it was nice to not cook for himself, even if his appetite had decreased a bit.
Izumo and Kotetsu switched some gate guard shifts of theirs and Iruka’s so that the three could run professional errands around the village, insisting the group go out for food or drink after each time.
“You really miss him, huh?” Izumo asked as they settled in at Iruka’s apartment with takeout one night after running around getting signatures for various reports for hours.
“Who?” Iruka asked, mouth full of rice.
“Kakashi,” Izumo said, and Kotetsu looked at the teacher.
Iruka swallowed his food sadly and nodded. “Yeah, but, it’s part of our job, so –”
“You’re allowed to be sad,” Kotetsu gently reminded him. “It’s okay to recognize it’s how life as a shinobi is, and to not like it. You guys are a cute couple after all, and it’s your first holiday together.”
Iruka sighed. “Yeah,” he agreed, not knowing what else to say.
“Maybe he won’t miss Christmas, and he’ll be back for New Year’s Eve, you guys can go out with us to a big party, we can get all dressed up,’ Kotetsu continued, and Izumo nodded.
“Yeah, then you two should get away for a few days in January, or at least for Valentine’s Day,” Izumo posed, and Iruka felt his eyes water as he blinked back tears, one escaping.
“Iruka! What’s going on?” Kotetsu asked, concerned. “Talk to us.”
“I just, I do miss him,” Iruka told them, frowning as more tears trailed down his face.“I like him! I like him a lot, and I don’t know what to do!”
“We know you like him, and he likes you, it’s okay,” Izumo offered. “You’re just scared since it’s early, that’s understandable.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it though. Like I said, you’re a cute couple, you’re good for each other, and it’ll all work out,” Kotetsu added.
“It’s not like that,” Iruka groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. He sighed and looked at the ceiling. “It’s not like that at all, I don’t think he likes me like that.”
“Hey now, that’s not true and you know it, don’t talk like that,” Izumo gently chided him, handing him a clean napkin. “Kakashi likes you! He’s always hanging out with you –”
“And he decorated with you, and he’s not been shy about his feelings around others,” Kotetsu added.
“It’s just for show,” Iruka tried to tell them, but his friends shook their heads.
“We all see how you act, it’s not. Early days of relationships can feel like that, but you’re both just…” Kotetsu trailed off, looking at Izumo for help.
“Guarded,” the other man offered, and Kotetsu nodded. “Which is also normal when you’re first dating.”
“We’re not –” Iruka tried to protest again, but his friends shushed him.
“You’re just all over the place since you have these feelings and probably had plans and they’ve changed,” Izumo suggested. “Since he got called on the mission so suddenly. But don’t worry, he’ll be back soon, and you guys can celebrate then.”
“Yeah, I bet he’s got an awesome gift for you!” Kotetsu agreed. “Like…romantic slippers,” he said, laughing.
Iruka frowned. “What?”
“Or sexy underwear,” Izumo suggested, and Iruka shook his head.
“No!” Iruka said.
“Or a perfectly written report!” Kotetsu commented.
“As if,” Iruka snorted, as his friends continued with humorous suggestions.
“A date night where he makes ramen noodles by hand for you!”
“No, he’ll do your laundry for you!”
“And fold it all perfectly!”
“He’ll give you a pedicure!”
“He’ll paint a portrait of you!”
“He’ll let you see his face!” the two men said in unison, and Iruka joined them in laughing.
“I doubt that,” Iruka said, shaking his head as he smiled, picking his chopsticks back up to resume eating.
“Not yet, but one day,” Izumo laughed.
“And then, you have to give us all the details!” Kotetsu told him, but Iruka shook his head.
“Never,” the teacher laughed, and they moved the conversation to the tried and true Konoha topic of just what was underneath the mask?
___
Iruka’s friends didn’t get it, no one did. And that was his own fault, he and Kakashi had done too good a job making their fake relationship believable. Now, Iruka was left with his own all too real feelings about the other man, ones he knew he couldn’t, shouldn’t, continue to avoid.
And in his apartment, there were signs and memories of Kakashi. The sofa he had slept on so soundly. The tree they decorated. Kakashi’s favorite coffee in his cupboard, stray Pakkun hairs on his bed.
And in a bedroom closet, a gift for Kakashi, already wrapped.
Iruka thought about it all as he ate one of the meals Kurenai and Asuma had dropped off for him, deciding that he would be honest with the jonin when he got back, no matter what.
“After all,” Iruka thought to himself, “what’s the worst that can happen? He dumps me from our fake relationship?”
Now he just had to wait for Kakashi to get back…
____
Kakashi’s breath came out in short but even bursts as he propelled himself towards Konoha with each step. The mission had been briefer than expected, only because he had decided before he had even left the hidden leaf that he wanted to get back as soon as possible. Get back to Iruka, and tell him he didn’t want this to end, wanted it to be real.
Had Kakashi been more aggressive than was necessary on the mission? Perhaps. But no one, not even a group of bandits trying to sell off an important scroll they had stolen would get in his way. Not in coming back, and certainly not in coming back and immediately finding Iruka. No, needing to be in the hospital just wouldn’t do! So Kakashi had taken the bandits out with as much power as he had, not getting more than a few scratches and bumps on himself. Still, it had been quite a hike to get to their scent and trail them, and killing them was one thing, cleaning up the area was another.
He popped another soldier pill as he ran, deciding that when it was beginning to wear off he’d stop and sleep for a few hours. He wanted to get back right away, but deep down Kakashi knew Iruka would be mad at him for collapsing in his living room.
Kakashi smiled. “I can just imagine the frown he would wear if I did that,” he mused to himself, now considering himself far more aware of the man’s quirks and expressions.
That just motivated him more, and he narrowed his eye as he pressed on.
___
Iruka was walking home from a holiday party he had been to for a few hours on the 24th. It had been nice enough, and he knew a lot of people there, but it was bittersweet since he would be without Kakashi the next day. Naruto was going to come over; he normally spent Christmas Eve with Iruka, but this year Choji invited a bunch of the younger shinobi to a party and Iruka had urged the blond to go. The teacher smiled at how accepted Naruto was, compared to once upon a time.
He looked up into the night sky, sighing heavily as he walked through the mostly empty streets. People were either inside or hurrying to their next destination, so nothing was crowded; even so, Iruka kept off main streets to have time to himself.
He knew he shouldn’t get inside his head as much as he was, but he felt saddened that Kakashi wasn’t there. Saddened they weren’t together, and saddened that the man was alone.
Still, Iruka was slightly grateful to have more time to think about what to say, do, when the jonin returned, as he wasn’t entirely sure.
He was nearly home when he heard his name called out.
“That sounds like…” Iruka muttered, wearing a look of confusion as he turned towards the voice. His eyes widened when Kakashi dropped down from a tree, and Iruka went to stand underneath it with him. “Kakashi?!”
“Hello,” the jonin greeted him with an eye smile. “How are you?”
“How am I? How are you? Are you okay? How was the mission? Are you hurt?” Iruka asked in a rush.
“I’m fine,” Kakashi said, shaking his head. “Really.”
Iruka sighed, nodding. “Good, that’s good,” he said. The concern he felt had trumped any other feelings, but now uncertainty crept in. He had told himself the next time he saw the jonin he’d share his feelings, but this was far too soon, wasn’t it?
They stood in silence for a long moment, looking at each other.
“I’m glad you’re back,” Iruka finally said in a small voice. “That you’re not alone and out there for the holiday.”
“Well, I’m back in the village, I don’t have plans per se,” Kakashi mused. “Though Naruto did ask once if I’d be joining the two of you tomorrow.” He paused. “Wait, what’s today?”
“The 24th, you’re just in time,” Iruka told him, smiling. “And you’re welcome to join us.” He paused, biting his lip. “You could join us as my boyfriend?”
“About that –” Kakashi began, and Iruka sighed and nodded.
“I get it, you’re right. It’s…we should be honest with Naruto, at least a little,” Iruka sadly commented, kicking himself for being vulnerable.
“Well yes, but I didn’t mean it like that,” Kakashi said. “I don’t want to fake date you anymore, Iruka.”
Iruka gave him a small, bitter smile. “Yeah, okay. I get it, it’s fine.”
“Is that a no?”
“Isn’t it a no from you?”
They looked at each other for a moment before Kakashi sighed.
“I don’t want it to be fake, that’s what I’m trying to tell you,” he said.
“What?” Iruka asked, eyes wide.
“I want it to be for real,” the jonin clarified, and Iruka laughed.
“That’s what I was saying too!” Iruka told him. “I want you to join us as my boyfriend, my real boyfriend.”
It was Kakashi’s turn to laugh. “You mean that?” he asked, and Iruka nodded, smiling widely. “I was worried I’d ask for it and you’d turn me down.”
“You were worried? I was sure you’d hate me for it,” Iruka said, shaking his head. “I’ve been a bit of a mess since you’ve been gone, so I’m not sure what I’m saying, if I’m even making sense or not.”
“I know what you mean, I hustled to get back here two days early, just to talk to you before it was too late,” Kakashi admitted, and Iruka frowned.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, and the jonin shrugged.
“I’m probably going to crash soon, but I wanted the first thing I did when I got back to be seeing you, and being honest.”
“Well, I’m flattered, but concerned,” Iruka mused. “Do you want to come to my place and shower and get some rest there?”
“So soon into dating, inviting me back to your place?” Kakashi teased, and Iruka rolled his eyes.
“I think we’re a bit past the initial awkward parts of that,” he laughed. “But there’s still a lot of firsts to have.”
Before either could say anything more, a loud rustling was heard from over them, and both reached for their weapons pouches as they looked up, pausing a moment later.
“Well, perfect timing, for once,” Kakashi observed, as a jutsued mistletoe danced in the tree above them.
Iruka laughed as he looked at Kakashi again. “I feel like it’s been stalking us for how many weeks?”
“Too many,” Kakashi murmured as he took a step closer. “Can I kiss you, boyfriend?” he asked, wrapping one arm around Iruka’s waist as he reached up with his free hand towards his mask.
“No one refers to their boyfriend like that to their face,” Iruka laughed, recalling his words from the night they had first decided to enter into a fake relationship. He cupped Kakashi’s face in his mittened hands as the mask was pulled down, closing the short gap for their first kiss.
“Then I’ll call you my Iruka,” Kakashi told him a moment later, making Iruka smile.
“My Kakashi,” he agreed, as they leaned into kiss again, as overhead the mistletoe excitedly twittered, its job finally done.